Forget Me Not, Stranger

by Novoneel Chakraborty

  ‘Bhaiya, main ek minute mein aati hun. Paise nikalne hai,’ she told the cab driver, who made a face. Rivanah proceeded towards the ATM. Another cab had stopped at some distance behind her. The person following her stepped out of the cab and noticed her going towards the ATM. The person waited for her to enter the ATM.

  Rivanah went close to the ATM entrance and tried to look through the glass door. There was nobody inside, and the lights were still flickering. She gently pushed the door open, still looking around, and slowly stepped inside. Why would the Stranger call her to such a place with Hiya marked on the map? There has to be something to it, she wondered, and glanced at the ATM screen. It was out of order. She sensed something was wrong. Just like the Planchette idea, this too seemed like a mistake.

  You awarded yourself a storm . . . the Stranger’s words came rushing to her. Shit, shit, shit. Why the hell did I come here! Rivanah thought, feeling anxious, and immediately turned around to leave. She paused, hearing her name being called out. It was a male voice. She froze. Was it the Stranger? But the voice was very familiar.

  ‘Rivanah!’ the voice called out again. She suddenly felt energy gushing to her feet as she turned around in a flash to see Ekansh.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Rivanah looked to his right where there was a tiny room for the security guard. He was probably inside the room when she came in.

  ‘I was waiting for you,’ he said.

  ‘For me? Why?’ Looking at him, she felt scared like never before. Somehow he didn’t seem like himself.

  ‘You said you know how to connect to Tista,’ he blabbered, as if he was under some spell.

  ‘I did? What nonsense are you talking? How did I communicate with you?’ She almost knew the answer.

  ‘Through messages,’ he said confused, and showed her his phone. Rivanah read the messages:

  Hi Ekansh, I know of a way of communicating with Tista. Don’t call me or message me back. If you are interested then just meet me at 7.30 at this address . . .

  She didn’t read the rest. It was yet again a case of SIM card duplication. The ease with which the Stranger duplicated SIM cards told Rivanah how dangerous technology was and how fatal its impact could be if in wrong hands. It was clear the Stranger was up to some game once again by calling Ekansh and her at the same spot, but why? She wanted to rush back home, to Danny. Nothing was going to be revealed to me about Hiya. It is all a joke, a sick joke which the Stranger has been playing on me since my arrival in Mumbai. Rivanah turned towards the door without saying anything to Ekansh. He held her hand. She turned to glance at him and said, ‘Leave me, Ekansh, and go home. It wasn’t me messaging you.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ His grip turned tighter. She had neither the time nor the intention to clarify anything.

  ‘Someone was just messing with you. Chuck it and go.’ It was the best excuse she could come up with. She again turned around to leave but he pulled her towards him. They came dangerously close, with Ekansh still gripping her hand while placing the other hand around her waist to hold her tight.

  ‘What do you think of yourself, Rivanah?’ Ekansh asked. His grip was hurting her as he continued, ‘You can call me anytime, cut the phone line without saying anything, tell Tista about us, call me to a secluded ATM in the name of Tista, and then say it was all a joke? I won’t allow you to treat me as if I’m some piece of shit.’ The strength with which he held her not only hurt Rivanah but surprised her as well.

  ‘Ekansh, it wasn’t me. It’s someone who is playing with me. Now leave me.’

  ‘Who is it?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Just like you didn’t know who told Tista the truth, right?’

  ‘Shut up and leave me,’ she said, trying to release herself from his grip.

  Just outside the ATM, the person who had been following Rivanah to Kalyan station and then to the ATM pushed open the door. It was Danny.

  Danny first looked at Rivanah, then at Ekansh, and then the way he was holding her. Ekansh let go of Rivanah. She was too dumbstruck to speak.

  ‘I was outside your office when you called me. I kept telling myself that you love me too much to lie to me. Especially after we had both decided you won’t hide anything from me.’ Danny sighed and added, ‘I tried to make you as comfortable as I could but still this sluttish behaviour—why? You could have just told me you are done with me,’ Danny said, looking acutely hurt. It was evident he had misinterpreted the entire scene. But the word ‘sluttish’ stabbed Rivanah deeply. This name-calling was the last thing Rivanah expected from Danny.

  ‘I think I should leave,’ Ekansh mumbled awkwardly. He looked at Rivanah. Whatever anger his eyes were carrying against her a moment back suddenly changed into sympathy. Neither Rivanah nor Danny cared to look at him. As Ekansh stepped outside and shut the door, Rivanah asked in an injured tone, ‘Why would you call me a slut, Danny? That too in front of Ekansh?’

  ‘I didn’t call you a slut. I just said your behaviour is that of a slut. Ask yourself why I said that. If you were not a slut, you wouldn’t have lied to me to be here with your ex. God knows how many more times you guys have been together.’

  ‘Who said I lied to you? I myself didn’t know Ekansh was supposed to be here.’

  ‘Yeah sure, like I’m going to believe you,’ Danny said, without caring to look at her as he talked.

  ‘You have to, because it’s the truth. I came here because I was sent this,’ Rivanah tapped her phone to show him the Google map image the stranger had sent her. He looked at it and then said, ‘Okay. Look into my eyes and answer two questions.’

  ‘Ask me anything.’ Rivanah knew she was going to cry any moment now.

  ‘Were you with Ekansh as the message claimed the night I came to your office?’

  It took her some time but she nodded. Danny swallowed hard.

  ‘But that’s because . . .’ she started.

  ‘Don’t explain,’ he said and continued to look straight into her eyes, ‘Is there anything that you think I should know as far as you and Ekansh are concerned?’

  Rivanah looked down.

  ‘Look at me, goddamnit!’ he shouted.

  Rivanah slowly lifted her head up and then nodded.

  ‘What is it?’

  She was crying now as she spoke, ‘I just can’t tell you.’ But she didn’t have to, for Danny knew: that she and Ekansh were still in a relationship.

  ‘Is it what I think it is?’

  ‘I simply can’t tell you about it,’ Rivanah said, feeling shame and humiliation squeeze all the pain out of her core.

  ‘So let me rephrase. It wasn’t sluttish behaviour. You are a slut. That’s what it is,’ Danny said in a concluding tone.

  ‘Please don’t say that, Danny. I love you.’

  ‘Shut the fuck up.’

  ‘You just can’t come here, interpret everything wrongly and call me names, Danny. You have to listen to me. Your inference isn’t the whole story.’

  ‘I. Don’t. Care. Any more,’ he said, locking his jaws.

  Rivanah felt a sudden anger honking hard within her. But she didn’t know what she was angry about: the fact that she didn’t tell Danny about the matter or the fact that his reaction was exactly how she thought any man would react. Any man! If this was any man’s reaction, then what did Danny mean when he said he loved her? Any man would have labelled her a slut misinterpreting the scene or the truth which she nested within her—but not the one who loved her, for that man would have actually understood it was indeed a slip and respected the fact that she too had the right to explain. In an ideal world, that is. If she was a slut, then she would have continued fucking Ekansh, fucking every other man she came across without feeling guilty about it. But her love for Danny was exactly why she couldn’t confess to him in the first place. But by saying she was a slut, did Danny think he had washed his hands off the relationship, off her?

  ‘So you are saying there’s nothing for me to react to, right?’ Danny s
aid.

  ‘Right.’ Rivanah said it more out of anger than anything else. She knew he had the right to react but she had a problem with the way he was reacting—like someone who never knew her.

  ‘If you really think there’s nothing for me to react, then why don’t you tell me the truth yourself?’ Danny asked.

  I don’t mind your reaction, Danny. I just don’t get how you have already decided what my intention was and given it a name, she thought, but couldn’t say it aloud. Anybody would reach conclusions about you in no time, but when your closest one too does it, then what’s left to say? Conclusions are made very swiftly, but to break them one needs time, she thought. And Danny didn’t seem to be in the mood to give her time.

  There was silence as Danny waited for her to speak. She knew whatever she said now would be twisted by him, turned into an arrow and darted right back at her.

  ‘You continue to be quiet and still don’t want me to react the way I’m doing. Awesome!’ Danny said.

  As he was about to leave, Rivanah blurted out, ‘Ekansh and I slept with each other some time back.’

  Danny stood frozen for a few seconds and then turned around to look at her. ‘Were we together then?’

  Rivanah nodded like a programmed machine and hung her head in shame. She looked up when she heard a loud bang. Danny had smashed his hand on the ATM door creating a crack in the glass. She immediately took his hand in hers to check the extent of the injury.

  ‘Stay. Away,’ he said pushing her back. His touch had never felt so condescending.

  ‘Remember how you walked out on me because of Nitya?’ Danny asked, facing away from her. He then turned around and, looking straight at her, said, ‘I think it is time to walk out again. Just that, this time, it will be me walking out on you.’

  ‘Why aren’t you listening to me?’ Her frustration was evident in her tone. ‘It is not what it sounds like.’

  ‘You just said you fucked your ex when we were in a relationship. To me, it sounds pretty simple.’

  ‘It just happened, Danny. It. Just. Happened. I have avoided Ekansh since then.’

  ‘I saw a minute back how much you guys have avoided each other. Meeting in a secluded ATM after you told me you had some office work? I don’t know what you call it, but for me this is sluttish behaviour.’

  ‘Please don’t say that. Had I been a slut, I would have continued to sleep with Ekansh. But I never did that.’

  ‘And you think that, after what I saw here and whatever you confessed, I’m going to believe you? Do you understand, Rivanah, I can’t turn a blind eye to your acts any more?’

  Who is this Danny? Rivanah wondered. How can the person I love so dearly behave like a stranger? One sight of me with Ekansh, and Danny has already judged me? Can one be so blinded by love?

  ‘I love you, Danny. Only you. Why aren’t you getting it?’ Rivanah blurted out.

  Danny smirked and said, ‘That’s what I thought too. And would have continued to think all my life, had I not been led to this place.’

  ‘The one who led you to this place led me here as well,’ she said.

  ‘That changes nothing.’

  Rivanah mentally cursed the Stranger for having stirred this and said aloud, ‘Let’s just go home, sit down and talk it out. I can explain everything. Then I’m sure you will understand.’

  ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t be associated with a lying whore,’ Danny said and turned to leave. He knew the last part was little too much but he didn’t care. If this was too much, then what was that she confessed? A raging frown appeared on Rivanah’s face. On an impulse, she followed him.

  ‘You really want to know what a whore is, Danny?’ Rivanah shouted. This was the first time she had raised her voice this high in front of someone she loved.

  ‘I’ll show you and then you can walk out on me,’ Rivanah said, her entire body shaking. She saw Ekansh in the distance, perhaps waiting for a cab. She crossed Danny and called out to Ekansh. Ekansh was taken aback seeing Rivanah come up to him.

  Before Ekansh could speak, Rivanah grabbed him by his collar, pressed her lips against his and with one hand clicked a picture of them kissing. She broke the kiss the next second and sent the picture to Danny on WhatsApp. Looking towards Danny, who was still beside the ATM, she shouted, ‘Check your phone, Danny, to know what a real whore is like.’ Rivanah smashed her phone on the ground. It broke into pieces but it wasn’t the only thing that broke.

  ‘Rivanah!’ Ekansh called out. She turned and said, ‘Don’t you follow me.’ And walked out of his sight.

  She found a cab at a distance and told the driver to take her to Dahisar.

  It was the same area where she had taught Mini’s Magic 10. The destination didn’t matter to her. All she wanted was to cry alone. It was already dark when she reached the place three hours later. Looking around, the only lonely spot she could see was the skywalk. She climbed the stairs and took the empty bench under a light, feeling progressively suicidal. What was left? she asked herself. A big nothing. How do you build anything from that big nothing and still call it life? Rivanah cried.

  It was over with Ekansh long ago, and now it was over with Danny too. Next time it won’t be ‘falling’ in love for her. From here on, it would be suffering in love. But did she have the energy to suffer in love again? She wiped her tears and tried to breathe, but her nose was slightly blocked. Sitting under one of the lamp posts, she thought she heard footsteps coming towards her. She peered into the darkness but didn’t see anybody. She sighed and was about to bury her face in her hands again when she heard a voice say, ‘Hello, Mini.’

  Rivanah slowly looked up—in anticipation. And fear. And disgust.

  19

  For a split second, Rivanah thought she had simply imagined the voice, before she noticed the tips of someone’s shoes at the edge of the light. The light overhead did not fall on his face, and most of him was shrouded in darkness, but it didn’t take her long to guess who this someone could be.

  ‘Is that you?’ Rivanah said aloud. Her voice was brittle.

  The response came after few seconds.

  ‘Yes, Mini.’

  Her eyes were transfixed on the shining black tips of the shoes. Rivanah stood up, expecting the Stranger to take a step back. But he didn’t. Rivanah took a step towards him. He was still. Slowly, she began inching towards the Stranger. With every step, her heart beat faster. And every beat felt heavy with anxiety. When she stood close to him, she could smell his deodorant—It’s Different from Hugo Boss. It is indeed him! But his face and body remained shrouded in darkness. Rivanah took the final few steps and stood only inches away from the tips of the shoes. Breathing had become difficult. The fact that the Stranger hadn’t moved told her he wanted her to unmask him. She was about to reach out when two hands shot out and, before Rivanah could understand what was happening, she was turned around forcefully and blindfolded. Rivanah felt him tightening the blindfold. Slowly, the Stranger pulled her into the darkness, away from the sight of any pedestrian.

  ‘I . . .’ Rivanah started, but she felt a finger on her lips and a whisper right next to her left ear, ‘Ssshhh.’ She felt a little aroused even in her state of emotional distress.

  ‘Pain is a seed, Mini. And it often grows into a tree we call strength. A seed of strength has been sown in you today, Mini. You have no idea how emotionally stable a tree this will become,’ the Stranger whispered. His breath tickled her ear as she allowed this idea to take root in her. She could feel his cotton shirt as she grabbed it tight with both hands. Not able to hold herself back any more, she buried her face in the Stranger’s chest and cried her heart out. She knew it would be useless to try to get rid of the blindfold.

  ‘I never wanted to tell Danny the truth because the incident didn’t compromise my love for him. Please say you know this. Please . . .’

  ‘I know, Mini,’ the Stranger whispered back.

  ‘Then why did you do this to me? Why did you lead Ekansh, me and Danny
to the ATM today? This is an irreparable damage. I don’t think Danny will ever understand why I couldn’t confess. It was only out of love.’

  ‘I know Danny will never understand it.’

  Rivanah frowned. She tried to touch the Stranger’s face but he wouldn’t let her.

  ‘You have to tell me why you did this to me!’ she said.

  ‘First, you tell me, Mini, what’s love if it doesn’t let you give your loved one some time to explain? If it stands like a wall between you and your beloved? There are already a lot of walls in a relationship, Mini. What’s rare is a freeway for trust.’

  Rivanah listened hard as the Stranger continued, ‘This confession of yours wasn’t a test for you, Mini, it was a test of Danny’s love. He is hurt not because you didn’t confess to him but because you supposedly cheated on him. He doesn’t want to give you a chance to explain. It’s difficult to be with someone who prefers his own assumptions to his partner’s reality.’

  Rivanah wasn’t sure what she felt at that moment.

  ‘Ekansh ditched me, Danny didn’t understand me. And I loved both with all my heart. What else can I do apart from loving someone honestly? I have tried the best I could, and it didn’t work. What else remains for me to give anyone? I somehow managed to come to terms with Ekansh’s betrayal but this . . . how will I be able to forget this scar, this hurt that Danny has given me by not understanding me?’

  ‘To forget a hurt, Mini, we subconsciously seek a bigger and deeper hurt. Happiness is a vacation. Hurt is our home.’

  ‘I was so confident nothing will go wrong between Danny and me.’ She choked. For the first time, she felt the Stranger’s hand caressing her back. Somehow she couldn’t blame the Stranger any more for stirring the storm he did in the ATM, because otherwise she would have continued to live a lie.