Red Velvet: A BBW Romance (The Cass Chronicles Book 5)

by Susannah Shannon

  “Is the snow to ice down the champagne?”

  He gave a low whistle and shook his head. “No, ma’am. It’s to ice your bottom after I am done dealing with you for not mentioning a certain run in with a moose.”

  “Oh.” Fucking Alaska.

  After a few firm swats, he relented. “Hey, baby,” he said as he ran his hands up and down her flanks. “If you were to promise me to never be so stupid again, then I might stop this and suggest you go put on your Christmas present.”

  Now this was a conundrum. Stupid is what she did, however. “I promise to not run into a moose when I am minding my own business using a metal detector to find the knife your father gave you, ever, ever again.”

  One hard slap. “Sassy girl has no sense at all.”

  She propped herself up on her elbows. “But I do have very good taste in husbands.”

  “Agreed, go on, princess, get changed for me.” She brushed her hair out; it hung way past her shoulders now. It took some fiddling to get herself laced into the contraption. She had to bend and scoop her boobs into the cups. She was not fond of “butt floss”, but she was married to someone who was. She considered making a run for the covers. She changed her mind.

  “Hey, babe—I need some of that champagne.” She stuck a hand out of the door barely cracked open. He filled it with a flute of bubbly. She downed it in one swift motion. Her phone was in a pocket of some jeans that were lying on the bathroom floor. She flipped through her music and found She’s Got Legs by ZZ Top. Grateful for the “Dutch courage,” she swung the door open and shook her hips as she exited the bathroom. She was only able to pull it off by pretending she was someone else. She shimmied, she shook her ass. She turned and reached for her ankles knowing she was offering him one of his very favorite views. Channeling every stripper she had ever seen in a movie, she spun and rocked her hips back and forth. She whipped her hair back and forth and licked her lips. She snapped her fingers along with the music and approached him. She pushed him back unto the bed and straddled his knees. While she hummed along, she unzipped his jeans and found he was already as hard as a rock. With no shyness whatsoever, she mounted him and rode him, arching her back and grinding her hips. He was strong enough to hold her safely so she allowed herself to go. She bent so far back that her head nearly touched the floor. With his fingers digging into her ass, they both came. She clung to his strong shoulders and caught her breath.

  “That was awesome,” he whispered. “What got into you?”

  “Booze,” she answered.

  “Oh really?” he snorted.

  “Yup. I have always been a cheap date.” She laughed.

  “Oh, baby girl, you have no idea.” He laughed and held the bottle towards her.

  “When the hell did we get sparkling grape juice?” she demanded.

  “The Pritchetts brought it; they don't drink.”

  She felt stupid. “I think I hate them.”

  “I think they need to come over every week and twice on Sundays.”

  Of Nuptials, Noels and New Beginnings

  CassCooks Blog post

  Make sure you watch “Cass Plans a Wedding, Episode Two” next week—check your local listings. The wedding was elegant, beautiful, personal and fun. Check the blog site for those recipes.

  I’ve received several letters asking what we serve for Christmas. I sort of transported my family’s traditional meal. That is one of the advantages of learning to cook. You will get to make decisions like that for the crowd. I figure since I now live some place where moose are trying to kill me, I get to set the menu for major holidays. My Anglo-mutt family has always gone the roast beef, Yorkshire pudding route. So I did that Christmas day. The Nelsons are Scandinavian and, therefore, more likely to serve ham. Our compromise is that in a few days we will host an open house. Nothing beats a ham for open house food. The recipes for that are also on the blog. Just to catch you up on some of the stars of this blog:

  Mimi is still teaching yoga and little Victoria is a beautiful little butterball with blue eyes and kissable cheeks.

  Jen and Chad are job sharing so they each work half time and take care of Sadie and Oliver. They are both brilliant lawyers. Sadie is four going on twenty-five. Oliver is walking.

  Ken and Barbie (aka Daddy and Mom) are doing well. We skyped on Christmas Eve. My brother Scott is still in law school. He’s coming to Slick Trench for New Years.

  Did you know that the strongest man in the world competition is held in Iceland? We have a friend who will be there.

  Hazel and Lloyd are as in love as ever—and not slowing down even a little bit.

  Torsten and Libby are engaged! I’ll let you know when the date is set.

  I am the luckiest girl ever—I get to be married to Killian Nelson for the rest of my life.

  It is my sincere hope that you have a blessed season full of laughter, love and deliciousness—Cass.

  Recipe Archives

  Red Velvet Cake

  Servings: Makes one 3 layer 8 inch cake

  3 1/2 cups cake flour

  1/2 cup unsweetened natural cocoa (not Dutch process)

  1 1/2 teaspoons salt

  1 cup butter

  1 cup vegetable oil

  2 1/4 cups sugar

  3 large eggs

  1 heaping teaspoon red gel food coloring dissolved in 6 tablespoons of water

  1 1/4 cup buttermilk

  2 teaspoons baking soda

  1 tablespoon white vinegar

  Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lavishly spray 8” baking pans with flour/oil baking spray. (If you only have one pan and need to do this in shifts, that’s fine.)

  Whisk cake flour, cocoa and salt in a bowl.

  Place oil, melted butter, dissolved food coloring and sugar in bowl of an electric mixer and beat at medium speed until well blended. Beat in eggs one at a time. Add flour mixture alternately with buttermilk in two batches. Scrape down bowl and beat just long enough to combine.

  Place baking soda in a 2 cup measuring cup, stir in vinegar. (Remember this science experiment from kindergarten? It will foam, hence the large measuring cup) and add to batter with machine running. Beat for 10 seconds.

  Divide batter among pans, place in oven and bake until a cake tester comes out clean, 35 minutes or so. Let cool in pans 20 minutes. Then remove from pans. Cool completely. Fill and crumb coat with ermine icing, and place in refrigerator for 30 minutes or more. Then ice and decorate as desired with remaining icing.

  Roux icing:

  7 tablespoons flour

  1 1/2 cups milk

  2 teaspoons vanilla

  1 1/2 cup softened unsalted butter

  1 1/2 cup Granulated Sugar

  In a small saucepan, whisk flour into milk and heat, stirring constantly, until it thickens. You want it to be very thick, like cake batter. Remove from heat and let it cool to room temperature. It must be completely cool before you use it in the next step. Stir in vanilla.

  While the mixture is cooling, thoroughly cream the butter and sugar together until light and fluffy. Then add the completely cooled milk/flour/vanilla mixture and beat it like crazy. Be patient—it will take a few minutes. Beat it until it all combines and resembles whipped cream.

  Honey-Soy glazed Salmon:

  A large salmon fillet—about 2 lbs, cut into 8 pieces. (If you can only get the pre frozen fillets, they will work. You will need 8 and they need to be thawed and thoroughly dried.)

  3 tablespoons honey

  3 tablespoons soy sauce

  3 tablespoons canola oil

  In a zip lock bag combine fish, 2 tablespoons honey and 2 tablespoons soy and allow to marinate for 15 minutes. Combine 2 tablespoons oil, remaining honey and soy sauce. Preheat your grill to medium high heat. Oil your very clean grill rack. Lay the patted dry fish on the grill and do NOT touch it for 5 minutes—I know, I know, you are worried about it sticking, but we are developing crust. Go smoke a cigarette, watch a YouTube video, run laps in the yard—anything to keep your
grubby paws off those fillets. Flip. Using a brush, coat the fillets with the glaze. After 3 minutes turn and glaze the other side. Give them one more minute and then get them off the heat. Set on a plate and cover with foil to allow them to finish cooking.

  Ginger-sesame Bok Choy:

  8 small heads of bok choy

  1 tablespoon of sesame seeds

  2 tablespoons of sesame oil (the toasted stuff—which I must confess along with fresh cut grass is my favorite smell in the universe that is not my husband)

  Something like an inch of peeled and microplaned ginger

  Slice the bok choy in half lengthwise—also cut off the stem end, but make it a shallow cut so it doesn't fall apart.

  Put the bok (we are on a first name basis, now) in a large skillet with a tight fitting lid. Pour about 1/2 cup boiling water over and cover. Do not lift the lid for at least 5 minutes. When the veggie seems nearly tender—leave the lid off and allow the remaining water to evaporate. Using a spatula, push the bok against the sides of the pan. Into the bottom of the pan, pour the sesame oil and the ginger and allow to cook for a few seconds. Stir thoroughly and then top with the sesame seeds.

  Roasted Halibut Cioppino:

  6 halibut fillets (about 5 oz, each-give or take)

  2 tablespoons canola oil

  1 tablespoon olive oil

  1 onion finely diced

  1 tsp. Fennel seed

  1/2 tsp red pepper flakes (or less)

  4 cloves garlic—sliced thinly

  Zest of 1 lemon

  1 can of crushed tomatoes

  1/2 cup very dry white wine

  About 3 lbs of assorted seafood. I go with about a pound of mussels, a pound of clams, 1/2 lb rock shrimp, and 1/2 lb calamari rings

  Heat a large NOT nonstick skillet over medium heat and add the canola oil. Arrange the halibut fillets flesh side down without crowding, and cook until the fillets turn a soft golden brown and caramelize, 3 to 4 minutes. Turn and cook until medium rare (still a bit translucent in the center), 2 to 4 minutes more, being careful not to overcook. If desired, remove the skin and cut into smallish pieces.

  Heat a Dutch oven or stockpot over medium heat and add the olive oil. When the oil is hot, add the fennel seeds and red pepper flakes and cook, stirring constantly, for 30 seconds. Add the onion, garlic and yellow pepper and cook, stirring constantly, for 1 minute. Add the tomatoes and wine, stir well, and cook for 1 minute. Add the clams, cover, and cook for 2 minutes. Add the mussels, cover, and cook for 4 minutes. When most of the clams and mussels have opened, add the octopus and prawns, and pre-cooked halibut. Cover, and cook until the prawns just turn pink and their tails curl slightly, 1 to 2 minutes. Remove from the heat and discard any clams or mussels that have not opened. Gently stir in the parsley, and season to taste with salt and pepper. Strew generously with parsley and lemon zest and serve forth. Serve it with crusty batons of grilled sourdough.

  Braised Red Cabbage:

  1 head red cabbage—very finely shredded

  2 tart-sweet apples (Braeburn or the like)

  2 tablespoons butter

  1 tablespoon brown sugar

  2 tablespoons cider vinegar

  Finely shredded cabbage is a problem. Throw any and all available kitchen technology at it. I use a food processor. You could use a mandolin—but, for the love of God do not skip using the hand guard. Grate the apple. Melt the butter in a large non-cast iron skillet. Toss in the cabbage and stir to coat. Keep the heat fairly brisk, but stir often. If it seems in danger of scorching, toss in 1/8 cup of water. Once the cabbage is fairly soft but still a wee bit toothsome, add the apple. Allow to cook for another 2-3 minutes and then stir in the brown sugar and vinegar. Toss thoroughly. This side dish has the distinction of seeming both very Germanic and yet, depending upon what it is served with, very old school English. It adds a nice jot of color to the plate and spanks your taste buds just a little bit. Very nice dish to have at your disposal.

  Homemade Sausage:

  Okay, there are two ways to go with this. You can begin with about 2 pounds of pork butt and 1/2 pound of pork fat (you can buy fatback) and grind it coarsely in your meat grinder. (It will be much easier if the meat is very, very cold.) We have a meat grinder that belonged to Hazel’s grandmother—it’s manual, weighs about thirty pounds and cleaning it is a pain, but whenever I suggest we get a new electric one, you would think I’d suggested we go spin on Grammy’s grave. When I lived in Chicago, I most certainly did not have a meat grinder. So you can go with two and a half pounds of ground pork; it will still be delicious.

  Season with kosher salt (about 2 teaspoons) 1 and 1/2 tsp of freshly ground black pepper, 2 tsp brown sugar, 2 tsp fresh sage—cut as finely as you can get it, 1 tsp. Fresh rosemary (same) and a nice grating of fresh nutmeg you want about 1/2 tsp. Eyeball it. You can also add cayenne pepper here—if you have any doubt at all—add a pinch and fry up a tiny patty to see if the heat is right. I do not. If I’m serving with eggs, Killian adds hot sauce anyway, and I find that all I taste is hot when I add it. Now, my secret weapon. This is optional but takes it into the stratosphere of yumminess-3/4 tsp liquid smoke. Combine thoroughly and in a perfect world let it set overnight in your fridge. I know, life isn’t perfect, so if need be—proceed. Portion into small parties (I use a tablespoon as a measure) and fry over medium heat. You may need a little slick of oil for the first batch. You want them just cooked through—not fried until fluffy and dry in the middle. Yuck. These can also be cooked ahead and then warmed—covered with foil in a low oven.

  Praline Pecan French Toast Bake:

  1 loaf of French bread—crust sawed off and cut into 1 inch slices

  Baking spray

  1/2 cups half and half

  6 eggs

  1 tablespoon white sugar

  2 tsp vanilla

  1 tablespoon light brown sugar

  4 tablespoons butter

  1 cup chopped pecans

  Whisk together cream, eggs, vanilla, speck salt, white sugar. Spray a 9x12 baking dish with baking spray. Pour about half of the custard base into the pan and set the bread slices into it and then pour the remaining custard over. Cover with cling wrap and weight it with a smaller baking dish—leave overnight in fridge. The next morning, put the brown sugar into a saucepan and cook over low heat until it begins to melt and lose its graininess. Add the butter, when melted, stir in the pecans. BE careful—nothing burns like caramel—Nothing.

  Take your casserole out of the fridge and unwrap—pour the caramel and nuts over the top (weighting it down has meant that the bread doesn’t come up to the top and given you room for your sweet sludge of scalding…) Put the casserole into an unheated oven and turn the heat up to 325 degrees. You don’t ever want to put a glass pan straight from the fridge into a hot oven. That is asking for a shattered dish and an oven floor full of raw eggs and bread, a bad business all around…

  Smoked Sausage, Potato and Kale Soup:

  2 lbs russet potatoes. Peeled and ground in your food processor until very finely diced

  1 lb. of smoked sausage, skinless, if possible—pulsed in your processor until in small pieces (for heaven’s sake, don’t bother to wash it between ingredients)

  1 large yellow onion

  2 gloves garlic

  Chicken stock (the kind in a carton is perfectly fine for this—you will need two cartons)

  Once the onion has softened, add the potatoes, sausage, and the stock. Finely chop the kale (do not put it in your processor—you will end up with what looks like a soup made of Siegfried the sea monster, says one who knows). Add kale to the pot. Cook for about half an hour at a low simmer. You want the potatoes to be falling apart tender and the kale to have lost its bite. Season with salt and pepper and minced garlic.

  Caramelized Onion Focaccia:

  3 large onions chopped

  3 tablespoons olive oil and kosher salt

  In a large skillet heat oil until shimmering and then add the onions, sprinkle with salt and
turn the heat as low as possible. This will take about an hour, if it ever appears in danger of scorching, add small amounts of water. You want them to be practically an onion marmalade—sweet, savory and brown.

  2 boxes of frozen puff pastry (this is 4 sheets total) ON a parchment lined baking sheet, spread out a sheet of puff pastry—Spread 1/4 of the onion mixture on the pastry—leaving only a very thin edge uncovered. Cook in a 400 degree oven for 8-10 minutes. Allow to cool a bit and then cut into triangles. Repeat.

  Okay—this is not a truly authentic fondue—it’s better. Much better.

  The trickiest part of this is getting the cheese really cold so that it will grate easily and then allowing it to come to room temp so that it melts evenly.

  1 lb. sharp white cheddar

  1 lb. Monterey jack

  2 tsp of cornstarch

  2/3 cup dry white wine

  Put the cheese in the freezer for about 20 minutes then grate it. Use your food processor or the old knuckle scraping kind. Set it aside on a plate for 30 minutes (and up to hours if you cover it with some cling wrap).