Still Life

by Joy Fielding

  Casey squeezed her sister’s fingers a second time, this time even harder than the first. The squeeze said No! You can’t tell him. You can’t tell anyone.

  “Something wrong?” Jeremy asked from the bathroom doorway.

  Casey squeezed a third time. Please don’t say anything. He’ll tell Warren. This is important, Drew. You mustn’t say anything to anyone. Not yet. Not until I find a way to tell you what’s happened.

  “Did you find a Kleenex?” Drew asked, as if she somehow understood.

  Oh, thank you. Thank you.

  “Got a handful right here.” Jeremy quickly returned to her side. “What’s the matter? You’re looking a little pale. Are you okay?”

  “I don’t know. I got a little dizzy for a few seconds there.”

  “You better sit down.”

  “I’m fine now. Really.”

  “Don’t argue. Come on.”

  Drew reluctantly relinquished her grip on Casey’s hand, which immediately slid into her lap. Casey heard Jeremy pull up a chair, pictured Drew sinking down inside it, her eyes never leaving Casey.

  “Take a few deep breaths,” Jeremy instructed, and Drew complied. “Can I get you anything? Some water? Maybe some tea?”

  Yes, let him get you some tea.

  “Tea sounds wonderful.”

  “I’ll be right back.”

  “Thank you.” As soon as he was gone, Drew was back at Casey’s side. She grabbed her sister’s hand, positioned her fingers underneath Casey’s. “Okay, that was no accident. You’re here, aren’t you? You can understand me.”

  Casey squeezed her sister’s fingers. Yes, I’m here, the squeeze said. Yes, I can understand you.

  “Okay, okay, okay,” Drew muttered, her breath hitting the air in a series of shallow bursts. “This is amazing. I don’t believe this. I don’t know what to do.”

  Casey squeezed Drew’s hand again, urging her to calm down.

  “Okay, okay. You’re in there, and you can hear me, and you understand what’s going on, but for some reason, you don’t want me to tell Jeremy. Is that right?”

  Another squeeze.

  “Okay. I’m gonna assume that means yes. Why don’t you want me to tell Jeremy? No, way too complicated. That won’t work. Do you want me to tell Warren? What am I saying? Of course you want me to tell Warren.”

  Casey squeezed Drew’s fingers as hard as she could. No, don’t tell Warren. Whatever you do, don’t tell Warren.

  “Okay, I’m not sure what that means exactly. Are you saying you don’t want me to tell him or you do?”

  Casey squeezed several times in rapid succession. No. Don’t tell him. Don’t tell him.

  “Okay, this isn’t working. We need a system. Can you blink? That might be easier. Blink once for yes, twice for no.”

  Casey transferred all her energy to her eyelids. Blink, she told them. Blink.

  “Nothing’s happening.”

  Blink, damn you.

  “Okay, we’ll go back to squeezing,” Drew said. “Squeeze once for yes, twice for no. Do you want me to tell Warren?”

  Casey squeezed once, then tried a second time, but her fingers refused to cooperate.

  Oh, God. Oh, God. Would Drew think she meant yes when she meant no?

  “Sorry, I couldn’t tell whether that was once or twice. Can you try it again?”

  Thank God. Yes, I’ll try again.

  “Can you try what again?” Warren asked suddenly from the door.

  Oh, no. How much had he seen?

  Instantly, Drew released Casey’s hand. “Oh my God, Warren! You scared me half to death. I didn’t see you there.”

  Don’t tell him. Please don’t tell him.

  Warren entered the room. “Where’s Jeremy?”

  “He went downstairs to get me some tea.”

  “I didn’t realize that was part of his job description.”

  “I got a little dizzy.”

  “I see. And that clearly trumps my wife’s coma.”

  “Jeremy was just being kind.”

  “I believe I’m paying him to be kind to Casey.”

  “Don’t be angry at Jeremy, Warren. He’s a nice guy. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “Suppose you let me be the judge of that. And if you’re dizzy, perhaps you should go home and lie down.”

  “That’s all right. I’m starting to feel better.”

  “Interesting. Try what again?”

  “What?”

  “When I got here, you were asking Casey to try something again.”

  Slow down, Drew. Don’t let him bamboozle you.

  “I was?” Drew cleared her throat once, then again. “Oh, that. It was nothing. I was just thinking out loud, asking Casey whether or not she thought I should give Sean another chance. You remember Sean? You met him at the hospital. Anyway, he’s been calling lately, asking me to give our relationship another try.”

  “Really? And what was Casey’s advice?”

  A long pause.

  “She thinks I should err on the side of caution.”

  Bravo, Drew.

  “Well, that would certainly be a first for you, wouldn’t it?”

  Drew laughed. “It just might.”

  “Although I’m not sure I agree,” Warren said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean that caution might not be the best way to go here. Sean struck me as a pretty nice guy. He might be worth another shot.”

  “You think so?”

  “Well, things have been pretty tense around here since Casey’s accident. Not exactly conducive to a successful romance.”

  “I guess not.”

  “It might even be a good idea for you and Sean to think about getting away for a couple of weeks. Maybe take a nice, romantic cruise.”

  “A cruise? Now? With my sister in a coma?”

  “It wouldn’t be the first time, Drew,” he reminded her.

  “It’s different now.”

  “How so?”

  “I think Casey needs me. I think she wants me here.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  “It’s just a feeling I get sometimes.”

  “Casey wants you to be healthy and happy,” Warren told her. “I’m sure she’d understand.”

  “You really think so?”

  “I know so.”

  Jeremy reentered the room. The aroma of blueberry-flavored tea wafted toward Casey’s nose.

  “Unless, of course, there’s something else keeping you here,” Warren said.

  “Careful,” Jeremy warned. “It’s hot.”

  “Thank you,” Drew said.

  “Feeling any better?” Jeremy asked.

  “Drew’s fine,” Warren answered in Drew’s stead. “My wife, on the other hand, is feeling a tad neglected.”

  Jeremy immediately sat down, lifting one of Casey’s legs into his lap and gently rotating her ankle. “Well, we’ll try to rectify that right now.” He worked for several seconds in concentrated silence.

  “Maybe we should ask Jeremy what he thinks,” Warren said.

  “Thinks about what?” Jeremy asked.

  “One of Drew’s ex-boyfriends is after her to give their relationship another shot. I think he’s a pretty decent guy. Certainly better than most of the lowlifes she’s been involved with. So, I think she should go for it. What do you think?”

  Casey felt a sudden tensing in the pressure of Jeremy’s hand. “I think Drew is the only person who can make that type of decision,” he said evenly.

  “Yeah, well, that’s the problem. Drew’s never been very good at deductive reasoning. She rarely knows what’s good for her. Do you, Drew?”

  “I’m learning.”

  Warren laughed. “Anyway, I think it would be a good idea if she got away for a while. She’s feeling weak enough that you saw fit to abandon my wife in order to fetch her a cup of tea, and we wouldn’t want her coming down with anything, possibly transferring any of those nasty viruses going around to Casey.”


  “I’m not coming down with anything.”

  “Lola’s at that age where she’s in contact with lots of other kids, all of them seething little incubators of disease. Where is your daughter, by the way?”

  “At school,” Drew told him. “Just one more week of classes.”

  “And then what? Ship her off to sleepaway camp, like you did last year? Most parents don’t like to send their kids off so young. Not Drew. Lola was the youngest camper in the history of Camp Arrowroot,” he told Jeremy.

  “Arrow head,” Drew corrected. “And no, she won’t be going back there this year. Actually,” she continued brightly, “I was thinking the two of us might move in here with you for the summer. How would you like that?”

  This time it was Jeremy who laughed.

  “Something funny?” Warren asked.

  Jeremy said nothing as he switched to Casey’s other leg.

  “I think that’s enough therapy for today,” Warren announced abruptly.

  “We’ve just started,” Jeremy told him.

  “On the contrary, I think your work is finished here.”

  “I’m not sure I understand.”

  “I think you understand perfectly.”

  “You’re firing me?” Jeremy asked.

  “That’s ridiculous,” Drew said.

  “This is none of your business, Drew.”

  “You’re firing him because he went to get me some tea?”

  “I’m firing him because I didn’t hire him to fetch you tea. I hired him to take care of my wife, not to use her condition to get into her sister’s pants.”

  “Hey, wait a minute….” Jeremy said.

  “No, you wait a minute. I hired you to do a job, and as far as I can see, you haven’t been doing it. You’ve been late, you’re neglectful, you’re rude….”

  “You’re out of line.”

  “You’ve got attitude….”

  “You’re full of shit.”

  “You’re out of my house,” Warren said, with infuriating calm.

  “This is my house, too,” Drew reminded him.

  “Stay out of this, Drew.”

  “My sister is making progress. I want Jeremy to stay.”

  “Your sister will continue to make progress with someone else. Jeremy goes. Unless, of course, you intend to start paying for his services yourself.” Drew didn’t respond. “I didn’t think so.”

  “Hey, man, lighten up,” Jeremy warned.

  “What part of ‘you’re fired’ don’t you understand? Now please leave before I’m forced to call the police.”

  “Warren, for God’s sake. This is insane.”

  “I suggest you go with him, Drew.”

  “I’m staying right here.”

  “What—you don’t want to exchange phone numbers? Or have you already done that?”

  “Go to hell,” Drew said.

  “Believe me, I’m already there.” Warren released a deep breath. “Okay, Jeremy. Time to go.”

  No, please. Stay.

  Silence. Then, “I believe you owe me some money,” Jeremy said.

  “And it’s all about the money, isn’t it? Well, then, follow me, Jeremy. I’ll write you a check for services rendered.”

  “Wait …” Drew called after them.

  “Bye, Drew,” came Jeremy’s response. “Take care of your sister.”

  Casey listened as their footsteps retreated down the stairs.

  “Jesus. What the hell was that all about?” Drew cried in exasperation.

  Okay, Drew. Grab my hand. We don’t have a lot of time before Warren gets back.

  “Oh, God,” Drew exclaimed. “You heard all that, didn’t you? You heard what just happened.” She took Casey’s hand.

  Casey squeezed Drew’s fingers. Once. Hard.

  “Once for yes,” Drew said. “Okay. So, what do we do now? Tell me what to do. I don’t know what to do.”

  Casey squeezed Drew’s hand, held it tightly until she felt her grip start to grow weak. You have to calm down, the grip said. You have to focus.

  “Okay. So I have to think of simple questions. Questions that can be answered yes or no. What questions? I don’t know what questions. Okay. Okay. Think. Think.” Drew took a succession of deep breaths. “Okay. First question. You don’t want me to tell Warren? No, sorry, forget that. Double negative, right? Too complicated. Do you want me to tell Warren? That’s better. Do you want me to tell Warren?”

  Casey squeezed her sister’s hand twice. Had Drew felt it?

  “That was twice. So you don’t want Warren to know. Why not? I mean, granted he’s acting a little strange, but he’s under a lot of stress. And maybe I was flirting with Jeremy. I don’t know. You’re sure you don’t want me to tell him?”

  Casey squeezed Drew’s hand.

  “Why not? What’s going on? Oh, shit. That was stupid. Okay, how are we going to do this? How are you going to tell me?”

  Casey felt Drew’s eyes searching the room for answers.

  “All right. All right. This is what we’re going to do. We’re going to try spelling things out. I saw that once on TV. This guy was paralyzed, but he spelled things out by blinking. Except you can’t blink. And this squeezing thing is too confusing. Can you tap? With your finger? Can you tap your finger against my hand?” Drew positioned her hand directly under Casey’s fingers.

  Casey threw all her concentration into her right index finger. Her mind lifted it into the air, brought it down against the back of her sister’s hand. Once. Twice. Three times.

  Drew literally squealed. “Great. That’s great, Casey. That’s so great.”

  It’s working. I can do this.

  “Okay. Okay. So, one tap is A, two is B, et cetera, et cetera. Okay. This might take a while, and I don’t know how long we’ve got until Warren comes back, but here goes: Why don’t you want him to know?”

  Casey tapped twice on Drew’s hand.

  “A … B,” Drew said. “B.”

  Casey tapped five times.

  “A … B … C … D … E. E,” Drew repeated. “Okay, so we have B and E…. Be … because?”

  Casey squeezed Drew’s hand with her remaining fingers. Then she tapped eight times for the letter H, followed by five more taps for the letter E.

  “H … E … He? Because he …?”

  Because he tried to kill me!

  Casey squeezed her sister’s hand, then began tapping out the letter T.

  “Wait,” Drew wailed. “I lost count. We have to do it again. Sorry, Casey.” She resumed counting the taps out loud. “A … B … C … D … E …”

  It seemed to take forever until they reached the letter T.

  “T!” Drew exclaimed, dropping Casey’s hand with excitement, then quickly scooping it up again.

  Casey began tapping out the letter R. Why did all the letters have to come so near the end of the alphabet?

  “O … P … Q … R … S?”

  Casey squeezed twice. No!

  “Not S?”

  The sound of the front door closing reverberated up the stairs, followed immediately by Warren’s footsteps on the stairs.

  “Shit. We don’t have enough time. Is there anybody I can tell about this?”

  Was there anyone? Casey wondered. Who could she trust not to tell Warren?

  The footsteps were getting closer.

  “Warren?” Patsy suddenly called out from downstairs.

  The footsteps stopped. “Yes?” he called back.

  “Mrs. Singer wants to know if you’d like her to prepare anything special for dinner.”

  Jeremy. Warren had just fired him. She could certainly trust Jeremy not to tell Warren now.

  Casey began furiously tapping on Drew’s fingers.

  “Wait. We have to do this a different way. How about I say the letters, and you squeeze my hand when I say the right one. Okay? Ready? A … B … C … D …”

  Faster. Faster.

  “Tell her anything she wants to make is fine,” Warren cal
led down the stairs.

  “H … I … J … J?”

  Casey squeezed Drew’s fingers.

  “Jeremy? Oh, wait. Janine? Which is it, Janine or Jeremy?”

  Footsteps on the stairs. Drew let Casey’s hand drop.

  “Looks like Jeremy has left the building,” Warren said, his presence filling the room. “And I think it’s time for you to do the same.”

  “I think I’ll stay, if you don’t mind.”

  “I’m afraid I have to insist. I think my wife’s had enough excitement for one day.”

  You don’t know the half, Casey thought, knowing Drew was thinking the same thing.

  “Okay, I’ll go,” Drew said, pushing herself off her chair. She leaned in, buried her face in Casey’s hair. “Don’t worry, Casey,” she whispered. “I’ll be back soon.”

  TWENTY-SIX

  “Are you okay?”

  Patsy’s voice was warm, solicitous. Casey knew immediately she wasn’t talking to her.

  “I don’t know,” came Warren’s response from the chair next to Casey’s bed. “It’s been a very trying day.”

  “Can I get you anything? A sandwich, maybe? Some brandy?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “You hardly touched your supper.”

  “I’m not very hungry.”

  “Casey’s sister really gets under your skin,” Patsy remarked.

  “Drew’s been a selfish mess her entire life, and suddenly she turns into sister of the year. I’m not sure what to make of it.”

  “Maybe it’s just a phase, something she’ll get tired of in another couple of weeks.”

  “I don’t know….”

  “What is it? You look worried.”

  “You don’t think …”

  “What?” Patsy repeated.

  “You don’t think she’d do anything to hurt Casey, do you?”

  What?

  “What do you mean?”

  “No, it’s too crazy. Forget I said anything.”

  “You think Drew had something to do with what happened to Casey?”

  “No. Of course not. I mean, the police obviously still consider it a possibility, but …”

  What are you trying to do here, Warren?

  “I can’t believe I’m thinking these things, let alone saying them out loud.”

  Are you trying to set my sister up? Is that what this is about, you bastard?