Baseball Lover

by Croft, Rose

  It was very modern with floor to ceiling windows surrounding the living area. There was a huge built-in that was the focal point and housed at least a seventy-inch flat screen TV. The furnishings looked like the work of an interior decorator. I couldn’t imagine John going furniture shopping, piecing it together, and picking out accessories, but who knew? Maybe that was the unvoiced fourth thing he was good at.

  “Wow, I bet you felt like you were really slumming it when you were at my place.”

  “No I didn’t. I like your apartment. It’s warm. This place is nice, but it’s just where I stay during the season.” He pulled out the contents of the sack and grabbed a couple of plates. There was a lot of food.

  “Are you stocking up for the winter or something? This is quite a bit of food.” The sandwiches were ginormous, and there were soups and salads too, and some giant chocolate chip cookies.

  “What? This is not that much food. Besides, you haven’t eaten all day.”

  That was kind of sweet that he thought I needed to eat all of this because I skipped a meal.

  We sat down at the island bar. Before we took a bite, John grabbed his phone and pulled me close beside him to take a selfie of us. “Sorry. I hope that was okay? I really wanted a picture of us together, and you look so adorable.”

  I nodded, not really caring how I looked at this point, and took a bite of my food and a low sound escaped me because the sandwich was delightful, and I was starving.

  John was gazing at me. “You’re very expressive when you eat.”

  I woofed down another bite not concerned about food etiquette at the moment. “Sorry, I do that when food tastes good.”

  “Hey, there’s nothing to apologize for. I like hearing you moan.”

  “I bet you do.” I glanced at his phone. “So, can I see your pictures?”

  “Why?”

  “I want to make sure there aren’t any inappropriate photos of me on your phone.”

  “You mean besides the cleavage pics that you sent me?” He was wide-eyed as if I’d accused him of murder. “Do you think I snapped photos of you when you were naked and asleep?”

  “I don’t know. Did you?”

  “No,” he scoffed. “What kind of person do you think I am, a pervert?”

  “No, but did you screenshot my boobs when I FaceTimed you?”

  “Seriously Rose? No.”

  “You thought about it though.” I nudged him.

  “No, I didn’t,” he denied, but looked guilty.

  “Yes you did. I know that look John. Don’t lie.”

  I was getting ready for John’s game Saturday night. He had a driver that was going to take me to the game, and I was supposed to sit next to his roommate’s girlfriend at the game who was visiting from Missouri. The seats were on the lower deck, but I wasn’t sure where they were.

  After spending some extracurricular activities in bed together last night, I made John breakfast. He was very impressed with my skills. I’d wanted to make him breakfast tacos, with homemade tortillas, but we didn’t have all of the ingredients.

  “So you really do know how to cook?” He asked because I’d never shown him my skills.

  “Yes. My mom is the best cook. You know how we all have foods that we relate to our family.”

  After he ate my spinach and mushroom omelet, he was making noises like I did when I ate. “Rose, this is really good.”

  “Glad you like it.” I walked by and kissed him on the temple as he wolfed down the last of his food.

  He apprehended me before I could walk-off, and his mouth attacked me as I fell into him. “I’m so glad you’re here. I wish you could stay with me all of the time.” He was pursuing me like a shark that gets a sexual high after feeding on a whale as he was basically humping me against the counter seconds later. I guess food sex was our thing. I clearly had no objections.

  So, back to preparing for his game…I dressed in his uniform and shorts with my hair down and casual sandals. I waited for the car to pick me up. John and I had sent a few texts back and forth this afternoon. Basically, he told me what he was doing, and how much he missed me.

  Okay, again, back to the present, I had about ten minutes until the driver would be here. He was picking up Joey’s fiancée Brittany first.

  As we rode to the game, I made small conversation with Brittany. She seemed really nice. She’d been with Joey since high school and was an athlete herself, playing soccer throughout high school and college.

  Joey had proposed to her before the season began, and they were waiting for the off-season to start thinking about wedding plans. She asked me about my relationship with John.

  “We’ve been together for almost two months,” I responded.

  “Joey tells me that he talks about you all of the time.”

  I didn’t know what to do with that. I mean, that was nice, but we really hadn’t been together that long. Sometimes, I thought with him, he said all of the right words, but it often felt like it was too good to be true. I wanted it all to be true, but I was still very jaded to believe stuff like that really happened.

  We were arriving at the game early, about an hour before. My phone signaled, and I looked. It was from John.

  I want to go to heaven with you again. I can’t wait to see you after the game.

  He’d never texted me before one of his games like that, especially so close to game time. It seemed like our relationship was taking on another level. I wanted it too, and I friggin’ flew to Chicago, which I never thought I would do. I deserved some kind of medal for flying here. I mean…I was already worried about the flight back. I hated this shit.

  At the stadium, we walked around, grabbing a soda and some popcorn. Our tickets were about two rows from where first base was situated. John told me that most wives and girlfriends watched the games from a suite, but he wanted me near him. I wasn’t complaining because I would have a great view of my favorite ass, player attached.

  I watched him as he fielded balls, doing his pregame ritual. He spotted me, obviously knowing where my seats were. He would occasionally glance at me and do the side mouth lift lifting his hand in a half-wave.

  Brittany and I were having a good time learning more about each other. Joey was a bullpen pitcher that was very reliable as the game was in the last innings. His goal was to be the closer she’d told me. And, I’d seen plenty of games recently that proved he was seriously in the mix. I told her that I hoped he did well if he were needed tonight.

  John was sharp from the beginning. He’d already stopped a line drive to right field. And, fielded an out from the third baseman. Then, caught another ball. He was on his A-game.

  As Brittany and I came down from our high-fiving, John actually eyed me as he ran to the dugout. I heard a girl behind me yell his name too. I didn’t think much about it. I knew he had a lot of fans.

  However, as John stood at the plate in his batting stance that made all of my body parts go insane, again, crazy fangirl from earlier said with authority that John was fucking hot as shit. Um, yeah, I already knew that too, thanks.

  I tried not to listen to other conversations, but she was kind of hard to not hear. She told her friend that she knew from first hand experience that he had an incredible body. Now, I couldn’t stop listening to the crap she spewed.

  Of course, I was focused on the game, yeah right, trying to ignore the continuous comments that kept flowing out of her mouth. It was beginning to piss me off because her remarks became more personal like she’d been intimately acquainted with John. She later mentioned how he had a big surprise in his pants and…an Elsa tattoo on his ass.

  Finally, not able to restrain my reactions, I whipped around and glared in the direction of the girl who had been sprinkling sexual phrases and compliments about John all evening.

  She paid me no mind as she continued to go on and on about him to her friend beside her, and I knew without a doubt she’d been personal with him. This wasn’t just some heckler in the stands. She’d fuck
ed him. The game blurred in front of me.

  I kept myself in check, not biting. Brittany too was telling me to ignore it.

  Of course, this was part of the crap I would have to deal with. Was I ready? I had commitment issues anyway. I also knew temptation was lurking around every damn corner for high profile professional athletes. I wasn’t naïve. I was terrified of being weak, dependant on him and getting my heart crushed. I’d built up this wall to protect myself from getting hurt, but John had been deconstructing it brick-by-brick since day one. Sometimes it was hard to believe he would only want to be with me. Why did he want to be with me?

  I had come a long way from the aftermath of Carlos. I mean, a long way. I’d lost myself. My identity. I went off the rails. I even hated Carlos for not confiding in me. I hated myself for not helping him. I couldn’t deal with some bullshit groupie drama with John, especially after he’d promised, promised he wasn’t doing that to me. I felt insecure. And, I couldn’t control the self-loathing that seeped through my body like deadly poison. My thoughts were irrational.

  I don’t know how I kept it together after the game as we waited outside the clubhouse. Of course, I saw the bitch that kept running her mouth about John next to an older man.

  John came out of the locker room, with a huge smile on his face. “Hello beautiful.” He slipped his arm around me.

  “Hi.” I made myself say. Pride, I’ve never needed you more than at this moment. I wanted to disengage myself from him, but I wasn’t about to cause a scene in public.

  “I liked seeing you in the stands, right by me where I could keep my eye on you.”

  I forced a smile still feeling uneasy about the girl from the stands who was now a few feet away from us. Why was she here?

  “What’s wrong?” His happy face drew into a look of puzzlement.

  “Nothing.”

  John looked like he wanted to probe me further, but I heard another voice. “Great game John.” The older man, who appeared in his seventies with that girl, approached us. He shook John’s hand and patted him on the arm.

  “You remember my granddaughter Lisa. She’s all grown up now.” He went on to brag about how she had graduated from college in May and was going to eventually take over as the team’s Chief Brand Officer. I silently listened watching the facial exchanges between Lisa and John. He seemed highly annoyed, and his mouth was in a tight line like he wanted to be anywhere but here, while she smiled cattily at him looking like she held a big secret.

  Even though my jealousy was growing as we stood there, I kept waiting for John to introduce me, but he never did. And, that upset me even further. Finally, when their conversation ended, we briefly spoke with Joey and Brittany. I was trying to keep it together when all I wanted to do was get the hell out of here.

  As we drove home, John reached for my hand, but I pulled away looking out the passenger window.

  “What’s wrong? You’ve been acting strange.”

  “I’m tired.” I didn’t want to get into this in the car. I was trying to contain myself so I wouldn’t blow up and go off on him. Not in the car, Rose. Not in the car.

  We didn’t speak until we reached his condo. I immediately went to his bedroom and started gathering up my things, shoving them in my suitcase.

  “What are you doing?” he asked angrily.

  “I can’t stay in here with you.”

  “Where the hell is this coming from?” His voice was a growl and he yanked on his perfectly styled hair.

  I shoved another shirt in my bag. “Who was the old man that you were talking to? You know, the one you never introduced me to as I stood there for twenty minutes?”

  “He’s the owner. Is this why you’re angry? Shit. I’ll introduce you tomorrow after the game.” He walked towards me trying to take my hands in his.

  I shoved them away. “Don’t touch me.” It pissed me off when he thought he could touch me and somehow that would make everything better. Sadly, it worked 99% of the time.

  “Jesus, Rose, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about it. Don’t you think you’re acting a little extreme about this?” He tried again to stop me.

  I side-stepped him avoiding his touch. “Get away from me right now.” I was starting to shake as my anger grew.

  “Fine! You’re acting fucking crazy.” He dropped his hands and stepped back fuming.

  “Oh, I’m crazy? I’m crazy? Try watching a baseball game when the owner’s granddaughter was sitting behind me the whole game talking about my supposed boyfriend.”

  His eyes widened. That’s right John. Did he honestly think I didn’t know about it?

  “Yeah, that’s pretty shocking isn’t it? I got to hear about how big your package was, your Elsa tattoo, and how you could go all night like a porn star.”

  He ran his hands over his face exhaling in frustration. “That was way before you and me, Rose, and a huge mistake,” he said quietly.

  “A mistake, you think?” I asked sarcastically. “Or maybe not, since she’s going to be Chief Brand Officer of the team. But, you better be careful dealing with her because you might fuck around and get traded if you piss off the family.”

  “Stop. It happened last year, and I didn’t even know who she was.”

  “Oh wow, that sounds even worse.” I stalked to the bathroom gathering the rest of my things. I will not cry. I will not cry.

  He was right behind me. “I’m sorry you had to hear that. One of the teammates was having a party, and she was there…”

  “Look, I don’t need an explanation.” I methodically placed my toiletries in my make-up bag forcing myself not to look at him. I could hear his sharp breaths exhaling through his nostrils.

  “What do you want from me, Rose?” He sounded somewhat pained. “You’re condemning me for something that happened long before we were together, before we even met.”

  I faltered at his words. He was right. I had no right to be jealous of something that happened before us. I knew it. I didn’t even think that was the reason I was so angry. I couldn’t exactly put my finger on it. “I just need to be alone right now.” I needed time to process what I was feeling. “Please?”

  Finally relenting, he backed away. “Where are you going?” He asked dejectedly.

  “I’ll stay in the guest bedroom. I just need some time to sort this out.” He nodded imperceptibly as I noticed a tic in his jaw. I grabbed my bags and walked around him. He didn’t follow.

  In the guest bedroom, I cried. Technically, I shouldn’t be upset over something that happened before we were together. Deep down, I knew the real reason I was upset. I couldn’t give him my heart and always wonder how many groupies were popping up wanting to take a ride on the John McKeon Express. I couldn’t handle this.

  He was too much of a popular, public figure, which was partly not his fault. However, I didn’t think I had the strength to fight or ignore all of the crap that came with him. I’d tried, but it wasn’t fair to either of us if I couldn’t completely let go and trust him.

  After my crying subsided, I grabbed my iPad and checked for flights leaving in the morning—the earlier, the better. I booked a 6:00am flight. At three in the morning, I grabbed my things and quietly opened the door, hoping that he was asleep. I didn’t see him, so I snuck out and went downstairs, waiting on the Uber that I had called.

  I was already deep in quicksand with my feelings for him, but it was better to end it while I was up to my neck rather than completely submerged. Unfortunately, my fear of flying began to overtake my other emotions as I neared the airport.

  I rolled over as I reached out and felt nothing. Then, I remembered Rose was sleeping in the guest bedroom. She’d been pissed at me for what happened with Lisa. I checked the clock; it was nine in the morning.

  I got up, went to the bathroom, and threw on some shorts. As I passed down the hall, I noticed that her door was still closed. She wanted her space, so I wasn’t going to bother her, for now.

  Thirty minutes later, I had made two p
lates and set them on the island. I would’ve thought she would be up by now. Usually, she was awake by this time. She was probably still angry. Dammit. Everything was going so well until that shit happened last night.

  Another thirty minutes passed and still no Rose. Unable to stop myself, I went to her door and knocked, telling her breakfast was ready. Crickets. I knocked louder. Still nothing. My adrenaline was already coursing through me as a sinking feeling took over. I tried the handle, and it was unlocked. As I opened the door, my body went numb seeing all of her belongings gone, and the room looked untouched.

  I grabbed my phone, calling her wondering where the hell she was. It went straight to voice mail. I texted her:

  Where are you?

  No response. I was really starting to worry. I gave it thirty more minutes.

  Rose, tell me where you are. I’m going out of my mind worrying about you. I’m sorry about last night. Please talk to me.

  Fifteen minutes later, she responded:

  I’m home. You have nothing to be sorry for, but I can’t do this anymore.

  Now, my worry switched to anger:

  What the hell are you talking about???

  Rose: I have issues that have nothing to do with you. And, I obviously still need to work through them. It’s not fair to you. You deserve better. Take care, John.

  John: That’s it???? I told you Lisa was a mistake that happened way before I met you. I would never cheat on you.

  Rose: It’s not you. It’s me. I’m sorry. Please don’t contact me anymore. It’s for the best.

  She fucking dumped me with a “Dear John” text? As the realization hit me, the screen on my phone clouded over through the hazy fury. My breathing grew erratic, my chest felt like it might burst, and my hand holding the phone had a mind of its own as it slammed the device onto the granite and continued to do so until it was completely destroyed.