The Seacrest

by Aaron Lazar

  I reached for my sunglasses, settled them on my nose, and realized I had a major decision to make.

  Would I move into the old farmhouse, or stay at The Seacrest?

  I really didn’t know where I wanted to live, in spite of my desire to reclaim the blueberries.

  I supposed it made sense to move. A whole house, now in my name, just sitting there waiting for me.

  Could I ignore the fact that Jax had lived there for the past decade? Could I forget that my parents and sister had died there?

  And another thought—would I be able to keep working for the Vanderhorns? Was it possible to bridge my old and new life, to keep tending horses and gardens and also try to reclaim the blueberry farm?

  Change was something I did not welcome.

  I’d been relatively comfortable in the little house on the estate, even if I’d lived there with a woman who no longer loved me, who’d cheated on me with my own brother.

  I grimaced, and slowed to curve around a tight turn, glimpsing the sea in the distance.

  Maybe that was the problem. I’d been comfortable with our life. Comfortable with Cora.

  Was that so bad? After eight years of marriage?

  I frowned and spoke aloud, hitting the steering wheel with one hand. “I should have worked harder. Tried to rekindle some passion.”

  Ace looked up at me, wagged his tail, and stuck his big head out the window to catch scents on the breeze.

  But how could one light a fire when the sticks were wet?

  I shook my head, maneuvering the old Jeep around another bend.

  “Was it my fault, buddy?”

  He turned again, woofed once, and flopped onto the seat, his big eyes still on me.

  “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

  When we reached The Seacrest, I wound around the servants’ drive and reached my cottage, parking behind it as usual. “Okay. Let’s go find Libby.”

  He bounced beside me on the way to the house, licking my hand occasionally.

  We headed for the back door to the kitchen, my usual entrance, and pushed the screen door inside to find Fritzi at the table making deviled eggs.

  I reached for one and popped it in my mouth. “Delicious.”

  “Ja, my special recipe,” she said, reaching to pat Ace. “Hello, doggie.”

  Ace wagged his tail and sat expectantly beside her, his eyes wide with expectation.

  I sat across from her. “Hi, Frizti. What’s cookin’? Smells good.”

  She gestured to the bread maker on the counter, her German accent still as strong as the day she’d arrived in the States. “Oatmeal bread. Almost done. You want me to make you a chicken salad sandwich with it?”

  I inhaled the fresh aroma of bread. “You bet I do.”

  She tried to hide a smile. “Gut. I have a treat for the doggie. On the top shelf of the Frigidaire.”

  I found the meaty bone wrapped in foil, opened it, and handed it to Ace. “Here you go, boy.”

  He accepted it greedily and took it beneath the table, holding it between his front paws.

  “Thanks, Fritzi. He’ll work on that all day.”

  “Ja. I know.” She cast me a funny look, started to say something, then stopped.

  I settled across from her at the kitchen table. “Something on your mind?”

  “Ja.” She frowned. “But it’s not my business.”

  “It’s okay. Ask away.”

  She pursed her lips, then the words burst out of her. “What happened with Cora?”

  “Good question.” I leaned on one hand, wondering how she could be so intuitive. I’d just found out about Cora’s affair that morning. “You want the truth?”

  She nodded, but there was something in her eyes that made me sit up. She rushed the words before I could ask her what she was thinking.

  “She was schtupping your brudder, Ja?”

  I stared at her. “How the hell did you find out about it?”

  She shrugged. “I see things. I see him come in his fancy car sometimes when you were sleeping.”

  “When was this?”

  She looked vague, waving a hand in the air. “Last year. This year. Many times. I saw them kissing in the car last time. I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid.”

  “Afraid of what?”

  “Of hurting you.” She wiped her hands on her apron, walked around the table, and touched my cheek. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

  I leaned against her ample form, hugging her around the waist. “Thanks, Fritzi.”

  I wished she had told me, but that was the past, and it wouldn’t do to blame her for keeping it quiet or delaying my stupid sense of status quo.

  Libby appeared in the doorway, arms swinging and striding fast. She pulled up with a start when she saw me hugging her cook. “Whoa. Sorry to interrupt your love fest.”

  I stood up suddenly and Fritzi snorted a huge laugh. “Oh, no! You have found out about me and my lover.” She beamed and settled back in her seat.

  Libby grabbed an egg as I had done. “Okay, you’re secret’s out. You two are in big trouble.”

  The bread maker beeped and Fritzi got up again, turning off the machine and upending the container of bread onto a clean dishtowel. “So, I make you a nice chicken sandwich like Finn, Ja?”

  Libby hesitated. “Um. I guess. Sure.”

  “Okay. I take them out to the summerhouse when they are ready. You bring this lemonade with you.” She opened the fridge and removed a plastic jug full of ice, lemonade, and slices of lemons. “Here you go.” She reached for two tall plastic tumblers. “Finn, you take these. I will see you in a few minutes.”

  We dutifully followed her directions. I held the door for Libby, who slid through with the beverage in hand. Ace stayed under the table at Fritzi’s feet. He knew where the good stuff came from. I hesitated in the doorway, wondering if I’d be sitting with the pissed off Libby or the one who’d kissed me. I got my answer in seconds.

  She nodded toward the summerhouse, irritation on her face. “Come on, Finn. Don’t take all day. I’m dying of thirst here.”

  Chapter 32

  August 7th, 1997

  1:30 P.M.

  I found out why Jax was in trouble four days later. It was just chance, and I wondered if I’d ever have discovered his secret if it wasn’t for happenstance.

  My father had left Jax and a part time hired hand in charge of the farm, planning to bring my mother to her doctor’s appointment at the OBGYN’s office in town. I was supposed to be dropped at the dentist to have my teeth cleaned, but when we arrived there, the appointment was canceled because my hygienist had come down with a bad summer cold.

  So, it was by pure chance that I sat between my mother and father in the baby doctor’s office, feeling a little foolish, and flipping through boring parents’ magazines. My mother looked over my shoulder, pointing out the cutest babies in the ads.

  “Oh, what a cutie pie! Do you think our little one will look like that?” She squeezed my hand and looked over me to my father, who looked almost as bored as I felt.

  “What about Caroline, dear?” she said. “Do you like that name for a girl?”

  Dad nodded, smiled. “It’s nice.”

  She nudged my side. “How about you, Finn? Do you like it?”

  “I guess so. It reminds me of Caroline Kennedy.”

  She nodded. “Me, too. But I also like Eva. What about that one? Do you like it, dear?” She sent another questioning glance to my father.

  Before he could answer, a very pregnant young woman entered the room with an older lady, probably her mother. When they saw us sitting in the room, they stopped dead and stared.

  I felt my parents stiffen beside me, and suddenly they were very busily pointing out babies in the magazine.

  The girl—she wasn’t from our school—looked to be about sixteen or seventeen, and there was no wedding ring on her finger. Her mother turned white, shot us a filthy look, grabbed the girl’s arm, and propelled her to a seat at the fa
r end of the room, around the corner where we couldn’t see them.

  I watched the whole thing play out, fascinated. “Wow. What was that all about?”

  My mother touched my arm to shush me. “Nothing, dear. Just let it go.”

  I looked at my father, who usually told me the truth when my mother tried to brush it under the rug. “Dad?”

  He put a finger to his lips and lowered his eyebrows in warning. “Later, son.”

  I looked back and forth between my parents—who remained all stiff and nervous—until both my mother and the girl were called in to their respective appointments. A few more pregnant ladies entered and found seats with their toddlers playing at their feet. I kept silent until I could stand it no longer.

  “Dad?”

  He looked at me with impatience. “I said later.”

  “Come on. This is too weird.”

  He laid the magazine down on the table with a bit too much force, causing heads to turn. “All right. Let’s go get a soda. Your mom will be in there for a while.”

  With a sigh, he led me out of the waiting room to the vending machine down the hall. He plopped change into the slot and let me choose first. I picked an iced tea. Dad chose a can of orange soda, and we sat down on a bench in the hall.

  “Dad?”

  He took a long swig of his soda. “Can’t you guess what’s going on here, son?”

  I gulped. “Uh. Maybe.”

  “She was one of Jax’s girlfriends. For just a few nights.”

  “It’s his baby?”

  He nodded. “That’s right. And I hate to tell you this, but it’s the third time this has happened this summer.”

  I whistled. “Whoa. Are you kidding?”

  “That’s why I’m so pushy about you using protection, son. You can get yourself and your new girl into terrible trouble if you’re not careful.”

  I sat silent for a minute. “We’re usually careful.”

  “Usually isn’t enough. You have to wear a condom every, single time. And it would be better if she had a prescription for prevention on top of that.”

  I thought back to our last adventure in the ocean, to the times we’d thrown caution to the wind when I’d taken her impulsively, all thoughts of potential pregnancy completely forgotten. “Oh, crap.”

  One eyebrow rose. “Son?”

  I turned to him, nervous now. “Sometimes we forget. We get so caught up in the moment, Dad. And I love her, I really, truly love her. I want to be with her forever. I want to marry her, like you did Mom.” I touched his arm. “Dad. I’m crazy about her.”

  His eyes bored into mine. “Finn. If you love her, you need to protect her.”

  I looked at my hands. “I know. I promise. We’ll do better.”

  “Who is she, son? If you feel this way about her, don’t you think it’s time we met her?”

  I sighed and glanced sideways at him. “It’s been kind of secret, Dad. She really didn’t want me to know who she is until the other night.”

  “Why not? Is she ashamed of her family?”

  “Uh. Kind of. But not for the reasons you might think.”

  His eyes continued to probe mine. “Well?”

  I gave up. “Okay. Her name is Libby. Short for Elizabeth.”

  “I thought you called her Sassy?”

  “That was just a nickname.”

  “What’s her family name?”

  I swallowed hard. “Vanderhorn.”

  He straightened and stared at me. “You are dating the Vanderhorn girl?”

  I gave a half-smile. “Uh huh. And her father doesn’t exactly like me.”

  He frowned. “Why the hell not?”

  I put aside the surprise of him swearing and answered, embarrassing as it was to admit. “Because he caught us in a…um…delicate position on the beach a while back.”

  “That night the cops brought you to us? When they wouldn’t tell us the girl’s name?”

  “Right.”

  He slumped. “Holy Mother of God.”

  “Yeah. I know. It’s hopeless. He hates me. And she’s going off to some kind of fancy boarding school in the fall. Switzerland.”

  “I see.” He seemed to relax a bit, maybe relieved that I wouldn’t have much more time to get in trouble. “How do you feel about that?”

  I opened up, feeling like I could talk to him for the first time, almost man to man. “I feel like my heart’s being ripped out, Dad. I love her so much it hurts.”

  He slid an arm around my shoulders. “How we had two such different boys is still a mystery to me, Finn.”

  “What d’you mean?”

  A guilty expression slid over his features. He shifted and lowered his voice. “I mean how you can know love at such a tender young age. And Jax…” he looked up and down the hallway to be sure no one could hear. “He just wants to lay every girl he sees on the street. He has no concept of love.”

  “Yeah. I got that impression.”

  “Son?” He squeezed my shoulders.

  “Yeah, Dad?”

  “Did I ever tell you how grateful we are for you?”

  I flushed, embarrassed, but pleased by his words. “Um. I guess.”

  “Well, we are. You are such a good boy. And I thank God every day for you.”

  He leaned over and hugged me, right there in public.

  “Thanks, Dad. I love you guys, too.” I got up. “We’d better go check on Mom, right?”

  “Right. Let’s see what the doctor says about your little brother or sister.”

  We walked back to the office. I was filled with a sense of pride that warmed me to my toes. For once, I was glad my brother was such a bad seed. It made me look pretty darned good in comparison.

  Chapter 33

  July 20th, 2013

  12:30 P.M.

  “Thanks, Fritzi.” I took the tray of sandwiches and pickles and set it on a wrought iron table in the summerhouse. “Looks good.”

  “Enjoy.” Fritzi waved my thanks away and plodded back toward the kitchen. Ace surprised me by following her instead of staying with us in the shaded refuge.

  Libby sat back in a chaise lounge, long legs crossed with one sandaled foot bouncing up and down. She sipped her lemonade, watching me over the top of her sunglasses. “Hot one today.” She almost sounded civil with that, and I had to hold my breath, hoping she didn’t light into me with her next sentence.

  She was so lovely. In her white cutoff denim shorts and a red and white polka-dot halter-top, she reminded me of the girl I’d loved so long ago. I had a hard time not staring at her creamy skin, lustrous dark hair that flowed loose on her shoulders today, her well-toned equestrian’s body, and those big gorgeous eyes that stared at me with open hostility when she noticed me admiring her.

  I’d repressed my feelings for so long, it felt odd to allow myself to appreciate her.

  So much for a reprieve. I guess I shouldn’t have met her eyes.

  She pointed to Ace and Fritzi, who’d almost made it back to the kitchen. “Your dog goes where the food is, doesn’t he?”

  I tore my gaze from her. “Yeah. But he’s a good dog,” I said, reaching for a sandwich. “One of the best I’ve ever had.”

  She focused in the distance now, as if nothing had happened, as if she hadn’t caught me admiring her. “Remember Mr. Jingles? How he’d howl at the swimmers and chase rabbits around the woods?”

  “Yeah.” I took a bite of the chicken salad sandwich. It was delicious. “He was my first pal. Best companion a boy could have.” I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, realizing we had no napkins. “Aside from you.”

  She snorted a laugh. “We were a lot more than companions, Finn.”

  I put down the sandwich and slid my chair closer, my eyes and voice serious. “I know. And I still don’t know why you dumped me, Lib. Tell the truth, to this day, it still bothers the hell out of me.”

  She sat up, bristling. “Seriously? Are we going there again?”

  I nodded. “I really want to kn
ow. Why did you return all my letters unopened? Why wouldn’t you even talk to me for all those years?”

  She stared at me, and to my surprise, her eyes puddled. “You’re unbelievable.”

  This time I wasn’t going to let it go. “Libby. I need to know.”

  “Didn’t you think I’d find out?”

  Dumbfounded, I sat still. “About what?”

  She slammed her lemonade onto the table with a bit too much force, sloshing it over the side. “About the others, for God’s sake. What do you think?”

  I eyed her, wondering what the hell she was talking about. “What others? Libby. I swear to God, there was only you.”

  She jumped up, eyes narrowed, arms waving wildly as she stomped in a tight circle. “Jax told me, you moron. He told me about Penny and Sarah and Vanessa. He told me about how you knocked them all up. I saw them around town, for God’s sake! Their bellies were huge. You can’t deny it!”

  My jaw dropped. “You’re kidding, right?”

  She walked closer now, shoving me back in my chair with both hands. “No, I’m not kidding! Why can’t you just come clean and admit it?”

  I slowly stood, taking her hands in mine. She tried to pull away, but I drew her to me. “Libby. Listen.”

  “I don’t want to hear your lame excuses! Sure, you were horny. All the girls liked you. You juggled us like balls in the air. You were all man. And you proved it, didn’t you?”

  She tried to wrest her arms away, but I held tight to her. “Listen to me, goddamn it.”

  For a moment she hesitated, slowed. She raised her eyes to mine. “I really loved you, Finn. You broke my heart.”

  Anger surged through me. Jax had done it again. He’d turned my life upside down with more lies. More deceit. More betrayal that I couldn’t even yell at him for. He’d escaped that part, hadn’t he?

  I shook her, maybe a bit rougher than I should have. “Jax got those girls pregnant. All three of them. It. Wasn’t. Me.”

  She scoffed, started to half cry-half laugh, then stopped and stared at me. “You’re serious.”