While I missed the physical act of sex, I didn’t crave it like I normally would. What I wanted most was the intimacy we shared. Sex was very different than making love. In that respect, she was my first. And I didn’t want to go back to the meaningless sex I had before. It wasn’t nearly as satisfying or enjoyable.
What I really wanted, above all things, was just to hold Keira. Something about a hug really healed my heart for a moment in time. It was something only she and I did with each other. It was a universal symbol of friendship, but since she and I never did it with anyone else but family, it was something that belonged to she and I.
The first time we hugged in my driveway was an emotional moment for the both of us. I knew it was the moment when she finally started to let me in. And it was the moment I fell for her, knowing she and I were fallen branches from the same tree.
And I missed sleeping. The best nights of sleep I ever got were with Keira. Normally, I’d wake up a few times for absolutely no reason at all. I’d stare through the darkness, my mind becoming plagued with heavy thoughts. When I fell back asleep, a nightmare would wake me again. But when Keira was in my arms and lying on my chest, the nightmares were defeated. She was my dreamcatcher, the guardian of my slumber.
When I went to class the next day, Keira was there like she usually was.
“Hey.” She wore shorts and a t-shirt, not highlighting her body or drawing attention to herself.
“Hi.” These conversations outside my classroom were always awkward. I appreciated the effort she was making, but there wasn’t much I wanted to say in a public hallway.
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I just wanted you to know I had a great time last night.”
“I did too…”
Keira looked at me with her beautiful green eyes then turned away. “I guess I’ll see you later.”
I stood still and watched her walk away, wanting to push her against the wall and crush my mouth to hers. Still broken and hurt, I stood by and let her walk away until she disappeared down the hallway.
Scotty dipped a chip in the salsa then tossed it into his mouth. He snuck glances at me when he thought I wasn’t looking. But no movement, no matter how small and insignificant, could escape the notice of a fighter. Nothing went unnoticed.
I ate my burrito and pretended not to notice. We were sitting at the picnic tables outside, the students walking past us to their next class. It was a warm day in San Diego, but we were close enough to the beach to get a strong breeze.
Scotty finally made his move. “So…Keira told me she went to your place the other night.”
He and I hadn’t talked about his cousin once since he told me he slept with Adriana. He was my friend, but he was also her cousin. It was an awkward topic for the both of us, and he usually stayed out of it. But something was clearly on his mind. “Yeah, she did.”
“You trained together?”
“Yeah.” I took another bite of my California burrito. “She’s still strong. I’m impressed.”
He picked at another chip. “She seemed to be there pretty late…”
“We watched I Love Lucy when we were done.”
He nodded. “So, is there a good chance you’ll get back together…?”
I didn’t like discussing my relationship with anyone but Keira. What she and I had was private and intimate. “We’re working on it.”
Scotty finished his burrito then wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Because she really loves you, man. I know she made a mistake but—”
“Stay out of it.”
He grabbed his soda and took a sip out of the straw. The lines on his brow told me he was annoyed. “I know what she did was wrong, but pulling her along like this is worse. Be with her or cut her loose.”
I dropped my burrito, feeling the anger come through. “Mind your own damn business.”
He met my fury. “Don’t fuck with my cousin and I won’t.”
“I’m not fucking with her,” I snapped. “She and I have a long way to go. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me. She needs to prove it to me first.”
“And you’re just going to fuck around until that happens?”
“Fuck around?” Now I was offended. “I haven’t been with anyone else. I haven’t flirted and I haven’t even looked at the talent, not that I would be doing anything wrong if I did.”
“So, Theresa just stopped by for no reason? Just to have a chat?”
How did he know that? “Where are you getting this from?”
“Keira told me she was there.”
My eyes narrowed. “And what else did she say?”
“That she knew nothing was going on between you so she didn’t ask why she was there. But I’m not so easily convinced. It’s not like you’re known for being a good friend to the ladies.”
She said that? “She knew nothing was going on?”
“I said that already.”
I guess Keira was telling the truth. The fact she didn’t run was proof enough. Knowing Keira, she would turn her back on me and never look at me again. The fact she stayed was pretty compelling evidence.
“So, what was she doing there?”
I glared at him. “Like I said, none of your business.”
Anger brewed in his eyes. “Looks like someone has something to hide.”
“No. I don’t have to explain anything to you. I appreciate you protecting Keira, but this relationship only involves she and I. And if she really knows in her heart that Theresa was there for another reason besides sex, then she doesn’t need an explanation.”
“But I’m not Keira,” he snapped.
“But you’ll tell her why Theresa was there. If she really wants to know, she’ll ask.”
Scotty sipped his soda again, the fury still in his limbs.
“If you really think I’d play your cousin, then you obviously don’t know me at all.” I dumped my trash in the garbage then left him at the table, not looking back.
When I arrived at the Italian Bistro, Johnny was there. He was sitting in a booth, his elbows resting on the table. I was surprised he showed up at all. Honestly, I expected him to stand me up. We didn’t part on the best terms.
I slid into the booth across from him then leaned back.
He stared at me then pulled his elbows off the table. “Has someone had a change of heart?” The sneer was on his face.
“Yes.” I wasn’t interested in playing games.
“And why is that?”
“The circumstances are different.” It really shouldn’t matter why.
“In other words, you’re single again.” The irritation was in his eyes.
There wasn’t a good answer to that. Technically, I was, but I wasn’t… “Do you want to be my agent again or what?”
“I don’t know.” He crossed his arms over his chest.
You don’t know?
“How do I know you won’t just change your mind again?” The attitude was heavy in his voice.
“Because I won’t. If I say I’m going to stay, I will.”
“But you ditched me last time.”
“And I never gave you any promises. We just started working together, no contract and commitments. Technically, I wasn’t walking away from anything last time.”
The irritation in his eyes told me he wasn’t pleased by my response. “I need someone who’s going to go the distance, someone who’s going to be focused and not about the pussy they are getting.”
I didn’t like it when people spoke of Keira like that. They could say it about anyone else but her. “If you insult my girlfriend again, I’m walking away.”
“I thought you didn’t have a girlfriend?” His eyes bore into mine.
“It’s complicated…”
He sighed in annoyance. “Great…one of those.”
My patience was waning. “If you’re going to be a dick the whole time, maybe we shouldn’t do this. I can find an agent with a better attitude and who respects me and what’s important to me.
”
“You’re in no position to call the shots.”
“Maybe someone else, but not me.” I held his gaze, not backing down. “Let’s be real here; without me, you’re nothing. I’m the best fighter out there right now. If anyone is going to be promising, if anyone is going to bring in the cash, it’s me. You need me, not the other way around. You should be thanking me for coming back to you.”
He averted his gaze. “Then why did you?”
I told him the truth. “You’re a good agent.”
“The best there is.”
“And I’m the best fighter.”
The silence stretched.
I decided to be the bigger person in this situation. His pride was obviously wounded. “Let’s start over. I’m here for the end game. I’ll work my ass off and be what you want me to be. This is what I want to do with my life.”
His eyes finally moved back to me. “It’s either fighting or school. You can’t have both.”
“I’ll gladly give it up—at the end of the semester.”
He nodded. “Okay. That works. And maybe you should cut loose your…other distraction.”
“My personal life won’t affect my career.”
The doubt was in his eyes.
“You have my word.”
He sighed then tapped his fingers against the table. Then he reached his hand out to me. “You got a deal.”
I smiled then shook it. “Just like old times.”
He winked then dropped his hand. “Yes. But with more money.”
I went for a long run when I got home. I’d always worked out hard, but now that I was committing to a life in the ring, my body had to be in the best shape possible. That meant a lot of exercise and a lot of protein.
Keira and I used to run together in the evenings. Even though we didn’t say anything, it was nice having her beside me. She was my equal, strong and unrelenting. We were both quiet in general, and the silent connection we had was powerful. Words were unnecessary.
I walked the last mile for my cool down and approached my house. When I came near, I spotted Keira’s Toyota in my driveway. I hadn’t expected her to make an appearance for a while. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. While I loved spending time with her, I couldn’t go back to normal and be her perfect boyfriend again. I needed more time.
She was sitting on the steps, wearing leggings and a tight t-shirt. Her curves didn’t go unnoticed. They never did.
She stood up when she saw me, the need heavy in her eyes. I knew she missed me as much as I missed her. “Have a good run?”
“Yeah.” I approached the door then unlocked it. My shirt was stained in sweat, and my forehead and neck contained droplets. After I got it opened, I walked inside and she followed me. “What’s up?”
She stood in the entryway, her heart on her sleeve. “I was hoping we could train.”
I was pretty exhausted from my day. “You can train yourself today. I’m pretty tired.”
If she was disappointed, she hid it. “Okay.”
I stood there awkwardly, not sure what to do next.
“Have dinner with me.” It wasn’t a request. The authority rang in her voice. The confidence and control caught me off guard. Now she wasn’t giving me a choice, she was telling me what to do.
“Okay.”
“I’ll make something while you shower.”
Commanding, again. I liked it. “Okay.”
She nodded then headed down the hallway.
I stood there for a moment, watching her walk away, before I headed into my bedroom and showered.
When I came downstairs, the table was set. She whipped up grilled chicken with mushrooms and French bread. We were both inexperienced in the kitchen, but usually could throw something together.
After my long day, I was starving. “This looks good.”
She sat down at the table and pulled her hair over one shoulder, revealing her slender neck.
I immediately noticed the rosy skin.
“Thank you.” She put the napkin in her lap and waited for me to sit down.
Once I was across from her, I couldn’t stop staring at her. My eyes took in her beautiful green ones, thinking of the rainforest with its lushness and greenness. A dark intensity shined deep within her irises, telling me she was desperate for me but unwilling to say it. She was giving me the space I needed, despite how difficult it was for her.
I cut into my chicken and began eating, feeling my stomach growl because my body was desperate for calories.
“Hungry?” she said with a light smile.
“What gave me away?”
She picked at her vegetables, eating very little. She must be nervous. “One of my students got an A on his calculus exam.”
“He has you to thank for that.”
She shrugged. “I can guide them along the path but I can’t tread it for them.”
Silence fell again. I sipped my water then devoured my bread.
“Anything interesting happen to you?” she asked.
Should I tell her about my conversation with Johnny? She was going to find out anyway. “I talked to my old agent.”
Keira looked up at me. “Oh.”
“I’m going back into the ring.” I held her gaze while I said it, making it impossible for her to hide her reaction.
After a long pause, she spoke. “Good. It’s where you belong.”
“I’m going to start training again. I haven’t been working as hard as I should.”
She picked out the broccoli on her plate, ignoring the squash. “Are you dropping out of school?”
“At the end of the semester.”
“Well, you can always go back if you change your mind.”
“I won’t.”
She didn’t argue with me. She nibbled on her bread then pushed her plate away, unable to eat a single bite.
I demolished my plate, not leaving a single crumb behind. “Thank you for dinner.”
“Sure.”
Neither one of us rose from our seats.
“How do you feel about this?” I whispered.
She stared at me for a moment, her eyes guarded. “About what, exactly?”
“My return to the ring.”
“I already told you to do what makes you happy. If that’s where you want to be, nothing should dissuade you from that.”
“That didn’t answer my question.”
She looked away for a moment before she looked at me again. “Violent sports still make me uneasy. That will never change.”
That’s what I expected. I wished she would trust me, know beyond a doubt I would never hurt her. Despite her violent past, she should have moved on by now. She should understand that I wasn’t her ex and I would never behave like him. Maybe she never would.
“When is your first match?”
“I’m not sure. Probably this weekend.”
She nodded.
I wondered if she would go, but then I realized that was a stupid question. She would never stand by my side at the ring. Deep in my chest, I felt the anger. After seeing my sister be tortured by a monster, it made me sick to know Keira saw me in the same light. That I would always be a threat to her, no matter how hard I tried to change that. Maybe our relationship would never work.
Just the thought made me depressed.
I grabbed the dishes and carried them to the sink, wanting to avoid her eyes. I needed a moment to swallow my irritation and pain. I stared out the small window above the faucet before I turned back around.
She was on her feet, staring at my back. “Is everything okay?”
No. “I’ve had a long day.” That was my polite way of excusing her from my house.
The hurt in my eyes told me she didn’t believe me. “I should probably get home.”
I walked to the door and pulled it open. “Night.” I didn’t look at her, unable to.
She took a deep breath, stilling the emotion in her throat. Without another word, she walked out and headed to her car and dro
ve away.
Even though this was entirely her fault, I still felt the like the asshole.
Chapter Four
Keira
Liam kept going back and forth. There were times when he looked at me with obsessive need. The hurt was deep in his eyes, throbbing and shining bright. The love couldn’t be denied and neither could his devotion.
But when I went over to his house the other night, it seemed like he hated me.
Loathed me.
I didn’t know what I said to set him off. Did he still love me? Did he despise me?
I didn’t meet him by his classes for the next few days. I didn’t feel welcomed. Whenever I saw him around campus, girls were constantly trying to catch his attention or engage him in a conversation. Even though he brushed them off, I couldn’t deny the jealousy I felt inside me. I wished they would just back off. Or better yet, I could tell them to back off.
My life without Liam was unbearable.
Our break up was entirely my fault. I said and did things I shouldn’t. I didn’t trust him when I should have trusted him above everyone else. My past dragged me down, making it hard for me to open up and let someone in.
Liam put me back together, healed the festering wounds under my clothes. He taught me that all men weren’t cruel, that a large man didn’t need violence to show his passion. He showed me what it really meant to be loved.
And even though I wasn’t giving up on him, I knew our relationship was over. After the way I hurt Liam, I didn’t blame him for not trusting me. He didn’t deserve that sort of treatment. I was a complete idiot. I had no idea why he loved me to begin with, but I obviously wasn’t the right girl he should love. He deserved the perfect person, someone with a better head on her shoulders.
That wasn’t me.
But I was tired of being scared. I was tired of being weak. I’d spent too much time fearing the world around me, afraid to dive back into it and put my life back together. And I couldn’t depend on Liam to always be there to fix my problems, at least not after the way I treated him. While there was no doubt he was the person I was meant to share my soul with, life didn’t always work that way.
I needed to let him go.
Uncrushable (Forehead Kisses #3) Page 3