Texas Wishes: The Complete Series

by Kristina Knight

  There was a part of her, a big part she was finally ready to admit, that needed to fix the people around her. Not because their problems made hers smaller but because at heart she was a nurturer. She wasn’t a hard-nosed rancher and would never be. The rescue horses pointed that out clearly, but she had never seen it so clearly.

  So her family could wait because at this moment Jackson was the most important person in her life. He might not want to admit to the emotional scars and baggage he carried from his mother’s abandonment, but Kathleen could see them clearly now. She wanted Jackson to leave the ranch whole, to have a chance at a happy life even if that life didn’t include her.

  “No. I’m done chasing after Vanessa and you’re right. Grandfather is going to do whatever he wants despite my best excuses or pleas. I should have realized that a long time ago.” She walked to him and reached out to touch his chest. “I think we need to talk about you and the invisible suitcase filled with baggage from your childhood.”

  “So you’re still hiding behind my problems so you won’t have to face yours?” He said sarcastically. “I don’t think so.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her along behind him to the ranch house.

  Down the long main hallway and straight into Mitchum’s office where Vanessa stood over Mitchum, yelling.

  “What do you mean you don’t care? You said this place needed a man to run it, so she shows up with a man but it’s all a lie. Don’t you care about that?” She said, her voice rising as every word seemed to go straight over Mitchum’s head.

  Mitchum clicked his pen several times before saying, “Not nearly as much as you do, Van. Hello Kathy-bean. I figured you wouldn’t be far behind.”

  He seemed tired. Tired of the fighting or was it something more? He was an old man, Kathleen realized. Old and probably ready to think about pleasure rides, not about the future of the ranch. Was this the real impetus behind his veiled threats? Because he really did want to relinquish control of the ranch? If so, why hadn’t he just told her that?

  “I’ll just — ”

  “You’re not going anywhere,” Jackson interrupted. When Vanessa tried to push by him, he grabbed her with his free hand and pushed her into one of the wing backed chairs across from Mitchum.

  “I don’t need you to fight my battles for me.”

  “Well, someone’s got to fight them, sweetheart, because from where I’ve been sitting you’re not fighting. You’re waiting.”

  “I’m focusing on the work, Jackson, something you wouldn’t know anything about since your workday includes about five minutes of actual time and twelve hours of waiting for the right light.” Where had that come from? She didn’t mean that. She had seen Jackson’s photographs and they were wonderful.

  His eyes glittered. “Really? Maybe I just like the scenery a little too much to rush anything.”

  Scenery. As in the models? Kathleen clenched her teeth, crossed her arms over her chest, and turned away from Jackson.

  “This certainly is a switch,” Grandfather said, watching them intently. “Just what do you think Kathy-bean needs to fight for, Jackson.”

  “Her inheritance. This ranch,” he said. “You don’t seem to believe she can handle it on her own. She can. And her ideas to improve it and make the operations even more profitable are solid. I’ve done some checking. Jester’s times are faster than the times put in at the Worlds last year. So why are you so against her training him in addition to the Quarters?”

  “Never said I was against it,” Mitchum said, leaning back in his chair and threading his hands together over his chest. “I just said I didn’t understand it.”

  Kathleen focused on Mitchum’s words. “You said more than that. You said this place needed a man’s hand to keep everything moving along.”

  He shrugged. “Sue me. I’m an old man. Women didn’t run ranches then and not many do now. If there was a man running everything else, you could focus on the training.”

  Love bloomed in her chest for her grandfather. He believed in her. “All those times you mentioned a grandson-in-law, you didn’t mean that I couldn’t handle it.”

  “Of course not. You’re the heart of this place, Kathy-bean. Always have been. But now you’ve got your man here, so what’s all the fuss about?”

  Kathleen looked up into the stony face of Jackson. He wasn’t her man, at least not in his own eyes.

  “Vanessa was right about that. We did meet up in Puerto Vallarta and we did get married, but neither of us remembered anything at first.” She took a deep breath. “And I begged Jackson not to get a quickie annulment, convinced him to come here and pretend.”

  Mitchum chewed his lower lip.

  “But don’t blame him. It was my fault. I’m the one who proposed and I’m still not sure why — ”

  “No, you didn’t. I did.”

  Kathleen swung her head to look at Jackson. “No. I proposed on the beach. I said, ‘Why don’t we get married.’ And then we had a little more tequila…or something,” she said, glancing quickly at Mitchum who laughed.

  “That was after I proposed, the night before. But you didn’t remember in the morning and I didn’t bring it up because I…didn’t mean it.” He had the grace to look uncomfortable as he broke Kathleen’s heart into so many more pieces than they’d broken into in school.

  “Nice story, Jackson, but I don’t care about who proposed to whom. You’re leaving in a few days.” Vanessa turned back to Mitchum. “What about my money?”

  “Once Kath takes over after her birthday, you’ll get your quarterly stipends, just like always,” Mitchum said evenly. “But, Vanessa, this place should be more to you than a paycheck.”

  “I. Don’t. Want. Stipends.”

  The door to the office closed quietly and Kathleen realized that Jackson was gone. She had to find him.

  Vanessa threw a pillow from her chair across the room. “I want my money!”

  Kathleen left Grandfather to deal with Vanessa and hurried upstairs to find Jackson.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jackson was in their room, tossing tee-shirts, jeans, and boxers into his big, black suitcase. Kathleen stopped short, watching him for a few minutes. Was he angry with her? No matter what he said or what he thought he remembered from that night on the beach she was the one who proposed, she convinced him to come here. Followed him around San Antonio like a stalker. And it was all for nothing because Mitchum never meant his threats as threats.

  How could I have been so stupid? How could I have thought Grandfather would take the ranch from me?

  He never intended that, his supposed threats were his way of reminding her that no one should be without a partner. That everyone needed a shoulder to cry on, a mouth to kiss. Someone like Jackson.

  Now Kathleen wanted the same thing. They were mismatched and she had no idea how it could possibly work. But that didn’t change the fact she still wanted Jackson. She wouldn’t even make him deal with the ledgers, feed bills, or boarding fees. She would hire a manager. She would deal with it herself. He could go to New York or LA or wherever he wanted as often as he wanted.

  If he would only stay. She would never know if she didn’t ask so, angry or not, it was time to face him.

  He tossed the last of his tee-shirts into the case and turned to grab shoes from the bottom of her closet. He saw her and froze for a minute.

  “If I say I’m sorry, will you stay?” She hated the pleading note in her voice and wished the words back.

  “Sorry for what?” Jackson turned away and shoved his tennis shoes into the suitcase before zipping it closed. He headed into the bathroom and began filling a smaller case with his toothbrush, razor, and personal items. “I got us into this mess by planting that stupid marriage idea in your head.”

  “But I’m the one who proposed and sent us down the beach in search of a justi
ce of the peace or minister. And when I realized Mitchum was there I begged you not to rat me out like some kind of scared kid. I shouldn’t have begged you to stick with the marriage when it was obviously what you didn’t want. You were right at the Soddy.”

  She stepped toward him, reaching out, but he simply stepped around her. Like she wasn’t even there. She took a deep breath and pressed on. “I’ve been so worried about not getting the ranch that I wasn’t listening. To anyone. If I had been, I never would have felt so smothered that I had to run away to Mexico for a few days. I wouldn’t have poured tequila and rum and any other hard liquor I could find into every drink I made.” Never would have seen you again. Life would have gone on as it always had.

  Boring, but the way she thought she wanted it. Now, she couldn’t face the ordinary life she always thought she wanted. She wasn’t sure she could face these rooms if he really left. Jackson had shown her how exciting life could be, just by being in her life. She wasn’t ready to give it up.

  “You don’t need me here now. Mitchum as much as gave you the ranch, you just have to wait for your birthday. And I don’t need to keep going to San Antonio looking for answers that aren’t there.” Small bag filled, he tossed it next to the suitcase and carefully began unpacking his camera case. Repacking it more securely as if the camera was the most important thing in his life. “We’ll both be better off with a few fun memories and none of the hurt that we know will eventually come if I stay in Texas.”

  Kathleen placed her hand over his. “I do need you here, Jackson. And I’d like you to stay for my birthday party. For as long as you want to stay. Not because you need a place to stay while you search San Antonio, but because you want to.”

  He eyes shuttered. “It would only pause the inevitable, Kath.” He put the camera case down and caressed her cheek. “Staying together, even for a few more days, isn’t what either of us needs. I don’t want to be married or tied down to anyone. I like my life the way it is. And you’re tied to this ranch. The land, the horses. Your dad and Mitchum. They tether you here and that connection is what lets you fly.” He kissed her forehead. “I’ve never had a connection like that. I’m not sure what I was looking for in San Antonio, but all those days in the city showed me one thing: I like my solitary life. Being part of a family would clip my wings when I needed them most.” With that he gathered his things and left the room before Kathleen could tell him he was lying. “If you are pregnant…We’ll figure that out then, I guess,” he said and closed the door.

  She sat heavily on the bed, burying her face in her hands. She won the ranch but lost Jackson. That had never been her plan.

  • • •

  “You’re holding on too tight,” Barney, the assistant trainer said as he clocked Jester’s latest run. “A full three seconds over his last time. And the run before that was already two seconds slower. You have to let him go.”

  Kathleen nodded and rubbed Jester’s neck. “I know,” she said, as much to the horse as to the trainer. “I have to let go,” she whispered when Barney turned back to clear the timer.

  “You want to go again?”

  “No, I think Jester’s had enough for the day,” she said, sliding from the horse’s back to the ground. She had enough for one day. Ruining Jester’s training by riding when she couldn’t concentrate was exactly what she would do if she took him around again.

  Instead, she took the reins and led the horse into the waiting paddock. Together they slowly walked two large circles around the enclosure as Jester’s breathing returned to normal. She loosened the girth, pulled the saddle off, and slung it over a fence rail. She rubbed him down with a clean blanket and then lost herself in the beauty of the hills. Was Jackson home in New York? Was his show shaping up? Had he come to terms with his upbringing?

  Did he miss her even a little bit?

  Jester nuzzled her neck, looking for his treat.

  She laughed and slipped a sugar cube from her pocket. “You did great today, no thanks to me,” she said. “I’ll do better by you tomorrow.” She patted his haunches, sending him off.

  Grandfather was standing by the fence, waiting for her. “I know, I know,” she said, holding her hands up before he could tell her to loosen up, too. “I was holding on too tight, not giving him his head. Think I’ll go up to the Soddy, clear my head a little.” She slapped at the dust on her jeans as she walked to the fence.

  “It’s been four days, Kathy-bean. I don’t think he’ll come back on his own.” His coffee voice was steady, calm.

  Kathleen lifted her cowboy hat, using her sleeve to blot the sweat from her brow. “He’s not coming back, period,” she said. Guillermo exited the kitchen door with two bulging suitcases in his grasp. “What the — ?”

  Mitchum looked over his shoulder and shrugged. “Vanessa has grown tired of me ignoring her whining about having no money. I’m not sure where she’s going, but she is definitely leaving.”

  “You’d better check those cases for the silver,” Kathleen joked.

  “Doesn’t matter.” Mitchum waved a hand. “Apparently one of her friends has opened her heart — if she has one — and Vanessa’s going back to San Antone. Or maybe Dallas. Don’t expect her to be back for your birthday.”

  Shrugging, Kathleen crossed the fence. Vanessa wasn’t a good party guest anyway. And Kathleen still hadn’t forgiven her part in Jackson’s leaving. If she had just kept quiet, Jackson would still be here. Maybe with more time he would have seen that he belonged here. With Kathleen.

  “And he won’t be back, either, if you don’t call and ask him.”

  “I can’t. He was very clear. He doesn’t want to live in Texas.” Doesn’t want to be with me. “He has his life the way he wants it.”

  “You sure about that?” He rested a hand on her shoulder.

  “To quote you: doesn’t matter. He’s sure and that does.”

  “I’m sorry, Kathy-bean. I thought I saw things differently when you two were trying to pull that fast one in Puerto Vallarta. There was something there.” Mitchum grasped her hand and squeezed. “Ahh, but I’m an old man. I’d better go help Guillermo,” he said and slowly walked to Vanessa’s Porsche in the driveway.

  For at least the hundredth time Kathleen considered packing a bag and going to New York for a few days. She quickly discarded the idea, knowing Jackson wouldn’t appreciate it. Maybe he just needed time alone to realize that being alone wasn’t what he really wanted.

  She saddled Trio, it was time to see if the horse could walk steadily over a trail, and left for the Soddy. It was time to move up Trio’s rehabilitation. During the familiar ride Kathleen plotted out how she would work the horse in the ring, pushing his muscles to the brink but not over.

  An hour later, she was surprised to see Nathaniel’s truck parked beneath one of the live oaks outside. Tethering Trio to the railing, she went inside the house and found her father reinforcing part of the wall with more mud. The cracks in the ceiling were patched and a pile of dust and dirt were ready to be swept outside. What was going on?

  “Hi, Dad,” she said and regretted her quiet approach when he jumped. He spared her a glance but then went back to patching the walls. “What are you doing?”

  “Figured I’d get a head start on maintenance this year,” he said finally. “This old Soddy could use some more attention from time to time.”

  “No, I didn’t mean…Why aren’t you in…” Kathleen wasn’t sure how to proceed. Remembering what Jackson told her about Nathaniel’s chess games she wondered how long he had been lying about his drinking. At least lying by omission. Why couldn’t she just be happy that he wasn’t drinking now?

  Nathaniel kept plastering the wall with more mud until Kathleen was certain she had been dismissed. What did he want from her?

  “You want to know why I’m not drunk at the bar already?” He finally turned, put t
he tools down, and wiped his hands on his jeans. “Jackson made me realize that I wasn’t doing anyone any favors by hiding out down there all day. So I figured I’d find some work to do around here. Maybe help out a little more.” He took a long drink from his canteen. Her fingers itched to smell it but that would only set them at odds and she didn’t want to fight with him. Didn’t want to push him over the edge, assuming he wasn’t over already.

  “Why?” The simple word covered a hundred different questions for Kathleen and Nathaniel seemed to understand that.

  “I’ve been playing chess with some of the guys everyday for years. We’d have a few beers. Maybe flirt with a pretty girl. Most times I’d get drunk. But after Monica’s mother left…the beer didn’t taste so good, so I started drinking tea instead.”

  Kathleen digested this. He’d been drunk from the time Kathleen could remember, but now Nathaniel said for the past three years he’d been sober? Pretending to still be in that dark place? It didn’t make sense.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? Or Grandfather? We’ve been so worried about you.”

  He finished cleaning up the plaster and mud before saying quietly, “I didn’t know how long it would last.”

  “Dad,” she whispered.

  “I’ve been sober in the last twenty years more times than I could count. Mostly the sober lasted a few hours. You probably don’t remember much of that. Every time something would happen and I’d start drinking again.” He sighed and put the rest of the supplies into a small box. He hefted it in his arms. “I thought maybe if no one knew there wouldn’t be so much pressure. And then your Jackson showed up at Duley’s and I realized I’d made things so much worse. I’m sorry, Kath. I never meant to hurt you and if my drinking made you marry Jackson or made him leave, I’ll fix it.”