Unmerciful_Forbidden Bonds

by Cat Miller

  Tessa turned around and unlocked her door. From behind her, she heard Griffin say, “I love you. I will always love you. I’m so damn sorry, Tessa.” Griffin thought she was shutting the door on their future. There were tears in his eyes, and regret in his voice, and Tessa couldn’t stand it. Tessa had no idea how she was going to deal with being the mate of a councilman to the Vampire Nation, but she couldn’t turn her back on Griffin now that he was offering her the only thing she’d ever wanted. His unconditional love.

  Tessa reached out a hand to Griffin. He stared at it as if it were a mirage. Taking a step closer, he blinked away the tears. His mouth opened and closed a few times, but no words emerged. Griffin took her hand and slowly brought it to his lips as he took the last step to her door. This was it, her last chance to send him away. Once inside, Tessa had no doubt Griffin would make good on his promise to claim her as his mate again. Oddly, in spite of all the valid reasons that she shouldn’t want to be Griffin’s mate, Tessa couldn’t think of any reason not to grab at her chance for happiness after all of the sadness she’d experienced in her life.

  “I need to make one thing clear. I’ve learned from my mistakes. I won’t be so easily led this time around. I’m not that love-struck girl you once knew. I need an equal partner, not a man who expects me to do as I’m told. This isn’t the Griffin Vaughn show. We’ll make all decisions together, and I will not be made to feel as if you’re ashamed of me. I won’t make this easy for you, Griffin. You have a lot of ground to make up with me. If you can’t live with those terms, you can’t live with me. Walk away now.” Tessa stood her ground. She might be willing to take a chance on her happily ever after, but she wouldn’t live in the shadows or be Griffin’s obedient little woman again.

  “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Griffin agreed.

  Tessa nodded her acceptance and turned the knob. Pushing open her door, she stepped over the threshold. Griffin looked speechless when she pulled him through the doorway and into her little home. Just like the first time they’d come together, Tessa and Griffin were about to begin a new life together in a tiny apartment, on a twin-sized bed, with no idea how they would survive their crazy love.

  Sixteen

  Lindsay was eating an apple on a bench in the park at the Enclave. It was a cool, sunny day, so she was soaking it in. She hated being stuck inside all the time, but at least her door was no longer locked. She ate her meals in the cafeteria and picked her own food. She did still have a daily appointment with Dr. Fitz, and that sucked, but overall things were almost starting to feel normal. If surviving every day feeling like your heart had been ripped out without explanation could be considered normal. She could leave the Enclave anytime she wanted to, but she hadn’t been ready to return to the condo she owned yet. Lindsay was finally getting used to living with vampires, but she was working on feeling safe out in public. Sheena was still lurking out there somewhere and everybody was on their guard.

  She was bored to death and sick of feeling useless. Lindsay was working on getting her diploma sent to her from the college and a copy of her transcript. She needed to decide what to do with the rest of her life because hiding at the Enclave while daydreaming about Kayden and wishing for answers wasn’t working out for her. With a sigh, she decided to go give Samantha a call. Maybe they could hang out. Samantha had taken her out several times to teach her how to feed in an emergency. Lindsay might not always be able to rely on the availability of bagged blood. So she’d learned to take control of a human’s mind—it was still hard for Lindsay to think of herself as a non-human—and keep them calm while she fed. She hated it, but frankly, it was a survival skill that had to be learned. If Samantha wasn’t busy, Lindsay could bounce ideas for a career off of her. Lindsay needed to decide if she wanted to continue on to law school as planned or take a different path. She could have been nearly done with law school by now if her life hadn’t taken a detour to Fangtown.

  Lindsay breezed into the main entrance of the Enclave on the way to the infirmary. She didn’t look up at first, not wanting to see the constant curious stares of the warriors who were always underfoot, but when she did raise her eyes Lindsay’s steps came to a staggering stop in the middle of the vestibule.

  Kayden stood by the front desk looking just a stunned as Lindsay felt. His hazel eyes were full of relief and something else that might be guilt, but Lindsay couldn’t be sure. Lindsay smiled, she couldn’t help it. She’d longed to see Kayden for so long. She’d dreamed of what it would be like to set eyes on the man who owned her heart again. He was there in front of her now and he appeared to be just as happy to see Lindsay. She took a step in his direction. That seemed to be all of the encouragement Kayden needed. He began walking toward her slowly at first, but the closer he got the faster he moved. Kayden swept Lindsay up into his arms and buried his face in her neck. She wrapped her arms around him and held on like he might disappear if she let him go. Kayden was really there in her arms, and he seemed happy to see her. It was too good to be true.

  “I’ve been so worried. They wouldn’t tell me where they took you,” Kayden said against her ear.

  “I’ve been here the whole time. I thought …” Lindsay didn’t want to tell him what she thought. At least ten warriors were watching them with interest.

  “What did you think?” Kayden asked.

  He suddenly jerked away from Lindsay and put his hands up in front of him, as if afraid he might be scaring her. “I’m so sorry. I was just so relieved and happy to see you that I didn’t think. I didn’t mean to …”

  “You didn’t mean what?” she asked.

  “I don’t know,” Kayden lowered his voice. “Scare you, I guess. I just grabbed you like a madman.”

  Lindsay blinked. Why would she ever be afraid of Kayden? He peered down at Lindsay like he thought she might run screaming if he moved. It dawned on her that he might know more about her past than she liked. She’d been whisked away while he was on a mission. Kayden said they wouldn’t tell him where she was. Now he was worried about frightening her. Neither of them wanted this separation. This had the stink of Dr. Fitz all over it.

  “I don’t want to talk about this here.” Lindsay peered around Kayden to their audience. “Do you have time to come to my room?”

  “Yeah, of course, whatever makes you comfortable,” Kayden replied.

  Lindsay’s temper began to climb. He wasn’t acting like himself. Kayden was treating her like she might break down at any second. He followed her to her room and when they stepped inside Kayden stayed by the door. Lindsay took him in from head to toe while she waited for him to explain himself; he was glorious to behold. His dark hair was messy and a little too long. He had on the same black fatigues and combat boots he usually wore. He stood there seeming anxious but he was beautiful and Lindsay never wanted him to leave her again.

  “Hellion, baby, I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you. It’s been … hard.” Kayden was taking in every inch of Lindsay as well.

  “Then why do you look like you’re ready to run back out into the hall?” she asked, getting more annoyed. Someone had filled his head with crap. She just knew it.

  “I just don’t want you to feel threatened, that’s all,” Kayden replied.

  “Fuck! They told you about David, didn’t they?” Lindsay picked up the book on her end table threw it across the room. It hit the bathroom door with a less than satisfying thump. Lindsay wanted to break something. “Tell me exactly what happened, Kayden. Why didn’t you come back to South Carolina? Where have you been and why didn’t you come for me?” she demanded.

  Kayden looked surprised by her adamancy, but he obeyed. “I was seriously injured on that mission.”

  Lindsay gasped. “What happened?”

  She wanted to go to him, but she didn’t dare until he finished his explanation. If Kayden was going to keep her at arm’s length because of her experience with David, he could get the hell out. She got enough shit from Dr. Fitz. If he couldn’t accept
her truth, there was no use in hoping for a real relationship with him. Lindsay couldn’t stand the thought of him tiptoeing around her like she was a weak little victim.

  “It was pretty serious, and I was out of commission for over a week. When I was able to call they refused to give me any information or let me speak to you.” Kayden dug his hands into his pockets. He leaned back against the door looking familiar and beautiful. It was difficult to stay glued to the floor when she wanted to run into his arms.

  “I returned to South Carolina and went straight to the infirmary. That’s when Dr. Rosen told me you were gone. She said you were transferred to an undisclosed facility for therapy because they found some disturbing information on a computer we impounded at the nest we rescued you from.” Kayden stopped talking and dropped his gaze to the floor.

  “And what exactly did they find?” she asked.

  Kayden cleared his throat. “It was difficult for me to believe. We were so close. We were so good together. I couldn’t absorb it. I went nuts for a while because I couldn’t find you to get the truth.”

  “Would you accept the truth if I gave it to you?” she asked.

  Kayden’s head came up. “I will always accept what you tell me as truth, Lindsay. I hope you know that.”

  “All right then, here it is. I was taken to the nest originally as a punishment for Abel. He and I were friends, and that was apparently not allowed. When David saw me, I reminded him of his mate. You see, he didn’t know she was dead. He became obsessed with me as his mate, and it’s probably what saved my life.”

  “Are you defending him?” Kayden asked.

  “No, I’m not. I’m just trying to make you understand why I feel the way I do. Look, I know I’m a victim. I know I should be devastated by what happened to me. I am in a lot of ways. I’m a fucking wreck. I have nightmares about being abducted. I vividly recall what it was like to wake up from my unsuspecting human world to a place where vampires were real monsters who wanted to buy me for sex and food. The person I considered to be one of my best friends left me to die at the hands of these monsters like I was a stranger.”

  “And that’s why you tried to kill Abel? He abandoned you?” Kayden asked her.

  Lindsay thought about that. Why had she attacked Abel when she saw him, apart from the fact that she was fresh off a hit of Hypervamp? Was it the abandonment that hurt her most?

  “At first, when I was there in the nest with the master … with David. You see? What David did to me still has an effect. I have trouble thinking of him by any name other than master. That’s because he implanted things in my head. Once something is placed there in your brain by a vampire, it’s hard to remove it.”

  Lindsay was searching for a way to explain how she felt and what she remembered to Kayden when it came to her. “Dani told me you were affected by the hormone some of the hybrids release as a defense mechanism without even trying. Is that true? Did your relationship with her start that way?”

  Kayden nodded. “I cared for her when I got to know her, but at first it was an uncontrollable kind of obsession. I wasn’t the only one who experienced it.”

  “Then maybe you can understand what happened to me. I know what happened to me, but I was under the influence of something so powerful that I didn’t feel abused at the time. I was convinced that I was in love and he loved me. Just like you were, only your influence was biochemical and mine psychological.”

  “That makes a sad kind of sense to me. I get it. The thoughts and feelings may have been artificial, but you still felt them,” Kayden said.

  “Right. What you experienced with Dani might even explain why I followed Abel blindly that first time. Who knows? It still pisses me off when I wonder how many times I was hypnotized and fed on at the club.” Lindsay pondered that idea. “How much time am I really missing?”

  “None that I know of,” Kayden reassured her. “I remember thinking you must be one of those rare humans who still had some natural instinct that had been bred out of most humans. I’d seen you at the club many times before the night we were together. You were hot as hell in your little dresses and sky-high heels, but I never approached you because I’d seen you shoot down every vampire who tried to get close. It was like you knew they were a predator or something.”

  “Really?”

  “Really. I’m sure I wasn’t there every time you visited Thirst, but I never saw you so much as dance with a vampire. That’s why I was so surprised when you approached me.” He gave her a lopsided grin.

  “I guess you were the exception to the rule. You and Abel, I suppose, which brings me back to my point. I was attracted to Abel, even though he wasn’t really my type. He didn’t ask me to dance. He invited me to leave with him, and like an idiot with no sense of self-preservation, I agreed. I left the club alone with a total stranger. When I look back on it now, I just can’t figure out where my head was that night. Maybe he fed on me, and I can’t remember, who knows?”

  “It’s possible. We aren’t allowed to feed in the club. The risk of being seen by a human is too high in such a public place. So if anyone were looking to feed, they would have taken you elsewhere to do it,” Kayden explained.

  “Couldn’t the vampires just make me dance with them, or force me to leave the club with them? How did I turn away so many vampires? David didn’t have any trouble controlling me.” Lindsay was confused. She’d been the victim of vampire mind games. She knew the power they had over humans because she’d experienced it firsthand.

  Kayden made a frustrated noise and shook his head.

  “You’re comparing the good guys to the bad guys again. Can we do it? Yes. Will we do it in an emergency? If it were a real emergency and I needed to feed due to blood loss to save my life I would feed on the nearest human in a safe place. If I had for some reason been unable to feed and I felt like I might lose control, I would feed on the nearest human, again, in a place where we wouldn’t be seen. But we’re talking about a situation I have never faced.

  “In the usual course of things, a vampire will make friends with humans that they use when needed. I do realize how that sounds to a human, but we’re talking survival here. This is how we’re taught to hunt as young vampires. There are also rules in most establishments. Like I said, feeding at Thirst is forbidden. If you get caught, you get banned. We go there to dance and have fun as well. If you meet someone who is accepting of your attention, dancing, kissing, some sign that they are interested in you. Then it’s permitted to give them a little push toward the door. You can’t run around grabbing people and doing whatever you want to them.”

  Lindsay thought back over the time she’d spent with Abel. Maybe they hadn’t been friends at all. It was possible that she’d never been more than a food source to him. If that were true, though, why had they gone to dinner so often and movies and walks in the park? He could have just enthralled her and fed without her knowledge. However, that’s not how it happened. Abel had been her friend. Only now did Lindsay begin to consider his dilemma. He’d been caught between David and Sheena and trying to hide his humanity from the rest of his nest. It still hurt her, but Lindsay could see now that there really wasn’t anything Abel could have done to save her from David when Abel was just as much a prisoner.

  “I don’t want to talk about Abel. I just want you to understand that you did nothing wrong. I went through some shit, but I survived. I’m really sick of people telling me how I should feel about what I endured.

  “You see, David enthralled me the entire time we were together when I was human. By the time he changed me I was already programmed to believe the lies, but the lie affects him, too. His addled brain believed I was someone else. What David did was wrong, but I don’t remember it how it happened. He was in control of my mind. He made me believe he loved me and that I loved him. He wasn’t cruel and never intentionally hurt me. That doesn’t excuse it, and I don’t love him, but at the time it was like being in an awful relationship. That’s still how it feels to me.


  “I have deep-seated memories of a messed up relationship with a married man. He protected my mind from the trauma. When he changed me and could no longer control my thoughts, it was already too late for me to feel the truth of my violation. It’s fucked up. Nobody understands that better than me, but if I had to go through that nightmare, I’m glad that it happened the way it did. If I had been aware of the truth of what was happening to me, I don’t think I would have been able to get over it. I also wouldn’t have had that time with you.” Lindsay cleared her throat. She’d almost said too much. If Kayden was going to push her away, he didn’t need to know how thankful she was for the time they’d shared, no matter how short it had been. “Sheena did me far more harm than David did.” Lindsay sighed, tired of the conversation.

  “I understand. You shouldn’t have to explain your heart and mind to anyone. You’re the survivor. You deal with it any way you need to. Have you had contact with David?” Kayden’s jaw clenched. He hated David, and she knew it.

  “I saw him once in the corridor. He apologized and explained his obsession with me. I let him say his piece, and that was that. Unlike everyone assumes, I’m not afraid of him.” She was sick of talking about her feelings to people who couldn’t even imagine the hell Lindsay had lived through. So she changed the subject.

  “That’s how I feel. I don’t need you to use the excuse that I’m damaged to avoid me. I will survive this,” Lindsay gestured between them, “like I did everything else.” That was as close as she was going to get to admitting that Kayden had crushed her heart when he disappeared. “I just wish people would stop making me feel like I shouldn’t be moving on with my life. I am not what happened to me. It happened, but I won’t let it define me.”

  It was time to change the subject. “Tell me why kissing and stuff matters when it comes to feeding?” Lindsay was honestly curious about Kayden’s explanation of how ‘the good guy’ interacted with humans. It sounded like a strange rule to her.