Falling For Him

by Khardine Gray

  I claimed to have loved Joey, because he was the only person I allowed myself to feel for, but really he was just the same as the others.

  My safe options.

  I’d done it all wrong and now I was paying for it. And, time was passing. Time was ticking along in its carefree manner, knowing it was the master of everything.

  I lit the fire and watched it ignite and spread across the burners. Soon it was big and ready to burn the pictures I had of my lying, cheating bastard of an ex and all memories associated.

  Tristan came outside in only his pants. It was a black pair that looked like it belonged with one of his Boss suits. He was also holding two dress shirts in his hands. One blue, one green.

  I supposed that meant he had a date, maybe with Beth. My woes had held him here for the last few nights. It was good of him to stay and I appreciated the company, but I guessed the call of massive tits and a firm ass awaited his attention.

  “Baby, what the hell is this?” He asked looking at the fire. He then looked over at the shopping bag in my hands that was filled with the pictures and other Brian memoirs.

  Pity filled his eyes and I felt bad. He was my best friend but I felt bad that he had to pity me. I also felt embarrassed for the amount of times he’d had to witness me in this state.

  “I’m just burning some stuff.” I replied. The gentle evening breeze picks up the ends of my ponytail and brushes against my cheek.

  The amber light from above beamed down on him and hit his eyes turning the ocean blue the same amber color, but with a twinkle in it.

  He’s concerned about me. I can tell, but I really don’t want him to miss out on another date with the esteemed Beth.

  “I’m fine though.” I added, and I even smile to make it seem more believable.

  I needed to be alone tonight I think. Just so I can get this out of my system.

  There’s a lot I need to detox from my mind, and I needed to cry again. I don’t want to cry with Tristan here.

  It was all bad and I was still hurt. I was hurt by what happened because I was devalued and made to feel like I wasn’t worth anything. I was never number one with anyone I’d ever been with, and the irony of it all was the only person I knew I was number one to stood before me.

  My friend, Tristan who was obsessed with women with massive tits and firm asses.

  This was the twilight zone right? It had to be.

  “You don’t look fine.” He points out and inclines his head to the side.

  I ignored the look of pity and started tossing pictures on the fire.

  “I’m fine. I just don’t want these around me. There’s nothing here to keep, nothing I want to keep.”

  “Baby, you sound angry.”

  “I’m not angry, I’m hurt. But, I’ll get over it.” I’ve always been upfront with my feelings to him. There was no point being any other way, but since I didn’t want to break down again tonight, or at least in front of him I decided to steer the conversation to something more lighthearted. “So, are you seeing Beth?”

  “Yeah, I was gonna go in a few minutes.”

  “Cool shirts.” I smiled pointing my chin to the shirts in his arms.

  “I can’t decide on which to wear.” He chuckled and held them both up by the collar. The light from the fire flickered over the number seven he had tattooed over his left breast. His old player number.

  I liked it because it looks cool and for the meaning it holds for him. It was the first tattoo he got. The black Chinese dragon on his back came next which looked cool too because the tail curved around to the edge of his stomach and at the tip of the tail was the Chinese character for the letter Z. Z for Zoe. “Green or blue?”

  “She’ll like the blue one. It brings out the color in your eyes. I’m sure you’ll get lucky if you wear that shirt.” I was trying to joke. I knew he didn’t need luck. Look at him with those fantasy muscles I’d only ever seen on serious athletes and the covers of magazines like Men’s Health. Then there were the tattoos. I was sure Beth had already picked out her choice of lingerie for the evening.

  “Well, she’s a Victoria Secret’s Angel, I’m going to need luck tonight.” He gave me an uneasy laugh.

  I guess that means she has the very best lingerie then.

  “Go with blue then.”

  “Yeah?”

  I look back to the fires as I toss some more pictures in. They burn almost immediately, crackling and folding in on themselves until they are no more.

  I look back at him when I feel his eyes on me.

  “What?” I asked and focused on him.

  “Which shirt do you like?”

  A little laugh escapes my lips as I wonder why he would ask me that, but I answer anyway. “Green.”

  “Why green?” he looked at me baffled, probably because I recommended the blue one.

  I looked at the shirt. It was a dark olive sort of green. It was elegant, sophisticated and classy. When he wore colors like that he had that old Hollywood movie star look that I swooned over, like James Dean or Gene Kelly.

  He’d most likely cringe if I said that because I doubted Beth’s the kind of girl who even knows those actors, and I doubted that’s the look he’s going for. But I like it. I also think the color suits him too for another striking reason which I choose to tell him over the classy Hollywood look.

  “Aside from that it looks good, it brings out the slight hints of brown in your eyes that not many people can see.”

  The look he gave me made me pause mid-thought. It was warm, and something else I can’t put my finger on but…I feel it.

  Does that make sense? To feel a look?

  I don’t know what makes sense these days but I do feel the look and it makes sense to explain it like that.

  It’s a look that makes me feel like he can see straight through me, so I can’t hide, or keep anything to myself. It makes me stare and get lost in the perfect angles of his chiseled features. When I find myself blushing I look away, back to the fire.

  “I think you’ve been trapped with me for too long, baby.” There’s a smile in his voice.

  I return my gaze to him and see that he’s shifted his weight back from one leg to the other, and he’s putting on the green shirt.

  “You’re choosing the green one? I thought you said you needed luck with Beth.” I chuckle and think of the model wondering if I’ve seen her. I’m sure I have if she’s an angel. I love Victoria’s Secret lingerie, but I just don’t have the time to memorize the models. I’m too busy with work and when I’m not working my spare time is taken up by my old English books. I see more of authors of the past like, Byron, Hemmingway, and Tennyson than I see real people. And when I say see, I mean I read so much of their works that I could almost see them for real.

  For what I know though of Victoria’s Secret models, I know their all perfect beings who are indeed what you’d imagine angels to look like. The Victoria Secrets Angels are just a notch above the rest of the models, and I guess above the rest of womankind in most men’s eyes. Just the kind of woman my best friend would be dating.

  “You like the green one, I’m staying here.” He flashed me a dazzling smile but I frown back.

  “No.” I really don’t want pity tonight. Not from anyone, and not from him.

  “Miss Carter, I’m not asking you, I’m telling you.” The way he said Miss Carter similar to how one of my students would made me laugh a little, but I resumed my seriousness and shook my head at him.

  “Tristan, wear the blue shirt and go get lucky with Beth. We can play Call of Duty or something when you return days from now.” He had been known to take days off when he got his eye on a new shiny toy. Beth sounded like a prized catch so I expected to have the house to myself for the best part of the week.

  Now he frowned at me. “Baby, this is no matter of discussion. I’m staying.”

  “Tristan.” I said his name with more insistence, but my voice sounded a little shaky. “You can’t keep doing this.” Now when I look a
t him I’m putting everything into perspective.

  He didn’t have to prove anything to me because I knew he’d be there if I need him. I do however have to be realistic.

  Time is passing. Not just tonight, last week or this week. Just time in general. We sailed through our twenties living together and going through life having fun.

  There was a time when I never thought things would change.

  Time makes things change, and we will change one day. We have to as we get older.

  “Tristan, if you keep cancelling then you’re going to end up with me in this house forever.”

  He put his hand to his chin and I was surprised to see the smile. “Does that vision include blueberry muffins?”

  “What is the matter with you?” I snap. “I’m being serious.”

  “I can see that baby, and now you’re verging on territory you shouldn’t be worried about, unless you don’t like me anymore, and that was your way of saying that being in this house with me forever would be the worst thing in the world.”

  Even he’s laughing at the absurdity of me thinking that.

  “You are so cute.” I rolled my eyes at him. “I wasn’t saying that, and you know I like you.”

  “Perfect, because being in this house with you forever doesn’t sound that bad from where I’m standing.”

  He buttoned up the last button and walks over to me taking the bag I’m holding and throws it with the remaining contents in the fire.

  Being this close I could smell the musky fragrance of his cologne. I look up at him, and the sly, cocky smile that lifted the corners of his mouth.

  “Fuck this Zoe. And the damn mood too. You and I both know you can do better than Brian, and there’s no need for this sulking. Jesus, the man had a face like a dog’s ass.” He took my hand and pulled me away from the fire, then reached over to the hairband securing my ponytail.

  “What are you doing?” I can’t help but giggle.

  “There she is.”

  “Me? What do you mean, you crazy boy?” I laughed as my hair tumbles down my shoulders.

  “You like this green shirt, I like your hair down. We are going out.”

  “It’s a school night, and I just told you to go –”

  “No baby, it’s us tonight,” he interrupted. “I’m not leaving you here to get more depressed.”

  I sighed, thinking about it. As much as I want to sulk, I couldn’t deny that I wouldn’t mind his company. Even if it’s to laugh at his crazy jokes. “Okay, but I don’t want to ruin your plans after tonight.”

  “Baby, it’s our friendship anniversary on Saturday, and then I’m off to Philly for a week after that. I’m going to get you out of this mood before I go, even if I have to glue myself to you every minute of every day. Now please come. Come out with me.”

  I nodded, agreeing to go and he gave me that smile again.

  Chapter 4

  Tristan

  I was thinking about that look she gave me earlier still. And what she said.

  It was the kind of look and comment that made me not mind the possibility of being in this house with Zoe forever. I wasn’t into all that stuff about feelings and emotions, but I had to hand it to her. She was the only person in my life that made me feel. That made me feel anything. She inspired me and reached somewhere inside me that I didn’t even know existed.

  It was something I savored for the rarity, so if it meant staying with her again for another night I was going to do it.

  Beth sent a simple message back to me when I texted to say I couldn’t make it.

  She said hmmm. Like she was thinking. I didn’t bother to take up the time to find out what she meant. I thought I’d tackle that tomorrow or at some point.

  At least though I got Zoe back to the girl I knew who laughed and joked around with me.

  We got back about an hour ago but we headed straight to the sitting room where we talked. It was evident that we were both tired. While I wouldn’t have minded taking her out drinking I thought we’d stick with something manageable so we went to play pool at the sports bar. I allowed her to beat me so she’d feel good. We then went to the ice cream parlor and had far too much ice cream. We stayed there until the place closed then headed back here.

  It was just after midnight and we were buzzing with sugar.

  I looked at her giggling at one of my stupid jokes about cock fights. But what made her laugh was every time I said the word cock.

  “Zoe that’s not the joke.” I frowned at her.

  “I know, I’m…” she burst out laughing again so I grabbed the cushion and hit her with it playfully, but it knocked her back.

  “Ouch, why would you do that?” she laughed again moving her now disheveled hair from her face.

  “Because, cock isn’t a joke. Or the joke I’m trying to tell you,” I complained. “It’s because of all the dickless men you’ve been with.”

  She grabbed the cushion and hit me back. “It’s not.”

  “It’s true right.” I teased thinking it had to be because when I think about it her boyfriends were all so damn lame. Weaklings who didn’t have a decent cock amongst them. Poor girl, but then again did I want to imagine her with some dominating man with his hands all over her. Not so much. Actually, the thought irritated me.

  In my crazy mind I wanted to preserve the innocent being she was when I first met her. I guess I wanted her to stay that way forever.

  “Tristan, I’m not talking about sex with you.” She shook her head and stood up shuffling that gorgeous mass of hair to her side.

  “I wasn’t aware you even knew what that was.” I laughed at the annoyed look she threw at me. “But it’s cool. I’ll just ask Rachel what you get up to.” I knew that would get to her because Rachel wouldn’t hesitate to tell me. We both agreed that Zoe always chose the weirdest guys, and I’d bet she’d agree that the boyfriends were all dickless too.

  “She won’t tell you anything. She’s bound by the friendship code. I am going to sleep, you can tell me that joke again when you stop saying cock.”

  “What the fuck’s wrong with the word cock baby? Besides, I was talking about a male chicken. You need to get your mind out of the gutter. Imagine, there I was thinking that a sweet girl like you spent her time playing with daisies.”

  “I’m gone, you’re too much for me Mister.” She was still laughing but she moved back to give me a soft kiss on my forehead.

  I felt that too, I always did.

  She moved to go but I caught her hand and pulled her back. “Hey,” I held her gaze and looked at those large green eyes of hers. “Are you okay now?”

  “I’m okay.” She nodded

  “Tell me if you need me.”

  “I will.”

  I brought her delicate hand up to my lips and kissed her knuckles. It looked lost in my large hands, “Good night baby.”

  “Goodnight, Tristan.” Her eyes sparkled as she spoke.

  I watched her leave the room and then I stared at the blank TV screen before me. It took up most of the brick wall. I could watch some TV but I should go to bed. I’m just not ready to yet.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was Beth. She sent me a message.

  “Saturday, I’m free then. Interested???”

  Three question marks. I guess she was really annoyed.

  I’ll bet she thought I wasn’t interested or that I spent the night with another woman, which I technically did. Just not the way she thought. In any event I can’t do Saturday, or this weekend. It’s not a subject for discussion either because Saturday is friendship day.

  I sounded like a pussy for even thinking of the day like that, and I guessed I could realistically meet Beth later in the evening, but we never knew what the box will tell us to do.

  “I can’t. How about next week sometime?” I messaged back.

  Fuck, the phone started ringing. It was her.

  “Do you want to see me?” Were her first words in my ears.

  “I do want to see you.”
I said and smiled at the thought of her perfect body.

  “Then stop dicking around, I don’t have time for this shit. Come and see me Saturday.”

  “I have something important I have to do Saturday, it may run into Sunday.”

  “My patience is wearing thin Tristan. I don’t need you, but I want you.”

  I laughed. Sure, I’d heard that many times before. I knew she wanted me. They all did.

  “Okay, I’ll see what I can do.”

  “Don’t arrange and cancel on me again.” She warned and ended the call before I could comment further. It’s cool though because it left it open, and she could wait. No way am I planning anything this weekend, other than to spend the time with Zoe.

  All other plans can come after that.

  Zoe

  “Tristan!” I screamed as I entered the house.

  I was so mad I couldn’t contain myself.

  I asked him specifically not to interfere. I told him to stay out of it and leave Brian alone. I begged him not to say anything, but did he listen?

  Of course not.

  I didn’t want to be mad at him today of all the days. It was our friendship anniversary and I was looking forward to spending the time with him.

  And worse, I didn’t want to be mad at him because he’d sent Rachel and I to the salon earlier to have our hair and nails done. We spent most of the day there.

  I’d left him here a few hours ago and was just leaving the salon when I spotted Brian coming out of the convenience store, a few meters from us.

  There were dark bruises around his eyes and what looked like a broken nose. I assumed it was broken because there was tape going across it. He looked like he’d been in a terrible accident. Despite everything, I would have asked what happened, if I didn’t know for myself.

  Tristan. He’d beat him up, and from the look of Brian he must have beat him within an inch of his life.

  It was my gasp of shock that caught his attention. When he saw me the fear of God filled his eyes and he fled.

  Yes, fled.

  While Rachel laughed, I thought it was far from funny.