A Reason For Everything

by Nita Johnson

  I’d fucked everything up and lost the best thing that had happened to me.

  It was all my fault.

  Mine.

  “How long you gonna wallow in your filth? You're starting to stink the goddamn house out!”

  “Go away, Nan. I ain't in the mood for you today.” I pulled the bedcovers over my head trying my best to block her out, to make her leave. It had been two weeks since I'd caught Jesse with Melanie and I found every day harder than the last.

  My nan had lied to Nate and Kaylee, telling them I had caught a bug and was feeling under the weather, that made me feel worse. They were so concerned for me but I just didn't have the energy to drag my ass out of bed, to put my brave face on, to plaster on my fake smile all while trying to pretend my heart wasn’t broken into pieces.

  “Well tough shit, Willow. Today is the day you get me, warts and all, and I’m telling you to get your ass out of bed, take a freaking shower and wash that birds nest you call hair, and then meet me in the kitchen.” She pulled the covers from my body uncovering me fully.

  “And I’m taking this with me just in case you have the idea to crawl back under it!” I heard her go into the bathroom and turn the shower on. “You've got half an hour. Don't make me come back up there, child!” she shouted as she descended the stairs.

  My nan meant business, if I wasn't sitting down with her in half an hour she would come back up here for me and it wouldn't be pretty. I dragged my weary self out of my pit and headed to the bathroom.

  “Once I’m out of here I’m gonna look into retirement homes for the elderly,” I said under my breath.

  “I bloody well heard that! You now have twenty minutes and don't make me wait. My batting hand is getting itchy,” she called back up the stairs.

  Betty has definitely got to have super hearing powers, for sure.

  Twenty minutes later I was sitting in front of her at the kitchen table. I found it quite funny that some of the worst things to happen to me in my life had involved a kitchen table. The thought made me smirk, the first real one in days.

  “What’s got you smiling?” she questioned as she pushed a cup of coffee my way. I didn't answer her, instead choosing to taste the glory that is caffeine.

  “You can't go on like this forever, Willow. It's not healthy and it's also not fair to Nate and Kaylee. They are asking why you aren't getting better, plus they're not stupid. They've noticed Jesse isn't around anymore. They've even noticed that Bitch Face Baker is back at her house sitting on her throne!” She slammed her hand down on the table making her point clear.

  She was mad at me and how I’d been acting. I got that, I really did, but Jesse had hurt me more than walking in on Rob had hurt me, and try as I might I couldn't just snap out of it.

  “They don't refer to her as Bitch Face Baker, nan. Only you do that,” I pointed out as I took another sip of my coffee.

  “Well, that's true but that’s cause they take after you and are too nice for their own good,” she grumbled. “If they were more like me we’d rule this street!” she declared.

  “If they were more like you then we would not be sitting around talking at this kitchen table. We would be visiting you around a prison one,” I informed her but this time I gave her a smile, a full on smile.

  In her own round about way she had made me forget just for a moment about my mess and she’d made me smile. Nan hadn't let that fact slip by her unnoticed. “There she is. I knew my Willow was in there somewhere.” Reaching out she gave my hand a squeeze and then I knew I just might be ok.

  “It’s been a month now, J. You gonna go and talk to her? Tell her she's needed back here. I can't do this anymore. She ran it so well. I miss her!” he wailed.

  Travis’s voice was grating on me. If he brought up Willow one more time I was going to land my fist squarely in that ugly mug of his. We all missed her, me more than anyone, but Betty had told me she was in a bad place right now and to give her time to get herself together. I think I’ve waited long enough, I was done with waiting. My girl needed to hear what I had to say.

  “Betty said to give her time so that's what I’m doing,” I said lamely, knowing that if I really wanted to I'd haul ass round there to talk to her.

  “Bullshit!”

  “It's not bullshit. I’m doing what's been advised! This is the best way for now.”

  “Best for you? Best for her? The way I see it this way sucks for the both of you. She thinks you cheated on her, J. The one thing that could rip open her wounds and she thinks you did it. You need to go see her, tell her who Melanie is. Tell her everything, J. Before it's too late. There's still a way back for you two. Take that chance while you can. Don't let it slip through your fingers.” Travis clapped me on my shoulder and walked out of the office, his whole demeanor radiating nothing but sadness and regret.

  He was going on about his relationship with my sister and while I didn't want to know the ins and outs of it, I knew she must mean something to him for him to act this way and say the things he did. I just hoped they could both come back from whatever had him acting so damn down.

  I pulled my cell out of the pocket of my cargo pants. Swiping to unlock it, I opened the message app and wrote out a message to Betty. I messaged her every day. The first time I had called her after what happened she threatened to kill me but once I managed to explain everything she calmed down and agreed to keep in touch with me about Willow via messaging. She’s getting better lately when it comes to texting. I can't send her any text lingo, she had gotten the wrong idea when I used LOL once and I didn't want a repeat of that incident.

  *How is she today?*

  I could see the three dots moving indicating that Betty was typing back, although it took her longer than some as she found the touch screen tricky at times.

  *She’s good. Done some stuff roundhouse fr me. Gone to get kids frm school.*

  It didn't take me long to work out what she meant and I was pleased she's taking steps to get back on her feet.

  *I want to see her. She needs to know everything.*

  I was done waiting. I wanted my girl back. I wanted my family back.

  *C you LateR Prrty Boy.*

  See you later indeed Betty. My girl better be ready for me to fight for her. I wasn't leaving their house until she was mine again.

  Nate and Kaylee had stopped asking about Jesse now, they must've accepted the fact they weren't going to see him anymore and it broke my heart as they must miss him as much as I did.

  “You want to see your father this weekend, Kaylee?”

  She was sitting on the floor in the living room doing her homework. It was something that I was trying and failing to help with. Kids’ homework these days seemed a lot harder than it had been when I was their ages.

  “Not this weekend, Mama. Maybe next week,” she answered me as she worked on a math problem.

  She gave me the same answer every time I asked about seeing Rob, so I didn't bother to mention it again. I looked at Nate who was also writing away in his homework book. “How about you, Nate?”

  His pen paused its attack on the paper long enough for him to raise his head sending me a look that didn't require using any words.

  “Ok, baby. I’ll tell him no for this week.”

  I fired off a text to Rob telling him that it was a no again this week and that I’d try again next week for him. He quickly replied thank you and that was that. While I did feel bad for Rob, he really only could blame himself for how things had turned out between him and the kids. I asked them every week like he’d begged me to but I wasn't about to force them into a decision; especially not for him. No way.

  A loud knock on the door had me jumping out of my skin. As far as I knew we weren't expecting anyone.

  “Can you get that, Willow? I’m just about to get in the shower!” Nan called from the top of the stairs.

  “Ok!” I exclaimed as I stood up from my place on the floor where I’d been sitting next to Nate and Kaylee just as the person knocked
the door again.

  “Hold your horses,” I moaned as I opened the door.

  “Hey, sweetheart.” Jesse greeted me. He looked so handsome it made me feel sick.

  I shut the door in his face.

  “Willow, open up! I just want to talk!” Jesse shouted as I returned to my seat on the floor. He had nothing to say that I wanted to hear.

  “Please, sweetheart. I ain't leaving till you've heard me out! Please!”

  “Want me to tell him to leave, Mom?” Nate asked once he’d heard who was shouting his head off on the other side of the door.

  “No, baby. He ain't worth it. Carry on with your homework. He will get the hint soon enough.”

  “Why won't you let him in, Mama?” Kaylee asked me quietly. She’d really missed Jesse. I could see the tears filling her eyes, my baby girl was hurting over a man and she wasn't even seven years old.

  “Let the poor bastard in!” Nan bellowed. “Don't be such a stubborn fool. Listen to what he has to say before you cut him off for good!”

  I jumped up and raced to the stairs. ‘Will you watch your mouth! I don't want them hearing that kind of language!” I shouted back up to her angrily.

  “Whatever, Willow. I’ve heard Nate on that video game of his. Some of the language that’s used on there makes me blush! Me! And I’ve heard it all over the years!” she hollered. “So stop using any reason you can think of for starting an argument with me and just open the Goddamn door to Jesse! Don't make me come down there naked!” she warned me knowing full well I didn't ever want to see her naked.

  “Open the door, Willow. I know you don't want that image burned into your mind,” Jesse said echoing my own thoughts.

  I yanked open the door and faced the man I loved with all my heart. The man who had thrown it all away. “You've got five minutes. Make it count!”

  “You've got five minutes. Make it count!”

  My girl was a spitfire and I loved her more for it. She wasn't taking any of my shit. The time spent away from her had only made me love her more. I could see that she’d lost weight and that made me feel ashamed, I was the cause of that and I’d always carry that shame with me.

  I stepped into the hallway. I ran my hand nervously through my hair. Here goes everything. I was going to tell her everything and I hoped to God that she gave us another chance. Gave me another chance. I don't think I could carry on if she refused me. She really was my world.

  I took a deep breath and prepared to tell her what I’d be hiding from her all this time. I prayed to him up above that she forgave me for all the secrecy once she knew it had been for a good reason.

  “I need more than five minutes, Willow.”

  He stood on my doorstep and part of me wanted to jump on him and kiss him till we both couldn't see straight and the other part wanted to throat punch him then kick him in the balls. The only thing that held me back from inflicting pain was that he looked as bad as I felt. His grey eyes looked tired, the darkness underneath them showing me he hadn't been sleeping well either.

  He still looked good enough to eat wearing his black cargo trousers and dark grey tee. Yeah I still had feelings for this man despite everything. That's a lie. I still loved this man despite everything.

  “Would you be able to come with me?” He pulled me out of my head and back to reality.

  “I can't. Nate and Kaylee are in the living room and as you heard my nan is in the bath so I can't just leave!” I bit out.

  “Bring the kids with you. What I want to show you concerns them too. Come on, sweetheart. Just come with me. I will explain everything. I promise.” He held his hand out to me, to make the first move by accepting it.

  Internally I was at war with myself. I wanted to take his hand, let him show me, and perhaps we could work something out, but then the thoughts of what I had caught him doing reared their ugly head and that had me pausing for a moment.

  “I’m coming down, Willow. Cover your eyes!”

  “Shit. Nate, Kaylee! We’re going out!” I reached out and placed my hand in Jesse’s just hoping that I hadn't done the wrong thing.

  I smiled once the door slammed shut, they had all left with him. I opened the door to the bathroom and walked into my bedroom just in time to see them pull out of the driveway but not before I caught the look on Jesse’s face. I knew then I’d done the right thing when I kept in touch with him all this time. He really did love my granddaughter. He was going to give them the world and I was so happy with how it had all played out.

  Willow would listen to him and forgive him once she’d realized what a huge ass misunderstanding it’s all been. Jesse told me a few weeks ago what the huge secret was and that boy made me as proud as punch.

  He was nothing like Bitchface Baker.

  I smiled and made my way back downstairs, fully clothed.

  I was never in the bloody bath.

  My palms were sweating so much I had to really hold onto the steering wheel of my truck. This was it, showtime.

  “Where are we going, Jesse?” Kaylee quizzed me from her seat in the back. Ever the nosey one I knew she’d be the first one to break the horrible silence and talk to me.

  “It’s a surprise, pumpkin. Won't be long now,” I answered her the best I could without giving it all away.

  “Where have you been, J?”

  This time the question came from Nate. He worried me the most, after everything he’d been through with his dad, my disappearing act would have affected him the most.

  “You’ll see, son. We’re nearly there.” Indicting a left turn I drove down the street that held the house I’d bought, the house I’d remodelled all with these three people in mind.

  “I recognize this place.” Willow broke her silence and spoke to me. “You brought me here on our first date. What are we doing here, Jess?” she asked me completely confused as to why I’d pulled up here.

  “Yeah, sweetheart. You got it in one. Come on kids,” he instructed them as we all climbed out of the car. Jesse stopping long enough to help Kaylee with her seat before he swung her up in his arms.

  “Nate?” he called to him holding out a hand, the same gesture he’d shown me not too long ago.

  My heart sang when Nate took a hold of Jesse’s outstretched one and just like that they’d forgiven him for not being around. They’d let him into their lives again. They held no resentment toward him whatsoever.

  With Kaylee hoisted up on his one side and Nate firmly holding his hand they made their way up the winding path to the house I’d fallen in love with all that time ago. The three of them painted the picture of a perfect family. One that I’d longed dearly for.

  I watched in shock as he lowered Kaylee to the ground and reached into his pocket. I gasped when I saw a set of keys in his hand.

  “Jess?” I was really puzzled. He had mentioned doing some work on this house but that was such a long time ago. Why would he still have a set of keys now?

  “Go in kids. Straight upstairs. You’ll see why when you get up there.” Nate and Kaylee took off through the hallway and up the flight of stairs sounding like a herd of elephants, their excitement tangible.

  This time Jesse didn't ask for my hand, he grabbed it and all but dragged me inside the house.

  “What’s going on, Jesse? My head is spinning, can you clue me in a little?” I requested as I looked around the house, noticing some slight differences from the last time I was here.

  “I bought a house. This house.”

  My mouth dropped open, my jaw almost hitting the floor with shock.

  “You've lost me, Jesse.” I was so confused.

  “Let me start at the beginning...”

  “I saw this house by accident but I think it was fate. A few wrong directions and I ended up here. As I drove by and saw it, I realized that it would be the kind of home I could spend forever in and I knew that my forever was with you and that you deserved a house like this. A fresh new start. Granted we had only known each other a short time, but it was long eno
ugh to know that I wanted forever with you, with Nate and Kaylee, and even Betty to some degree.”

  He stopped to gather his thoughts before continuing again. “There never was any job to be done here. I lied to you when I brought you here. I’d gotten the keys from the realtor only a few hours earlier. I needed to see if your reaction to this house was as strongly as mine had been. Call me crazy, but I knew you’d love it, so imagine how pleased I felt when that turned out to be right.”

  We were standing in front of each other. I could see the passion in his eyes. I knew he was telling me the truth.

  “You loved it but I had plans to make it a home you adored. I just had to wait until the sale went through. The day I got the call I was so happy but that call came with a deal I couldn't pass up. That no person who could help out would pass up.”

  “What are you going on about, Jess?” I was bewildered to what on earth he was talking about.

  “The sellers of the house asked if I’d possibly cut a deal with them so I could take their furnishings in with the sale of the house. I turned down the offer until I was made to see why the offer had been made in the first place. The owners were selling because they'd had medical bills to pay. Big ones. They had to sell everything and move in with relatives just so they could pay it all back and afford to live.”

  I covered my mouth. I thought I’d had it bad. Obviously my situation was nothing compared to theirs. “Oh no, Jesse. How awful for them. Did you ask what the problem was? Why they had medical bills that high?