Twelve Days of Trauma

by Jasper Joshua West

  “All set now,” I said with more confidence than I felt, as I got back in the driver’s seat. “To Grandma’s house, we go!” I turned up the radio to ensure we wouldn’t hear the rattling sound and Suzy sang along with “Jingle Bells.”

  Chapter 5

  “I’m hungry!” Celia whined from the back seat, five hours later.

  “I know, baby, we’re almost there,” Suzy lied, leaning over to the space between the front seats to look at our daughter. “Why don’t you watch another movie? You liked that one with the snowman, remember?”

  The truth was, we were only halfway there. Traffic had slowed to a crawl as lanes needed to regulate clearing by tractors, forcing the people taking the highway into single lanes as they navigated the slippery, tricky streets. The going was steady, but much too slow.

  “Can I have another cookie?” Celia asked, tilting her head.

  “In a little bit, pumpkin. Just watch the movie, okay?”

  Ordinarily, we would have just let Celia recline in her seat for a nap, but she had just graduated to a booster seat, held in by her seatbelt. Since then, she didn’t fall asleep in the car very often.

  “I’m hungry!” she declared less than five minutes later. “And I need to go to the bathroom.”

  Turning around and snapping at her wasn’t going to do anything. Besides, I needed a break from driving too. My hands were aching from gripping the steering wheel, and I wouldn’t mind stretching my legs.

  “Cee-Cee baby, there’s a stop a few minutes away,” I said, squinting at signs. “Think you can hold it until then?”

  “I think so,” she replied, pouting her lips.

  I smiled up at her through the rearview mirror before returning my eyes to the car in front of me. Heading forward at twenty miles per hour was better than a traffic jam, but only just. It was a little more stressful too since I needed to keep an eye on what was happening in front of me in case a sudden stop was needed.

  We pulled off the highway as the signs around us told us that we had arrived in Binghamton. The truck stop had the look of a place that catered to more than just the occasional trucker. As we pulled into the parking lot, the sight of Christmas lights set up inside was all the welcome we needed.

  The snow was thick on the ground so I carried Celia through the worst of it, then she didn’t want me to put her down until we were inside. Her and Suzy headed off toward the restrooms while I found us a booth.

  “Hi there,” a waitress said, handing me a menu. She was probably in her late forties but not attractive with long dark hair, brown eyes and a bright smile. “Heck of a storm out there. Coffee?”

  “Yeah, we needed a break,” I said, returning the smile. “Two coffees please.”

  “Sure thing,” she said, filling two cups and putting a handful of cream and sugar on the table along with another menu. “The special is meatloaf. I’ll be back in a moment to take your order.”

  The restaurant had a comfortable, homey feel to it. There were a few wreaths around and a real Christmas tree. Soft music played in the background. I felt the stress of the drive draining from me as I sipped my coffee and scanned the menu. Celia and Suzy joined me.

  “Special is meatloaf but I want a cheeseburger,” I said. I wasn’t hungry but Suzy would know something was wrong if I ordered another salad.

  I headed for the bathroom myself. As I stood at the urinal the bad feeling returned. Why was it so persistent?

  “We ordered,” Suzy said when I got back.

  I sat down and before I could speak the server came with two plates of meatloaf, potatoes and vegetables. “There you are,” she said. “I’ll be right back with the burger. More coffee?”

  “Yes please,” I said and I set to work cutting Celia’s food while she refilled my cup and Suzy dug in.

  “How are you all liking your food?” the waitress asked twenty minutes later.

  “Daddy didn’t finish his ‘booger’!” Celia said and giggled. She was in a much better mood with some food in her belly.

  “And she had all my fries,” I said, grinning and kissing her gently on the top of her head.

  “Where are you three headed tonight?” the waitress asked.

  “Well, we were on our way to Syracuse,” Suzy answered. “But with this weather and this traffic, I don’t think we’ll make it tonight.”

  “Yeah, you’re better off finding somewhere to spend the night and getting a fresh start in the morning, especially for the little one’s sake,” the waitress said.

  “I’m not little, I’m seven!” Celia declared, holding up the correct number of fingers.

  “Can you recommend a hotel?” I asked.

  She gave Celia a high-five. “I’ve got a few I can recommend,” the waitress said with a laugh. “But with a storm like this they fill up quickly. How fussy are you?”

  “Not at all,” I said, glancing at Suzy who nodded. “A hot shower and a clean bed will do.”

  “I know a place that always has rooms,” she said. On the back of an order bill she wrote “Big Bing Inn” and handed it to me. “You’ve got GPS?”

  Chapter 6

  Binghamton, as it turned out, wasn’t that large of a city. The roads were a lot less-travelled in the city than the highways were. We headed toward the Big Bing Inn and, as the server had predicted, we passed several other hotels with “No Vacancy” signs along the way.

  “How are all of these places full?” Suzy asked, keeping her voice down as Celia was dozing in the back. “I mean, seriously, what’s the attraction in Birmingham?”

  “Binghamton,” I corrected her as I struggled to keep the van on the two-lane road. Those snow tires were turning out to be a good investment but the rattling sound had returned. “Pretty sure most of the folks are just heading somewhere else, babe,” I said, flinching a bit as what felt like the twentieth four-wheel-drive pickup rushed past us at a speed that could only be described as dangerous. “These are the places that are closest to the highway so of course they are full. We’ve got inside info from our friendly server, so we don’t have to waste any more time.”

  Suzy smiled, leaning back in her seat and staring at me. “How is it that you’re always so calm all the time?”

  I shrugged. “I work from home. Less stress means that I can help you carry some of your load, as it were.”

  She opened her mouth to say something just as another pickup rushed past us, splashing a wave of slush onto the side windows. “Geez, can’t these people slow down?”

  “Maybe they’re just testing out their new snow tires too,” I said under my breath. The same thing had been annoying me, of course, irking that bad feeling that had been plaguing me since the morning. People going too fast on slushy and snowy roads would only end in disaster.

  “Or maybe they’re in a rush to get to the nightclub next to the Big Bing,” Suzy said.

  “Better heading to the club at that speed than away from it,” I pointed out.

  “I guess that’s a good point,” Suzy grumbled, shrugging her shoulders. “Let’s just hope that the snow is keeping all the parties indoors, so the noise-look out!”

  I looked forward just in time to see a row of four or five bright lights, much too high to be headlights, headed straight for us. I pushed on the brake pedal and the van slid in the slush. The bright lights were headed for us. Suzy screamed. It all happened in slow motion, but I somehow knew the lights were going too fast to stop. I let out a scream of my own. Then everything went black. The last thing I remember was the sound of breaking glass and twisting metal.

  Chapter 7

  December 14th

  “Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, thy leaves are so unchanging…”

  It had never been my favourite carol. In fact, most carolling was something that I wanted to avoid when the holidays arrived. Not for others, of course, but for myself. There was no need to subject anyone to that particular kind of torture.

  “Not only green when summer’s here, but also when it’s cold a
nd dear…”

  Weird that it was the song that I was hearing while dreaming, though. That rhythmic beeping was also odd, considering that it was not beeping in time with the music. I had never been that attuned to music, but that was still something that irked me a bit.

  I slowly woke up, realizing the music wasn’t part of a dream but it was real. Suzy’s radio alarm? Not loud enough. And the bed didn’t feel right. I opened my eyes to find myself in a strange room. The lights were off but there was a large window letting in sunlight, which made me squint.

  “What?” I grumbled, blinking a few times to look down at my hand. There was a needle there, connected to a tube that was, in turn, connected to an IV drip. Now the beeping made sense. I was in a hospital room. I tried to remember how I ended up in the hospital, but my I couldn’t. I looked around the room to find that I was alone. Where were Suzy and Celia?

  I pushed a small red button at the head of my bed. I couldn’t hear anything, but I soon heard footsteps coming down the hallway, and the door to the room opened, revealing the slight figure of a young woman in pale white and blue scrubs. A bit of blonde hair had escaped from her hairnet.

  “Good morning, Mr. Jacobs,” she said, putting on a pleasant smile as she approached the bed. “How are you feeling today?”

  “I’m a bit sore,” I said. My throat hurt, and as my focus turned to what was hurting, I groaned, closing my eyes. Everything hurt.

  “Well, considering that the car crash you were in left you with a broken toe, two broken ribs and a mild concussion, an honest answer would be the most helpful,” the nurse replied, still smiling, still keeping her voice smooth and calming.

  I knew that voice. I had used that voice before.

  “Car crash?” I asked, then I remembered in a flash. The bright lights headed straight for us, Suzy screaming, crumpling metal and broken glass. “My wife and daughter. Where are they?”

  I was vaguely aware that the beeping had gotten faster but the nurse’s face and tone remained the same. She placed a hand on my shoulder as I realized that I had started to sit up in the bed.

  “You need to rest now, Mr. Jacobs,” she said, gently but firmly pushing me back down onto the bed.

  “Just tell me where they are,” I said quietly, but with a tremor in my voice. The beeping was going very quickly now but I pushed it from my consciousness. I was breathing faster and while the room was chilly, I felt sweat on my forehead.

  For the first time, her sound bedside manner cracked as she shifted her gaze away from me, towards the door as if willing it to open. “Rest now, Mr. Jacobs,” she said again, her professionalism returning as she reached over to push a button on one of the machines. “You’re going to need it.”

  Then the doctor walked in with a grim expression on his face and drooping shoulders. I recognized his demeanor. I had seen it too many times in my days on the force. He was coming to deliver bad news. I was certain that the bad feeling that had been looming over me since I had woken up in my own bed was about to come crashing down.

  I suddenly didn’t want to hear what he had to say. I fought the overwhelming urge to close my eyes and give in to the intense drowsiness.

  Chapter 8

  “And how are we feeling this morning, Mr. Jacobs?” The doctor asked, putting on a soft smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

  The pain meds were making it hard to focus on what was happening to me. The pain was mostly gone though, which was a plus. It was unfortunate that there wasn’t any medication that soothed my burning need to know what had happened to my family.

  “Mr. Jacobs, are you still with us?”

  I looked up from where I had been staring at my hands, gritting my teeth and taking a deep breath. The doctor standing over me was a little more upbeat than the nurse, who was studiously avoiding eye contact with me as she checked my condition.

  “Just tell me, okay?” I said, trying to put some emphasis in my voice.

  “You were in a pretty severe car crash, Mr. Jacobs,” the doctor said, picking up my chart. “You sustained some injuries, but all things considered, you were lucky. I expect you to make a full recovery.”

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to control the hammering in my chest and my head. It didn’t seem to help. “Please. My wife. My daughter. I need to know.” I was panicking now, only able to say a few words in between shallow breaths.

  The doctor glanced quickly over to the nurse, who looked away from him. He sighed and put down his clipboard. His face looked very tired, like he was on the tail end of a very long shift. From what I knew about doctors, that could end up being well over twenty hours. But I still needed to know. My hands clenched with as much strength as I could muster through the fog of medication.

  “All three of you were found in a pretty bad state,” he finally said. “Your daughter is currently in the ICU. Her condition is considered serious, but stable.”

  The look in his eyes told me that was the good news. I opened my mouth to ask about Suzy but I couldn’t form the words.

  “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this,” he said. Here it came. “Mr. Jacobs, your wife didn’t survive the ride to the hospital.”

  I felt my stomach sink and I heard a ringing in my ears. Blackness threatened the corners of my vision. The beeping, ringing and thudding in my ears was only getting louder as I turned my eyes back towards my hands, still clenched, still trying to keep that same rigid control over my emotional state that had gotten me out of so many scrapes before.

  “Are you alright, Mr. Jacobs?”

  I looked up at him. It was a rhetorical question and one that I had asked many times in the past. But that didn’t mean that it wasn’t born from a genuine place of concern.

  I took a deep, shaky breath.

  “I just… I just need a minute.”

  “Of course,” the doctor said, “If you need anything, just call.” The nurse gave me a sympathetic look and they left the room.

  My breath hitched. Something hot and wet was running down my cheeks as I stared down at my hands, clenching and unclenching them, feeling something like fire rushing through my veins. The beeping was quickening, as was the thudding in my ears as I reached out and grabbed the small radio from the bedside table and flung it against the opposite wall where it smashed into pieces.

  The doctor rushed back in with the nurse on his heels. I didn’t care. I reached out for something else to throw. My whole body was numb; I could no longer feel my injuries. They were physically pinning me down to the bed.

  Why couldn’t we have just waited out the storm at home?

  I didn’t see them give me a sedative but they must have because it suddenly grew impossible to keep my eyes open.

  Chapter 9

  December 15th

  As far as I knew, there was no good way to tell a little girl that her mother is gone. I wasn’t sure how to even broach the topic with Celia. She was going through her own physical troubles at the moment, which was why they were keeping her in the ICU.

  I was spared from that unpleasant task for now. The doctors encouraged me to spend time in her hospital room, though she remained unconscious. I wasn’t sure what kind of effect they hoped that my visit would have, but I had read that sometimes just hearing a parent’s voice could help the child recover. It was also probably good for me. I suspected that they were doing it more for my benefit.

  I spent most of the day in Celia’s room, leaving only when I needed to eat or see my own doctor. I read her stories, I talked to her and sometimes I just sat and held her hand. I told her stories about Suzy and I looked at her small sleeping form while I cried.

  When I grew tired and headed back to my room, I was surprised to see a woman sitting near my door. I wasn’t expecting visitors.

  She was tall and lean, with a tough look about her, emphasized by the tight ponytail used to keep her curly black hair in check and the mostly grey pantsuit that she was wearing. She stood as soon as she saw me coming down the hallway
. She had the demeanor of a cop, and the way she dressed indicated she wasn’t a rookie.

  “Mr. Jacobs. Is that right?” she asked, extending a hand as I stopped the wheelchair. “Mr. Timothy Jacobs?”

  “Tim,” I replied, shaking her hand firmly. “Or Jacobs.”

  “Tim it is,” she said with a smile. “You can call me Julie. I was wondering if I could ask you a couple of questions about your accident?”

  Curt, quick and to the point. A seasoned cop. What was she doing here? Had she been a uniformed officer, I would have asked her to come back later, as tired as I was but the presence of a high ranking cop made me suspicious.

  “You’re a detective.” I said, “I’m guessing you’re not here to help me with insurance paperwork when I’m not even back on my feet yet?”

  “I wouldn’t bother you if it wasn’t urgent,” she replied, opening the door for me so I could wheel in. “I’ll be as quick as possible, then I’ll let you rest.”

  “Well,” I said, stopping near the bed. “All I really saw before the accident was a row of very high, very bright lights. There were five or six of them and they were much too high to be headlights. .”

  She placed a hand on my shoulder. “Thank you, Tim. It’s still something. I can start trying to track down that vehicle.” That meant they didn’t know who hit us.

  “It was a hit and run?” I asked.

  She nodded “All we really have at this point is that it was probably a drunk driver.”

  “Didn’t you guys cordon off the area?” I asked. “Were there any witnesses? Traffic cameras in the area, anything like that?”