I can hear stirring from the loft above, so get to work quickly, moving larger boxes and hiding them behind the furniture. The small items I switch with the rocks, purposely piling them up like their on display under the tree. I’m almost done when I hear the first gasp.
“What’s that smell?” A child says from above.
Feet begin to shuffle around. I straighten the mask and let out a wicked snicker. With my voice changed to appear creepy, I give them a taste of what their about to discover. “I hit the jackpot tonight. Lots of presents for me and none for the kiddies.”
A light comes on behind me, and out of the corner of my eye I spot an adult sized figure. Then the patter of little feet coming down the stairs captures my full attention. I spin around and come face to face with a whole herd of the little monsters. “Hey, what are you doing with our presents?” My own son asks with a lisp he can’t seem to shake.
My brother is pinching his nose as he watches in shock. “What in the hell? Is that skunk? Is it a stink bomb?”
I ignore him and stay in character. “You’ve all been bad. You don’t deserve these presents. Enjoy your coal, and the smell of revenge.” I hang a quick left and dart for the door, presents banging against my back as I hold them tightly.
I touch the doorknob, only to have the thing fly open. My wife is standing on the other side, her nose covered by her own hands, her eyes squinting like their burning. “What in the hell, Jax? What have you done?”
Next thing I know I’m being taken down by a horde of very angry kids, who obviously think fighting me will get them their presents back. As they bring me to my knees a couple of them start gagging. Amber takes me by the hand and pulls me away from them. “Stop it, unless you want the smell to stay on you for weeks. Stay inside kids. Your presents are safe. I promise.”
In all honesty, I think I’m getting used to the smell. As more family members exit the barn, wearing only pajamas, they stare at me, gagging and wondering what the hell is going on. “Jax?” My sister cups her nose. “Is that you? What the hell smells like skunk? Did you do this? Take off that stupid mask.”
My brother comes out and shoves me. “Have you lost your damn mind?”
“I got sprayed by a skunk, dude. Chill the fuck out. Had I known it was in there I would have avoided it.”
“Where? And how in the hell are you green?”
“Were those my Christmas pants, Jax?” Reese asks from behind him. “You ruined my leggings, you asshole!”
Amber looks like she’s about to cry. “I can’t believe you would do this.”
“Baby, it was just a joke. You saw how much they hated the Grinch. I thought it would be funny.”
She points at me, as Christian, Callie, Ethan, Cammie, Addison, Cole, and Cassie come out from the barn. They’re saying something, all covering their noses to avoid the stench. I finally pull off the mask and toss it on the ground. “Okay, it was a bad joke. This isn’t how I planned it. I thought we could teach them a lesson. I was only going to hide the presents for a few minutes tops.”
“The whole barn smells like skunk now. It’s in our clothes already, Jax. The kids touched you. How in the hell are you still standing in it, and why are you green?” Bella asks.
“Was this a dare?” Reese questions. She turns to Jake, who looks just as furious as everyone else. “Did you tell him to do this? Is that why you two took so long earlier?”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. I draw the line at spray paint and skunks, babe. This was all Jax.”
“Don’t act like you’re innocent. You’ve done plenty.”
“I wanted to get out an old sleigh and play a joke on the kids saying Santa left it behind. I had nothing to do with you…” He motions with his hands toward me. “Doing all that to yourself.”
“In hindsight maybe I shouldn’t have done my whole body in the paint.”
“Jax,” he pauses to gag. I start to laugh, but refrain considering the trouble I’ve managed to cause. “You need to get out of here. Go find someplace outside to wash up, and pray to God that skunk spray isn’t flammable, because if you’re planning on getting the paint off with gasoline or something to that degree, you’re in for a hell of a burn. Oh, and if I were you I’d hurry up. There’s no telling when Mom and Dad will be back, or Uncle Colt for that matter. If you think we’re angry, he’s going to be furious.”
Amber points in the direction of a nearby chicken house. They’re heated and have hoses. She knows I can’t go in the RV or the barn to use the shower, not until the stench is managed. “Let’s go!” She orders.
While walking away I notice a bunch of kids standing near the exit, shivering, some even crying. My twin girls and little son aren’t pleased with what I’ve done. What I assumed would be a silly joke has turned into something I’m never going to be able to live down. It’s a catastrophe. I’ve single handedly ruined everything.
We’re halfway to the chicken house when I stop my wife from going any further. “I’m sorry about the smell, Amber. That part wasn’t planned, babe. Uncle Colt needs to do something about that skunk. The whole barn reeks.”
“Jax, it’s taking everything in me to walk beside you. I’ve never smelled something so rank, not even when the dogs came in after being sprayed. You repulse me right now.”
“Damn, so you don’t think I’m a little sexy as a green man?”
“If there was a giant pit of tar, I’d throw you in it. In fact, I may never forget the way you smell. You may have ruined our sex life forever.”
My eyes widen. “No way! Don’t say that. It’s like telling me I have to cut off my dick.”
“We’ll start with the hoses. Reese is going to look for as many cans of tomato sauce as she can find and hopefully your uncle has some spray he uses when the animals come home like this.”
A few moments later I’m standing with my arms spread letting her squirt me with a freezing cold hose. My teeth are chattering and I’ve ever felt more regretful in my entire life. “I think I have frostbite.”
Amber aims the stream at my genitals. It’s like a stabbing pain as the chill rips through the legging fabric. I hunch over, unable to take the agony. “You’re slowly killing me.”
“It serves you right. Scaring all those children with that stupid mask. When we’re done here I’m burning that ridiculous thing. As a matter of fact, I’m going to let the kids do it, if they’ve recovered from having their Christmas practically ruined.”
“I was only trying to be funny. I was thinking about them talking about it for years to come.”
She sighs, but keeps scrubbing the paint on the front of me. I’d enjoy it if she wasn’t tearing away layers of skin with the hard beads of ice cold water. To give it a rest, I push the hose away and start shoving the wet leggings down and kicking them off. From the waist down hasn’t suffered the same green fate as the rest of me. My bone white legs almost shine in the dim lit room. Amber remains silent, stewing in her own cocoon of anger, while random dry heaves continue to torture her.
When the door opens I spot Reese heading in our direction. She has a grocery bag full of cans. Jake follows behind her, a can opener in one hand, and his other holding his nose together. “We can find you from the smell, man. It’s terrible.”
“I’m doing my best. Not even the paint wants to come off.” Amber explains.
Jake pulls out a can of WD40 and begins to spray it all over the green parts of my body. Within seconds the paint begins to seep from my skin. I start rubbing it around, until everything is coated. Meanwhile, Reese opens all the cans of tomato sauce and starts handing them to Amber.
When our eyes meet I know better than to say something smart about her rubbing it in. If her eyes could light up red right now they would be glowing. I’m in the dog house.
Amber and Reese wait for Jake to rinse off the paint before they douse me in the red sauce. It gets to the point where I’m so freezing I collapse to the ground. I’m shaking, my teeth feeling like they’re about to c
rack from chattering together. “Stop!” I order. “I can’t take it anymore.”
Jake unzips his pants, and I think it’s because he’s layered and wants to offer me something to put on, but what he does next shocks us all. A warm, or what feels like hot piss comes at me, and I’m unable to dart out of the way in time. “What the fuck, man?”
“I’m peeing on you. I heard if you pee on it the smell goes away.”
“That’s a fucking jellyfish you nimrod. Now I’m covered in piss. If I wasn’t so damn cold I’d kick your ass right now.”
Jake is beside himself, while the girls follow in his amusement all at my expense. “You all suck balls. You deserve to smell like me. Who the hell pisses on their own brother?”
“I was trying to help.” My brother is officially out of my will. I’m going to shit in his bed when we get home. I don’t care if I have to break in his house to do it.
Amber sprays me again with an ornery smile flashed across her face. I hold my tongue, because I know better. I need her to get over this sooner than later.
The door opens and I see my sister coming in. She’s carrying a blanket. “You can use the tub in one of the old work trailers. I already have Rusty running over with more tomato sauce and some juice we found at the main house. Noah thinks he has some shampoo that he used for the dogs before. He went home to look for it.”
I shoot Amber a vengeful glare. “At least someone cares about me freezing to death, covered in piss.”
She takes the hose and sprays it at me again. “Don’t talk, Jax. Just because your sister feels sorry for you doesn’t mean she’s not as angry. Her kids have to suffer now too.”
“Suffer? It’s over with.”
Bella corrects me. “Sorry, little brother, but you’re wrong about that. You’re little prank has caused everyone to have to move out of the barn. That smell spreads quickly. It will be weeks before they can clear it out of there. All of our clothes, presents and luggage stink of skunk now. The tree has to be trashed. We may as well open the presents outside and give them to the kids without paper, because they’ll stink if we don’t.”
“So this isn’t about me being the Grinch? It’s about what the skunk did to me?”
Bella slaps me across the back of my head. “You idiot, if you weren’t doing something sneaky you wouldn’t have gotten sprayed. It serves you right. You deserve this. I hope you smell for months. Don’t even think about bringing that mess to my house when we get home.”
“Damn. Is everyone pissed at me?”
“Pretty much,” Jake answers.
I clap my hands together and manage a smile, even though I do feel shitty about the whole skunk thing. “I’m going down in Mitchell history now. Woohoo! My work here is done. I’m Mitchell famous.”
“For stinking maybe,” Reese offers. “I’m out of here. He doesn’t deserve our help. Let him fix this mess himself, since it’s all fun and games.”
The hose drops. The cans of tomato sauce left on the ground. My family abandons me in my time of celebration. I call out to them anyway. “At least I can laugh. It’s pretty funny if you think about it. Our kids will tell their kids. It will go in the Christmas book.”
Alone, and freezing, with only a pair of boots and a small blanket, I gather what I’m able and regrettably head to the empty trailer where my furious loved ones have shunned me.
They’ll get over this in no time, or at least I hope they will. It’s not like I set a fire or wrecked a tractor. So what if I stink? Not only did the kids get to see Santa in action, but they got a good laugh in, or will eventually. It’s the best I could do in short notice. At least the fake coal doesn’t smell, or at least I hope it doesn’t, because I’m pretty sure it’s the only present I’m going to get this year.
Rusty is waiting at the trailer when I finally make it there. The smell of the heat being turned on fills my nostrils, making me forget I stink to high Heaven, at least for a few seconds. Rusty gets a quick whiff and covers his nose. “Damn, that skunk got you good.”
“You’re a vet. I’m sure you’ve smelled worse.”
“I don’t know. You’re pretty rank.”
I spot the empty cans on the table and hear the water running in the bathroom. “It the tub hot?”
“Yeah, why?”
I drop the blanket, not caring if my brother-in-law sees my ass. “I’m about to die of frostbite, that’s why.”
“You’ll need to soak for a while. Your cousin brought some shampoo by. I sell it at my clinic. It’s good stuff. Lather it up and let it sit.”
“Thanks, Doc. I think I’ve got it under control now.”
“All right then, Jax. Smell you later.”
I shake my head at his comment. It’s appropriate I suppose.
Nothing feels better than putting my frozen body into a hot tub full of watered down tomato juice. After I’ve lathered the weird textured shampoo into my hair, I lay my head back and close my eyes. Eventually I’ll stop stinking. For now I’m going to enjoy the peace and quiet that comes with being shunned from the rest of the family.
Chapter 7
Joshua
We've been driving for several hours and I'm glad Wes and Cob decided to tag along. When my daughter asked for a horse I wasn't sure how we were going to manage it. Luckily, Uncle Colt knows someone who was looking to sell his own daughter's horse since she's gone off to college. The horse is seven, an Arabian, Quarter mix. He's sixteen hands high, and used to being ridden. He's also trained for barrel racing, which is something Tamsyn wants Jade to get into. While we were there, Cob made a purchase of his own without my sister Callie's knowledge. We have no idea how it's going to go over, but there's a little kid that's going to wake up with a miniature pony for a Christmas present, if we can make it back in time. The second purchase set us back an hour, so we're barely going to get back before daybreak. It's going to kill me to arrive and see that my kids have already tore into their other presents. I'm hoping by some miracle they sleep in.
"How many more miles we got, Josh?" Wes asks from the back seat of the farm truck.
"Sixty."
"That should put us there by five thirty. That's plenty of time."
I clench my jaw and pray he's right or else my wife will have my tail for waiting until the last minute to acquire the special present.
The roads are icy, so we need to take our time to arrive in once piece. I’d rather be safe than sorry. We’re going on zero sleep, so as the minutes on the digital clock change I begin to struggle.
We make one pit stop for large coffees, not that it helps Wes or Cob. They both fall asleep soon after, leaving me to fight to remain coherent. The only thing keeping me awake is knowing how important I am to my family, my kids and wife. They need me as much as I need them. I have to focus. Making it home safely is my responsibility.
After a little tiff about when we were leaving, I haven’t heard a peep from my wife. The guys called to say goodnight to their kids, while I remembered the reason I was doing this. Anticipating the look in my daughter’s eyes will make this all worth it.
It's a relief when I'm pulling through the gates of the ranch. The sudden bumps cause my two family members to stir. "We made it," Wes teases.
"Should I pull right up to the barn?" I ask with a yawn.
Cob stretches his arms out and matches my yawn, forcing Wes to follow. "I think that’s probably a good idea. That way we can walk them right out and surprise the kids."
I pull out front and don't spot any movement, which tells me everyone must still be sleeping. "Sweet. It's going to be a surprise."
"Maybe we can catch a nap before they wake up. It's still dark." I'm shocked Wes says this.
"You slept the last hour of the drive."
"Exactly. Now I'm dog ass tired."
"Shit. All I needed was that nap. Now I'm good for the next few hours," Cob tells us.
"Must be nice, assholes. I haven't closed my eyes once. If I go down for a nap, I won't wake up until tomorro
w. This body is exhausted. Not even the coffee is helping."
We hop out as soon as the vehicle shuts off. I'm stretching, looking at the ground around us. A strand of lights hooked to an extension cord is spread out across the gravel driveway. There is an elf hat a few feet away from that, not to mention a very heavy smell of skunk."
I'm relieving myself when Wes comes up behind me. "I'm going to start getting the animals out of the trailer. Cob is going to grab some feed and water for them. Any particular area you want them tied up at?"
"You pick," I say as I zip back up.
With stealth precision, I sneak into the barn and notice the smell is even stronger. I actually have to cover my nose to keep it manageable. The tree is empty underneath, and when I search the loft there isn't a child in sight. Starting to worry, I call out for the adults, my sisters in particular.
Nothing.
At first I assume they're playing a joke on us, but that wouldn't explain the continued skunk odor. If it sprayed outside it would carry indoors, but it seems somehow more pungent near the Christmas tree. It makes no sense at all.
Calling my wife feels like the logical way to figure this out. It rings three times before she picks up. It's so loud with background noise that I can barely hear her greet me. "Hey, honey."
"Hey. So I'm standing in the barn and you aren't here. No one is. What the hell is going on?"
"Long story short, Jax Mitchell."
"Whoa, hang on. Did it involve a skunk?"
"You could say that. After spray painting his whole body green, apparently he got sprayed by a skunk."
"What an idiot!"
"We haven't seen him in while, ever since they sent him to the old trailer to soak in a tub of tomato juice. I'm glad too. We all smell like skunk now. He brought it into the damn barn. Even the children reek."
O Little Town of Mitchellville Page 11