Beautiful Burn

by Jamie McGuire

  "Fuck you," Sterling said, still staring at me. "And you, too."

  "Fuck me?" I said. "Who's the one who passed me the mystery pill?"

  "She's never going to speak to me again. What am I going to do?"

  "You're overreacting, Sterling," I said. "You're being paranoid. Whatever you're on isn't helping."

  "I know this is your fault!" he snapped, his voice carrying through the trees between our homes. "You're not just the town whore; you're the world's whore. Everyone knows who to call for a fuck if Ellie's in town," he said.

  "Wait just a goddamn minute," Tyler said, taking a step. I grabbed his coat, holding him back.

  Sterling laughed. "What are you going to do, lieutenant bad ass? Change my mind?"

  "Keep talking," Tyler growled. "You'll find out."

  Sterling held up his hands in mock terror. "Put that blue collar to work."

  Tyler took another step, but I put my hand on his chest. I turned to face him but looked down instead, ashamed. "He's drunk. He's upset. He lives next door. Just let him go home."

  Tyler's jaw muscles danced beneath the skin, but he let Sterling pass, even after Sterling nudged him with his shoulder.

  I trudged up the steps, using my keys to gain entrance to my parents' home. It was quiet, every step and movement we made echoing through the halls.

  Tyler closed the door behind us, and then followed me to the kitchen. "Your house looks a lot different this time."

  "Nearly empty?" I asked.

  Maricela had left me a covered plate in the fridge with a toothpick flag on how many minutes it should cook in the microwave.

  "Wanna share?" I asked. "It might be a day or two old, but at least it's not an MRE."

  "Nah. You go ahead."

  I removed the foil and pressed the three. The light turned on and the plate began to spin, slow and steady. I was glad someone else was in the house besides me, but I didn't want to turn around, afraid of the expression on Tyler's face.

  "What happened with you and Sterling?" Tyler asked. "Weren't you friends a few weeks ago? Why was he saying those things about you?"

  "Because it's the truth," I said simply.

  "Bullshit. I don't believe that for a second."

  "Why wouldn't you?" I asked, turning around. "You've experienced it firsthand."

  "I just consider myself lucky that I happened to be here at the right time. We had fun, and we were safe. Anything beyond that is no one's fucking business."

  I laughed once, surprised at his response.

  "What do you want me to say?" he asked. "If you're a slut, I'm a slut."

  "You're a slut, Maddox."

  "Not lately."

  I fought a smile just as the microwave beeped again. Tyler stood, removing my plate and setting it on the black and white marble island. "And you're clearly trying to make some adjustments in your life. It's just fucking wrong for him to throw your past in your face."

  "Does eight weeks ago qualify as my past?" I asked, pulling a fork out of the drawer. I sat down, swirling the silver points around in the baked potato.

  "This morning is the past," Tyler said. "We can be totally different people today if we want. Fuck Sterling if he resents that you've changed. People like that are usually dealing with their own shit, anyway, and what they're pissed about really has nothing to do with you."

  I felt a hot tear fall down my cheek, and I immediately wiped it away.

  "Hey," Tyler said, reaching across the island. "You can talk to me."

  "My sister? Finley? She's in love with Sterling. That first-love love doesn't go away."

  Tyler pointed his thumb behind him. "That douche? Why?"

  "It doesn't matter. He's kind of a certifiable head case, but she loves him. She would be with him, but she's holding off. She's taking over my father's business and doesn't have time to be in a relationship. They want to be together. She's fighting it, and he's been miserable."

  "So how is that your fault?" Tyler asked, confused.

  I wiped my nose with my napkin. "He had a ... I don't know ... I was over there, talking about finding a new job. We were already drinking, and he had these pills. We took them ... I don't remember much after that, but we..." I nodded.

  Tyler nodded, too, letting me know I didn't have to continue. His face flushed, his teeth clenched. "He drugged you, fucked you, and now he's blaming you for it."

  I closed my eyes, and more tears fell down my cheek. So many hours of the day had been spent trying not to think of what I'd done and how it could have happened, that hearing Tyler describe it so bluntly made my chest ache.

  "I shouldn't have taken the pill. I didn't even ask him what it was. I just popped it in my mouth." My breath faltered. "Sterling loves Fin. If he knew that was going to happen, he wouldn't have taken it, either. He's just as scared as I am that she'll never speak to us again."

  "That's why you're..." He gestured to me.

  "Yes, why I'm trying to do better. I'm hoping if she ever does find out, she'll forgive me because..." I choked. "I'm not that person anymore."

  "You're not. I'm not sure you ever were," Tyler said, putting his hand on mine. "Eat. You haven't eaten all day."

  I took a bite, chewing as I cried--as it turned out, that was surprisingly difficult.

  Tyler rummaged through the cabinets until he found some Keurig pods. He watched me eat, clearing his throat when he finally got the courage to ask his question.

  "Did you ... you know ... go to the doctor? I imagine neither of you probably thought to use protection."

  I nodded, wishing I could crawl into a hole and die. "Yeah. I've had an IUD in one form or another since I was fifteen. I checked out."

  "Good. It could have been a lot worse. Piece of shit," he grumbled.

  "It would be easier to blame him, but it's not just his fault." The tears began to flow again. Tyler set a steaming mug in front of me, and then made another for himself. We sipped tea until I stopped crying, sitting together in comfortable silence. We had barely said anything since our initial conversation an hour before, but I felt better just knowing he was there.

  Dark circles began to form under his red eyes, and he tapped his keys. "Ellie..."

  "Stay," I blurted out.

  "Here?" Tyler said, pointing down at the island.

  "Can you?"

  "I mean ... I guess I could. It's my day off, anyway. Chief owes me."

  "It doesn't have to be like last time."

  He made a face. "I know. I'm not a complete asshat."

  "So you'll stay?" I felt so weak, so vulnerable, but that was preferable to being alone.

  "Yeah. I mean, I can if you want me to. On one condition, though."

  I studied him, unsure what he was going to require.

  "What if we tried another breakfast?" he asked. "Tomorrow morning."

  I breathed a sigh of relief. "That's it?"

  "That's all."

  "I'm assuming you don't want me to attend hungover this time?"

  He chuckled, but he seemed preoccupied. "I don't know. I kind of liked holding your hair."

  "I bet you did," I teased. I looked over at him, not a trace of humor in my expression. "Full disclosure ... I'm pretty sure this is a terrible idea."

  "Yeah," Tyler said, looking down. "You've mentioned that. I know you're trying to get your shit together, and I'm probably a risky friend to have during a transition ... but, I don't know, Ellie. I just like being around you."

  "Why? I'm mean to you."

  He grinned. "Exactly."

  I shook my head. "You're weird."

  "You're sort of beautiful with dirt on your face."

  I managed to use my remaining energy to breathe out a laugh. "I'm just going to say that's a compliment and call it good, but I'm still going to take a shower."

  "I'm next," he said.

  I put my dirty plate in the sink, and then led Tyler upstairs, this time to my bedroom. He sat on the end of my bed while I undressed and turned the knob on the shower.<
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  "I was thinking," he called from the other room. "I'm getting pretty sick of the bar scene. There are so many other things to do here. All my friends drink, though."

  "Take it from me, that makes it difficult."

  "Maybe we should form a club."

  I stepped under the water, moaning as it washed over me. Hot showers in the middle of a national park with twenty other people were rare. Just because I didn't complain didn't mean I didn't miss it. "Two people don't make a club, Tyler."

  "Who cares?" he said, poking his head through the door. He faced the wall but spoke loud so I could hear. "We can do what we want."

  "A no drinking club? That sounds like the lamest thing ever."

  "Any club I'm in is fucking awesome."

  "If you say so."

  "So ... breakfast?" he asked, a new spark of hope in his eyes.

  I sighed. "I would be really, really bad for you."

  "Nah," he said, waving me away. "Anyway, I'm a big boy. I can handle it."

  "I don't need you to save me. I've got this."

  "Any other excuses?"

  My eyebrows pulled together. "You're sort of a dick when you're not in the woods."

  "Rinse off already. It's my turn."

  I wrung out my hair and pulled the towel off the rack, stepping out onto the mat. From the corner of my eye, I could see Tyler pulling his shirt over his head. He pulled his belt from the loops, and the buckle clanged against the tile before his jeans hit the floor. He walked across the room and opened the shower, stepping in under the water.

  "Christ, this feels good," he said.

  I smiled, pulling a brush through my wet hair. I watched his reflection in the mirror lather the soap over his skin, and felt a familiar tingling between my thighs.

  "What if this gets ugly?" I asked. "What if you hate me when it's over?"

  "Not gonna happen."

  "It did with Sterling."

  "I'm not going to make you trip balls, and then have sex with you."

  "So ... friends?" I asked.

  The water cut off, and Tyler stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist. His Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed, and then he cleared his throat like he was about to make a promise he didn't want to keep. "Friends."

  "Will you still stay?" I asked.

  Tyler managed a small smile, the thoughts swirling behind his eyes clouding his irises. "I wasn't going to try to sleep with you, anyway, Ellie."

  "No?"

  "No. It's just different now."

  I stood, stunned, unable to form a response. Whatever the ache was in my chest, I was sure it was something similar to a broken heart.

  "C'mon," he said, standing. "Let's crash. I'm beat."

  He followed me to the bed, but there was a difference in the air between us. Tyler seemed more relaxed, as if the question was gone, the pressure eliminated. With the towel still wrapped around him, he crawled into my bed, turning onto his side.

  I opened my dresser drawer and slipped on a pair of Calvins under my towel and then walked over to bathroom doorway, picking his T-shirt off the floor.

  "Just leave it, Ellie. I'm going to wear it home in the morning."

  He watched me with confusion and then surprise when I slipped it over my head and padded over to the bed, climbing in next to him. He wrapped both arms around me, burying his nose in my hair, and sighed.

  "You're half naked, wearing my shirt. This isn't exactly fair."

  I reached into my nightstand, and then turned to face him, staring into his eyes while I peeled open the package in my hand. "We can still be friends," I said, reaching down, sliding my hand between the towel and his skin. He immediately hardened in my hand.

  "I don't know how to do this," Tyler breathed, leaning in to graze his lips across mine while I slipped the latex over his skin. "This in-between shit, Ellie. I don't think I can. You're either mine, or you're not."

  "I'm not anyone else's."

  He planted his mouth on mine, kissing me hard and deep.

  "We don't have to fit into any special box," I said. He pulled away, looking for more answers in my eyes. "It is what it is. Can't we just do that?"

  Tyler slowly climbed on top of me, scanning my face for half a minute before leaning down to claim me with his mouth.

  I tugged on his towel until it slipped away, and it fell somewhere next to the bed.

  "You're right," he whispered. "This is a bad idea." He swept the fabric of my Calvins aside, just enough for him to slide inside me.

  I took a deep breath and sighed. Tyler felt too good ... too safe. I could see in his eyes that he was willing to try me like poison; even after the first taste, we were already wondering how excruciating the end would be.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Tyler seemed to be in an uncharacteristically cheerful mood, chomping on his pancakes and smiling at everyone who passed by our table at Winona's, waving with his fork.

  I'd woken up in his arms, his nose pressed against my neck. Once he began to stir, I half expected our night together to end in this awkward walk of shame, not sweet kisses and cuddles while he schooled me on doing a load of laundry. He'd loved removing his shirt from my body to drop it in the machine. He'd taken a lot longer to do that than he had chucking in his pants, underwear, and socks.

  We'd barely gotten through the first cycle before he lifted me on top of the machine and settled between my legs, reminding me why I'd woken up so wonderfully sore.

  In spring fresh clothes, he'd held my hand out to the truck and opened the door for me at Winona's. Now he was looking down at his nearly empty plate, grinning like a fool.

  "What's funny?" I asked.

  He looked up at me, trying to subdue the smirk on his face and failing. "I wasn't laughing."

  "You're smiling. Like, a lot."

  "Is that a bad thing?"

  "No. I was just wondering what you were think--"

  "You," he said immediately. "The same thing I've been thinking about since the night we met."

  I pressed my lips together, trying to keep them from curving upward. His good mood was contagious, making it easy to forget what Sterling had said on my front steps the night before, and the worry that he was right.

  Finley hadn't called or texted in twenty-four hours. Maybe Sterling was right. Maybe she did know.

  Tyler's phone chirped, and he held it to his ear. "Hey, dickhead," he said. His expression changed as he listened, at first concentrating on whatever was being said. Then his eyebrows bounced once. He glanced up at me for half a second, and then looked down, blinking.

  "But he's okay," Tyler said, listening again. "He ... he what? No they didn't. Are you fucking serious? Wow ... Yeah, no. I won't. Who might come here? What kind of questions? About Trav? What do you mean? Oh. Oh, fuck. Do you think it'll work? All right. Yeah. Yeah, I'll tell Taylor. I said I'll tell him. I get it. We'll circle the wagons. Love you, too, Trent."

  He put down the phone and shook his head.

  "Did you say Trav?"

  "Travis," he said, deflated. "My baby brother."

  "Everything all right?" I asked.

  "Uh ... yeah. I think so," he said, lost in thought. "He just got married."

  "Really? That's great, right?"

  "Yeah ... Abby is ... she's amazing. He's crazy in love with her. I'm just surprised. They've been split up."

  "Oh. That's um ... that's kind of weird."

  "They're like that. I guess there was a fire at the college where I graduated. It's in my hometown."

  "Anyone hurt?"

  "It was pretty bad. Broke out in a basement, and a lot of people were trapped."

  "In a basement?"

  "Uh ... that college is sort of known for underground floating fight rings."

  "Underground what?"

  "It's kind of like a betting ring. Two guys are set up to fight. No one knows where until an hour before. The coordinator calls the fighters, their guys call ten people, then they call five, on and on."

 
; "Then what?"

  He shrugged. "Then they fight. People bet. It's a shit ton of money."

  "How do you know so much about it?"

  "I started it. Taylor and me with the coordinator, Adam."

  The look in Tyler's eyes when I'd bet on him at my house the first night we met now made sense. "So was Travis there?"

  Tyler's expression fell, and he looked at me for several seconds before answering. "He eloped to Vegas."

  "That's good."

  "Yeah," Tyler said, rubbing the back of his neck. "More OJ?"

  "No, I'm good. We should probably head in."

  Tyler paid the check, and then held my hand to the truck like it was the most natural thing in the world. When he dropped me off at the MountainEar, the air between us felt heavy and awkward. It was that should we or shouldn't we kiss moment and what does it mean if we do?

  I reached for the handle.

  "Hang on a sec," Tyler said, reaching for me. He slid his fingers between mine, and then lifted my hand to his lips.

  "Thanks for staying with me last night," I said.

  "I'm glad I was there to run off your uninvited guest."

  "Me, too."

  He took my phone, tapping in numbers and then letters. "If he bothers you again," Tyler said, the crease between his brows deepening. "Call me. But just ... you know ... call me, anyway."

  I stepped out of the truck and waved to him as he pulled away. He bumped up the volume on his radio, and I could hear the bass thumping until he turned onto the highway toward the hotshot dorms.

  The door chimed as I walked in to the office. "Morning," I said, waving to Jojo on my way to my desk.

  Not only was Wick's door was closed, but a stunning bouquet of butter-yellow and vivid violet roses reached out from a simple glass vase. I circled my desk, crossing one arm across my waist, touching my lips with my fingers, trying not to let my entire face erupt into a smile. Flowers, romance, and theatrics were last on my list of things I wanted from Tyler, but I sat down, soaking in how absolutely giddy it made me.

  Jojo poked her head in the doorway. "Who are they from?"

  I leaned forward once more to confirm and lifted my hands, letting them hit my thighs. "I couldn't find a card."

  "No card? Do you have a guess?" she asked, sauntering into the room and planting her backside on the love seat. "Maybe the guy who just dropped you off?"

  I reached down to turn on my desktop, taking a few seconds to get the ridiculous expression off my face before sitting upright. "Maybe."

  Jojo crossed her arms, looking quite smug. "I thought this might happen, with you spending so much time at the station. I just didn't realize it would happen so soon."