Our Little Secret (Finding Forever Book 1)

by Rebecca Raine

  When he finished, he leaned one hip against the counter and took a sip from his mug. “Come to any conclusions?”

  Yes, you came to a conclusion. You’re going to say no. Say no. “No,” she blurted. “I mean yes.”

  He cocked his head to one side, eyes crinkling as he gave her one of those rare smiles that turned her inside-out. “Which is it?”

  “I... ” She tried to think, but her brain seemed to have stalled. “I think I should... ”

  “I think you should take some more time,” Derek chuckled as he pushed away from the wall. He leaned in to murmur in her ear. “Don’t take too long. There might not be anything left of me.”

  They walked out of the room and she was left standing there by herself, a steaming cup of coffee at her side.

  Chapter 9

  “Do you think I’m boring?”

  Amber looked up from her lunch, a forkful of lettuce halfway to her mouth. “Huh?”

  Julia pushed her chicken salad around on her plate. She always had chicken salad on Monday. Tuna on Tuesday. Egg sandwich on Wednesday. Heck, she had the whole working week mapped out, bite by bite. It was a harmless schedule that saved her from wasting time deciding what to eat each day. Suddenly it seemed obscenely mundane. Who the hell had a weekly schedule for their lunch?

  “We’ve been friends for a long time,” she said as she impaled a harmless cherry tomato on the end of her fork. “Tell me honestly. Am I the dullest and most boring person in the world?”

  “Honey, we wouldn’t be friends if I thought you were boring.” Amber had stopped eating altogether. Instead, she sat with her hands clasped on the table in front of her. A frown of concern drew her brows together. “What’s going on? Is this because of that stupid shell comment I made earlier, because I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. You know that, right?”

  “Of course I do and you didn’t. Well, maybe I felt a little bad but it’s not your fault.” She shrugged one shoulder, glancing around the crowded cafe. This was the same cafe they always came to for lunch on Monday. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just feeling restless lately.”

  “There’s your problem,” Amber said with a grin. “You’re not boring, Julia. You’re just bored. Bored out of your skull.”

  Julia waited for some sense of indignation or denial. It didn’t come. “Maybe.”

  “When was the last time you did something exciting? Something that totally took your breath away and left you feeling completely alive.”

  The sight of Derek and Scott making out while she sucked on Derek’s neck flashed through her mind. That made her feel all kinds of alive, but somehow she didn’t think that was what Amber had in mind. She forced herself to put the memory aside and think further back. Nothing else came to mind. Nothing at all. Oh hell, what was she doing with her life?

  “I like my life the way it is.” She heard herself saying the words, but she’d started to suspect she didn’t believe them. “I’ve never been an exciting person.”

  “Don’t give me that bullshit.” Amber pushed her plate to one side and picked up her water glass. “You are what you do. If you want some excitement in your life, you’re going to have to go out there and make it happen.”

  Julia had to concede her friend had a point, but it sounded risky. She didn’t like risky. It was too far out of her comfort zone. “When was the last time you felt like that?” she asked. “All excited about life.”

  “Remember last year when I jumped out of an airplane with nothing to save me but the pack on my back?” A wild glimmer shone in Amber’s eyes as she spoke. “That’s excitement.”

  Julia had gone with her that day, but she’d been content to watch her friend from the ground. “As I recall you were so excited you spent the whole morning throwing up in anticipation.”

  Amber laughed at the memory, even as her nose wrinkled in distaste. “Yeah, but it was worth it.”

  “Well, I’m sorry to disappoint, but no amount of boredom is going to make me jump out of a perfectly good airplane.”

  “Pick something else then,” Amber suggested with a shrug. “It doesn’t have to be something terrifying, just something you’ve never done before. Hey, when do you start your new job?”

  “Two weeks from Monday.”

  “Perfect. You’ll have two weeks off to do whatever the hell you want. You’re a young, beautiful, single woman. Do something fun. Take a holiday from real life.” Her friend sat forward, her eagerness clear. “Go on a holiday. Drink margaritas. Have a fling with a handsome man. That will take care of the restlessness you’re feeling.” She clapped her hands in delight. “Then you can come back to reality and tell me all about it so I can live vicariously through you.” A dramatic sigh sounded as she slumped back in her chair. “At the rate I buy shoes, I may never be able to afford another holiday again.”

  Take a holiday from real life.

  Julia laughed, though she had to admit the idea appealed. Especially when her ‘holiday’ would include having a fling with not one, but two, handsome men. They would all get what they wanted, and she could return to the real world feeling sated and refreshed.

  Her heartbeat sped up and her breath caught. Could she really do this? Could she take what they had to offer, and walk away when her time was up? For a woman who had spent her entire life doing exactly what everyone expected of her, the act of considering the idea alone felt just as dangerous as jumping out of a plane—more dangerous.

  Every ounce of resolve she’d spent the past few days developing crumbled under a single, undeniable truth. It would be worth the risk to feel that completely, utterly alive.

  A few days later, Julia stood behind her desk with her office keys clutched in one hand. Friday afternoon had arrived and her job here was done. She’d been farewelled with cake by her colleagues. A small box containing the few personal items she’d kept in the office sat on her desk. All she had to do now was hand over her keys.

  She walked toward Derek’s office. Her legs felt wobbly and her heart thudded, quick and heavy, against her ribs. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door, opening it when she heard him call her in.

  Derek looked up, pen still in hand. The smile that began to spread over his face froze when he spotted the keys in her hand. She saw his throat working as he swallowed. Then he stood up and walked around the desk, stuffing his hands in his suit pockets. He seemed so dejected she had to stop herself from grinning.

  He and Scott had kept their distance since the conversation in the lunchroom. Giving her time to make up her mind, she supposed. Unfortunately, their actions, while appreciated, had made it difficult to inform them of her decision. She was determined to go through with it though, and so she’d come up with a plan of her own.

  She took a few steps forward, until she stood in front of him. “These are for you,” she said, handing over the keys.

  His fingers brushed against hers as he accepted them, lingering a touch longer than necessary.

  “I guess this is goodbye,” he said, staring down at the keys in his hand.

  Butterflies careened around her stomach again, but this time she felt exhilarated by them instead of overwhelmed. “Do you and Scott have a big weekend planned?” she asked.

  His gaze clashed with hers and she saw sadness in his eyes. “No,” he replied. “We were hoping for something special, but... ” He sighed as he shook his head. “I’m beginning to think our plans aren’t going to work out the way we’d hoped.”

  She reached into her pocket, her eyes never leaving his, and handed him a slip of folded notepaper. “Perhaps this will help.”

  He frowned as he opened it. “What is this?”

  “It’s the address of a restaurant,” she said. She cleared her throat when her voice came out as little more than a breathy whisper. “I’ve made dinner reservations there for eight o’clock tomorrow night.” She waited until he looked at her again before adding, “For three.”

  Surprise lifted his eyebrows, brought the smile floodin
g back to his face. “Are you sure?”

  She laughed, her body tingling with the thrill of excitement. “Yes,” she said with a nod. “I’m sure.”

  He straightened, licking his lips as he stared down at her. They stood mere centimetres apart. His gaze ran over her face before falling to her mouth.

  She knew he wanted to kiss her. She wanted him to kiss her. She wanted it so badly she could feel her skin tingling in anticipation. If this was what alive felt like, she could easily become addicted. She resisted though, taking a step backward. The next time she kissed Derek, she wanted to know she didn’t have to stop.

  Turning away, she hurried from the room, almost knocking Scott down in her rush.

  “Whoa,” he said, grabbing her upper arms to steady her when she stumbled. “Is everything all right?”

  “Perfect,” she replied, grinning up at him. “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

  She laughed at the confused frown he gave her and walked away. She could feel his eyes on her as she strode down the hall and it made her feel sexy, powerful. Her legs no longer trembled and her heart was light and happy. This may just turn out to be the best decision she’d ever made.

  Chapter 10

  Julia stared at herself in the mirror, her bottom lip caught between her teeth as she inspected her reflection. Everything about her appearance had been considered carefully. Put together piece by piece, until the finished product came as close to irresistible as she could manage.

  Her dress clung intimately to her curves and was made of blood red satin. With a deep v-neckline and no sleeves, it showed off her breasts to perfection before falling lovingly against her body. The skirt flared ever so slightly, swishing around her thighs when she walked. It fell to mid-thigh. Short enough to entice, without being too scandalous.

  This dress had hung, hidden but never forgotten, in the back of her closet for over a year. One of her girlfriends had talked her into buying it, stating no red-blooded man would be able to resist her in it. Of course, she hadn’t been talking about red-blooded gay men at the time. Perhaps the cocktails they’d had at lunch that day had tipped her over the edge. Whatever the reason, she’d ended up buying it, but had never been game enough to wear it—until now.

  She figured if she was going to do this, and experience the wilder side of life for once, she might as well do it all the way.

  With that in mind, she’d added sexy red pumps to the dress. Along with red lingerie, including the skimpiest thong she’d ever had the temerity to buy.

  Her makeup and hair had taken the longest. She wore contact lenses instead of her glasses, and loved how her hazel eyes shined beneath the smoky eye shadow she’d added. Deep red lip gloss made her mouth look full and kissable. She imagined leaving a red lipstick mark around Derek’s hard cock and her stomach did back flips that were equal parts anticipation and nerves.

  Finally, she’d curled her hair into soft waves, letting it tumble around her shoulders in stylish disarray. It would never cascade the way Amber’s did, but it was close enough. This would be the first time Derek and Scott would see her hair done in any way other than a practical, no-nonsense bun or basic plait. She hoped they would be impressed.

  The cab ride to the city went quickly and before she knew it she was being greeted by the hostess and directed to the restaurant bar, where she’d been told the other members of her party were waiting for her.

  She paused for a moment beside the darkened doorway and took a couple of deep, calming breaths. She could just see Derek and Scott reclining in low armchairs in the next room. Just one more step would make her visible to the two men. One more step and she would start something that would not be stopped. There would be no going back. This experience would be a part of her forever. It would comfort her when she returned to the life she had planned for herself with such meticulous care. It would excite her when she forced herself through day after day of dull monotony. She realised there was no doubt anywhere in her mind she wanted to do this, only a vague question about why she’d waited so long.

  The thrill of the unknown called to her and she revelled in the freedom of it. Then she put one foot in front of the other, and stepped into the room.

  Scott looked up when he realised Derek had stopped talking mid-sentence. The other man sat on the far side of a low table with his mouth hanging open as he stared at the doorway.

  She’s here. Scott shifted in his own chair so he could look over his shoulder.

  Julia stood a few metres away, shifting nervously from one foot to the other as she gave them a tremulous smile. His gaze stroked her from the top of her golden head to the tip of her sexy red heels and everything in between. Holy fuck. She was a freaking goddess. His fingers itched to delve into all those soft touchable curls. He wanted to drag her red dress up over her head to reveal the present beneath. His dick was going to think all his Christmases had come at once.

  “Good evening,” she said quietly. He could tell she was doing her best to appear confident but it wasn’t working. The way she twisted her purse in her hands was a dead giveaway. Personally, he thought it was adorable.

  Derek walked past him and drew her into a hug.

  “It’s so good to see you, Julia,” he said, and Scott saw her smile widened in relief. Damn, he was closer, he should have been the one to greet her and make her feel comfortable. Instead, he had yet to manage standing.

  He rose from the chair and walked toward her—better late than never. When she let go of Derek, she turned to him and came straight into his arms. It surprised him, how accepting she was of him, despite the fact he’d spent the last year offending her with his woefully inadequate social skills. “I’m glad you’re here,” he murmured against her cheek.

  She pulled back, smiling at him. “Thank you, Scott,” she said. “I’m glad you’re here too.”

  His chest hurt and blood rushed in his ears. He never even realised a waitress had approached them until he heard her speak.

  “Excuse me, gentlemen, madam. Your table is ready.”

  Reaching down, he took Julia’s hand and lifted it to his lips, placing a kiss into the centre of her palm, before closing his fingers around hers. “Shall we?” She nodded and turned to follow the waitress.

  The moment they entered the dining area, Scott began to understand why Julia had chosen this place. The dimly lit dining room was huge, with each of the tables separated by sheer white curtains that reached all the way to the ceiling and trailed down along the floor. Simple, but ingenious, the curtains provided a private, intimate atmosphere for each group of diners.

  They lowered themselves onto cushioned seating on the floor, leaning against the supportive backrests. The table before them was low to the ground, made of a dark wood and beautifully carved with an intricate pattern inlaid in the surface. The low murmur of voices and the chinking of tableware were the only reminders they weren’t alone in this luscious sanctuary.

  They waited for Julia to choose her seat before settling in opposite each other, on either side of her. They all took a few minutes to make their selections from the food and wine menus and were soon alone. He watched with avid interest as Julia slipped her shoes off and relaxed back against the cushions. She curled one leg in front of her, stretching the other out under the table with the knee bent upward. He could just see where the hem of her dress draped over her thigh, revealing an expanse of creamy skin he wanted to touch.

  “Before we begin the evening,” she said, distracting him from his thoughts, “I would like to explain why I invited you to join me tonight.” She looked back and forth between them as she spoke in a low voice. “I have two weeks off before I start my new job. Two weeks in which I can do anything I want. I would like to use the time to do something new and exciting. I want an adventure. If you are still interested, I would like to share my adventure with the two of you.”

  Scott watched as Derek levered himself closer to her. “An adventure, huh?” he said as he leaned over until their faces were j
ust centimetres apart.

  “Yes.” Julia gave a one shouldered shrug as she met the other man’s eyes. “Nothing serious, nothing dramatic. I just want to... ”

  “Experience,” Derek said as he began to stroke her bare arm.

  “Enjoy,” Scott added, his voice thick with hunger. His heart pounded in his chest and he had to clench his fists on his thighs to stop himself from reaching for her. He didn’t want her to feel overwhelmed.

  Julia gave a nervous laugh, her gaze still locked on Derek. “Exactly.”

  Scott took a deep breath, releasing some of the strain he’d been feeling since this began. Julia wanted a good time, just as the other women he and Derek had invited into their bed had wanted. A good time was definitely something they could give her. And if she would be harder to say goodbye to than the others had been, he would handle it. At least he wasn’t going in with any unrealistic expectations. Though, seeing the infatuation on Derek’s face, he wasn’t so sure his lover would come out of this unscathed.

  He knew, right now, Derek would be thinking this was a good place to start. The eternal optimist, he would be certain once they got her into their bed, they could convince her to stay there. Forever.

  “I do believe we will be willing to go to some extreme lengths to satisfy your needs,” Derek said, brushing his lips across her jawline. “Wouldn’t you agree, Scott?”

  Scott kept his silence as he watched the two people he wanted most get lost in each other. They had an undeniable connection, an easy affection he longed to be a part of. That sort of behaviour didn’t come easily to him. Casual affection was something he could only give to those closest to him. However, he was pretty sure she wasn’t here because she wanted a loving, gentle hand. She wanted the thrill of being fucked by two men at once. That he could give her.