The idea made me sick, made me want to crawl into a ball and die, but I accepted it. I had numerous chances with Liam but I screwed them up. If he wanted to come back to me, he would have to make the decision on his own. I wouldn’t pressure him either way, just like he did for me.
I was finishing the last of my prerequisites for my credential program at the university, and I needed to complete my paperwork to be enrolled next year. I’d been delaying it because of my depression, but I couldn’t keep moping around. I lost my parents and I’d been through hell and back. I recovered from that and got back on my feet. And I would do it again.
“What are you doing?” Scotty said while he joined me at the kitchen table.
“Finishing my application.”
“For what?”
“The teaching credential at UCSD.”
He nodded while he stared at the paperwork. “So, you want to be a teacher? That’s your final decision?”
“Yep.”
“Even though they get paid shit?”
I was sick of hearing this comment from everyone. “They receive other rewards that aren’t tangible to money.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “That still sounds shitty.”
“You should pursue your passion because of enjoyment, not money.”
“Well, Liam makes good money, so he’ll take care of you if you can’t pay rent.”
The mention of his name made my heart break all over again, but I hid it from my cousin. “I don’t need him. I can take care of myself. Plus, I own this house. I don’t need to pay rent anyway.”
He eyed me for a long while. “Are you and Liam not getting back together?” His voice turned serious, and the distant sound of disappointment came through.
“Not at this time.”
“Like, forever?” he asked incredulously.
I didn’t want to talk about this. I made my peace with it. “I made a lot of mistakes I wish I could take back, but living in regret won’t change the past. I accept the consequences of what I did, and if Liam can’t trust me again, I accept that too. I won’t chase him and I won’t fight for him.”
“What happened to not giving up?”
“Who said I was giving up?”
He stared at me like I was crazy. “You just said you accept the break up.”
“Just because I’m moving on doesn’t mean I’m moving onto another guy. I don’t want anyone else but Liam. That will never change.”
He sighed then ran his hand through his hair. “I’ll talk to him…”
“No.” I shot him a serious look. “Stay out of it, Scotty. I mean it.”
“Look, I know what you did was wrong, but it’s clear that you both love each other. Just get back together already.”
“Love doesn’t work like that.”
He sat back, brooding.
I placed my hand on his. “I appreciate how protective you are of me, but really, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me and Liam.”
“I’ll always worry about you,” he whispered.
“Well, don’t. If you want to move out and get your own place, that’s fine too. You don’t need to stick around.”
He smirked. “So I can have my bachelor pad again?”
“Whatever you want to call it.”
“I’ll think about it.” I organized the papers then put them in the envelope. “I need to drop this off before the office closes.”
He looked at his watch. “You better haul ass.”
“I will. Today is the deadline.”
“Always a procrastinator…”
I rolled my eyes then grabbed my purse before I headed out.
After I dropped off the papers at the administration building, I walked back to my car, deciding to take the long way around campus. I had nowhere to go and nothing to do. Home was just an empty shell, a hollow reminder of the rich and full life I had with Liam.
As I was walking, I noticed the billboard with flyers pinned into the wood. One notice caught my attention before all the others.
Are you a victim of domestic violence? Have you overcome your obstacles and separated yourself from the past? If so, the Alliance of Women’s Protection is looking for a leader to host the weekly sessions, helping victims overcome their past with the support of others. Resumes will be accepted until the thirtieth.
I stared at the posting for a long time before I unpinned it and grabbed it. I survived the ordeal that happened to me, and here I was, back to a normal life. Without Liam, I wasn’t sure if I would be here. Maybe I could be that to someone else, to help someone out of a situation they couldn’t resolve themselves, to teach self-defense to women who didn’t have a single person to help them.
Maybe I could spare someone from what happened to me.
I stuffed the notice into my purse and headed home.
Scotty was out for the night, probably picking up a girl to bring back to the house. Thankfully, he was always quiet and made sure I didn’t have to see the bimbos he brought home. The last thing I wanted to do was play nice with a girl I knew I’d never see again.
Why waste my time?
But I was getting hungry, and I was craving a pizza from the Gaslight. I never went out by myself, but those days were over. I refused to live in fear. If someone wanted to mug me or cause me grief, I’d shove my car keys straight into their eye.
After I called in my order, I drove to the parking lot and sighed in sadness when I saw Liam’s truck. I wasn’t avoiding him, and honestly, I missed seeing him all week, but I didn’t want to see the dozen of girls throwing themselves at him instead. I’m sure they were cornering him, doing everything they could to go home with him.
I really needed to stop thinking about it. He wasn’t mine anymore and I needed to accept it. After all, we were here because I put us here. After a deep breath, I got out of my car then walked inside.
He was sitting at a table with the guys, his back to me. I didn’t need to see his face to know it was he. I maneuvered to the back where the register was, not wanting to be noticed by anyone. I wore jeans and a t-shirt, not caring how I looked.
The worker came to me. “Pick up?”
“Keira,” I answered.
“I’ll grab that for you.” He walked into the back, leaving me to stand at the counter.
I pulled out my phone and tried to find something to do. The last thing I wanted to do was make Liam think I was following him everywhere. I honestly just wanted to get my food and head back home so I could finish my resume.
“I know you from somewhere.”
I looked up and saw a guy standing close to me. He wore washed out jeans and a t-shirt. Flip-flops were on his feet. He looked like a typical surfer. “I think you’re mistaking me for someone else.” I looked toward the back, hoping the guy would return soon.
“No…” He rubbed his chin. “You’re in my calculus class.”
I sat in the front so I was ignorant to the rows of people behind me. “Dr. Pratley?”
“Yep.” He smiled. “So, you’re a math major too?”
“Yeah.” Could he walk away now?
“What do you want to do with your degree?”
“I want to be a teacher,” I said shortly.
“High school?”
“Yeah.”
“Cool.” He nodded. “I haven’t decided yet.”
I didn’t ask.
The worker finally came back. Thank god.
“Twenty bucks even,” he said.
The guy pulled out his wallet. “I got this.”
Uh, I don’t think so. “No.” My voice came out harsh, making him still. “I can pay for my own food.” I handed the cash to the worker, who took it away hesitantly and put it in the register.
He put his wallet back. “Maybe I can take you out another time?”
I had to remember that he’d been perfectly nice to me. He didn’t deserve to be told off. “It takes a lot of confidence to strike up a conversation with a random girl in a bar, and I commend you for it, bu
t I’m just not interested. It has nothing to do with you.”
He nodded, the disappointment in his eyes. “You can’t blame a guy for trying.”
“No,” I said gently.
“I’ll see you around…what was your name?”
“Keira.”
He extended his hand to shake mine. The quick movement caught my eye but didn’t make me flinch.
After a moment of staring, I took it and shook his hand. “And yours?”
“Ryder.”
“It was nice to meet you,” I said politely.
“You too.” He eyed my pizza then walked away.
I stood still for a moment, watching him head to the other side of the bar where his friends waited for him. Then I shouldered my purse and grabbed my pizza box. When I turned to walk out, a mountain was in front of me.
Liam stared at me, his hands by his sides.
I gripped the box and looked at him, unsure what to say. “I just came to pick up dinner.” I wanted to explain my presence, that I wasn’t keeping an eye on him.
He kept staring at me, his eyes dark. “You sharing that with anyone?”
“No,” I said honestly. “I’ve been doing work all day and I just didn’t have time to cook.”
He nodded slowly, still blocking my way.
“Well, I’ll see you around.” I moved to step around him but he blocked my path.
“I haven’t seen you lately.”
My eyes moved back to his. “I’ve just been busy.”
His eyes held emotion I couldn’t identify. “You doing okay?”
“I’m fine,” I lied. I was as fine as I was ever going to be.
He ran his fingers through his hair. “I just…”
“You don’t need to explain anything to me, Liam.” I knew he would make excuses why he hadn’t called. He hadn’t reached out to me once, but I didn’t expect him to. I didn’t blame him for being unable to forgive me for what I did. If the situation were reversed, I’d feel the same way.
He dropped his hand to his side, his arm muscle flexing. “Did that guy bother you?”
“What guy?”
“The one that was just here.”
Oh. I forgot about him. As soon as Liam appeared in front of me, everything else faded to the background. He was the only thing that mattered to me when he stood in a room. “No. He didn’t bother me.”
“Do you know him from somewhere?”
What was he thinking? “We have calculus together—even though I didn’t know that until he brought it up.”
He nodded slowly. “Are you…seeing him?”
I was offended he even asked. “No.”
A flash of relief moved across his eyes then disappeared.
I didn’t ask the same question because I already knew the answer. Liam loved me even if we weren’t together. And if he was ready to move on, he would tell me straight to my face, not let me find out in some other way. I would give him that same respect, even if I were planning on spending the rest of my life alone.
He waited for me to ask. I could see it in his eyes.
But I trusted him. Even if he didn’t want me anymore, I would prove it. I never asked why Theresa was at his house, and I wouldn’t ask him anything now. I held my ground and didn’t back down.
“Did you want to continue to train?” he asked.
Did he want to? “I’m sure you’re busy with your own training. I’ll be fine. I just joined a gym.”
“You go by yourself?” he asked in surprise.
“Well, I haven’t gone yet. I was going to start tomorrow.”
The surprise was still in his eyes.
“Well, my food is getting cold…”
He didn’t move out of my way.
I took a deep breath, waiting for something to happen.
Finally, he stepped out of my way. “I can walk you out.”
“I’m okay. But thanks anyway.” I walked passed him. “Have a good night.”
He didn’t say anything back.
Wordlessly, I walked through the doors and took a deep breath once I was outside. The cool ocean air burned my lungs. Seeing his face made me want to drop everything I was holding and just hug him. Not only was he handsome and perfect, but his soul was beautiful underneath. I just wanted to be held by him.
But that wouldn’t happen.
Once I got to my car, I put the pizza box in the passenger seat then shut the door.
Then I froze.
That guy hit on me, trying to make a pass at me. He cornered me, moving close to me. He even extended his hand toward me quickly.
And I didn’t flinch.
I wasn’t scared.
I didn’t cower away and run.
I stayed. I held my ground and stayed.
I stood still, staring at nothing in particular. The revelation hit me hard. It was the first time I felt safe by myself, that I didn’t need Liam or Scotty to come to my rescue. I didn’t panic and scream.
I was okay.
I moved to my driver’s door then opened it. A flash of movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention, but when I looked, no one was there. I sat down then pulled the door shut. Once I was locked inside, I looked in the rearview mirror. A large shadow walked back inside the bar. I couldn’t distinguish a face or even a shirt, but I had a strong suspicion who it was.
Liam.
On Saturday, Scotty came to the kitchen table at noon.
I eyed him while I worked on my computer. “Up late last night?”
He downed his coffee then blinked the sleep from his eyes. “She just couldn’t get enough.”
I rolled my eyes and turned back to my computer. “You doing it again tonight?”
“I’m not sure. It depends on who’s at the fight.”
Fight? “Liam’s?”
He looked uncomfortable. “Yeah…”
This must be his first one. He hadn’t mentioned it to me, but we weren’t talking lately. I hadn’t seen him in a few days. “Where is it?”
“At the shack in the gaslight.”
“What time?”
He eyed me. “Are you going?”
“I think so.”
“Really?” He seemed surprise.
“What’s the big deal? Just because we aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean I can’t support him.”
“But you hate that kind of stuff.”
I shrugged. “Like you said, it’s a sport.”
He didn’t seem convinced. “I thought you didn’t feel comfortable with Liam doing that?”
“Just because he’s like that in the ring doesn’t mean he’s like that all the time. I know he wouldn’t hurt me, or anyone else for that matter.”
He looked at me with new eyes. “Should I tell him you’re coming?”
“No,” I said. “He’ll probably see me. And if he doesn’t, he’ll just see me at the next one.”
Scotty stared at me for a long time, a new look in his eyes. Then he sipped his coffee, holding back whatever he was thinking.
Chapter Five
Liam
I had my space. Keira gave it to me.
But I didn’t want it.
I missed her. I wanted her back. But every time I found the strength to call her, I quickly changed my mind. Nothing had changed. She still didn’t trust me. There was no guarantee she wouldn’t hurt me.
My first fight was coming up and I trained hard for it. I forced protein down my throat and lifted weights for two hours a day. I ran in the evenings, doing six miles in less than an hour.
My body was back to its peak. Hard muscles lined my body and my core was strong. I was bigger than I used to be, but I still didn’t rival my opponents in size. I kept my frame lean on purpose. What was the point of having so much muscle if it slowed you down?
My mind was focused on the task, but my thoughts lingered on Keira. When I saw that guy talking to her at the bar, my body naturally tensed in defense. I was protective of her, would always be, but she wasn’t my
girl anymore so I couldn’t intervene. If she wanted to talk to him, I wouldn’t stick my nose in her business. If she was respecting my privacy, shouldn’t I respect hers?
I watched her body, not seeing any signs of distress or fear. She appeared calm, almost bored. She wasn’t scared, and that surprised me. Anytime she was alone with a man, she was on alert.
That didn’t seem to be the case anymore.
But I couldn’t deny the jealousy I felt. Even if we weren’t together, we still were. That’s how I felt, at least. I had several opportunities to hook up with random girls, but none of them interested me. The only woman who had rolled around in my sheets was Keira, at least for the past year. How could I tarnish something so beautiful with something that meant absolutely nothing to me? I just wanted Keira, to feel the unrealistically perfect relationship we had.
But it was gone.
She threw me away.
My first fight had arrived. I wasn’t nervous, and I certainly wasn’t scared. If I won the fight, a large check would be handed it to me. If I lost, the check would be substantially smaller. But I wasn’t worried about the outcome.
I always won.
I sat in the locker room and stared at my shoes. My gloves sat beside me, ready to be put on. I was shirtless because I preferred to wear as few clothes as possible. The size of my body was an excellent way to intimidate my opponent. Size and strength dwindled in importance compared to mentality. My mind was stronger than anything else.
Bran patted me on the shoulder. “Nervous?”
“If you ask me that again, I’ll rip your head off.”
He laughed then sat beside me. “I always know how to get a rise out of you.” He handed me the water bottle. “You need anything?”
“No.” I kept staring at my shoes.
“Everything alright?” Bran asked.
I hadn’t told Keira about the fight. I knew what her response would be, and it would break my heart. It would just remind me that she would never trust me—at least not as much as she said she did. “Yeah.”
Johnny dropped a towel over my shoulders. “Your opponent is puny. We got this.”
“Size has nothing to do with it.”
He smirked at me. “Are you saying you can’t take him?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying at all,” I said.
Uncrushable (Forehead Kisses #3) Page 4