Texas Wishes: The Complete Series

by Kristina Knight

  “From his expression at the table, the memories aren’t all bad.”

  Vanessa wasn’t so sure, and they were treading on dangerous ground. Her childhood was a subject she’d rather not revisit. Not just yet.

  “You have numbers?”

  The subject change wasn’t graceful, but Mat didn’t comment. He’d grabbed his hat on the way out the door. Mat ran his fingers through his hair and set the hat on his head, shading his eyes. Making it hard for Vanessa to tell what he was thinking.

  “No. That was just a ploy to get us out of the dining room.”

  She smiled. “Well, I do have a couple of questions for you, if you have a minute.”

  He nodded and Vanessa led the way to the barn. Funny, for two people who didn’t want to work together just a few weeks ago, they were certainly finding a rhythm.

  • • •

  Vanessa lay back on her bed with her legs hanging over the side praying this stretched out position would work. That her zipper would finally close over the tiny bump she’d noticed in the bathroom mirror a couple of days before. Mail order was great, but it took longer than grabbing new clothes at a local mall. Lockhardt didn’t have a mall, though, and she wasn’t buying her clothes at a general store that also sold chain saws and feed. She tugged once, twice and — miracle! — the zipper zipped. There was, however, no way the button would fasten. Thankfully she wore a fluttery baby-doll top that hung to her hips and no one would notice.

  Her toes curled into the high, pile carpeting in her bedroom and she realized she wore no shoes. She grabbed the ribbon and leather sandals that nearly did her in on the side of the road a couple of weeks before and then tossed them back into the closet. Mat didn’t care about her shoes. In fact, he seemed to like her ballet flats and boots as well as the sexy, strapped stilettos she’d worn to get Paul’s attention.

  Not that she was dressing for Mat now like she’d dressed for Paul then. Quite the opposite. She still loved the McQueens, but they weren’t going to a fundraiser at the McNay. This was a quiet dinner, maybe a movie in the next town over.

  Their first official date.

  Vanessa was tempted to call down the hall and giggle over her date night preparations with Kathleen. Sorely tempted. But they weren’t at that point yet. As much as she’d like to talk to someone about the weird feelings bursting from her chest at the oddest moments — like this morning when she’d spied Mat giving an extra apple to one of the young horses — she also didn’t want to share her feelings. It might make them too real.

  Might make her fall head over feet for Matias Barnes. She couldn’t afford that.

  Vanessa checked the watch on her wrist. Six-thirty. Mat would be waiting. He was picking her up at the barn office, and she felt foolish picking her way quietly down the back stairs, boots in hand so they wouldn’t clack against the hardwood floors and alert anyone to where she was. She made it down the stairs and through the kitchen and mudroom without seeing anyone. A few minutes later, she hurried around the barn.

  God, she’d never acted this teenagery even when she was a teenager.

  It was just to protect Mat’s job and the baby, she insisted to herself. There was no reason to jeopardize what he obviously loved when they didn’t even know if a relationship would work between them. When there were still custody issues to figure out. It was better this way, even if sneaking around was exactly the sort of thing a self-absorbed person would do. Vanessa countered the icky feeling accompanying that thought with the fact that a truly self-absorbed person wouldn’t worry what impact her actions — like having a one-night stand and getting pregnant — might have on the other party. She decided the two canceled one another out.

  Mat sat behind the wheel of his truck, the cherry red Dodge he’d driven to the dance. Her tummy did a little flip when he smiled at her. She climbed into the vehicle.

  “You look stunning,” he said, eyeing the vee of her shirt with appreciation.

  She blushed. Had he ever paid her a compliment before? She didn’t think so. Her tummy did another flip and her skin heated.

  “Thanks. You — ” What? Looked stunning, too? He did, but Vanessa didn’t think Mat would appreciate the statement. He wore jeans and a polo shirt, untucked. The light blue of the shirt in stark contrast to his dark skin and eyes. Once again, he looked like a model from a Ralph Lauren ad.

  “I, what?”

  Vanessa shook herself. “You, um, look nice?”

  Mat nodded and pressed his lips together. A chuckle slipped out. “You want to think about that some more? Or are you settled on ‘nice’?”

  “Nice.”

  “Alrighty, then. On that note, let’s go to dinner.” He put the truck in drive and started down the main road. He turned up the radio and Vanessa settled back into her seat.

  “You really do look nice.”

  “Oh, don’t flatter me so, Miss Scarlett.” Sarcasm dripped from his voice, tempered by the laughter behind the words said in a decent Rhett Butler imitation. “Such kindness will only go to my head.”

  Vanessa laughed. “How did you know I loved that movie?”

  “What Southern or Texas belle doesn’t have a secret fascination with Rhett and Scarlett?”

  She had to give him that one. Just about every girl in her dorm had either an old movie poster or a dog-eared copy of the book. She couldn’t remember many Saturday night break-ups when the movie wasn’t pulled out and used as romance therapy in the community room.

  “Okay, what else can you decipher about me just from my Texas upbringing?”

  He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. “You’re just the tiniest bit entitled, that comes from being raised by parents who gave you everything you ever wanted.”

  Not quite. But Vanessa had to admit she did like it when things went her way, and pouted when they didn’t. Moving on.

  “You don’t have an accent, but that probably comes from dividing time between households. You do know how to use ‘bless your heart’ appropriately as a put-down when someone gets in your way.”

  She flipped her hair and widened her eyes. “Doesn’t everyone?”

  A bark of laughter rang from Mat’s chest. “No, everyone doesn’t. Like all the Texas women I’ve met, you know how to create the perfect outer image, and like Scarlett you know how to work when the time comes. I have to admit that surprised me.”

  “It did?”

  “In all the years I’ve worked at the ranch, I’ve only seen you throw together the party, the website has been static, and Mitchum has hired out the sale kits. I didn’t expect you to dive in to the whole project.” He held up a hand when she would have interrupted. “I know throwing parties isn’t easy. That wasn’t a putdown. You’ve impressed me. The viewings have been well scheduled, we’ve made points with all the buyers, and my guess is this year’s sale receipts will bury last years in the mud.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You didn’t think I noticed, did you?”

  “Actually, no. I mean, it didn’t really enter my mind that you were watching me that closely.” She shrugged and looked out the front window. “I was just trying to pull my weight this year. Kathleen mentioned they were hoping to have the new website running with more information before Christmas. I didn’t really have anything to do and I did study graphic design in college.”

  “Don’t do that.”

  She stared forward, afraid of what she might see on his face if she turned her head even a fraction of an inch. She twisted her mouth as if she were confused. “What?”

  “Don’t pretend you were just killing time because you were bored. Own the fact that you wanted more than a life filled with shopping and lunches.”

  “What life?” Vanessa looked down at her hands and then over to Mat’s side of the truck. They passed under a street light but she couldn’
t make out his expression. “I was bored. My friends dropped me before the divorce papers were filed, my favorite salons lost my appointments. I was living in a hotel because I couldn’t face the house I redid. I had nothing to do. I was bored.”

  “Boredom is easily solved with a vacation or a change of scenery.” He spoke as if he had her all figured out. The feeling left Vanessa with a queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. What if he did have her figured out? What if he knew what she’d been trying desperately to hide with a great website revamp and throwing herself into the sale preparations? What if he saw that she didn’t really fit in here?

  He continued. “You wanted more from your life than what you’d taken. It’s okay to admit that.”

  Vanessa clenched her hands together. He was right. She had wanted more. How could he see so clearly into her life when she barely had a handle on what he liked to eat for lunch? She wanted, badly, to turn the tables on him. To tell him everything about his life based on his upbringing but she couldn’t. She didn’t know anything about his life. Not where he’d grown up. Not his first job or if he’d played sports in high school or gone to college. She didn’t know if he’d dated much — she couldn’t imagine the answer to that one being anything but a resounding Y.E.S. — or what his parents were like or if he had friends outside the ranch.

  The questions left a burning hole in her belly.

  “Okay, I wanted more.”

  “You say that like the concept is cancerous.”

  “Isn’t it?” She’d wanted more than the Texas ranch and jumped into a horrible marriage. Her mother wanted more than her life as a waitress and took it from Nathaniel, nearly ruining him and screwing up Vanessa in the process.

  “No, it’s not. Wanting more is the reason you get up in the morning. The reason you try new things.”

  “You sound like a therapist and since I’m playing the part of the patient: Wanting more has never given me anything I actually needed.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  She shrugged. “It isn’t your fault. You barely know me. Hell, I barely know myself. You got me on the Texas things, but you have no idea what my life is really like so don’t try to psycho-analyze me into some nice little box.” Vanessa knew the words were prickly as they left her lips, but she couldn’t wish them back and she wouldn’t apologize. He didn’t know her past.

  Mat pulled into a parking lot filled with SUVs and trucks, a few Harleys, and a BMW or two. He parked the truck and turned to her. Mat took her hand in his and rubbed gently.

  “I wasn’t trying to be your therapist. It was just a game.”

  She could only nod. Calmness oozed from his fingers, softening her rigid joints and pushing at her to relax.

  “Did you know my mother trapped Nathaniel into marrying her?” Vanessa had no idea where the words sprang from but once opened, she couldn’t shut down the stream. “She picked him up after a Cowboys game, based on his car, and began having an affair with him. I was the cherry on top of her cake. Permanent bait she could use to torture a man who obviously needed help. She used me to keep the money flowing from the Double Diamond accounts into hers.”

  “So working for the ranch is some kind of weird payback?”

  “Not even a little bit.” Vanessa was surprised to realize the words were true. She’d come back to the ranch not to repay the family, but because she wanted to be a part of it. “I came back because I’ve never fit in anywhere. My mother didn’t want me. Nathaniel wasn’t equipped to deal with me. Paul only wanted me as a means to an end. Do you know the happiest days of my life were spent here, in Lockhardt? I couldn’t admit that, even to myself, until a few days ago. I hated that my mother shipped me here. I hated that I didn’t know anything and instead of asking to be let into the fold, I pretended I didn’t want any of it. I’d drive around town in my sporty little car, date football players and pretend to be a bad-ass. I’d skip curfew and basically make everyone around me miserable. That isn’t the part I loved, by the way.” She looked at him and smiled. “But every year the bull sale party allowed my talents to shine and every now and then I’d surprise Grandfather with an amazing report card. Sometimes Nathaniel wouldn’t be drunk. Once I found out about the baby, all I could think about was coming back here, figuring myself out and not messing him or her up the way I’d been messed up.”

  “I get that.” He was quiet for a minute. “When I needed to figure myself out, I ran to Gui and Texas as quickly as I could.”

  “Where did you run from?”

  “California and a job with my father’s company. Not to steal your words, but I’d never really fit in there, although I’d done a damn fine job of playing the part.” He leaned back in his seat.

  “There was an accident. My girlfriend was pregnant, or I thought she was, and we’d gotten engaged. She wanted to get married on a cliff overlooking the Pacific and I thought it was stupid idea. We were fighting and I missed our exit, tried to turn into the off-ramp too late and flipped the car.” Vanessa squeezed his hand in sympathy. “I didn’t have a scratch on me but she was knocked out. At the hospital, the doctors finally came to the waiting room to tell me she was fine, and I asked about the baby. Until that moment, I didn’t even know if I wanted to be a father. He said there was no baby, that there never had been. It was all a lie she told because she wanted to change her life and thought my job would give her the things she wanted.”

  “Mat, I’m so sorry.” Vanessa cringed at the pain in his voice. She wanted to throw her arms around him and hold him tight, but he sat stiffly against the seat and she knew he wouldn’t welcome her embrace.

  “When you first told me about this baby, I flashed back to that moment. I knew a second later, you weren’t lying, but for just a minute I was back there. I’m sorry.” He looked at her. “And now for my therapy part, Ms. Witte. I like my life the way it is now — work, friends, real people. I don’t have a clue how adding you and a baby to the mix will change things, but I’d like to see it. So, how about we go inside, have a nice dinner, and then go see a movie like normal people do on first dates?”

  Chapter Nine

  Mat watched one of the guys herd the last two bulls into the pen to await the buyers, arriving any minute. Things were going smoothly, and not just with the sale. He’d cursed himself as soon as he’d told Vanessa about the accident and Mara’s betrayal. He’d intended to never speak about that again.

  Especially not to a woman who was so like Mara it was eerie. Maybe he’d told her because the more time he spent with her, the more he realized Vanessa wasn’t similar. Yes, she liked clothes. Yes, she’d been born into a wealthy family and given the benefits that entailed. So had he. So had Mara. But Vanessa was so different. She wasn’t afraid to work, to offer ideas and follow up. She looked amazing in jeans and boots.

  The men had things under control so he turned the gator down a lane leading to the McIntyre place. By road, the two spreads were separated by about fifteen miles. Through the back country it was only a couple minutes’ drive. As the gator topped a rise he saw the house and two barns below. His dream property? Until Vanessa came along he’d thought so. Now he was torn between wanting the McIntyre land and wanting Vanessa, who might or might not have Texas in her future.

  She hadn’t run to her family about the pregnancy and his part in it, not because she was holding it over his head but because she thought she was protecting his livelihood. Would she think about it differently if she knew he didn’t need to work ever again unless he wanted to? As much as he wanted the white-picket-fence future, he could change his dreams for her. For the baby. Live in Houston or Miami or whatever city would make Vanessa happy. He’d hate it, but he’d do it. Eventually.

  His shoulders tensed. He tapped his fingers against his thigh. Mitchum warned him not to hurt Vanessa. That warning was a spotlight on what they were doing now, pressure to figure it out sooner rather th
an later. Sooner than the seven months they had left until the baby arrived. If he wasn’t around, Vanessa needed to be settled with her family.

  Mat was done with the private-island-in-the-Caribbean life. As strongly as Vanessa insisted she was, would she want the life of a cowhand if she knew the truth.

  In California, his world was so entwined with his father’s company, with the constraints that came along with having money, that he hadn’t known where Mat began and Matias Barnes ended. He’d come to Texas to figure that out. He knew who he was now. Knew what he wanted.

  Room. A place of his own. Friendships that didn’t depend on his bank account.

  He wanted quiet. Peaceful. To be able to walk out his front door and not see the flash of a paparazzi’s camera from the corner of his eye.

  Freedom.

  Just a few weeks before that was all he wanted. Now he wanted more.

  The freedom he coveted would disappear in the blink of an eye if Vanessa stayed. If they worked things out. He’d have an entire family, people who respected him for his work ethic, not his name or connections. He’d have a baby to care for, a woman to get to know better. The freedom to come and go, to keep the job or move on to another place would be gone but he’d take that risk.

  Mat walked to the fence separating the properties, leaned his arms against the rails and watched as wind tickled its way through the tree branches on the other side. Independence beckoned to him from the trees. Ties and commitment echoed in waves from the hills behind.

  He knew what he wanted this time around. The question was would Vanessa accept what he had to give? Or take everything from him in the blink of an eye?

  • • •

  Vanessa drove back from the holding pens with three interested buyers. Five more days to the sale and so far no complaints. The buyers seemed interested in the livestock, they stuck to the schedule, and after that first day, there had been no over-scheduling.