by Laura Lee
The hostess greets me with a smile as I walk in the door. “Welcome to Bugatti’s. Table for one?”
I shake my head. “No, I’d like to get some takeout.”
She grabs a menu and nods. “Follow me. You can order in the bar when you’re ready and have a drink while you wait.”
I take a seat directly in front of the bartender. “This is Mike,” the hostess says. “Let him know when you’re ready to order.”
I open my menu. “Thanks.”
Mike approaches me after a few minutes. “Have you decided?”
I nod. “Yes. I’ll have the Lasagna Bolognese to go and a pint of IPA while I wait.”
He nods and takes my menu. He pours my beer and sets the chilled glass on the bar. “Very good choice. The lasagna will take about twenty minutes.”
DEVYN
I’M TRYING TO FINISH my third glass of Chardonnay when Jackson takes the glass away from me. “Hey, slow down there, Devyn. Since when are you a binge drinker?”
I scowl at him. “It’s been a rough week. Can I have my glass back please?”
He hands it back to me. “Fine. But I’m coming home with you afterwards. I’m not comfortable with you being drunk around Nathan.”
I roll my eyes. “And you think I would be? Nathan is spending the night at Rainey’s. She was complaining about how little time she’s had with him lately. She’s taking him to the zoo in the morning.”
In reality, she knew what a crappy week I’ve had and wanted to help out. Even though I haven’t told her about my past with Riley, she senses something big is going on. Hence, my need for something stronger than wine. Maybe Jackson won’t notice if I sneak off to the bar.
He narrows his eyes at me. “Regardless, I will feel much better knowing you’re taken care of tonight.”
“Jesus, Jackson. Take off the kid gloves.”
He winces. “What is going on with you? Are you trying to start an argument? What did I do to deserve this?”
I blow a hair out of my face. “Nothing. I’m sorry. Maybe a dinner date wasn’t the best idea tonight. I’m clearly in a bad mood and I shouldn’t be taking it out on you.”
“What? I haven’t seen you all week.” He reaches across the table and begins rubbing his thumb over my hand. “Besides, if Nathan really is gone for the night, there’s no reason why we can’t go back to my place. It’s less than a block away and we haven’t been alone in weeks. If you’d agree to move in with me already, we wouldn’t have to worry about finding time to be together.”
Ugh, not this again. Jackson and I have been seeing each other for two and a half years. I can sense that he’s getting frustrated with the plateau we’ve been on lately. He really has been good to me and Nathan but for some reason I can never get past the dating portion of our relationship. I’m not willing to uproot Nathan from the only home he’s ever known unless I know for sure that I have a future with someone. Jackson is a good man, and I care for him, but I don’t know if I can see us being together long term. I refuse to examine the reasons behind that right now.
“Please don’t do this.”
“Do what?” he asks. “Want to take care of you? Love you? God, I’m such a jerk.”
I frown. “That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry. I really don’t want to argue. Your place tonight sounds nice. Let me just hit the bathroom real quick and then we can go.”
He smiles. “I’ll take care of the bill and meet you outside.”
Okay, I know this is awful, but bathroom was really code for bar. Jackson only has wine at his house and after his drink snatching earlier, I doubt he’ll be in any hurry to offer me any. Since becoming a mother, I can count on one hand how many times I’ve had more than two drinks with dinner, but this week certainly warranted it. I’ve been working my butt off trying to get this big promotion. As if that wasn’t enough, Riley’s sudden reappearance is really messing with my head.
I squeeze in between two stools at the crowded bar and signal the bartender. “A double of Maker’s Mark, please.”
Despite being so busy, he grabs a small glass and pours my drink right away. I down the contents in two gulps and slam the empty on the bar. I dig a twenty out of my purse and place it on the counter.
A large hand slides the bill back to me. “I got this.”
I shiver and it’s not from the bourbon. That deep voice rolls over me like honey. Always has, whether I want to admit it or not. I look to my left and see Riley grinning at me like an idiot.
“In all the bars, in all the cities, you walk into mine. Two times in one week. Are you following me? Or am I just the luckiest sonofabitch alive?”
I roll my eyes and smile despite my internal refusal to do so. Damn him. “Smooth, Rye. Is that your new pickup line these days?”
“Depends. Is it working?”
I giggle. Giggle! WTH? I blame the alcohol. Finally gathering my proverbial balls, I say, “Thanks for the offer, but I can pay for my own drink. I need to go.” I leave the twenty on the bar and turn to walk away.
He grabs my arm. “Devyn, wait.”
I glare at him. “I waited for two years, Riley. I think that’s long enough, don’t you?”
He drops my arm. “What? What does that mean?”
I roll my eyes and resume my path to the front door. “Never mind. Forget I said anything.”
He follows me. “Never mind, my ass! What does that mean, Devyn?”
I finally make it outside and take a deep breath of fresh air. It’s pouring rain and I’m getting soaked but I couldn’t care less. “It means that I’m done waiting for you, Riley!” I scream. “I’m done waiting for you to grow up and take care of your responsibilities. I’m done pretending that you’ll come to your senses one day and realize what you gave up!”
I’m crying hysterically at this point. Again, totally the alcohol’s fault. I can’t handle my liquor like I used to.
“What?” he shouts. “You’re not making any sense!”
“Oh, screw y—”
“Devyn, honey, what’s going on?” Jackson steps up to me and holds his umbrella over my head. A little too late, but I appreciate the effort. He looks between me and Riley. “Who’s this, babe?”
Riley glares at Jackson. “Who the fuck are you?”
Jackson returns his glare and motions for me to walk away with him. “Come on, honey. Let’s get you home.”
Riley’s mouth drops open. “Devyn, who is this guy?”
I poke him in the chest. “You lost the right to ask five years ago, Riley!” I loop my arm through Jackson’s elbow. “Let’s go home, babe.”
I don’t risk glancing backwards as we make the short trip to Jackson’s building.
RILEY
WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKITY-FUCK just happened? And who is that asshole taking her home with him? I am so goddamn confused, it’s not even funny. I watch them walk away while standing here in the downpour like a moron. I wait the entire time for her to look back at me just once but it never happens. They walk to the end of the block and cross the street. I laugh at the absurdity of it all when they step into my building. There are way too many coincidences in play here. Takeout forgotten, I give them enough time to get into the elevators before I follow and make my way to my apartment. I stomp through my condo shedding my soaked clothes as I make my way to the liquor cabinet. It’s going to be a long night.
DEVYN
JACKSON HANDS ME A glass of water with some Advil after I step out of the bedroom wearing dry clothes. “I thought you could use this.”
I grab the glass and use the water to swallow the pills. “Thanks.”
He flips on the fireplace as I take a seat on the leather sectional. “Are you going to tell me what that was all about?”
I sigh. It’s bound to come out sooner or later. “That’s Riley.” I meet his eyes and gulp. “Nathan’s father.”
Jackson’s ears redden. That’s his tell when he’s irritated. “I see.”
Jackson is the only person who kn
ows about my history with Riley. I never mentioned his name because I got so used to avoiding it, but he knows the whole story. He knows how close we were in college, how heartbroken I was when he went to Boston. He also knows how I pined away for almost two years waiting for him to magically show up and tell me that he loves me too. Jackson helped picked up the pieces that Riley left behind.
Shortly before Nathan’s second birthday, I had a moment of weakness and called him. Some guy named Dave was the new owner of his phone number. After that, I decided to take the hint and cut my losses. I changed my phone number too and didn’t look back. Jackson came into my life shortly thereafter and waited patiently for me to be ready to move on. It took six months before I’d even agree to a single date with him. He’s so understanding about everything. He even helps me deal with the guilt that constantly plagues me from not telling Nathan about his dad. Nate’s never really asked but I still feel the weight of it as he gets older. He’s bound to wonder one of these days.
I groan. “That’s all you’re going to say?”
He joins me on the couch. “I didn’t realize he was in Seattle. When did that happen?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I just discovered it on Monday when I found him hanging out with my brother.”
He raises an eyebrow. “You’ve known since Monday? Well, that explains the whiskey I smell on you.”
I hang my head. “Ugh, don’t start. Please.”
He grabs my hand. “I’m just trying to understand, Devyn. How do you feel about this? How did he take it when you told him about Nathan?”
I swallow hard. “I haven’t told him yet. I haven’t really had the chance, nor would I even know where to begin.”
He squeezes my hand. “What can I do to help?”
I lean my body against his. “You’re already doing it, Jackson. I just need time to figure it out. I don’t even know how to reach him. I’m going to come clean with Drew and see if I can track him down through him. They seemed to be pretty friendly.”
He puts his arm around me. “That sounds like a good starting point. You look exhausted. Why don’t we get you into bed?”
“Okay.”
RILEY
I’M SITTING AT THE coffee shop across the street nursing a wicked hangover. Last night, I visited with Jack, Jim, and that Dos Equis guy until I passed out on my couch. I haven’t drunk like that since college and I’m paying for it.
“Unh,” I groan as I thunk my head on the table.
Something starts pulling at my sleeve. “Mister! Hey mister, are you dead or somfin’?”
“No, buddy! Leave that poor man alone.”
I look up through slitted eyes and see a little blonde boy standing next to my table. “Oh good, you’re awive.”
I smirk. “Yep, I sure am.”
A woman runs over to him and grabs his arm. “I’m so sorry; he has no sense of personal space.” I meet her eyes and she glares. “You! I take back my apology. I don’t say sorry to assholes.”
It’s the redhead from Monday night that came into the bar with Devyn. “Rainey, is it? Nice to see you again.”
“Uh huh,” she scoffs.
“Why is he an ath-hole, Aunt Wainey?”
She gasps. “Shh! Don’t say asshole. Your mom will kill me!”
I laugh and give the foul-mouthed little boy a good once over. So this must be Devyn’s son. He’s a cute little guy.
“Hey, mister, you have holes in your cheeks like I do!”
Huh? Holes in my cheeks? Oh, he must mean my dimples. I study his face more carefully. He has his mommy’s hair but that’s where the resemblance ends. He has big brown eyes, a medium complexion, and yep, two giant dimples just like me. “Yep, buddy, I sure do. Trust me, they’ll come in handy later in life. The ladies love ‘em.”
Rainey rolls her eyes. “Nice. Any more lessons in womanizing you’d like to give today?”
“What’s womanizing?” the boy asks.
“Shit!” Rainey says under her breath. “Don’t repeat that either, Nathan.”
I crouch down on the floor so I can be eye level with him. “Hey, Nathan, do you like chocolate milk? Would you like me to get you one?”
He does a fist pump in the air. “Yes! I LOVE choc-wit milk!”
I stand up. “One choc-wit milk coming right up.”
“No, really you don’t—” Rainey says.
I pick up the carton from the refrigerated case and hand it to the cashier. “Too late.”
I poke the little straw through the top and hand it to him. “Here you go, buddy.”
Nathan climbs up and sits on the chair at my table. “Thanks duth-bag.”
“Nathan!” Rainey scolds.
I laugh. “Did he just call me a douchebag?”
She bites her lip. “He sure did. We’re working on extracting Uncle Drew’s potty mouth from his vocabulary. It’s a daily struggle.”
I gesture for her to take a seat. “Care to join us?”
She begrudgingly sits down and takes a sip of her coffee. “Don’t think this means I’m okay with the stunt you pulled the other day.”
I hold my hands up and take the chair next to Nathan. “Don’t worry, I’ll pretend you’re dying to kick me in the nuts.”
“No pretending necessary,” she mutters.
“Uh oh, should I go back home and get my cup?” I joke.
She raises her eyes and smirks. “I’ll control myself for the kid’s sake.”
Nathan puts his little hand on my cheek. “Hey, mister, you have brown eyes like me too. Mommy says they look like choc-wit pools of yummy-ness.”
This kid is a riot. I glance over at Rainey while I laugh again. She’s staring at our exchange, completely frozen.
“Holy shit,” she whispers.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
She slams her hand over her mouth. “Oh my God, we have to go. She stands up and quickly scoops Nathan into her arms. Come on dude, we have to go get mommy.”
“But mommy’s posta’ meet us here!” he whines. “I want my choc-wit milk, Aunt Wainey!”
What the hell is going on? I look at them trying to figure out what’s making her freak out so suddenly. I look at Nathan again as he’s squirming in her arms. His eyes are starting to water, totally tugging on my heart strings. Oh fuck, his big brown eyes. His dimples. His skin tone. I think I’m a little slow from the hangover but there’s no denying the fact that I’m staring at a living picture of my four-year-old self.
“Holy shit,” I echo.
DEVYN
I WALK INTO THE coffee shop across the street from Jackson’s condo. Rainey is towards the back holding a squirming Nathan in her arms. She’s talking to some guy as she spots me and gives me a panicked look. Nathan sees me at the same time and she sets him down so he can run up to me.
“Mommy!”
I pull him into a hug. “Hey, big guy! Did you have fun at the zoo this morning?”
“I did!” he says excitedly. “I got to see hippos, lions, and a bunch of monkeys that were dancing all funny!”
I laugh. “Dancing monkeys?”
Rainey joins us. “Yeah, they were dancing. You know how monkeys like to dance a lot?”
Humping monkeys. Got it. “Ah, dancing. Yeah, that’s really cool, bud. What else did you see?”
“I saw—”
“Devyn, we need to have a big talk,” a deep voice interrupts.
I look away from my son who’s still talking up a storm. My jaw drops when I see his furious father standing right behind Lorraine. “Aw, crap.”
DEVYN
RAINEY GRABS NATHAN’S HAND. “Hey, buddy, can I ask you a favor?”
Nathan looks up to her. “Whatcha want, Aunt Wainey?”
“Do you think it’d be okay if we went for ice cream and then I can drive you home afterwards? I’m really craving some mint chocolate chip and I think Mommy and her friend here need to have some grownup talk.”
Nathan tugs on my capris. “Momma, can I? Can I? I w
ant some ice cweam!”
I ruffle his hair. “Sure, buddy. That would be fine.” I mouth thank you to Rainey.
She nods as she leads Nate out the door.
Riley waits for them to round the corner before saying, “Let’s go back to my place. I don’t think a public venue is the right place to have this conversation.”
“Do you live nearby?”
He tilts his head towards Jackson’s condo building. “Right across the street.”
My eyes bulge. “Across the street? Like, right across the street? The red brick building?”
Riley laughs sardonically. “Yep. I believe you’re familiar with it.”
I gulp. “Yeah, I am.”
He jerks his head. “Follow me.”
My eyes wander throughout the lobby looking for any sign of Jackson. I’m not trying to hide the fact that I’m going to Riley’s…I’ll tell him. I just don’t want to run into him right now because it would exacerbate the already tense situation. I relax marginally when we step inside the elevator and he presses the button for the third floor, two levels down from Jackson’s unit.
There’s no way he hasn’t put the pieces of Nathan’s paternity together. Nate is Riley’s little mini me. It would only take a matter of seconds for him to see that, I’m sure. He doesn’t say a word as we ride the elevator to his floor and walk down the hallway. I have no idea what he’s thinking. He’s obviously angry but is that because he feels cheated out of knowing his son? Or because he has a son and doesn’t want to be shackled down? Will he want to be a part of Nate’s life?
Riley digs into his pocket and produces a set of keys. He unlocks the door and pushes it open, stepping aside to let me in. The layout of his condo is pretty similar to Jackson’s. There’s a small kitchen with a large island to the left and a living/dining room combo immediately off the entryway. The space is tidy for the most part with the exception of several empty liquor bottles on the counter. Geez, that’s a lot of alcohol. Has Riley become a heavy drinker? I raise an eyebrow as I wonder but say nothing.