Baked Alaska

by Josi S. Kilpack

  Though clouds covered the sky, the moonlight that filtered through lit the ocean like an undulating mirror. Sadie felt a moment of misgiving, imagining the depths below the surface of the water, but then Pete put his arms around her from behind and pulled her close. Was there a better antidote to her anxiety than Peter Cunningham’s embrace?

  “So this is what retirement is like,” Pete said after they spent a minute just enjoying the togetherness of it all. He rested his chin on her shoulder and stared across the ocean. “I think I could get used to it pretty quickly.”

  “It hasn’t even been a full weekend,” Sadie teased. Her face was already tingling from the cold.

  “But there’s no desk waiting for me on Monday, and no one will be calling me at three in the morning. Just knowing that makes this a very different weekend than any other weekend I’ve had before. I might even learn how to sleep in again.”

  “You’re not going to be one of those retirees who ends up watching Wheel of Fortune reruns all day and showering once a week, are you?”

  Pete laughed. “Somehow I don’t think you’ll let that happen.”

  Sadie smiled at the inclusion of her in his life and snuggled into his chest a little more. She breathed in the scent of his cologne—something musky—mingled with the ocean breeze.

  “Besides, I’ll still be doing some consulting, and there’s talk of opening up a tri-county cold case squad; I’ll put in for that. And, believe it or not, there are things I’ve wanted to do other than work.”

  “Like what?”

  “Fishing and hiking and raising chickens—I’ve got a list.”

  Sadie laughed out loud and turned her head to look up at him. “Raise chickens?”

  “I grew up with chickens. We had a flock when my kids were little, but they got tired of them, and I was busy and Pat never liked them. I think I’d like to start up again. They’re a fun hobby.”

  “Chickens,” Sadie repeated, shaking her head and looking out across the ocean again. “I’d have never guessed you were a wannabe chicken farmer.” Fresh eggs were fabulous in baked goods, however, which offset Sadie’s qualms about supporting such an endeavor. She wasn’t keen on cleaning out the chicken coop though. They would definitely need to negotiate terms of the chicken-related duties down the road.

  “I’ll have you know I took the blue ribbon in the Santa Fe county fair for my Ameraucana bantam rooster when I was twelve. His name was Elvis.”

  Sadie laughed again. “Oh, Pete, you continue to surprise me.”

  “That’s good. Because once you figure me out, I’ll be boring.”

  “I can’t imagine that.”

  He kissed the top of her head, and she turned in his arms so that they were facing one another. They went quiet, and Sadie closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest while she listened to the passengers below them and the sound of the ship cutting through the water. For a moment, Sadie pretended they were married and this was their honeymoon.

  Sadie had never enjoyed waiting, but this kind of waiting was taxing her more than anything else had in her life. And it was all her fault. Pete would likely marry her next week if she said she was ready, and she was ready in almost every way other than wanting her daughter to get married first so as not to take anything away from that event. It was a hard decision to stick to though, and she questioned her determination on a daily basis. Breanna’s wedding was still four months away. Four! Would it be so bad if Sadie were a married woman on her daughter’s special day?

  “So, why are you worried about Shawn? You’ve been looking at him funny all day.”

  “I have?” Sadie said with a frown, opening her eyes and staring out at the water once more. “I didn’t mean to be so obvious.”

  “Did something happen?”

  Sadie explained about seeing the woman in the hallway and Shawn’s reaction to her questions.

  “Huh,” Pete said in reply. “That’s strange.”

  Sadie looked up at him. “Did you see her when the two of you parted ways?”

  Pete shook his head. “We’d come on with a big group and opted for the stairs since the elevators were packed. It was slow going. When we reached deck eleven, Shawn said he’d catch up. I didn’t see where he went.”

  “How would he know someone on board? And why not explain it to me if it’s innocent? I think Breanna knows something, but she fell asleep before I could get it out of her.”

  “Sadie, Sadie, Sadie,” Pete said, shaking his head. “Don’t do this.”

  “Do what?” Sadie asked innocently. “I’m a concerned parent.”

  He gave her a questioning look, and she narrowed her eyes, albeit playfully—sort of. “If it were your son, you’d be concerned.”

  “Being concerned and getting into it are two different things, and I can guarantee that I wouldn’t get into it. He’s twenty-two years old. Let him be a grown-up.”

  Shawn was actually twenty-three—he’d just had a birthday—but correcting Pete wouldn’t help her case, so she refrained. “I don’t want to get into it. And I know he’s an adult, I just . . . ” Her voice trailed off at Pete’s incredulous look. “I’m just worried about him. I told you how aloof he’s been the last few months—not returning my calls and being vague when we do talk.”

  “That doesn’t justify you poking your nose where it doesn’t belong.”

  Sadie frowned, mostly because he was right, but partly because she really, really wanted to know what was going on. “Things have been different between us since Boston,” she said. Boston had been hard for everyone—Shawn, Sadie, and Pete too. “It’s been a year and a half, and I keep hoping our relationship will repair itself, but sometimes I worry that something broke in him back there.”

  “Regardless of whether that’s true or not, all you can do is love him as your son and respect him as an adult. Let this trip be about togetherness. He’s doing good things with his life, and if you can respect his boundaries, he’ll be much more likely to open up to you.”

  Sadie took a breath and nodded. “You’re right.”

  Pete smiled widely. “I’m glad you think so.”

  “I think I’m getting frostbite in my toes.”

  “Well, then perhaps we’re going to have to think of ways to warm you up.” And in fact he did, kissing her until the soles of her feet, along with most of the rest of her, were on fire. Whoever said menopause interfered with the feelings of a red-blooded woman had been terribly misinformed.

  Chapter 3

  Pete had said he’d meet Sadie and her children for breakfast at 8:30. He was an early riser and wanted to get some reading done before the rest of them got up. When Sadie and Breanna stopped by Shawn’s cabin, he said he was going to sleep a little longer. How long did he need to sleep? Didn’t he know the onboard activities had already started? Some people vacationed differently than Sadie did, so she tried not to be judgmental, but she still couldn’t help but wonder if his late night phone call had something to do with his slow start to the morning.

  It was all Sadie could do not to grill Breanna for more information about her brother on their way to the dining room, but Pete’s advice kept cycling through her head. Togetherness. Respect his boundaries.

  She could do this.

  Deep breaths.

  It was an at-sea day as the ship made its way to the first port in Juneau, Alaska. Julie, the cruise director—just like on The Love Boat—had planned a full day of activities to keep the cruisers occupied and entertained. Sadie had offered to discuss the wedding with Breanna that morning, but Breanna said they would have plenty of time for that later if Sadie would rather enjoy the onboard activities. Sadie smiled; her daughter knew her too well.

  After breakfast, the three of them went to a program about the history of Alaska with an overview of the ports they’d be stopping at. She then dragged Pete and Breanna to another class highlighting the different amenities on the ship, and by the time they finished with that, it was lunchtime.

&nbs
p; Shawn wasn’t in his room when Sadie called to ask him to meet them at the Chinese restaurant for lunch, and she wondered if he was avoiding her. It hurt her heart to even think that, so she ordered wontons in the hopes that the deep-fried yumminess would distract her. Sadie had a good recipe of her own at home, but she didn’t make them very often. When she took the time and allowed the extra calories, however, she enjoyed every bite.

  After lunch, Sadie pulled out the onboard daily newspaper—it was more like a brochure, really—and started mapping out their afternoon activities, but after sharing a look, both Pete and Breanna admitted they had other things they wanted to do.

  Breanna wanted to check her e-mail, and Pete wanted to visit the on-ship casino. There was a blackjack tournament scheduled for later in the week, and he was thinking about signing up for one of the qualifying rounds. After hearing his plans, Breanna decided to go with him before she caught up on her e-mail. Sadie wasn’t a gambler, though her father had taught her to play twenty-one when she was young—with M&M’s instead of money—and while she didn’t like the idea of Breanna being in a casino, she did like the idea of Breanna spending time with Pete.

  Pete assured Sadie he’d see to it that Shawn joined them for dinner, and then they parted ways outside the restaurant.

  Sadie missed their company as soon as they were gone, but reminded herself they deserved to do what they wanted to do just as much as she did.

  She headed for the presentation about on-shore shopping, where she met some new friends. Mary Anne was celebrating her forty-fifth wedding anniversary with her husband, Glen, who preferred the casino to shopping—something Sadie could relate to a little too well at the moment. Jen was a young mother of three whose in-laws had treated the entire family to the cruise. She would likely have gone to a tractor pull if it meant she’d have some time alone. “Right now the grandparents think the kids are cute. I’m taking advantage of that for as long as it lasts. Chances are they’ll burn out by day three,” she confided to Sadie.

  After the shopping presentation, the three new friends attended a cooking class on how to make sushi—which convinced Sadie never to try to make it at home—and then enjoyed the afternoon movie, An Affair to Remember. Cary Grant was such a handsome man. Too bad he’d been a drug user. You never could tell by just looking at someone, could you?

  By the time Sadie made it to the Tiara Room on deck ten for dinner, Pete and Shawn were already there. She hugged them both before taking her seat. Sadie hated that they’d been on the ship for a full twenty-four hours and she’d barely seen her son, but he seemed to be in a good mood and she took that as a step in the right direction. Pete had already ordered the spinach salad for Sadie so she was able to dig right in. Sadly, the dressing was a tad too sweet.

  Sadie asked about the blackjack tournament, but Pete said he hadn’t won the qualifying round and therefore didn’t have a spot in the final tournament that would take place on Friday. She and Shawn both commiserated with him over the loss, but he shrugged and said he’d had fun anyway. Sadie asked Shawn what he’d done all day, but the only answer she got was “stuff.”

  “Where’s Bre?” Sadie asked after her third bite. The sweet dressing was starting to grow on her.

  “She was all stressed out about something when we stopped in to get her,” Shawn said before taking a massive bite of his antipasto.

  Sadie’s fork paused midway to her mouth, and she straightened in her chair as her mama-alarm went off. “Stressed out? About what?”

  “I don’t know. Something to do with the wedding.”

  Had Sadie just started coming to terms with Shawn’s secret-keeping only to have things with Breanna get topsy-turvy? She tried not to worry too much through dinner, but as soon as they finished, she told Pete and Shawn she’d meet them in the theater for the Broadway review—after she checked on Breanna.

  “Bre?” Sadie asked as she entered the cabin a few minutes later.

  Breanna looked up from her laptop set on the small desk at the foot of her bed and tried to smile. She had an open bag of chocolate-covered pretzels next to her computer.

  “What’s wrong?” Sadie asked, frowning. Breanna had never been an emotional eater.

  Breanna let out a heavy sigh and looked back at the screen in front of her. “I’m instant messaging with Liam. Hang on, I’m almost out of words anyway.”

  Sadie sat at the end of her bed. “How long have you been instant messaging with him?”

  “About a hundred dollars-worth of minutes,” Bre said, typing, pausing, and then typing again.

  Oh, dear. Breanna wasn’t an emotional eater or a spender. There was no cell coverage on the ship, including Internet services for smart phones, and the on-ship Internet was atrociously expensive, even at the computer center. From the beginning, Breanna had said she was mostly bringing her laptop for when they were in port; she’d hoped to find some Wi-Fi hot spots that wouldn’t cost an arm and a leg. That she was paying top dollar to IM Liam meant that this was serious.

  “Is everything okay between you two?”

  “Everything’s fine with us,” Breanna said. “Hang on.”

  After another minute, Breanna typed one last message and then shut her computer, dropping her head on top of it dramatically. Sadie moved to the end of Breanna’s bed and brushed her daughter’s hair away from the back of her neck. “What’s going on, sweetie?”

  Breanna let out a heavy breath and sat up. She looked exhausted. “Liam’s mother has ordered carriages for the wedding party.”

  Sadie raised her eyebrows. “Carriages?”

  Breanna nodded. “She’s also ordered $8,000 worth of flowers. Eight thousand dollars! I know Liam is her only child, an heir and all that, but his mom is turning our wedding into a circus.” Tears came to her eyes, and she quickly blinked them away. “I hate it so much, Mom.”

  Sadie pulled her into a hug. “Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry.”

  There was more. Liam’s mother had reserved an ornate church for the ceremony and had e-mailed pictures of an eight-tiered cake, even though Breanna had already found a cake she liked at a quaint little shop not far from her London apartment. Seeing the cake had overwhelmed Breanna, so she sent an instant message to Liam about it, but he was having a hard time understanding why it was such a big deal. He’d promised to talk to his mom, but Breanna didn’t feel like he really understood where she was coming from.

  “He thinks it’s about the cake and the venue and the stupid carriages, but it’s about so much more than that,” she said. “It’s my wedding—don’t I get to have some input?”

  “Has she planned everything?” Sadie said, trying to keep her emotion in check. Breanna was Sadie’s only daughter, and she had looked forward to helping with her wedding all of her life. This trip was supposed to be their opportunity to plan Breanna’s special day. Sadie had known Liam’s mother would have a part in it—like Breanna had said, Liam was an only child and the heir to an earldom—but Sadie had still expected that as the mother of the bride, she’d be on the front lines.

  “Pretty much,” Breanna said with a nod. “And while I’ve accepted that Liam comes with a lot of...trappings, this kind of thing throws me back into those old concerns about maybe not being ready for this. I moved to London to be closer to Liam and to get more comfortable with his lifestyle, but I’ve kept my independence. I’ve paid my own way, worked, and created a life for myself. It’s made me think that when Liam and I get married, I’ll still be able to have some power, you know, but here I am losing control of my own wedding day. What will my marriage be like if I can’t have a say in the beginning of it?”

  “Are you reconsidering?” Sadie asked with her heart in her throat.

  Breanna looked at the floor and tucked her hands underneath her thighs. “Why can’t I just have Liam?” she said quietly. “Why does it have to be so complicated?”

  “I could talk to Liam’s mother for you, if you want. Maybe if I said I wanted to be involved, it would help soft
en her.”

  “Maybe Liam and I should run off to Monaco and get married on a beach.”

  Sadie’s heart stopped for a split second, and she gripped Breanna’s hand. “So help me, Bre, if you get married without me there, I’m not sure I’ll survive it.”

  And that’s when Breanna started to cry. Sadie’s comment was supposed to be a joke, or at least a teasing truth, but it opened the floodgates instead. Over the next twenty minutes, Sadie came to realize just how stressed out her daughter really was—not only because of Liam’s mother and her expectations, but because of Sadie’s expectations too, and the difficulty of having to merge lives taking place on two different continents. By the end, Sadie was practically begging Breanna to elope if it meant she’d be happy.

  “I need to go to bed,” Breanna finally said when the tears subsided. “I’m such a mess right now. Thanks for letting me vent.”

  “Of course,” Sadie said. Even with her swollen eyes and red nose, Breanna was lovely. “Tomorrow we can put together a plan. I’ll back you up any way you need me to.”

  “Okay. Thanks, Mom,” she said with a nod. “Go to the show. I’ll be fine, I promise. I’m going to take a shower to wash the day off and then go to bed. Maybe I’m still jet-lagged and that’s making me overreact. I’m sure things will look better in the morning.”

  Only after Breanna was in the shower did Sadie let herself out of her room. She felt overwhelmed by the weight of her children’s problems. Knowing what Breanna was facing made her wonder whether or not she wanted to know what Shawn was dealing with after all. She wondered when her respect for his boundaries would lead him to open up to her, and she worried that when the moment arrived she might not be as much help as she wanted to be.

  Sausage Wontons

  1 pound sage-flavored sausage (lean works best; hamburger can also be used)