Kade

by Knox, Elizabeth

  “Alright.” The bearded man walks off and leaves us alone with Fist, who keeps staring at me like I am the devil himself.

  Kade glances up and down my body repeatedly. Meanwhile, I’m shocked I even have some sort of bra or underwear on. Who knows when they stopped cutting me, but in a way, I am relieved that I passed out during it. I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of showing them how much they hurt me, so maybe passing out is a blessing.

  “I want to stand you up. I know you hurt, baby. I just know there are cuts on your back from the blood spilled on the floor . . . and it can’t be clean.”

  I nod, positioning my hand under me. Kade goes to grab my forearm, but I pull my arm back. “The cuts are everywhere.”

  “Alright.” He takes a step back, standing up but leaning his body down toward me, in case I need to use him to help me. I place my hand on his shoulder and move forward with him, but as I move, the pain grows exponentially worse. It feels like my entire body is being held together by one shred of skin.

  My feet fall out from under me but Kade is quick to grab me. His embrace normally gives me the most comfort in the world, but today it is an immeasurable amount of agony. Even so, I know it can’t get any worse from here. In this moment of the purest pain, I know things will get better.

  There’s something Kade told me once and he whispers it again, holding me together in his arms. “In the dark is where we find the purest light.”

  1

  “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide to not be reduced by them.”

  Maya Angelou

  Ivy

  Present Day

  “You doin’ alright, babycakes? Look like you just saw a ghost,” Raven, my co-worker, and fellow bartender says to me.

  She’s in her mid-twenties, a short little thing, who can’t be more than five foot two with an exotic blue hue in her hair. I work in a bar in Billings. Not the same one I was working at before my father and brother took me. After a much-needed couple weeks of rest and rejuvenation, Kade suggested I do something to get out of the club. I was struggling to take a step out of our bedroom, so how was I supposed to be ready to go out in the open after everything I’d been through?

  The answer was simple. I wasn’t supposed to be ready. In reality, I wasn’t supposed to be anywhere close to going into town and getting a job. His suggestion was sweet, telling me to get out for a day and that he’d go with me. He did, and when I walked into this bar all by myself and applied for a job, I think he shit himself.

  I knew I couldn’t just wallow in that room for the rest of my days. I was either going to get out and move forward, or sit in that room and never want to see another soul ever again. I chose life, and to not live in my horrors.

  I smile, wiping the inside of a pint glass after it’s just come from the kitchen. We make sure they’re dry before ever putting them up. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just got stuck in my head for a minute.”

  “Oh, yeah! Stuck in that big noggin’ of yours. What were you doing, thinking about getting stuck somewhere else, huh?” She adds a wink at the end, failing miserably at her sexual innuendos.

  I hated Raven at first, and I mean . . . I loathed her. I don’t really think it was her, though. It was merely the fact that everything in the outside world was a bit too much for me at first. I didn’t ease my way into the freezing cold waters, so to speak. Instead, I took a fucking nose dive. Mentally and emotionally, I just wasn’t prepared. Things have gotten a bit easier day by day, and I’ve come to like my new friend.

  “God, you’re such a perv.”

  “Oh, come on. I’m so not a perv. I’m the woman who gets the least amount of action in this joint. You have this hot biker of a boyfriend and you should be riding him like a bull every night!”

  “There is a guy at the club named Bull that I’m sure would let you ride him.” I’m pretty sure he’s single. Raven looks like the girl who would be his type, but he and I haven’t spoken too much. He’s quiet and I’m well . . . reserved.

  She shakes her head, “I’m not into mammals. I have a thing for birds.” Raven told me how a few weeks ago, she met this guy named Hawk. Apparently, he came by with a couple of bikers from the Reapers. She’s been thinking about him ever since. Kade told me a few of the guys went down to Las Vegas to start up the new charter. Hawk is one of them.

  “I forgot you’re hung up on the guy you’ve only met once.” I feign, cackling at the end.

  Raven smacks me on the back of the shoulder. “Don’t be such a dick, Ivy. You’re not one to judge. I know you must’ve seen that fine piece of ass come into the bar you were workin’ at and just knew.”

  She isn’t wrong. I think part of me did just know, and it’s how Kade and I started. He was a bit of a relentless bastard coming back around a few times a week just to see me.

  “So, what’s the plan? Hmm?”

  “I’m going to sit my pert little ass here at this bar until he comes rolling back around. He won’t be in Vegas forever, will he?” She looks at me with conflicting eyes, and I think she knows I don’t have the answer.

  All Raven knows about me is that I’m dating Kade, and that Fist doesn’t exactly like me because he’s not a fan of my father. Explaining any further would mean I have to go into the gritty details and honestly, I don’t want to do that.

  I shrug my shoulders. “I’m not really sure. I’ve never met Hawk, and all I know is that he went down to get the new charter started. Kade hasn’t said anything to me about him coming back up, girl.” I give her a half smile, wishing I had better news for her.

  Her douche bag of an ex is the bar manager here and gives her shit every day. She was dating him a few weeks back, and finally got the courage to tell his sorry ass to fuck off. He even threatened to fire her, but she made sure that bastard would be sued for wrongful termination. In the lovely state of Montana, you have to give a reason for terminating someone. There’s no way CJ would’ve been able to come up with a way to terminate her legally. He’d make up some bogus shit to try to get her out the door.

  “Well, if your man ever talks to him, make sure he passes along a message that Raven says hi.” Throughout her words, I can hear the hopefulness in her voice.

  She’s looking for something more with Hawk. I’m not exactly sure what it is. Is it a quick fuck to get all her bad boyfriends out of her system, or is she looking for something real? The only issue with the latter is that it’s hard finding anything real these days. It’s why I consider myself lucky when it comes to Kade. He could’ve stopped any moment, could’ve chosen to walk away after he found out my identity, but he didn’t. He kept insisting that we could make this work, and while it isn’t easy, we’re both putting in the effort.

  I set the glass down, picking up another and do the same. “I sure will.”

  “Weed!” I turn my head to the other direction of the bar and see one of our resident drunks, err . . . I mean patrons, Marty. Whenever he gets to be three sheets to the wind, he decides to call us nicknames based off our names. I’m Weed and Raven is re-named Crow. “I need another . . .” He looks down to his glass and slurs out something.

  “Jesus. It’s only ten and he’s already this shitfaced?” Raven murmurs next to me lowly.

  “Sure thing, Marty!” I call back over. Raven looks at me like I’ve lost my damn mind and meanwhile, I take the glass I have in my hand and put it under the sink, pouring water in it.

  She narrows her eyes, “No way. You’re not going to try to fool him, are you?”

  “He’s too drunk to even notice. Watch.”

  I walk over to the end of the bar and put it in front of him. “Here’s a nice, light draft for ya. Drink this and I’ll get you another. In the meantime, I’ll get you some chili cheese fries. Okay?”

  “I l-like you m-more than Crow!” he shouts out.

  The other customers around him look at him like he’s senile, but they’ve been in this state before. They’d best not be judging him
for having a bad night. Marty tends to have a few bad nights, though.

  Walking up to the kitchen, I call out to Frank. “Can you get an order of chili cheese fries up for Marty? He needs something in his stomach to help with the drinks he’s had tonight.”

  “Who’s gonna pay for them? You again?” The judgment in his voice is clear.

  I don’t know why I take pity on Marty, but I do. He’s a local in town and since I’ve been here, I’ve heard all the stories. His wife died about ten years ago and left him widowed with a small child. Leukemia took her three years ago, and he’s been lost ever since. If you ask me, he’s been through a world full of pain and it can’t hurt anything to be kind to him.

  I cough, strumming up my serious tone. “Yes, if I have to, I will. Now, fuck off and make him some food.”

  The front door comes open with a creak, and I turn my head to see Kade walk in. He takes off his helmet and gives me a smile before stepping up to the bar and leaning over it, puckering his fine lips in my direction. I take a few steps and meet mine with his own. “Having a good night?” he asks, pulling away.

  “Have you taken a look around here, smalls? It’s as dead as a ghost town!”

  “I’m beginning to think you two forget that Halloween is tonight. Everyone is out Trick or Treating with their kids.”

  Raven huffs, “Dammit! I want some candy.”

  Kade digs into his jacket and throws her some sort of chocolate bar.

  “You’re my favorite biker.” She smiles widely, tearing it open.

  “Oh, alright. So, I should tell Hawk that the next time I talk to him?” Kade raises his eyebrows, clearly fucking with her.

  Her mouth snaps shut, eyes widening before she can come up with some smartass remark.

  “She might kill you if you tell him that,” I say, seeing her nod away.

  Kade snickers, taking a seat on the barstool in front of me. He looks right at Raven, “I did talk to him today. He wanted me to tell the ‘cute bartender’ hi.”

  Raven’s eyebrows shoot up, “Uh . . . he said I was cute?” She darts over to us and immediately starts questioning Kade.

  The bell from the kitchen counter goes off, signaling me that the fries are ready. I turn around and grab them off the metal window, taking them over to Marty. “Can I have another beer? This one was really g-good!” He says a little bit more afterward, but I can’t quite make it out. Instead, I grab the pint and sit the fries down.

  “Sure thing, go ahead and eat a few and I’ll be right back.” I walk down to the middle of the bar by the drafts and fill the pint up again with water, taking it back over to Marty and sit it in front of him.

  Raven and Kade are still chatting up a storm, so I walk over. Kade looks at his watch. “You two are supposed to be out of here by now, and you’re babysitting Marty? Are you paying for his food again, babe?” Kade looks at me with the same judgmental gaze Frank gave me. I don’t remember when it was a crime to show a little bit of humanity every once in a while.

  “You two get the fuck out of here,” Frank calls out from the kitchen. “I’ll handle the stragglers, just make sure the door is locked behind ya.”

  “Woo!” Raven shouts, walking through the entryway. I follow her closely.

  Kade walks up to me, snaking his arm around my waist. “You ready to get going?”

  “Yeah, I’m exhausted as all hell. I’m ready to faceplant into bed.” Kade puts his lips on the top of my head and walks me over to the bike.

  “Whoa. Where is your coat?”

  “I didn’t bring one . . .” I mumble under my breath.

  He’s quick to strip himself of his and put it on me, zipping it up and making sure I’m warm and comfortable. This is exactly what drew me to him that night. I could feel his compassion seething off him. It’s what gives me the courage to continue on every day, even though I live in a place where I am hated. He says it will get easier, and I can only hope that it does. I just hope it’s sooner rather than later.

  2

  You can’t rush healing.

  ~Audrey Kitching

  Kade

  I wake up to the buzzing sound of my phone going off on my nightstand next to me. Pulling my hands to my eyes, I rub them and proceed to grab it. I glance at the time quickly— it’s the ass crack of dawn. “Hello?” I answer, sounding groggy as all hell.

  “Mornin’ Sunshine. You’d better get up and get your shit together. Your Pops wants to have a conversation with you in church. He said about twenty or so minutes so if I were you, I’d get my ass movin’,” my uncle Tex tells me.

  I huff, unable to hold in my annoyance. “It’s not even seven in the morning and he already wants to start this shit?” My dear old dad has been doing the same shit for the last few weeks, laying into me about Ivy being here. He doesn’t trust her and while I can’t blame him for it, he needs to suck it up. Sure, she’s the daughter of his sworn arch nemesis but she isn’t her father. She’s not like him in any way, shape, or form.

  He sighs on the other end. “Listen, don’t shoot the messenger.” We both end the call and I set the phone back down on my side table. I start to turn and look over, but Ivy’s hands are already on me, telling me she’s awake.

  “Your dad wants to talk to you about me again, doesn’t he?” she mumbles out. I can hear the disappointment in her voice. She wants nothing more than to be accepted as my girlfriend and to not be judged by her blood. I don’t see that happening for a long time, and it rips me to shreds.

  I shake my head to the left and right, trying to diffuse what she already knows. Fuck, I’ll lie to her if I have to. She shouldn’t have to be worrying about this shit. “No, I’m sure it’s not that, honey. Probably some stuff about the club.”

  Ivy scoffs, leaning her head against my back as she wraps her arms around my waist. “You and I both know he wants to. It is what it is, and he’ll hate me until the end of time. I’m just . . . so tired of being judged. I didn’t choose my family. More importantly, I didn’t choose to be cut up like this. I know he hates my father, but what am I supposed to do, Kade?”

  I turn around, unlocking her arms from around my torso and give her a stern look, cupping her face with my hand. “You aren’t supposed to do anything. You haven’t done anything wrong, Ivy. We know that. You shouldn’t have to continue paying for the sins of your father, and I’ll be putting my foot down today and letting everyone know just how clear I am on this issue. You need to be accepted here and it’ll fuckin’ happen, regardless of what everyone thinks.”

  She puts her hand in front of her face, showing a bit of emotion for the first time in weeks. She hiccups behind the shield she’s putting up. “I’m trying so hard to fit in here and I don’t know what else I can change. None of them want me here, Kade. Only you do, and I don’t know if that’s enough. I can’t keep feeling like I’m a burden on everyone, and this is exactly how I feel — like I am some nasty vermin that no one wants to be around them.”

  Right now, I’m thanking fuck she got that job. It’s her only escape away from the negative environment she’s living in. I’m her man and I’m the one who’s supposed to be protecting her. But how can I protect her from my own family? I’m at a crossroads, but regardless, I’ll figure it out and make this situation better.

  “Babe, you don’t have to worry about a damn thing. I’m going to sort all of this out. I promise you, I’ll figure it out. In the meantime, you don’t have to be up for a few hours. Go back to bed and I’ll come up with a solution.” I move her hand out of her face and press my lips against her in a chaste kiss.

  Ivy shrugs her shoulders, clearly still upset.

  “I know this isn’t easy, babe. Nothing in our life is, but we’ve got this shit. You and I can overcome anything, and I honestly believe it.”

  She offers me a half smile, “Yeah. I know we can, it just doesn’t mean it’s easy. I wish it was easier, Kade. I’m strong and I know that . . . but sometimes, I just want to crumble apart under the pressure of
the world.”

  “Yeah,” I nod, “Just remember that when you decide to crumble, I’ll be here to hold you together.”

  She mumbles something out, clearly wanting our conversation to end. I can’t blame her. I’d want this shit to end too if the roles were reversed. I get up from the bed and grab a shirt off the floor, throwing it on. I pick up the pair of jeans I think I wore yesterday but as I smell them, I know they can’t be those. They smell like chicken wings.

  I slide my legs into the jeans and button them, turning around to see Ivy cuddled up in bed. Any time I look at her like this, I pray to any god up there that she doesn’t go into a depression. Honestly, I don’t know how she hasn’t already. Before I leave, I pick up my phone and slide it into the back pocket of my jeans.

  “I’ll see you a little later. Try to get some more sleep,” I whisper, walking toward the door. She doesn’t respond back which tells me she’s either ignoring me or has already zonked out.

  I place my hand on the door and open it, exiting the room and shutting it closed behind me. Before I go face my dad, there’s one person I want to speak to. Picking up my phone from my pocket, I dial her number.

  “How is my favorite cousin?” I say to her as she laughs on the other end.

  “You’d best not tell Nova or Jordyn that shit. They like you entirely too much,” Kat spits out.

  I snicker, “Can you blame them? I’m kind of fabulous.”

  “Jesus. Look who’s being a cocky shit this early in the morning. Why are you up so early anyway?”

  “Eh, your Dad called me to let me know my Dad wants to talk to me. We both know what it’s gonna be about.”

  “Let me guess . . . Ivy?”

  “Bingo,” I grumble out, walking down the hallway. Lucky for me, it’s early enough to where no one will be eavesdropping in on my conversation. “He doesn’t get it, Kat. He thinks she’s some sort of spy or something, I just know it.”