Fire Flies

by Marie Marini

  There is something about eating wild pig cooked over open flames that brings out the Cuban in me. The music speaks to me. Or maybe the beer and cigars. After dinner the music got louder, the adults got drunker, the kids got tired and as usual, it got out of hand. It was dark and a long drive back to my parents’ condo in Fort Lauderdale. The girls begged every year to stay the night and every year we endured the crying and the bad moods until they fell asleep in the van. The condo was a decent size but with the girls in the guest room and Steph and Doc making a bed in the pullout couch in the living room each night, it was tight. The girls’ stuff would overflow everywhere, making Dad crazy. It was a lot safer for the kids in Nokomis. In Fort Lauderdale, you had to keep a real close eye on the girls and they didn’t understand the restrictions and how crazy we would get if we lost sight of them. It was only a couple of days, though, and everyone would make an effort to get through the holiday without killing each other. I would just crash in a sleeping bag on the floor of the girls’ room. I was planning on telling Mom about Kris. We had been seeing each other for about a month now and it was going well. I was frustrated, but I was getting my money worth out of that gym membership. I respected that she wasn’t ready to take things further yet, and I could sure use the extra workout now that I spent so much time at a desk.

  Mom is always on me to meet a nice girl and settle down. She wants a grandson and since Steph and Doc have decided that the two girls are enough for them that would make it my job. As much as I wanted to tell them all about Kris I had to play it down a bit so Mom didn’t get too carried away. As I talked, I realized just how much Kris had become part of my routine and how much she already meant to me. She was shy sometimes and funny. She was super smart; she was acing all her nursing classes. She was disciplined and determined. When she wanted something there was no stopping her. Once her mind was made up you just had to get out of the way. Every now and then she would surprise me with how naïve and innocent she could be. She still hadn’t opened up to me about her younger years, though she had told me a lot about her adopted family. Every time I hinted or asked about anything before that she changed the subject. She’ll tell me more when she’s ready. She prefers to talk about school and work anyway. I didn’t tell Mom all of it but later when Steph and I took a walk on the beach after the girls were asleep, I opened up more. I still didn’t tell her about the Darren connection. I don’t really know why. I tell Steph everything.

  Within about an hour of the stretcher heist, the text messages starting flying. I wasn’t that friendly with any of the guys outside work but even I was getting all these texts about it. Nothing official of course, but the underground was ablaze with the news. Of course, I joined in the discussion. Seems that they didn’t know it was missing until they got to the call. Thankfully it wasn’t a life threat, it was a “difficulty breathing” call. They gave a humidified albuterol breathing treatment in the truck while they transported the patient sitting up in the Lieutenant’s chair. As long as the patient didn’t lose consciousness or need to be intubated they would be fine, and they were. Embarrassed but fine. I would have loved to have seen their faces when they opened up the back doors. Rumor had it that Captain Luca and Lieutenant Rodriguez were both written up. Rodriguez was given a 48-hour suspension without pay.

  When I went to work Christmas Day, the Assistant Chief of Operations was at the station to address us at roll call. Chief addressed the stolen stretcher. Police were brought in, but no one saw or heard anything. They didn’t have a timeline for the theft, other than they knew it was there when they parked back in the bay at 2:45 pm when they got back from a call. When they went on the next call at 7:15 pm it was missing. Bay doors were to remain closed at all times and trucks were to be locked when parked. Everyone was chattering about how this could have happened and why someone would steal a stretcher. The agreed-upon scenario was that it was a bunch of kids, maybe even gang initiation, and it would show up sooner or later dumped somewhere. There were so many prints on the trucks that it would take CSI months to process but the Chief wanted all personnel to be fingerprinted so they could eliminate us and see if there were any non-personnel prints. So much fun! I love having secrets!

  Meanwhile, I had been doing my research. I had been thinking I would use roofies, but I had a better idea. I was in the Surgical Unit rotation for my nursing clinical placements and these patients take narcotic pain relievers, some of them in patches. What if I was to remove the patches and instead of disposing of them, I kept them? I wouldn’t technically be stealing narcotics and wouldn’t have to worry about inventory inconsistencies. Pain patches are removed and replaced every three days. The patches they remove still have enough Fentanyl in them to make a horse drowsy. It would be almost impossible to regulate how much drug I administered, but I think it would be worth a try. I had the weekend of January 6th off but had promised Jesus we would go to a movie on Saturday so it would have to wait until my next weekend off. That would give me time to save up some patches and get some other pieces of my plan together.

  I had folded up the massage table and stored it in the bedroom against the wall in the cabin. I dragged it back into the living room and wiped it down and set it up again. I bought some heavy duty straps just in case I needed restraints. Hopefully, it wouldn’t come to that, but I had to be prepared. I had done a few other little projects around the place. I rigged up a shower harness so that I wouldn’t have to hose him down outside like I did with Darren. I was only just now realizing what might have happened if someone had driven by and seen Darren laying naked on the concrete pad. We don’t really get any traffic out there but you never know. The stakes were too high to mess around.

  By the time January 20th rolled around I figured I should have 18 Fentanyl patches and 20 or so Morphine patches. I would only need a few. I was terrified and excited at the same time. I was constantly horny, but there was no way was I sleeping with Jesus. I could relieve the tension myself if I had to, now that I had learned how, but I kind of liked the anticipation and thinking about how it would be with someone other than Darren. But first I had to get through this movie date with Jesus. I hadn’t seen him much over the holidays. I expected it would be a long date night, but I wanted to keep that connection to PD open, especially now that I was getting close to my next rodeo. He liked science fiction, Star Wars, and stuff, so I expected that was the kind of movie we’d see. I didn’t care. I just wanted to get through it. In anticipation for next weekend, I wore my special shoes, I always felt good in them.

  I picked Kris up on Saturday for a movie night. She had been working all kinds of overtime over the holidays. Since school wasn’t in session, she was making the most of the opportunity to sock away some money. I missed seeing her and I admit I was crushed when she was working both Christmas and New Years.

  I was taking her to Olive Garden for dinner, not my favorite place. I would have preferred Ruth’s Chris or Morton’s steakhouse, somewhere a little nicer, quieter and classier, but she loved Olive Garden so that’s where we were going. Kris was wearing a simple black sleeveless dress and these killer black heels. I’m pretty sure they were Louboutins, the red sole gave it away. My sister loves fashion and growing up Cuban in Miami meant a consultation with Steph before I could leave the house. It also meant I learned a lot about fashion and designers. I was surprised that Kris would drop that kind of money on a pair of shoes, but she looked amazing. I called her out on the shoes and she giggled and admitted that yes they were fantastic designer shoes. She told me it was the most extravagant thing she had ever bought, the most whimsical non-essential item she owned. So strange. She is so practical; she works hard and lives a frugal lifestyle. She is either supporting someone else or she has a shit load of money in the bank. Sigh. There was a beautiful woman right in front of me and here I was over-analyzing again. I really needed to work on just being in the moment.

  Olive Garden was bland, but Kris was animated and excited. She babbled a
bout school and how she missed it. She was writing a paper on spinal cord injury and was obviously enthralled. It seemed like she had missed me as much as I had missed her, and I was hoping tonight we could maybe move our relationship along another little baby step. I cleaned my apartment and left everything looking nice, hoping that tonight she might come over for a little bit at the end of our date.

  There was a new romantic comedy playing and Kris loved chick flicks so I suffered through the predictable script and the over-the-top romantic gestures. I had my arm around the prettiest girl in the room and was content to watch her watch the movie. This was one of those times when she seems so young. She got so wrapped up in a movie she would lean forward in her seat, bite her lip or even get tears in the corners of her pretty eyes. It was like watching a 4-year-old enjoy Shrek. I don’t mean that in a bad way just that she was so innocent in those moments. She was so engaged in the movie that she didn’t even sense me watching her. There was usually a wariness to her eyes like she never truly trusted anything or anyone. Like she had been hurt so many times she almost expected it and braced herself against it. But in these moments she was vulnerable and innocent and it damn near broke my heart when the lights came up. I swear her eyes dimmed.

  I was surprised when Kris accepted my invitation to my apartment. It had been a nice low-key type of night and normally I would take her home to Pompano and say goodnight at her door. This was a first and I was hoping to see her in just those shoes. I had to slow down and lower my expectations. As soon as I closed the door behind us Kris moved in fast and was kissing me hard, pushing me up against the closed door. I couldn’t believe this was the same girl who wanted to go slow. She was frantic, tearing at the buttons on my shirt. She was my wet dream, she was amazing and she was right here and I wanted her so bad!

  But I had to stop her. I didn’t want either of us to have regrets. I wanted this relationship more than I wanted to get laid and that was a whole freakin lot! I had never really tried to stop someone from tearing my clothes off before. Not knowing what else to do I whisked her up into my arms and carried her to the living room. I laid her on the couch still kissing her and then stood up. I turned my back to her to give us both a moment to gather ourselves. I turned on the corner lamp and then lit some candles, patting myself on the back for the forethought to set out some candles. When I turned back to her, she was sitting on the couch smoothing her dress back into place. She had one shoe in her hand. I guess it had fallen off and she just stared down at it. I went to her and, kneeling in front of her, I gently took the shoe and put it back on her beautiful foot like Cinderella. I took her hands in mine but she wouldn’t look at me. When I saw her face, my heart broke. The little girl was back and she wore her emotions in full view. She was confused and scared.

  “Kris. Look at me.” I lifted her chin until she looked me in the eye. “There is nothing I want more right this minute than to take you to my bedroom. Seriously nothing!” I eased myself from kneeling to sit beside her. “I just want to be sure that you want that, that you’re ready.” I smiled at her. “I know I’m ready.” I glanced at my crotch and she followed my gaze. I was rewarded with a giggle at the strain in my pants. “You want to go slow, and I respect that. I want our first time to be special. I want it to be magical for you. I want everything to be perfect. You deserve better than this.” She smiled that devastating one-dimple smile and a huge fat tear slipped out of her eye and down her cheek. I kissed it away.

  “You’re right. I was caught up in the moment. Tonight was so lovely and I just…I don’t know. It would have been a mistake. A horrible mistake.”

  “Well hold on there, let’s not say horrible.” I smiled.

  “You really are a nice guy, aren’t you?” There was surprise in her voice like she hadn’t known too many.

  OH MY GOD! I could have screwed up so bad. I can’t believe I got that close to clubbing Jesus with my shoe. It was such a perfect night. I love Olive Garden and that’s where he took me for dinner, then we saw the latest Hugh Grant movie and it was incredible. Oh, I know it is so predictable, boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back but I love that stuff. If only life were that simple and romantic and easy. I’d like my own “happily ever after” one day, but I don’t know if that even exists in the real world. I was buzzing from the movie and so horny that when Jesus asked me to his place I agreed. Then when we got there I basically jumped him. When he lifted me up and carried me, I thought it was seriously romantic. Then he put me down and I reached for my shoe. I did it instinctually. I swear it wasn’t even a conscious thought. It took me a moment to realize I wasn’t on his bed. I was sitting on the couch with my shoe in my hand.

  He was lighting candles and turning on a lamp in the corner. I was so scared in that moment at what I had been just about to do. Then he knelt in front of me and took my shoe, he put my shoe back on me like Cinderella, my absolute favorite Disney movie. He told me how he wanted our first time to be perfectly planned and anticipated and magical. Oh my God, did he really get it? Was he my Prince Charming?

  He had candles.

  I was touched and a little taken off guard, I really didn’t like Jesus at first but he was actually a good guy. I was stunned that he would be that sensitive. I have never heard of a guy slowing it down like that. Jesus kissed me gently and offered to drive me home. The whole way home I kept thinking about it all. I couldn’t believe how lucky I just got. One thing was for sure: I needed to get laid soon. January 20th couldn’t come soon enough. I told Jesus I was going away for the weekend to Atlanta with some girls I knew, supposedly girls from high school in Georgia. I told him not to expect me to answer my phone or return calls for a few days. I would check in when I got back. Of course, I wasn’t going anywhere, I was hoping to have a new stallion to ride in the cabin by Saturday night.

  I considered cancelling my plans and just calling Jesus for sex. It wasn’t just sex though, the sex was just a bonus. It was cleansing the gene pool and using the body to learn stuff you can’t learn from books. I had planned this for months, I wasn’t about to change that now.

  I parked on a side street two blocks away from the club. It was 10 o’clock on Saturday night and the place was jumping. My head itched from the wig I wore. How do people wear these things? Seems like country girls all have long hair so I had long wavy red hair tonight. I wore little denim daisy duke shorty shorts with my pink cowboy boots and a plain black halter neck top. I bought the boots especially for tonight, and if all went well it would be a wise investment in my education. I was so pumped on adrenaline my heart was thumping in time with the music. I had 6 Fentanyl and 4 Morphine patches in my little purse strapped across my body. I squeezed in to the bar and ordered a long island iced tea. I needed to look like I was getting loaded. Within seconds a guy beside me was eyeing me up. He leaned in and yelled over the music, “Where’s your posse little lady?” Ugh...cheesy with stinking beer breath and way too hairy. I would be doing society a favor by taking that one out, but the patches would just stick to all that hair and besides, I don’t think I could handle listening to him talk. I paid for my drink and moved away.

  There were three bars in the place so I worked my way through the crowds and headed for a couple of empty seats, then I climbed on up on a bar stool and watched the dance floor. It was a complete meat market and I was in the mood for a good cut of meat. I giggled at the thought as I watched all the drunken slutty little hussies flirting and bumping up against the guys. Tits were barely contained in tight little shirts and the jeans could have been painted on. The guys were trying way too hard to be cool but you could see them eye the crowd, determined that they weren’t going home alone. Dressed in jeans and cowboy boots, leaning against the bar or sprawled back in a chair like they didn’t care. This time it didn’t unnerve me. I knew what to expect. I have known people like this my whole life, but I was better than them now. I had gotten myself an education and raised myself way above this cr
ap.

  It didn’t take long for some guy at the bar to buy me a drink. He was quite tall, a little taller than Darren. Would I ever stop comparing everyone to D? He had nice broad shoulders and was a little chubby at the waist but that was okay. He might need a little extra weight where we were going. His dark hair was wavy and he kept it short. After I accepted the drink and smiled at him, he came over and sat beside me. His name was Pete, but I just thought of him as Meat. When the bartender asked me what I was drinking I ordered a cranberry and soda water but I told Meat that it was vodka.

  We didn’t dance, we just people watched and chatted. I couldn’t tell you what about. I didn’t care and I didn’t want to see him as a person with a family and a job. Just so long as he wasn’t a cop I was okay with whatever he told me. As the night went on the sluts got sluttier and the men got more and more obnoxious and loud-mouthed. I was getting more nervous in this environment and Meat was getting a nice little buzz going.

  It was time.

  We moved to a table closer to the door and away from the dance floor. It was a dark little corner set up for couples making out. There were a few areas like that in here. When we sat down, I acted drunk and kind of fell on him, giggling like the other sluts around me. I kissed him sloppily and then sent him to the bar. As he got up from the table I tugged on the back of his shirt and when he turned I kissed him and told him to hurry. At the same time, I slid my hand under the back of his shirt and ran my hand over his back, hairless! Good! I stuck the first patch on close to his belt so hopefully, he wouldn’t feel it. So far it was going to plan.