Texas Wishes: The Complete Series

by Kristina Knight

  She wiped the back of her palm over her face, surprised when it came away wet.

  The ranch yard blurred and she parked, took a few deep, controlled breaths and shook her head. She could not cry over Mat Barnes or the truth. She was not some wimpy, injured girl who didn’t know how things worked. Vanessa swallowed. She knew exactly how the world worked: you took what you wanted or had it taken from you. She cleared her throat, composed once more, and went into the barn to return the keys and grab a pair of garden shears. Guillermo’s vegetable garden welcomed her as she neared the back porch.

  Sinking to her knees, Vanessa pulled a few weeds from the patch and then moved to the flowerbeds. She imagined a small boy with dark hair and brown eyes, feeding a calf through a rail fence and scrubbed the sleeve of her jacket over her face, before a single tear could fall. She would not let pregnancy hormones do her in. Mat was kind in the pasture. He was also honest, just like she needed him to be. If she were honest with herself, she knew Mat was not the man for her. They didn’t love one another. She wasn’t even certain she liked Mat. Vanessa was raised by two parents who hated one another. She’d chosen a loveless marriage the first time around. She wasn’t going either place again.

  Callused hands closed over her gloved fingers. Nathaniel knelt beside her, took the garden shears from her fingers and clipped a few withering buds.

  “I’m not good at this.” His voice was rough. “We do twelve steps in A.A., you know. Acceptance, serenity, wisdom.”

  God, she didn’t need this talk now. Vanessa looked around, but there were no buildings she could duck into as Nathaniel had done a few days before. No people to interrupt. Just her and the father she’d barely known her entire life. AA? She sniffed. No whiskey scented the air between them. No alchohol-induced mist clouded his eyes. No red dots on his nose. Maybe it wasn’t just Kathleen’s birthday party and wedding last summer that got him on the wagon.

  “I’m glad you’re here, Van. And I’m sorry I haven’t been any kind of father to you.”

  No, he hadn’t. She had no idea why she should care now, but she did. Vanessa wanted to say something, angry words, blasting him for leaving her with Gillian. The emotion filling her throat wouldn’t allow a single word to pass for a long moment.

  “You bought ornaments for me.”

  He nodded.

  “Gillian never did.” Funny, the thought of Gillian not buying her something didn’t have nearly the effect of Nathaniel’s spending.

  Nathaniel shrugged. “Gillian was never the sentimental type.”

  “Why?”

  He seemed to understand she wasn’t asking about Gillian but about the ornaments. “Because I didn’t have pictures of you to look at, at least not many. So I’d pick up little things that reminded me of you.” He shrugged. “Tree ornaments made sense.” They were both quiet for a long moment, the only sound that of shears dead-heading flowers. “I don’t think I deserve to be any kind of parental figure, but you looked like you could use a friend. Maybe we could start there.” Dead-heading over, he handed the shears back to her.

  She could actually use a friend, Vanessa acknowledged. She nodded. “Thank you for helping me with the garden.” It was a lame cover for the pain and gratitude leaking through her words.

  “Any time, kiddo. Whenever you want to talk, I’m available.”

  “Do you think I’m like her?” The words were past her lips before Vanessa could draw them back. Leave them unsaid. She needed to know, to make sure she wouldn’t repeat the past.

  “In a lot of ways, you are. You look like Gillian, walk like her. Talk like her, sometimes.” This was so not the answer she needed. Vanessa started to back away, but Nathaniel stopped her cold. “But in the ways that matter, you’ve never been like her. You’re so much more than you’ve given yourself credit for, Van.”

  “Really?” Vanessa straightened her shoulders.

  “She would never have dived into this sale project. She wouldn’t have divorced one of the richest men in Texas without a safety net. She wouldn’t have come home when she needed caring for.” Nathaniel stood, stretched. “I’ll try not to disappear on you again, Van.”

  “Nathaniel.” Her voice stopped him and he turned around. “I like the idea of starting as friends.” He smiled and reached out to pat her shoulder.

  “Me, too.”

  After he’d gone, Vanessa half-heartedly pulled at a few weeds. Was that what she’d done? Come home because she needed caring for. Vanessa wasn’t so sure. She couldn’t lie, she’d hoped for that. And, no, she didn’t fight Paul in court, but she also didn’t file the original papers. She’d chosen the sale project because she couldn’t face empty days of wondering about Mat, or worse, chasing him around the ranch, trying to get his attention.

  She was finished crying over the hard truths. She had a crappy childhood, a horrible marriage, and made the mistake of a one-night stand that would have ramifications for the rest of her life.

  These emotional and physical reactions to Mat were just hormones and her over-active imagination. Hormones that would rage for the next seven months, but just hormones. She needed a plan to get Mat alone, tell him the truth, and then get through the next couple of months as painlessly as possible. The work with the sale would help.

  She got to her feet and started into the house, remembering to wash the calf slobber and dirt off her hands in the mudroom. She scrubbed her cheek, too, just in case. A big calendar hung under the phone in the kitchen alcove. A highlighted box caught her eye. The New Year’s dance at the Longhorn. An event, she remembered, everyone attended. Ranch operators, employees, shift workers. Just over a week to work up her courage. If they rode in together, alone, she would have a half-hour to tell him, assure him, and then they could both get on with their lives.

  Now she just had to work up the courage to actually say those words out loud.

  Chapter Five

  Christmas morning dawned bright and clear, the temperature hanging around sixty degrees. Mat grabbed his jacket and shoved his feet into his boots on his way out the door. He’d promised the hands the afternoon off. Once the livestock was fed, they’d all go home to their families, presents and big meals. He planned to spend the rest of his day at the McIntyre place. The real estate agent knew he was interested and didn’t mind if Mat dropped in to make sure the house was okay from time to time.

  Spending the day washing a few windows seemed worlds better than spending the day alone in the foreman’s cabin. Or worse, having Gui drag him to the big house for Christmas brunch where Vanessa’s wide, blue eyes would torture him.

  He met the hands at the barn, sent half to the horse pastures and the remaining crew to do a final check on the beef. With the crew busy, Mat grabbed the keys to one of the gators and started toward the McIntyre place. It butted up against the Double Diamond and in just a few minutes Mat topped the rise between the two spreads.

  The McIntyre place was dwarfed by the size of the Diamond, but that was the key drawing point. It was spacious but not too big. Held potential for a small operation in the future. Or plenty of room for a family farm.

  Unbidden, Vanessa appeared in his mind. Mat pushed at her memory but it wouldn’t go away. The closer he got to the fence between the properties the more firmly Vanessa’s image entrenched itself with his plans for the future. Silly. She was only here for the holidays and then the bull sale. Future plans need not apply.

  Still, the thought of her sitting on the porch swing with him wasn’t a terrible thought.

  He stopped at the gate, staring across the tree line to the vague shape of the house below. Vanessa. McIntyre property. Future. Mat sighed.

  Just his luck he’d find a place to put down roots and an unrooted woman would worm her way inside his life.

  “Mat. What are you doing here?”

  Like a vision, Vanessa jogged from th
e trees and onto the track he’d been driving just a few moments before. Her hair was scrunched back in a ponytail again, a fine sheen of sweat on her face and clothes. No makeup.

  She’d never looked better, he decided.

  “Just taking a drive,” he said. No one but the real estate agent knew about his plans to buy the property and he planned to keep it that way. “Didn’t realize you jogged.”

  “Only on days when the expected calorie count is way over two thousand. Have you seen the spread Gui’s laying out?”

  Mat shook his head. “I spend most holidays at the cabin.”

  Vanessa waved a hand at him. “No. If we’re going to suffer the calorie count, so can you.” She blew out a breath. “You can also save my lungs and drive me back to the house.”

  He cocked an eyebrow at her. “Really.”

  “Please? Friends don’t make friends jog when there’s a perfectly motorized vehicle waiting.” A sweet smile stretched across her face as she slumped onto the seat beside him. He put the gator in gear and backed away from the fence, chuckling.

  “I should make you jog all the way back. What are you doing all the way up here?”

  “I used to jog five miles a day.” She shrugged. “I forgot the hills were so challenging here.”

  They rode quietly for a few moments. Vanessa crossed her legs and wiggled one foot in the air. Finally, she cleared her throat.

  “If you have time next week, we could get started on the bull pictures for the website.”

  Next week. Didn’t seem like nearly enough time. But if he wanted to inoculate himself against Vanessa, a couple of hours taking pictures was infinitely better than a full day — or two — spent showing bulls to interested buyers.

  “Sure. I’ll clear some time.”

  The ranch house came into view and Mat slowed the gator. Gui waved from the mudroom door as they came into view.

  “Forty-five minutes,” the older man said, “after that I can’t guarantee the freshness of the food.”

  Vanessa hopped out of the gator as Mat drew near the door. “See you inside?”

  He could only nod, and then stare helplessly as Vanessa slid open the patio door and slipped inside. Could imagine her ripping off the workout gear and getting into a hot shower. Mat’s pulse pounded in his ears.

  This friend thing was for the birds.

  And he needed a cold shower before breakfast.

  • • •

  Vanessa fiddled in her bedroom. It was five o’clock, New Year’s Eve. Kathleen called down the hall, asking if she was ready and Vanessa poked her head out the door.

  “I’ll drive myself in. Go on without me.”

  “You aren’t skipping, are you? You’ve barely spoken to anyone in town since you came back.” A frown marred Kathleen’s forehead. She’d frowned a lot in the past week. Looked strangely at Vanessa as if she could see right through her. Watched her like a hawk through the present opening extravaganza Christmas morning as if Vanessa might break if the right gift wasn’t under the tree.

  The right gift wasn’t under the tree. Or anywhere on the ranch that Vanessa could find. Mat made himself scarce over the holiday. Probably with his family. One more reason not to fall for him: she still knew next to nothing about him.

  “I’m fine. And I haven’t avoided them. I just don’t really know anyone out here.” The excuse was tired, Vanessa knew. Frankly she was tired of using it, but excuse or not it was the truth. She spent most of her days inside the ranch office, coding the new website or going over sale copy. The moments she wasn’t working were spent thinking about Mat, having a million imaginary conversations about the baby or daydreaming that they might find a way to co-parent. Ridiculous, she knew. And another reason not to drive to the dance with her sister. Kathleen couldn’t know she was pregnant or that Mat was the father. But she might figure out how fast Vanessa was falling for the cowboy.

  Kathleen tilted her head to one side. “Everyone knows everyone in Lockhardt.”

  “Everyone knows everyone else’s business. Isn’t the same thing.”

  “True.”

  “So I’ll meet up with you later. I need to decide on shoes.” Vanessa tried to look distracted.

  “Shoes could take a millennium.” Jackson exited their bedroom and took Kathleen’s elbow. Since coming to live at the ranch Vanessa rarely saw him in anything other than old jeans and boots. Tonight he wore trousers, leather loafers and a baby- blue, button-down shirt, the perfect foil for Kathleen’s navy wrap dress and boots. In sync. It shouldn’t make the green-eyes jealousy monster come out. “Leave your sister alone, she’ll meet up with us later.”

  “I just thought it would be fun to ride together.”

  “Stop mother-henning her,” Jackson said in a stage whisper. He winked at Vanessa. “We’ll be the ones burning up the dance floor. See ya later, Van.”

  It was the first time Jackson shortened Vanessa’s name and the feeling made her glow. He called Kathleen “Kath,” Mitchum “Mitch.” The people he most respected. A little piece of her personal puzzle clicked with the acceptance.

  “Okay, well, just don’t stay locked in your room all night because you don’t have exactly the right shoe for a town dance.”

  Jackson began walking Kathleen down the hall. “You’re kidding me, right? Kath, your sister has more shoes than ten models put together. The problem isn’t that the shoe doesn’t exist, it’s finding it in the closet.”

  Their voices faded and Vanessa leaned back against the bedroom door. Through the window, she could just make out a glimmer of light from the far side of the main ranch. Lights were still on at Mat’s. Most of the hands went into town a few hours before to set up a few carnival rides, play poker, and munch on snacks. She hadn’t seen any activity from Mat’s, which had to mean he was still there. One lamp flickered off. Time for Plan A.

  Vanessa smoothed her hands over the tiny belly bump, grabbed a pair of rhinestoned, sliver heels and hurried down the stairs. She managed to slip her feet onto the cool, leather soles as she opened the front door, and before Mat’s truck made it down the lane between the foreman’s house and the main ranch house, she was at her car. Please, God, don’t let him look under the hood and realize there was nothing wrong with her perfect little Porsche.

  Mat’s big, red truck came around the corner. Vanessa stood, back straight, arms folded over her chest, tapping her foot. Impatience was the key to her little plan. He rolled down the window.

  “What’s up?”

  She sighed. “I’m regretting telling Jackson and Kathleen to go on without me. Car won’t start and I told them I’d be right behind them. Kathleen is going to freak if I’m a no-show at the dance. She thinks I’m depressed or something.”

  “Are you?”

  His question snapped Vanessa out of her make-believe role. “What?”

  “Depressed? You’ve been hanging around the ranch for days now weeding vegetable gardens and planting flowers or working on the new website. All work and no play isn’t really your speed.”

  No, it wasn’t. Or hadn’t been. “Just because you’ve never seen me weeding a garden doesn’t mean I can’t do it.”

  “I never said you couldn’t do it. I implied there was more going on with you than a new Mother Earth vibe.”

  Oh, if you only knew. But she couldn’t just blurt it out right here in the ranch yard. Yes, they were alone. There was little chance of anyone overhearing since nearly everyone was gone for the evening. But didn’t news like this deserve a little build up? A little preparation.

  “I don’t have a new vibe I’m just … figuring things out.”

  “Which brings us back to the beginning. Are you depressed?” Why did he have to look so yummy in a button-down green shirt, open at the throat?

  “Are you a therapist? Do you get paid b
y the hour?”

  “Just asking a friendly, direct question. Anyone would be, after the break-up of a marriage.” ESP was now one of his many talents?

  She wasn’t depressed. Not even a little bit and this plan was getting way off track.

  “It’s okay to admit it. Not to me, but your sister would listen.”

  Now maybe she was a little mad.

  “Or your friends back in San Antonio.”

  Maybe a lot mad.

  “My friends and my sister and my mental health aren’t your concern, thank you very much. I’m annoyed that my car won’t start. I’m not sad. I’m not depressed. I will, however, be in serious need of medication if I’m late to this dance because I’ll never hear the end of it from Kathleen.”

  A curious half-smile lit Mat’s face. Vanessa’s tummy somersaulted. Just the morning/afternoon sickness, she told herself.

  “Need a ride?”

  “If it isn’t too much trouble.”

  “Get in.” This time Vanessa didn’t hesitate to climb up in the truck. “I’ve got a quick stop to make before the dance.”

  Even better, Vanessa thought, more time to break this news to him gently.

  Unfortunately, now that she was in the truck with him every scenario she’d carefully examined over the past few days deserted her. Blurt it out? No, she wasn’t that callous. Mat deserved better than that. Start with the money angle — that she didn’t need his? Even more harsh. Gentle. Slowly. An adult conversation. Vanessa pressed her fingers into her palms and took a breath.

  Mat turned onto a gravel road just before the Lockhardt city limit sign. Twilight spread across the sky, turning the shaded lane into a dark alley lit by headlights alone.

  “My car isn’t broken.” This was so not how she’d planned to start the conversation. Mat cut his eyes to her and tightened his hands on the steering wheel.