by J. M. Witt
TO: [email protected]
10:54 AM
Subject: Re: Dark Imagination
Mine! Gimme! My legs are already fucking trembling. This should be interesting!
I was ready to burst I was so horny. And he made me wait, and wait, and wait some more.
TO: [email protected]
12:30 PM
Subject: Re: Dark Imagination
It’s been too long since this has been used... time to get your ass paddled and relieve the built up stress. You will be paddled to tears. Don’t fight them.
Meet me at the party store by Joplin’s in 15 min. I will pick you up and drop you back off.
Leave the plug IN.
I stared at the paddle. It had tiny holes throughout and I knew that it was most likely one he’d made himself. FUCK! I couldn’t wait!
TO: [email protected]
12:33 PM
Subject: Re: Dark Imagination
Take away my pain with your paddle; heal my soul with your belt. I will submit to your cross.
Yes, Sir...
He picked me up at the local party store and I climbed in the backseat of his truck. It was then that I wondered where exactly he was taking me. I wasn’t worried about my safety; I was worried about the line we were crossing. I knew what street he lived on, but I’d never sought his house out, and didn’t know what it looked like. Soon we were on that very street.
My heartrate increased and it became hard to breathe.
He pulled down a dark paved drive and I knew instantly that he was taking me to his house. It was crazy, yet reassuring that he trusted me this way. My eyes couldn’t help but scan the house and property, like I was gawking at a freak car accident on the freeway. I didn’t want to look, but I couldn’t stop myself from staring.
My heart was still racing as he pulled into the attached garage and closed the door behind us. I stayed in the truck, paralyzed, and unsure if I should get out or stay put. I decided to stay put. When and if he wanted me out of the truck he’d get me. He secured the garage doors, an entry door, and then walked to his tool bench. In the empty space next to where he parked I watched as he set up a stool and set the paddle from the email down on it. Fuck if he wasn’t always prepared.
I had joked with him about hiding him in my SUV and pulling into my own garage a few days prior, telling him no one would know and we could screw in there. Well, now he was turning the tables on me and admitted to just that when he opened the door to let me out.
“You mentioned your garage and I thought ‘shit, I have a garage, too.’” I just smiled, nerves stealing my words. “This should be warmer than the freezing winter air on your skin, but I don’t have a lot of time.”
He took my hand as I nodded my approval and helped me down from the truck. “Ok.”
There was no hesitation as he yanked my hips against his and kissed me. Pulling away, I removed my coat and then let him pull me close again. I loved how his hands held me like he owned me. Of course, in that moment he did own me.
“Are you ready to get rebalanced, get the stress out?” His voice was soft and reassuring.
He stared into my eyes and I slowly closed mine and placed my forehead on the bridge of his nose. “I think so. Yes.”
I knew what was coming, what I needed, what I consented to, what I asked for. Emotions had been flooding me all day just thinking about it. I was scared of losing him, falling for him, missing him, needing him... and terrified of confessing just that. Ok, let’s be honest. I’d fallen for him long ago.
He maneuvered me to where he wanted me. “Bend over.”
I did as he asked, placing my forearms on the stool. Hiking up my skirt he ran his hands over the red satin thong I wore. We both knew I wore them specifically for him and his caress was his approval and appreciation.
The paddle was removed from in front of my eyes and I smiled for many reasons. He’d never used this paddle before and I didn’t even know he had one like it until the earlier email. It was a good thing I’d chosen another paddle as his birthday gift because I’d almost purchased one similar to the one he was about to use...
‘SMACK’.
I tensed with the force of it and hardly had time to recover when the next strike came down.
“Don’t hold it back, Mer. Let it out.”
Those same emotions came to the surface again. I wanted to let everything out, but I’d conditioned myself to keep it in or to keep it private. How many times in the recent weeks had I gone to bed with tears silently falling from my eyes as I stopped the sobs from taking over? I didn’t want to know because it was too many.
Years of crying in the shower, where no one knew my pain, wanted to come barreling out. I was warring with myself and with Gregor’s paddle. Knowing that only Gregor and his paddle had been able to get me to sob like I needed in the last few months.
I didn’t even try to keep count of the strikes. My watering eyes were making a mess of my makeup as my hands clutched back in my hair. My shoulders were beginning to slowly shake as his free hand moved over my back.
“Stop holding back!” He stepped away from me as I silently chastised myself.
I was a glutton for punishment. I was so wrapped up in my own head, screaming at myself to let it out, that I wasn’t sure if he grabbed a different paddle or not.
“Spread your legs and put them straight.” That stern voice, my only focus, I did as he ordered, as he continued trying to break me.
The strikes resumed and I focused on the thought of losing him. As it always was with him, everything went silent, only my winces of pain and the sound of the paddle against my delicate flesh echoing in my ears. I was ready to cry out for mercy when he ceased.
Guiding me to the back seat of the truck, we climbed in and he pulled me onto his lap. I straddled him and grew limp as my tears soaked the collar of his jacket. This was it, my safe haven, tucked in his arms as he cradled me like a child.
“Get it out.”
We’d done this before, but it was different. My guard was still slightly up, but in a different way. While before I was worried he wasn’t truly invested in me and couldn’t handle my emotions, now I was worried about how invested I was.
“You have more in there don’t you?” Fuck! I’d never stop being surprised at how well he read me. “Get out. Back to the stool.”
I couldn’t even look at him. He was right to scold me like a child. I was being disobedient. I took my place as soft sobs continued, not the sobs we both knew I was holding onto. I heard him undo his belt and pull it from his jeans and hell if I didn’t sigh in response. I loved his belt and he knew it. It left a different and more potent sting, but didn’t leave a lasting mark like the paddles did.
I focused on the thought of losing him, losing us. After doing that, the sobs broke entirely free. I couldn’t imagine him not being in my life in some form or fashion. The thought of him out of my life was unbearable. The sobs stole my breath and it was all I could do to breathe.
I love you. I don’t want to, but I do.
He stopped and I wondered if my silent confession hadn’t been silent. Tears were pouring down my face as my shoulders shook. Pulling me to stand in front of him, he lowered my skirt and wrapped his arms around me. He held me tight and soothed me while I cried. It was a good thing his hold was so strong because I don’t think my legs could’ve held me up on their own.
“Let it out. I have you.” Yes, he certainly had me. “I know how hard everything seems right now. But you’ll be ok.”
“Please tell me you won’t abandon me.” Squeezing me even harder, till it hurt to breathe, I melted into him.
“There’s no need to rush a story like ours.” Softly he whispered, “I’m not going anywhere.” My sobs broke free again as he soothed me.
A few minutes passed as we stood there clinging to one another. Warm, strong hands moved under my sweater and caressed my bare flesh. Pain was returning to desire as his other hand ran through my hair
and over my neck.
“Feel better?” Cupping my face, he looked into my eyes and ran the pad of his thumb over my cheek.
“Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir.” I was his to continue to do with as he saw fit.
The feeling of his hands delicately moving across my bare flesh ran through my bloodstream like waves, awakening every nerve. I could feel him all over me, running through me like the tide. The need to drown in him would never fade.
Kissing me softly, he guided me back to the backseat of his truck. Gently, he laid me down. His hands moved up and over my legs, removing the red thong I still wore. Moving over me, he put them in my purse and kissed his way back down my torso. He pushed my sweater up and unclasped the front closure of my bra. He paid special attention to my breasts for several minutes.
My cheeks were still damp with tears when his tongue began to devour me. We kept eye contact for some time until I couldn’t take it anymore and let my head drop back. He teased every part of me, pressing on the butt plug, fingers pumping my pussy and tongue suckling on my clit.
“Come for me.” He made eye contact with me once more.
As if he knew I needed more of him, he clasped my hand in his, threading our fingers. The feeling of his hand in mine almost had me in tears again. It took longer than I expected for me to reach my release, but when I did, it was worth it.
I was cradled in his arms again after we were both satiated. I was running my hands over his bare chest as he murmured, “You’re going to put me to sleep.”
“I could fall asleep, too.” Nibbling on his neck I reveled in the small moans that fell from him.
“I have to go soon.”
“I know.” Moving my lips to his, I thanked him again. “Thank you.”
Smiling, he kissed me while holding my face. “You’re welcome.”
I climbed off his lap and got myself resituated as he did the same. Then I watched as he put the stool and paddles away. Soon we were driving back to my SUV. As we got closer, he reached his hand back and held my own. Caught off guard by the intimate act, I took his fingers into my mouth. I devilishly sucked on them until that smile of his spread across his face. Pulling to a stop, he reached around and swatted my ass as I climbed out of his backseat.
“Be good.” The devil’s smirk on his face.
Grinning sardonically, I proclaimed, “Never.”
His laugh filled my ears as I closed the door and walked to my vehicle.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
BURNING HOUSE
DRIVING HOME, I WAS ALMOST in shock. He took me to his house. What the fuck? I mean, not into his house, but to his garage. I needed music to distract me. Putting on my playlist, I decided that was a bad idea and put on a channel that played Top 40 Pop music.
TO: [email protected]
2:32 PM
Subject: Re: Dark Imagination
My boxers have cum smeared everywhere...lol. Between pre and post cum – they are sticky. I am sure you don’t want to hear about it from an inconvenience standpoint, but I thought you would enjoy knowing what you do/did.
I hope that restored your balance... :)
I’d been home for a few minutes when his email came through. I was taking a picture of my freshly paddled ass for him. When I captured a picture I was happy with, I sat down—gingerly—to email him back.
TO: [email protected]
2:51 PM
Subject: Transformation
I swallowed every drop you gave me in the moment. I love knowing what I do to you. It’s mutual.
Thank you for your time. It means a lot... Thank you for trusting me. That means a lot, too.
Legs are still trembling. Balance is coming and something I’m getting better at. I feel much better, lighter... it helps a lot. I have a fear of losing you, but I think I already said that. Sigh.
Can’t decide if I’m hungry or tired. Lol
Enjoy the pictures and the transformation of the marks.
TO: [email protected]
2:54 PM
Subject: Re: Transformation
Damn...looks like someone was very naughty... :) Is she a good girl now?
TO: [email protected]
2:56 PM
Subject: Re: Transformation
It fucking hurts to sit, Sir! I’m always a good girl! :)
I didn’t hear from him the rest of the day. Emailing as I crawled into bed with my music on, I attached another image of my welted and bruised ass.
TO: [email protected]
11:11 PM
Subject: Re: Transformation
Only thing I missed today was your dick in my ass. :) Probably masturbate and pass out while caressing my marks. Sweet dreams...
Then of course, I couldn’t sleep. Brain wide awake, I scrolled through my newsfeed. A while later his reply came through.
TO: [email protected]
11:49 PM
Subject: Re: Transformation
I was going to fuck your ass, but you seemed to need the emotional release more than the fucking and I was limited on time... :)
Sleep well.
TO: [email protected]
11:55 PM
Subject: Re: Transformation
You read me well. Until next time...
Wrapped around my pillows post masturbating. Thinking about today just resumes the trembling. Thank you for holding me like I crave and letting me know I’m safe without having to say a word.
Good night. :)
I found myself listening to Burning House by Cam a lot during those weeks. All the dreams and the life Todd and I had built together had been a sham.
Gregor was in touch through email, but I didn’t see him. Work, family visits, and everything else had him swamped. We knew and expected this, but it didn’t ease the ache. The only thing that did that was the emails. He could email me to tell me the sky was blue and it’d help. Just hearing from him calmed me.
A couple weeks after the Judith confrontation, Todd and I sat down to talk. We sat and stared at each other, not really knowing where to start.
Gregor was in touch through email, but I didn’t see him. Work, family visits, and everything else had him swamped. We knew and expected this, but it didn’t ease the ache. The only thing that did that was the emails. He could email me to tell me the sky was blue and it’d help. Just hearing from him calmed me.
A couple days after Christmas, Todd and I sat down to talk. We sat and stared at each other, not really knowing where to start.
Having enough of the silence, I was honest. “I don’t want this to be an ugly divorce, Todd. I have no plans to rake you over the coals.”
Scrubbing his hands through his hair, he nodded. “I’m really sorry it came to this.”
I shook my head, “Please don’t. Not unless you really want to discuss the façade you’ve put on for all these years. I’ll try to let it go if you stop making excuses.”
His face crunched up, “Excuses?”
I closed my eyes and sighed. “Ok. Fine. How long?”
“What?”
“How long have you been fucking her?” I glared at him from across the table. “Did it ever stop? Are you the father of her kid?”
“Jesus!”
“Well, I think I have a right to ask that considering she’s the reason we broke up all those years ago.”
He dropped his face into his hands. “It would stop for a few months here, a year there.” I was going to vomit. “Her kid isn’t mine. We checked.”
I pushed my chair away from the table. “Unbelievable.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? Really? You’ve lied to me for the last ten years. For ten years you’ve ached for her, wanted her, been sleeping with her. All the while I was here, trying to bridge the gap, raising your kids, paying bills, playing housewife. And for what?”
He just stared at me blank faced. Then he asked me what I didn’t want to face. “In all these years, you’ve never strayed?�
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I debated about telling him everything, but I just didn’t know how he’d react. “Let’s say I have strayed. Would it change anything?” Tilting his head at me, he processed my question and then shook his head. “I just want us both to be happy. Does she make you happy?”
“Yes.”
“I feel sorry for you both.” His eyes narrowed at me. “I just mean how many years have the two of you fought this? It’s sad, really. Of course you had your cake and ate it, too, so it doesn’t really matter.”
There was no point in telling him about Gregor. Did Todd deserve a reason to be angry with me? Maybe, but I just looked at it as an unnecessary obstacle that we didn’t need. It wouldn’t change anything. He wanted Judith, I wanted my freedom.
My only regret in my whole life was that I’d never truly stood on my own two feet. I always believed myself to be a strong and independent woman. Hell, maybe that was my downfall in all of this. I had a fierce desire to be my own person, my own woman, answering to no one but myself.
Now I was going to get just that.
“I don’t expect you to understand.”
Oh the temptation to tell him after that statement, but I refrained. “No, probably not.” I lied. It wasn’t worth the argument. He had no idea and probably wouldn’t be able to comprehend how well I actually did understand.
“Did, or do you have any remorse at all? I mean, I feel like I’ve wasted the last ten years of my life. I gave up really pursuing my career because you insisted I should stay home with the kids. It’s all been a lie. This whole time you’ve wanted someone else.” I could feel the heat of the tears as they fell down my cheeks.
“You have your editing. It hasn’t all been bad. We have the kids.”
“Don’t bring them into this. They’re the only thing I don’t regret right now. I had an internship waiting for me in New York. Do you remember that at all?”