Breaking the Limits

by Nichole, Stephanie

  When I got to the lake I instantly felt nervous. For the first hour I was completely ignored, but then everyone decided to jump into the lake. The minute I stripped down to my bikini everything changed. It was like all eyes were on me. The guys started talking to me and yeah maybe it was for the wrong reasons, but it made me feel good. I felt the best I ever had about myself. I quickly learned that my body would get me the attention I craved so desperately. By the time school started I had a small group of friends, mostly guys and older than me but I didn’t care.

  The girls weren’t so nice, but the guys, especially Craig Olson were beyond nice to me. Craig and I began to have a heated romance and I felt like I was on cloud nine. Craig was beautiful with a head full of dark hair, intense dark eyes, strong bone structure with broad shoulders, and deeply tanned skin. I gave everything I had to him. After our romance fizzled I moved on to the next, needing the attention to keep me satisfied. It became my way of coping with my insecurity, as unhealthy as it might have been.

  ****

  Ace and I had decided to have a night in. He was going to grab some good Chinese takeout then come over and watch movies at my place. I was excited. We were in such a great place right now, so anytime I got to see him I couldn’t help but be filled with excitement and anticipation.

  When he showed up on my doorstep, I couldn’t help but be a little breathless. Ace was standing there in his normal dark wash colored jeans and a simple red t-shirt that hugs every single one of his muscles. My body instantly began to heat up. “Hey baby doll,” Ace says as he walks past me stopping briefly to lean down and kiss me on the cheek. I manage to mumble a greeting of some form as I watch him move around the kitchen. He starts to head for the living room with the food when he turns around and looks at me, “Someone else joining us?”

  I look back and realize that I still have the door open. “Not unless you invited Tara,” I shoot back, trying to seem more like my smart-ass self.

  He makes a wounded expression. “Baby doll...” he says, in warning.

  “Oh, why not? I think it’s fun to watch you squirm,” I tell him, giving him a wink as I pass by him and take a seat on the couch which earns me a smack on my ass.

  He places the food on the coffee table before grabbing me around my waist. I squeal in shock. Ace swings me around before tossing me on the couch, his body coming down to cover mine. He starts to tickle me relentlessly while I do everything I can to get the upper hand. I push, I kick, I squirm but nothing is helping. I’m laughing so hard that tears are leaking down my cheeks and my stomach physically hurts.

  Ace stops suddenly and leans down to kiss the corners of my eyes to keep anymore tears from falling down my face. I turn my mouth and manage to capture his with mine. His tongue slips into my mouth and it’s like he’s attempting to devour my soul. His hands run up my sides only coming to a stop when he reaches my wrists, pinning my arms above my head. His index finger traces the inside of my wrist which he knows drives me insane.

  ****

  Ace

  Jaxx and I were at the shop working on his bike. It was a slow day so he was taking advantage of it. Pierce was supposed to join us after he got off from his day job. Jaxx and I had been so preoccupied with Kynlee and Kenndrix that we hadn’t seen much of each other unless it was in passing at the girl’s place and Pierce…I don’t know when the last time was I saw him. “So how are things with you and Kenndrix going?”

  “Great man!” he replies, from his side of the bike. I chuckle at his response, he sits up and looks at me. “No man I mean it. It’s really great! She’s amazing and I love her.”

  I stare at him for a moment. I don’t know how he can just say those words so easily, “You love her?”

  “Yeah without a doubt. She’s unlike any girl I’ve ever met before and I can’t help it,” he shakes his head, a smile stretching across his face before disappearing behind the bike again. “So, what about you and Kynlee?”

  “What about us?”

  Jaxx scoffs, “Okay, obviously you don’t want to talk about it.”

  We continue to work until the sun disappears and the lights in the parking lot kick on. We hear Pierce pull in with the sound of his revved engine and music blaring. Jaxx and I walk over to stand at the open doors. Pierce gets out and makes his way over to us, “You aren’t going to believe what I just heard.”

  “What?” I ask.

  “Apparently, Royal Eternity regrouped and they just got signed to a major record label and you’ll never guess who the new lead singer is,” Pierce tells us. I’m shocked to hear that Royal Eternity, the band that Pierce and I had once been a part of, are now going to be rock stars. I feel a twinge of jealously. I had once dreamed of being just that, a rock star, but Royal Eternity had so many artistic issues that I eventually gave up and left the band, Pierce had followed shortly after and from what I had heard the entire band had disbanded shortly after that. This news was kind of a shock.

  “Who’s the lead singer?” Jaxx asks.

  Pierce shot me a look before he answers, “Enzo Jones.”

  Enzo was now in a band that I founded, really? First Kynlee and now my band. What was next? The jealously that takes over me was not what I had expected. I didn’t really have too many issues with him until the night at JamesTown when he had been all over Kynlee. Ever since then I didn’t care to see him. I wasn’t sure what to do with this new fact that he had now moved into another aspect of my life.

  ****

  When I pull into Kynlee’s parking lot with the Chinese food I make a promise to myself that tonight we will just eat and watch whatever movies she wants. It isn’t going to be about sex or anything physical. I want her to know she means more to me than just that and the only way I know how to show it without actually saying it was this way.

  A few minutes later and I’m mentally cursing myself for doing exactly what I said I wasn’t going to do. However, I can’t take all the blame Kynlee had started it and I can’t help it if she’s addicting. I let my hands run all over her body and I know nothing will ever feel this right, only Kynlee. I pin her arms above her head causing her sleeves to push up her arms, exposing her wrists. I know how sensitive the skin is on her wrist and how it drives her insane.

  Finally, I pull my mouth away from hers. I don’t want her to think that everything with us has to be about sex. I close my hand around hers and pull her up with me so that were sitting on the couch. I place a kiss on the top of her head. “So how was your day?”

  I feel her excitement before she answers “Oh my gosh, I forgot to tell you! I met an agent today Mr. Sobolak, he wants to represent me.”

  “Oh yeah? For what?” I ask.

  Kynlee pulls back to look at me. “With my modeling.”

  “Oh, so were back to that?”

  A disgusted sound escapes her mouth. “Are you kidding me Ace? We never left that.”

  I hold up my hands in surrender “I’m sorry I just thought you were over taking your clothes off for money.”

  “You make it sound like I’m a stripper!”

  A harsh laugh fills the room around us. “Might as well be at this point.”

  Kynlee gets up and storms to her room. After a few minutes, I follow after her with the idea that I’ll apologize for being an ass but seeing her changing into an outfit that had to be made for a stripper just pisses me off again. “Get out of my room Ace!”

  “Why? So, you can you get ready to look like a slut? I’ll pay you right now and you don’t even have to finish getting ready.”

  A shoe comes flying past my head. “Screw you! I’m not a hooker or stripper! I want to be a model.”

  “No! No, you don’t! You want someone to take naked photos of you and plaster them all over the place so everyone can look at you. That’s not modeling sweetheart.”

  Kynlee let out a scream in frustration while I turn and leave her room. I take a seat on the couch but was more than a little surprised when Kynl
ee comes storming down the hallway and out the front door. She slams the door with such force that the sound echoes in my head.

  Chapter 9

  Ace

  “Hey man, what’s up?” Jaxx asked, as he answers the phone.

  “I need to talk to Kenndrix,” I say anxiously. I’m worried about Kynlee. The way she just stormed out like that was nothing like I was used to from her. My mind was running rampant with all the possibilities for her actions.

  “Can this wait? She’s asleep and I hate to wake her,” Jaxx explains.

  I sigh in frustration. “No, I’m sorry but it’s about Kynlee and I’m worried. She’s the only one I can think to ask.”

  “Okay, hold on,” I heard the sound of sheets ruffling and Jaxx whispering then a very sleepy voiced Kenndrix was on the line. “Hello.”

  “Kenndrix, it’s Ace, something happened with Kynlee and I’m worried about her,” I explained, as calmly as I could.

  I hear sounds as Kenndrix sat up. “What do you mean something happened?”

  “We were getting ready to eat and start the movie when she mentioned something about an agent wanting to represent her. I went into ass mode and asked what for and things escalated from there and I might have insinuated that she was a stripper and hooker.”

  A heavy sigh escapes Kenndrix. “What the hell Ace?”

  “I’m sorry but I don’t get why she wants to be naked for everyone to see,” I say in a rush.

  “Because she wants to be the center of attention. It’s something she needs in order to feel like she has self-worth,” Kenndrix explains.

  “Kynlee is already the center of attention, she doesn’t need to be naked for that, why can’t she see that?” I ask.

  “That’s something she needs to explain and also you might mention to her that she is the center of your attention just for good measure. If I had my guess, I’d say she’s probably sitting at Cabrillo Beach. It’s where she always goes when she needs to think or blow off steam.”

  Filling my lungs with air, taking a deep breath I didn’t even realize I needed I tell Kenndrix thank you then hang up the phone. I find my keys on the kitchen counter. I climb into my car, turn up Avenged Sevenfold and drive like a mad man to get to the beach. When I pull up and see the yellow Jeep Wrangler, I let out the breath to calm my raging nerves and emotions. Kynlee’s hair is dancing around in the breeze but her body was stiff like she’s preparing to take a hit. I think we both are.

  ****

  Kynlee

  If I had known our night was going to end up like this, I would have played sick to avoid this mess. Looking back, I wish I hadn’t even told Ace about Mr. Sobolak but I was just so excited. This is exactly the big break I could use. I don’t know how to make Ace understand why I want what I want, but I need him to accept it.

  I sit there for a while giving Ace time to give up and go home. Silent tears streak down my face at the idea of us being in this spot. I watch through blurry eyes as the waves come rushing to the shore only to be pulled back out. The constant battle of push and pull somehow reminded me of my life and possibly my relationship with Ace.

  At the sound of a thumping bass, I glance over my shoulder and see Ace pulling into the parking lot beside my Jeep. How the hell did he know I was here? My heart picks up speed at the idea of him coming after me, but then my stomach fills with dread at the idea of continuing our fight. I hate fighting with Ace.

  Slowly, he comes into my view, his hands shoved into his pockets. He squats in front of me and reaches his hand up to my cheek, wiping away the tears. “Baby doll don’t cry. I’m sorry I was an ass but I don’t understand why you want to do this. You’re so much better than posing nude for everyone to see,” he sighs heavily, as I rest my cheek against his hand. “Also, I’m a very selfish guy, I like what’s mine to be just mine. I don’t want to share that part of you…with anyone.”

  “Ace you’re not really sharing me…”

  He shakes his head. “But I am, I love that I’m the only one that gets to see you like this Kynlee. I mean, I really see you aside from the front that you put up for everyone else and I love that you are the only one that gets to see me. Letting anyone and everyone see you like that, it’s like it’s taking something away from…us.”

  “You know I use to watch you,” Ace’s eyebrows rise in question. “Every morning and every afternoon at school. Something about you drew me in and it’s never let me go but when I moved to Texas things changed. I survived being bullied, an outcast, and overlooked my whole life and it never bothered me. Then we moved to Texas and I got my first taste of attention and it’s like it consumed me. Plain ol’ Kynlee wasn’t enough after that. I needed the attention. I don’t know how to explain it but it’s like the only thing that gives me confidence is the attention. I guess I always lacked confidence, but I didn’t realize it back then. The Kynlee that left here didn’t need to be a model or a playboy bunny but this Kynlee does.”

  “Don’t you know that you are the center of my attention, you don’t need to be anyone else’s? Do I not give you enough attention? Am I doing something wrong?”

  I shake my head, “No Ace, as cliché as this sounds it’s not you, it really is me. I think you could give me all the attention in the world and I’d still need more.”

  He whispers my name almost like a plea and it breaks my heart.

  I sit there quietly afterwards, letting it all sink in for Ace. Silent tears stream down my face. After a few minutes I feel a warmth wrap around my hand, looking down I see Ace’s hand wrapped around mine. I look up into his blue eyes and see them rimmed in red almost as if he had been crying with me. I can’t…I just can’t keep it inside anymore, I broke. I grip his t-shirt in my hand and pull him toward me, burying my face in his chest, inhaling his spicy cologne. I can’t explain to him about how conflicted I am. I want and need him more than I had ever needed someone before in my life, but I also feel this need to have all eyes on me. It was almost like I needed the attention as much as I needed air. I needed to feel beautiful and I didn’t know any other way to feel like that without the attention.

  His hands run over my back while he presses small kisses to the top of my head. He pulls my face away from his chest and stares at me, so intently that I know. I know what he wants to say. I know he can’t say it but I know he loves me. Neither of us can say the words but we can show it in our own way. I grab his perfect face between my hands and pull his mouth toward mine. Why couldn’t his love be enough to make me feel like enough?

  Chapter 10

  One Year Later

  Ace

  I stand in the doorway of my room watching to make sure Kynlee is asleep. Quietly, I make my way closer to her, while standing there I watch the steady rise and fall of her back and the flutter of her eyelids. She was just as beautiful when she sleeps as she is during the day. Sometimes I think she’s more beautiful in these moments. Her face clean of makeup, her incredibly long hair sprayed across her pillow, nothing but a simple black tank top. I had to resist the urge to reach out and stroke her cheek.

  I make my way out of the room just as quietly as I had entered. Once I step outside I was hit the by the salty air coming from the ocean. Locking up the door I jog down to my car. I make the ten-minute drive to my childhood home where my brothers Axell, Bowie, Jovi, and Axell’s fiancé Sadie now lived. I’m shocked to see the porch light still on when I pull into the drive way.

  I sit there for a moment studying the single-story house with white siding and two steps leading up to the teal door my mama had insisted on. I remember Jagger having to paint that after getting a speeding ticket. The big tree in the front yard shaded most of the house. The brick planter boxes that lined both sides of the front of the house, were added per my mom’s request by Bowie also as punishment for something or another. They were full of every color of daisy. This house held so many memories both happy and sad. It was so odd that something as materialistic as a house could be s
o engrained into your soul.

  Getting out I make my way to the door and let myself in using my key. I hear hushed voices coming from the kitchen as I enter the living room I see Bowie and Axell sitting in the small kitchen at the table.

  “What are you old dogs still doing awake? Ain’t it past your bedtime?” I ask, taking a seat next to Bowie.

  Bowie slugs me in the shoulder “Who the hell are you calling old?”

  “We were just discussing Jagger. He called not too long ago. What brings you here so late?” Axell asks.

  “Tomorrow is Kynlee’s birthday, so I went to that fancy little bakery she likes and ordered a dozen chocolate filled croissants for her. Sadie let me store them in y’alls fridge.”

  Axell takes a drink of his beer. “Is that what’s in that little yellow box?”

  “Yeah,” Bowie chuckles, and Axell mumbles damn under his breath. “What?” I ask.

  “Axell tried to open the box earlier and Sadie gave him the look, you know the one she gives us when were about to get in trouble and threatened him,” Bowie says laughing.

  “I knew I liked Sadie for a reason. So anyways why’d Jagger call?” I ask them.

  Axell clears his throat. “Because he’s coming home this weekend.”

  That shocked me because Jagger hadn’t come back home since he lost his fiancé, Harlyn and their unborn child, Harper, in a tragic car accident. It’d been five years and he hadn’t even come close to Los Angeles. He’d run away to Las Vegas and didn’t show any signs of returning, not even when our dad was sick or for his funeral. It kind of pissed me off but at the same time I could understand it, “To visit?”

  Bowie shakes his head. “No, to live.”

  My eyebrows rose in question. “He’s going to be staying in your old room until he finds his own place. I hope that’s okay?” Axell asks.