Triangle

by Sara L Daigle

  “What is it?”

  “There’s most definitely a connection there. It’s not the same one, though. Tamara’s a part of it, but it’s not directly through her. You don’t need to worry about that pesky little side effect of sharing each other’s orgasms.”

  Merran relaxed abruptly. “Thank the aarya,” he murmured.

  “However, you now have something far worse to deal with.”

  Merran’s eyes widened. “What?” he demanded.

  Greg hesitated and Merran braced himself for something earth-shattering, then noticed the faintest of grins feathering the edge of Greg’s mouth. “Infants.” The grin exploded into reality. “Toddlers. Teenagers. The joys of parenthood, in some approximation.” He gave Merran an arch look. “Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Imagine. Merran Corina as papa.”

  Merran glowered, but he was too relieved to be truly upset. He hadn’t realized how much the bond between him, Tamara, and Alarin had bothered him. His sexual encounters with Idara last night had reminded him how much he enjoyed sex on his own and how much he didn’t need to be sharing someone else’s sex life. “I melded with Tamara during Festival,” he said, ignoring Greg’s teasing beyond favoring him with a frown. “I remember that very clearly, even if the rest of it is muddy. How did I manage to not re-trigger that damned bond with her?”

  Greg shook his head. “Near as I can tell, the baby took the brunt of it. You used her as a bridge to Tamara, and she’s inherited your family’s channeling talent from you. It didn’t hurt her and kept you and Tamara from reactivating the bond.”

  Merran let out a breath he didn’t even realize he’d been holding. “Is every Festival going to be like that?”

  Greg raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”

  “So … I don’t know. Driven by my subconscious. I didn’t mean to meld with Tamara. I didn’t mean to be anywhere near her,” Merran replied, hearing the note of forlorn misery in his voice and not mitigating it. “I had her and Alarin stay in my shielded office, partially to shield her from the worst of it, partially to keep myself away from her. It didn’t seem to make any difference. We ended up in each other’s arms anyway.”

  “I assume that’s a rhetorical question. You know as well as I do what Festival’s all about … release of the blocks we place on our energies. As long as you fight yourself, and hide from your feelings, Festival will bring it to the forefront, and you will do things you don’t consciously intend to do.”

  “What am I supposed to do? Chase Alarin off? Quit my life, my job? Drag her off into the sunset? Throw ourselves on the mercy of the universe?”

  “That question is for you to answer. Festival just brings up everything. It’s up to us to navigate how to release the blocks and free the stagnant energies.”

  Merran sighed. “Tamara loves Alarin more than me anyway.”

  “She trusts Alarin more than she trusts you,” Greg corrected, his voice neutral. “However, just because you love her doesn’t mean you have to marry her and raise your daughter with her. You’re right, she does love Alarin and he loves her. But you can’t deny yourself the ability to show you care too. However you choose to do that, you have to express your feelings for her to yourself and accept them within yourself, or you will find yourself out of control during Festival and doing things you’d rather not. Tamara’s pregnant right now, but what about the next time? Do you want a Festival sibling for the baby? You know how these things go, and you two have already gotten pregnant once without meaning to.”

  Merran choked and closed his eyes. “No. No more kids. Not for me. I don’t want to spend the next ten years hiding from Festival, but I’ll do it if I have to.” He opened his eyes and stared at Greg challengingly. “Anything other than what happened last night.”

  Greg studied him. “Why are you fighting so hard against admitting that you love her? Why can you not just enjoy it? Let it flow freely and Festival won’t be a problem.”

  Merran eyed Greg. “Enjoy what? The fact that I’m supposedly in love with a woman I won’t allow myself to have? Enjoy the fact that if I do something to have said woman, I know I’ll screw it up and we’ll end up hurting each other? To say nothing of the fact that I’d destroy my friendship with someone I’ve known since we were kids daring each other to reach for the stars?” He let some of his emotional rawness show, the reverberations still echoing through him from his intense melding with Tamara during Festival. “If it weren’t for this baby, I wouldn’t be dragging us through this hell in the first place. But now we’re stuck and I’m supposed to enjoy it?”

  Greg was momentarily silent. “You’re not fighting your feelings for her because of Alarin; you’re fighting because you see love as a weakness, as something to be avoided. You don’t need to be consumed by her to love her, Mer. And you don’t have to lose yourself in her in order to show her that you love her. At least admit to yourself that you love her and you won’t have to act it out during Festival.”

  Merran waved a hand but didn’t answer. He had enough awareness to know Greg was right, but he didn’t want to talk about it any further. Greg sensed it and got to his feet. “I’m off, then, to let you get to work. Call me if you want to talk.”

  Merran nodded. “You know I will.” He got to his feet and made his way to his desk. “See you tomorrow.” Greg waved and left. Merran looked down at the stacks of paper on his desk. There was nothing better than work to distract him from things he’d rather not deal with, so he let himself get sucked into the tasks waiting for his attention rather than think any further about Festival and his feelings for Tamara.

  Tamara flatly refused to continue to probe her memories of what had happened during Festival, and life settled more or less into a calm routine of classes and finals, as her baby grew and she and Alarin planned their wedding and the trip to Azelle. Two months after Festival, just after Tamara finished up with her last final, Alarin stuck his head around the door into the bedroom. “Almost ready to go?”

  Tamara stared at the suitcase on the bed. “Why are we doing this?” The stress of finals had passed, and while she was glad to be done with school for another school year, she was not that excited about facing the tensions she feared waited for them on Azelle.

  “Do you not want to go to Azelle?”

  Tamara sighed. “I want to go. I know that now is going to be the easiest it’s ever going to be, because we will have a child to take care of shortly, which is going to change our lives forever. And I won’t be able to go if I get too much more pregnant. I mean, when I get too much more pregnant, although how anyone can be more pregnant—”

  Alarin interrupted her with a kiss on the mouth. It wasn’t so much passionate as gentle, and it cut off her flood of words. “We’re going to Azelle because it is the best time to go. Finals are over, Merran is scheduled to go back anyway, you and I are both done with school for the year, and you are not too pregnant to take the trip. So we’re going. And Justern will be meeting us at the port.”

  Tamara smiled a little at the thought of her half-brother. After so long, it would be good to get to see him again in person. They’d developed a strong relationship these past months, talking on the phone regularly, but it wasn’t the same.

  “We also have to see what arrangements can be made for people to come to the wedding,” Alarin continued cheerfully. Tamara glanced at him warily. They’d set the date for the end of July, although she’d be just about ready to explode by then.

  “Have you told your family yet?”

  Alarin shrugged. “Not in so many words.” His expression hardened. “It will be fine, Tam. It’s not like there’s much they can do about it. I’m an adult and can make my own decisions.”

  Tamara quenched the quiver of misgiving. It will be all right. It will. She took a deep breath as Alarin grabbed both suitcases and they headed down to where the nondescript embassy sedan waited to take them to the airport. Tamara would have used a taxi service or even the bus, but Merran had arranged it, and she didn’t argue
.

  The short hop from the airport to the interstellar ship in orbit around the planet was uncomfortable enough, turbulent and rough until they left the atmosphere behind, but the trip on the starship through the wormhole to Azelle was even more unpleasant than she’d expected. Five days in cramped quarters was overwhelming. Although the ship had plenty of space to wander, gyms and swimming pools to exercise and play in, movie theaters to distract, and one of the most amazing libraries she’d ever seen, two people in one tiny cabin and shower was way too much. The baby set up a vociferous racket, broadcasting her discomfort loudly enough that it took Merran, Alarin, and herself to shield the fetus. When they finally arrived, Tamara was relieved to get off the ship and into the shuttle that would take them from the space vehicle to the surface of the planet.

  The shuttle touched down on the surface of the planet with a bump, jerking Tamara in her seat as the pilot put on the brakes, making her grab for Alarin’s hand. He squeezed it reassuringly as the shuttle slowed and rolled its way across a bumpy surface toward a set of low buildings Tamara could just see out of the tiny portholes that served as windows on the shuttle.

  The flight attendant came on, welcoming them to Azelle in both English and Azellian, then they waited again as the big doors were opened and the stairs lowered to the surface. Tamara got to her feet, the anticipation of stepping onto a new planet for the first time in her life making butterflies flutter in her stomach. As she stepped onto the stairway that led downstairs—no jetways for Azelle, apparently—heading down toward the ground, she took a deep breath, feeling the hot, dry air sear her nostrils as she gripped the metal railing. The oxygen level on Azelle was slightly higher than Earth’s levels, the gravity a bit lower, so a peculiar sense of euphoria and lightness filled her as she nearly bounded down the stairs. The ship had adjusted its gravity and oxygen content gradually to help acclimatize the passengers, so it wasn’t as much of a shock as it might have been otherwise. Thankfully, one positive result was that she felt much less ungainly in pregnancy than she had on Earth. As she stepped onto the packed red sand of the desert, though, all thoughts of heat and weightlessness disappeared. A throbbing vibration pulsed through her legs, a warmth that spread through her entire body and spilled out her fingertips. She shuddered and rubbed her fingers together. “What is that?” she murmured to herself, not expecting Alarin or Merran to hear her.

  Merran glanced at her, his eyes distant. “The heartbeat of the planet. You can hear it?”

  Alarin seemed to notice nothing different, or if he did, it wasn’t affecting him the way it was affecting Merran and her. He was talking animatedly with someone behind them from the shuttle. No one else seemed to be as affected as they were.

  “It’s incredible,” she whispered. She had to force herself to walk through an odd sensation that wasn’t quite dizziness. It might have been the lower gravity or her pregnancy affecting her sense of balance. “Can Alarin hear it?”

  Merran shrugged. “Probably, but it usually only knocks us empaths for a loop. Other psi sensitives are not quite as affected. If you think it’s strong for us, it knocks some Healers off their feet, sometimes quite literally.”

  Tamara pressed her fingers against her forehead. “Wow,” was all she could say.

  He touched warm fingers to the back of her hand. His hand was hot, almost feverish, a sensation that she’d never felt from him before. The throb eased back a little, and she caught the faint sounds of the aaryaSong that had taken her during Festival. She had another very sensual flash of memory, of those hot fingers sliding across her thigh and guiding another, equally hot part of his body into her. For a moment, it was as though she were there again, his body in hers, pulsing to the beat of the Song, the beat that echoed the throb against her feet right now. It made all the energy in her body wake up, abruptly and suddenly, and she felt her body react to the memory far more intensely than was appropriate for the moment. She jerked away from his hand, feeling her face flame.

  Merran did not look at her, but she knew he’d picked up on something—her memory or the flash of emotion that had come with it. He didn’t show any response to it, but she sensed that underneath the shields he maintained at all times, he felt it. From the connection that suddenly pulsed between them, she wondered if he shared the memory or just her reaction to it.

  Quite deliberately, she turned to Alarin. As though to remind her that Merran was not the only man in her life, she was rewarded with another sensual memory, of Alarin’s mouth and hands on her body, his tongue burning across her sensitized skin. She hastily shut down any further memories. God knew she did not want to remember anything more. She was done remembering what Festival had brought out in her, although to be honest, both memories might not have even been related to Festival. She’d most certainly been both Alarin’s and Merran’s lover and felt their bodies in hers more than once.

  They moved with the two hundred or so passengers from the shuttle, into the one long low building that looked more like a growth from the ground itself than a building. If it weren’t for the Song that teased the edge of her hearing, the warmth that pulsed up through her body, the awareness that she felt so alive and alert that her skin might crawl right off her bones, it would have seemed an ugly, uninteresting planet. However, to psi, Azelle was alive in a way Earth was not. She could hear the mental buzzing that meant other psi lived here, a faint whisper on levels she’d never heard on Earth. The animals spoke on that level, a chatter not unlike the birds on Earth during the spring and summer, although these animal sounds were not audible with her ears. The living beings on the planet welcomed her, inviting her to visit with them, to learn from them, and she found herself listening.

  The interior of the building was cool, much more comfortable than outside. Signs and people standing quietly separated her from Merran and Alarin, guiding her toward another part of the building that processed humans instead of returning Azellians. From there, she went through a customs process, not unlike what she would experience on Earth, but the Song whispering in her ear and tugging at her awareness made her feel disassociated, as if none of what she was experiencing was quite real.

  As she came out of the baggage claim area, rolling her suitcase behind her, Justern threw himself at her, pulling her into a warm, full-body hug and jerking her out of that absorption with the planet. “The aarya save me, I couldn’t believe it when Merran called to tell me he’d managed to get you a visa,” he said, emotion making his accent stronger than normal. “It’s so good to see you, sis!”

  Tamara returned the hug. “They didn’t have much choice,” she said as a grin spread across her face. “The baby is three-quarters Azellian and very definitely psi,” she added, disengaging and resting her hand on her belly. “She needs to be registered with the Keepers, apparently.”

  “And the aarya are going to want to know her,” Merran interjected, as he came up behind them. “Hey, Justy.”

  Justern gave Merran a hug, too, greeting him warmly. Alarin joined them, and for the first time, Tamara got to see the old bonds of friendship between the three of them. They started chattering in Azellian, speaking an odd mixture of the school Azellian she’d learned and a dialect she’d never heard before—probably slang. She could only pick up half the conversation, which seemed to revolve around old friendships. A portion of it was mental, too, and not meant for her to hear, until Alarin turned away from the group and slid his arm around Tamara in the familiar way he’d started doing since her pregnancy.

  “Come on, let’s get settled. Your sister Alerra and her husband Kennan agreed to take us in?” he asked Merran. “All three of us?”

  “Yes,” Merran replied, a careful tone to his voice. “It’s easier than opening up my house for a few days, and will undoubtedly be more comfortable since I don’t have much in the way of furniture. That is assuming you’re allowed to join us.”

  An expression flashed across Alarin’s face. His arm tensed around her shoulders. “There’s no question of t
hat. I told you, I don’t care what my family says about my relationship. I’m staying with Tamara.”

  “Let me take Tam to Alerra’s to settle in,” Merran said, his tone absolutely neutral. “If you stop by to visit your family now, alone, you’ll prevent a whole host of problems later.”

  Alarin didn’t want to go. Tamara knew and could feel it in the tightness of his grip around her shoulders. She slipped a tendril through his shields to curl around his mind. Merran was right, she read in his mind, although Alarin didn’t want it to be true. She sent him a strong reassurance, and he relaxed slightly. “I won’t be able to get away from them quickly.”

  “Tamara and I need to go over to the Temple as soon as she has freshened up, or we’re not going to get to do it at all,” Merran replied, his tone sounding even more neutral, if that were possible, than it had been a moment before. A flash of jealousy flittered across Alarin’s face. “I’ve got to head back at the end of the week and I’ve got meetings for the next five days solid. Today is going to be the only time we have to do this. You’ll have Tamara to yourself after we finish up at the Temple.”

  Alarin nodded. “Fine. I’ll see you tonight,” he said to Tamara, leaning in to kiss her. Tamara watched him leave, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

  “How badly is his family going to react?” she asked Justern.

  “Depends on how Galadrian chooses to act,” Merran answered her instead, as they watched Alarin stride away. “If he steps in and says something, none of them will do anything. If he doesn’t …”

  Justern took her suitcase from her, pushing in the handle and letting it float along the floor just behind them as they walked into the tunnels that led to the main cave. “If he doesn’t, then Alarin has some choices to make. I wouldn’t worry too much about how it’s going to go, Tam. Alari went to Earth against their wishes. He’s not going to let a little thing like family preferences stop him from marrying you.”