by Laura Lee
I turn my hat around so the bill is facing backwards. “I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
“Hey guys.” I look to my left and see Devyn’s friend, Rainey.
She motions for Brody to move over. “Mind if I join you?”
He slides over in the booth to make room. “What are you doing here, Rainey?”
She shrugs. “I felt like playing darts and having a couple of beers.”
Brody raises his eyebrows. “By yourself?”
“I never have trouble finding someone to play,” she says. “Or someone to buy me drinks, for that matter.”
Brody glares at her. “Is that so?”
She holds up her bottle and nods to a guy over by the bar. “I certainly didn’t pay for this. He did.”
Brody takes a long pull from his bottle while he’s glaring holes through the guy at the bar. That’s an…interesting reaction.
Rainey diverts her eyes to me. “So, Riley…what were you boys talking about before I got here?”
“Uh…” I stammer.
“How he’s going to get Devyn to break up with her boyfriend,” Brody interrupts.
She smirks. “You don’t say.”
I flip Brody off. “No, I don’t say. I mean…I didn’t say that. I said I don’t know what I’m going to do about her.”
“But you want her to leave Jackson, right? To be with you?” she asks. “She told me about the house.”
“Well…yeah,” I reply.
She smiles. “Look, Riley. I’m going to tell you something but if you mention anything about it to Devyn, I will castrate you.”
My balls instinctively recoil into my body. “What’s that?”
“I’m on your side.”
“Come again?”
“Jackson’s…decent enough. He’s good to her. And Nathan. But she’s different since you’ve moved to town. She lights up whenever she talks about you. And I know now that you didn’t know about the kid. I still think you’re an asshole for what you did to her, but I get your side of it too.”
“She talks about me?”
“Of course she talks about you, dipshit. I’m her best friend. And you’re her child’s father, who has magically reappeared.”
“Wow, you don’t mince words, do you?” I mutter.
“Quit being such a Sensitive Sally,” she says. “Geez, no wonder you and Brody are friends. You’re both whiny little bitches.”
“Hey!” Brody complains.
She rolls her eyes and ignores him. “My point was that I think you’re a better fit for her. And not just because you can clearly incinerate her panties with a simple glance. I’ve never seen her react to someone like she does with you. It’s refreshing to see her so…alive. And since you’re the kid’s father…even better. You can be the picture perfect family that she’s always dreamed of having for Nathan. But she needs to settle things with Jackson on her own terms. And if by chance she chooses to stay with him, I’m going to support her then too. Whatever decision she makes, you need to respect that as well.”
“Yeah, easy for you to say,” I scoff. “She and my son mean everything to me. I’m not going to give that up without a fight.”
“I don’t think that will happen,” she assures me. “I know my girl and I know what she wants, whether she’s ready to admit it or not. Just give her time, Riley.”
DEVYN
IT’S A SATURDAY NIGHT and Jackson has taken me to a fancy French restaurant overlooking the Puget Sound. It’s a little too stuffy for my tastes, but he likes it and the view is wonderful.
“Welcome to Sur L’Eau,” the tuxedoed host says. “Do you have reservations?”
Jackson grabs my hand. “Yes, we do. Williams for two in the private dining room.”
The private dining room? I give Jackson a quizzical look but he simply smiles.
The host’s face brightens as he grabs two menus. “Of course, monsieur. Please follow me.”
We’re led to a rectangular room off the main dining area with floor to ceiling windows taking up an entire wall. There are at least a dozen small tables topped with crisp white linens but we’re the only people in the room.
The host pulls out my chair. “Madame.”
I take a seat. “Thank you.”
He hands us our menus and nods to Jackson. “I’ll be right back with the champagne you requested with your reservation, monsieur.”
“Merci,” Jackson says in a perfect French accent.
I wait until we’re alone. “Jackson, what’s going on?”
He gives me a sheepish smile. “I can’t take you out for a nice evening?”
I gesture to our surroundings. “Sure you can…but this is over the top. What’s the occasion?”
He waits to respond as our host returns with a corked bottle of champagne and two flutes. He fills each glass and sets the bottle in a bucket of ice next to our table.
“Would you like to hear our specials?”
Jackson shakes his head. “No, thank you.”
The waiter gives a short nod. “Very well. Olivia will be your serveuse this evening. She should be with you in a few moments.”
When our host exits the room I lean over the table. “Jackson, seriously. What’s going on? Why all the fanfare?”
He grabs my hand and begins stroking his thumb over my knuckles. “You’ve been working so hard lately and we’ve barely seen each other. I thought this would be nice.”
I sink into my chair with a knot in my stomach. “This is too much.”
He holds up his glass of champagne. “Just relax, Devyn. Should we toast?”
I grab my flute. “What should we toast to?”
He clinks his glass to mine. “To the future.”
I take a lengthy sip of bubbly without echoing the sentiment. Thankfully, Jackson doesn’t seem to notice. We eat dinner with polite small talk and share a dessert afterwards. The food was great and the atmosphere is lovely but I can’t escape this feeling of dread.
Jackson stands and offers his hand. “Dance with me.”
I look around the room. “There’s no dance floor.”
He helps me stand. “We don’t need one.”
He pulls me into him and we begin swaying to the instrumental music that is piped through the restaurant. He starts trailing kisses down my neck. Public displays of affection are very out of character for him.
“Jackson, what’s gotten into you tonight?”
He moves up my neck to nip my ear lobe. “You look so beautiful tonight I can’t help myself.” He pulls back and looks at me thoughtfully. “We haven’t made love in six weeks, Devyn. It’s been too long since we’ve been able to connect. I want to come home with you tonight.”
“Oh. Uh…I’m sorry; I’ve just been so busy at work.”
He trails his finger down my cheek. “Don’t be sorry. I’ve been thinking about how to fix this problem we have. I know we talked about you moving in with me several times now but I think I finally understand your hesitation.”
“You do?”
He nods. “I do. I understand Nathan is your top priority. You’re an incredible mother…it’s one of the many things I love about you. And I understand why you wouldn’t want to rock the boat with him involved. A child needs stability. You don’t want to shack up with your boyfriend because there’s always that measure of uncertainty about the future.”
He does finally get it. “I couldn’t have said it any better myself.”
He smiles. “That’s why I came up with the perfect solution.”
“You did? What’s that?”
He pulls back and digs into his pocket. Before I can ask what he’s looking for, he drops to one knee. Please don’t.
He takes my hand and holds out a beautiful diamond and sapphire ring. “Jackson—”
“Shh,” he says. “Please let me get this out before I muck it all up. Devyn, I don’t want to be your boyfriend anymore. I want to be your husband. I want to be Nathan’s stepfather. I want the three of us
to live together and be a family. We’re good together. It makes sense to take this next step. What do you say? Will you marry me?”
I slam my hand over my mouth to choke back a sob. Jackson’s expression tells me he’s reading my reaction wrong. He thinks these are happy tears. “I…” How am I going to say this? It’s going to crush him. “Jackson…I can’t marry you. I’m sorry; but I can’t. I’m not ready.”
He frowns. “I don’t understand. Don’t you love me?”
I wipe a tear away. “I do…but it’s complicated.”
He stands up and brushes himself off. “What’s so complicated about it?”
“I…” I can’t think of anything to say.
“Is this because of Riley?” he asks. “Is he the reason you won’t say yes?”
I can’t look him in the eyes. “Jackson, you’re such a good man. But I’m just not ready.”
He tilts my chin up, forcing me to look at him. “I notice you’re not denying it. What’s going on, Devyn? Do you still have feelings for him?”
“I…I don’t know.” I shrug. “Maybe.”
Jackson tucks the ring back in his pocket. “I see. Well, that certainly does complicate things.”
“Do you hate me?”
He shakes his head and kisses my forehead. “No. Of course not. You need time to digest everything; that’s all. I know we’re right for each other, Devyn. And I’m confident you’ll see that too. Maybe I just need to do a better job convincing you.”
I sniff. “Jackson, you’re too good to me.”
“Nonsense,” he says. “I love you. And you love me. Let’s just focus on that.” He leans over the table to sign the credit card receipt then grabs my purse, handing it to me. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to drop you off at home. I just remembered that I need to get up early to meet my mother for breakfast tomorrow.”
“You didn’t mention anything about breakfast with your mom.”
He shrugs. “It slipped my mind.” He offers his arm. “Come on, let’s get you home.”
“Okay,” I say.
DEVYN
“HI, DEAR. I’M AFRAID I have some bad news,” Rose, Nathan’s sitter, says in a hoarse voice.
“What’s wrong?” I hold the phone up with my shoulder as I’m pulling Nate’s shirt over his head.
“I won’t be able to sit with your boy today. I’m afraid I’ve come down with food poisoning.”
“Really?” Ugh! My big pitch is today. This couldn’t happen on a worse day. I clear my throat. “I’m so sorry to hear that, Rose. Thanks for letting me know.”
She coughs. “I’m sorry, dear.”
“Feel better,” I say. “Let me know if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Devyn. You’re a sweet girl.”
I end the call and glance at the time. I only have an hour before I have to leave and no clue what to do. Nate’s preschool isn’t in session on Tuesdays, Drew can’t just walk away from his shift, and Rainey is in some training thing for work. I suppose I could call Jackson.
“Crap!” I say.
“What’s wrong, Momma?”
I brush Nathan’s hair down. “Rose is sick, honey. She’s not going to be able to watch you today.”
Nathan pumps his little fist in the air. “Yes! That means you get to stay home and play with me today!”
A knot of guilt settles in my stomach from his excitement. “No, baby, I can’t. I have a really important meeting at work today. I’m going to call Jackson and see if he can come over.”
“Moooooommm,” Nathan whines. “I don’t wanna play with Jackson all day. He doesn’t like my Legos or my dinosaurs! He’s boooor-ing!”
Jackson is really kind to Nathan but he’s definitely not into playtime. “I’m sorry, buddy, but I don’t really have a choice.”
“What about Riley?” he asks.
“What about him?”
“He can come over and play with me!” Nathan says excitedly.
I bite my lip. “Oh, I don’t know. Riley’s probably really busy with work.”
He tugs on my suit jacket. “Pweaaase, Momma! Just call him!”
I think about it for a moment. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to ask. I kiss Nathan on the forehead. “Go brush your teeth and I’ll give him a call.”
“Sweet!” he says.
I laugh as I walk down the hall. I scroll through my contacts until I reach Riley’s number, hit the call button, and take a deep breath.
He answers after two rings. “Good morning. I wasn’t expecting to hear from you until tonight.”
“Hi,” I say. “I have a huge favor to ask.”
I hear him moving around. “Anything. What’s up?”
“Rose, Nate’s sitter, has food poisoning so she can’t watch him. He only has preschool on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Drew is on shift at the firehouse until Thursday and Rainey has an annual training thing at work. I’d hate to ask so last minute, but would you by chance be able to take the day off? As you know, my pitch is today. I can’t miss it. If it’s too much for you, I can call—”
“I’ll do it,” he interrupts.
“Really? You don’t mind babysitting a crazy four-year-old all day?”
“Devyn, he’s my son. It’s not called babysitting when it’s your own kid. I’d be happy to stay with him. It will be nice to finally have one on one time with him.”
I smile. “Are you sure it’s not too much?”
“I’m positive. I’m looking forward to it. When do you need me?”
I look at the clock. “I need to leave by eight at the latest. Do you think you can make it in time?”
“I can be there by quarter till.”
“That’s perfect, Rye. Thank you so much. You’re really saving my butt here.”
“Devyn, I mean it. It’s my pleasure. I just got out of the shower so I can leave as soon as I throw some clothes on.”
“You’re naked right now?” I squeak.
I swear I can see his smile through the phone. “Well, technically I’m wearing a towel but I can lose it if you need me to improve the visual.”
I gulp. “Nope. The towel’s good.”
He laughs. “I’ll see you soon, Dev.”
“See you soon,” I echo.
RILEY
“OKAY, ALL THE IMPORTANT phone numbers are on the fridge. Pediatrician, Poison Control, my office, etcetera.” Devyn’s been rattling off instructions for the past ten minutes. “Plus you can always call my cell if there’s an emergency.”
I smirk. “We’ll be fine, Dev.”
She offers me a small smile. “Thank you again, Riley.”
“Again, it’s my pleasure. Now go kick ass with your presentation.” I give her a little scoot towards the door.
She looks over her shoulder. “Okay, his booster seat is in the office if you need it, and—”
“I got it the first two times,” I say. “Now go. Don’t worry about us.”
She pauses at the threshold. “I’ll try to be home by five. I’ll text you if I’m running late.”
I can’t help myself. I pull her into me and kiss the little crinkle between her brows. “Go. To. Work. And good luck.”
She pulls back and blinks a few times. “Uh…okay. Thanks.”
I shake my head and close the door behind her. I turn around to find Nathan bouncing on the balls of his feet.
“Hey, buddy,” I say. “Are you ready to have a fun day?”
He gestures to the toys in his hands. “You wanna play Transformers?”
I nod. “Sure. But only if I get to be Optimus Prime.”
He frowns. “SUCK MY BALLS! I get to be Optimus Pwime!”
I hold my hands up and laugh. “Okay, okay. No need to get so testy.” Yep, I went there. “I’ll be Bumble Bee.”
After Transformers, we moved on to G.I. Joe and now we’re building with Legos. I almost forgot how fun playing with the stuff is.
“Hey, Riley?”
“Yeah, dude?”
“Are yo
u my daddy?”
I raise my eyebrows, impressed by his intuitiveness. “Why would you think that?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. Aunt Wainey was telling Momma that I look just like you.”
Shit, how am I supposed to answer this? I don’t want to lie to the kid but I don’t think Devyn would be happy with me if I told him without her. “How would you feel if I was your daddy?”
He scrunches his nose in concentration. “I think you’d be a good daddy.”
“Oh yeah?” I ask. “Why’s that?”
He shrugs. “You’re funner than Jackson. I think he has a stick up his ath-hole.”
I bark in laughter before composing myself. “That’s not nice, buddy. And don’t say asshole.”
“Put a dollar in the jar!”
“What?” I ask. “I was just repeating what you said!”
“Doesn’t matter. Momma says you have to put a dollar in the jar when you say a bad word.”
I stand up and offer my hand. “Come on, bud. Why don’t you show me where the jar is and then I’ll make you some lunch.”
“I want peanut butter jelly!”
I smile. “My favorite.”
Thankfully, Nate dropped the subject during lunch. Later in the day we’re sitting on the couch to watch some cartoons. He lets out a big yawn about twenty minutes in and snuggles into me. “Hey, Riley?”
“Yeah, bud?”
“It’s okay if you wanna be my daddy but you have to wuv my mommy because mommies and daddies are ‘posta be in wuv. Do you wuv my mommy?”
I wrap my arm around him. “Yeah, big guy; I do.”
Nate falls asleep in my arms and I just sit there watching him for who knows how long. He’s so fucking perfect I want to cry like a girl. He looks really uncomfortable so I scoop him up and bring him into his bedroom. I don’t know if he should be napping this late in the day but I can’t bring myself to wake him. The little guy wore me out; I can’t imagine how tired he must be. I hear the door opening right as I’m leaving his room. I look down at my watch and see that Devyn’s a half hour early. I walk down the hall to greet her and pause when I enter the living room.
Jackson sets his keys on the side table. “Hey,” he says. “Where’s the kid?”