by Croft, Rose
“Yes.”
“And, you were wanting to leave while Andrew was proposing? Even after he warned you about dessert being served?”
He lifted his full lips and shrugged. “I know. When I’m with you, I usually forget about anything else that’s happening around me.”
Another John McKeon cheesy line, but it worked with me. “Yeah, that sounds like a real problem, maybe ginseng could help.”
“I don’t know. I think the only thing that will help me is being with you.”
“I guess I could do that. If you will have me.”
“Rose, I’ll always have you.” He then leaned in and whispered, “I’d like to have you in my bed with my favorite cupcakes.”
He was two-for-two on the BS retorts. “It’s been awhile since I’ve heard you talk about my cupcakes.”
“Well, while you were sitting here earlier, they were telepathically telling me that you were holding them hostage and pleaded with me to lead a rescue mission.”
I was halfway between bringing my glass of water down when I sprayed liquid. “That is by far the stupidest thing you’ve ever said.” I was laughing between words and couldn’t stop.
“Obviously you like my stupidity.” He grinned cockily.
“What’s so funny?” Andrew asked behind us with Loren in his arm.
“Just the crazy things that run through your brother’s head.” I stood up and gave each of them a hug expressing my happiness, and then ogled Loren’s beautiful engagement ring. “Wow, Loren, this ring is gorgeous. Did you pick it out?”
“No. Andrew did.” She glanced back at me after giving John a hug.
“Actually, John helped me.” Andrew admitted.
Loren and I both gave John our look of approval. “Did you decorate your apartment in Chicago?” I had to know.
“I gave a lot of input.” He seemed quite pleased with himself.
“So, this is the fourth thing you’re good at.”
John chuckled following my line of thinking while Loren and Andrew eyed me, waiting for an explanation.
“Remember when you brought the PlayStation over?” They nodded in unison. “John told me he was good at two things, well three things, but I forgot what the third one was.”
“Bullshit. The third thing is her favorite,” John interjected, and I’m sure they could figure that one out.
“What are one and two?” Loren asked like she really wanted to know.
“I’m certain the third thing is rather forgettable too, Rose,” Andrew cut in before I could answer. John glowered at him.
I snickered.
“Shall I take you somewhere private so I can demonstrate how much you like the third thing?” The only things missing were hip thrusts and some porn bass to bring his point home.
“What are one and two, Rose?” Loren insisted.
I turned back to John. “I don’t know, maybe you should later, so it will jog my memory.” We did the movie-stare-thing where nothing else existed around the two people in love, and “Don’t You Forget About Me” started playing.
“What are one and two?” Record scratch! Loren kept on as if this story had a real cliffhanger, and she was anxiously waiting for the sequel.
“Oh my gosh, Loren! It’s baseball and video games.”
“Oh.” Her voice dropped. I guess the ending was a real drag for her.
“Baby, when are you going to shave?” Rachel walked up with Jim behind her. I sure as hell hoped she didn’t hear us talk about the third thing.
“I do shave.”
“I mean get rid of the facial hair. Do you like this Rose? John has never grown a beard before.”
“It’s okay.” I stared at John who was grinning, flashing white teeth. An image of him standing in a mountain stream holding a salmon in one hand and popping open a can of domestic beer shouting to the sky popped into my head.
“She loves it Mom,” John clarified seeing my smile I’m sure.
“Did you hear that?” Andrew leaned into the now circle we had. All eyes were on him as he cupped his ear. “Wait. I hear crying…” He eyed John solemnly. “I think it’s your razor weeping tears of loneliness.”
We all laughed at Andrew who was apparently a stand-up comedian at his brother’s expense.
John crossed his arms over his chest and his eyebrows v’eed. “Now Rose you have to admit that my brother’s comment was more idiotic than my rescue mission one.”
“What about a rescue mission?” John’s mom asked gently reaching out to his face as though she wanted to squeeze it, but faltered. I guess she feared the beard.
I mimicked John’s pose, crossing my arms over my two hostages and raised an eyebrow, anxious to see what he would say.
“Uh, I told Rose when she went to the bathroom that she was taking so long that I thought I was going to have to perform a rescue mission.”
“I don’t see anything wrong with that comment.” His mom said supportively. Once again she was sticking up for her baby boy.
“Rose, I know you were hoping to drive me home and take advantage of me, but I think we need to have that conversation.” Yeah, unbelievable that I would be the one who wanted to talk and not immediately have sex. I mean I did want to, and my body was rearing to go like Secretariat in the gate at the Kentucky Derby. And, had been since she walked into the private dining area at the restaurant. But, I felt like we really needed to clear the air. “If you’re ready, of course.”
She tipped her chin eying the surroundings of my place. “Do you by chance have anything to drink?”
“I have wine, beer, and whiskey.” I knew she liked champagne but didn’t have any at the moment. I also knew she was nervous watching her wring her hands together.
“Whiskey.”
“That’s my girl. Is Crown and water okay?” I’m fairly certain she’d never had whiskey before. She needed something to calm herself. I wanted to give her all the support I could. I was hoping that talking about it would help us move forward.
“Sure.”
I made one drink that we could share. Just in case she didn’t like it. I wasn’t wasting good whiskey. I handed it to her. She sipped—no she took a huge gulp and coughed.
“Whiskey is for sipping.” I sat down beside her. “You like it?”
“Yeah, I do, actually.” This time she took a small drink.
I grinned. I took a sip from her glass and stared at her from head to toe. This dress was going to be the death of me—seeing how it clung to her body in all the right places, accentuating her cleavage. I’d been staring at her all night, and I damn sure wasn’t the only one. And, I’d really wanted to beat the shit out of that tool that kept purposefully running into her.
She crossed one leg over the other taking the glass from my hand. The motion drew me to her pale leg that was bare from upper thigh to knee and her long, fitted, sexy-as-hell boots with a stiletto heel. I think we’ll keep the boots on during my rescue mission. My dick was already radioing to her pussy asking where her coordinates were. Mouth talking to mouth right now, John. Not making a porno rendition of Taken.
“Why don’t I start?” My voice sounded strange.
She nodded. The way she watched me seemed like she’d noticed too.
I cleared my throat. “The Lisa situation was a huge mistake on my part.”
“I know. You’ve told me that, and you don’t need to explain.”
“I just want to be as transparent as possible. I met her over a year ago at a friend of mine’s party. And then we, for lack of a better word, hooked up. She never told me who she was, and I knew we weren’t going to date afterward. However, when I did find out who she was, I was somewhat sickened. Not only because she was related to the owner, my boss; but also because she already knew who I was. And, the whole thing seemed so premeditated. You know?”
“Yeah, I get what you’re saying.”
“I’m telling you the truth that I have never slept with a lot of women. And, especially after Lisa.”
/> “I believe you.” She set the glass down and kissed me and my mouth was all over it.
“You’re all I think about, Rose. All I ever want. I’ve never wanted to be with anyone like I want you.”
Rose leaned back. Her expressive eyes mesmerized me. “I’m ready to talk.”
“You’re sure?”
She nodded in consent, taking a deep breath. She was facing a big fear.
“Don’t be scared. I’m here for you. You have to know that by now.” I took her hand in mine.
“I don’t want you to change your mind about me.”
“That would never happen.”
She inhaled again. “The last few months that Carlos and I were together, he began withdrawing from everything, but I thought he just didn’t want to go out anymore because we were engaged and down because he hadn’t found a position as a school counselor. The last day of finals in college, his final day, I was so elated because I was graduating, had a job in a career I truly enjoyed, and was marrying the man I loved. The only person that I’d ever been with. It was as if everything I’d ever wanted had fallen into my lap.”
I felt a mixture of tenderness and irrational jealousy as she spoke. I tried to think of Rose as a college student with starry eyes and the world in her hands. But, there was a selfish part of me that wondered what would’ve happened if everything had worked out, and we’d never met?
“I called him after class to see if he wanted to hang out that night. He sounded different, very melancholy, and didn’t want to do anything. He said he wanted to be alone. Although I sensed something was wrong, it never occurred to me how down he truly was, but I conceded to his wishes.
“Loren and I went to a party that night since it was one of our last nights together as roommates. Needless to say, we had several drinks, and I didn’t notice until we were leaving the party around two in the morning that Carlos had called earlier. Of course, when I called…” She closed her eyes and pursed her lips as if controlling herself. “When I called back, he didn’t answer. He’d shot himself after drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels. It happened almost immediately after he’d called me, at least that’s what it said in the report.” Her voice was a low, eerie whisper.
Jesus! I pulled her into my arms and held her tightly. Several moments of silence passed. I hurt for her—it killed me knowing how horrible that must’ve been for her. “I’m so sorry, baby. I should’ve never pressed you to talk about this.”
She shook her head and sniffled. “No. I’m okay. Really. I need to share this with you.” She took another unsteady breath. “I, of course, blamed myself for not taking his call and not insisting that I be with him that night because I knew intuitively something was wrong.”
“Rose, this was not your fault. He was battling his own demons.” I didn’t know Carlos’ whole situation, but I’d seen a good friend of mine in high school take his own life. And, unfortunately there had been a lot of drugs and alcohol involved and erratic mood swings.
“I know that now, but I didn’t at the time. And after the funeral, when everyone went back to his or her own lives eventually, that never happened for me. As weeks turned into months, I’d never felt so alone and desolate. When I was about to start my first year teaching in Houston that August almost three months after the funeral, I thought that I would get better knowing that I was working, staying busy.
“I didn’t get better. I was forcing myself to get up in the morning and go to work. I couldn’t even tell you how I conducted my days. I don’t remember. Then, I started oversleeping and coming into work late. That led to me calling in sick, and eventually, I just stopped going to work all together, opting to stay in bed all day. Needless to say, I lost my job, but I didn’t even care at that point.”
I didn’t know what to say. I hated how she went through this. I felt helpless that I couldn’t go back in time and change things for her.
“I’d cut myself off from everyone, never answering my phone. The only reason I didn’t get kicked out of my apartment was because my parents had offered to help me with the first few months rent and utilities until I was on my feet after the paychecks from my job rolled in.”
Her chin wavered and she sniffled. Her honesty was humbling. Her courage as she spoke affected me in a way I couldn’t explain.
“My parents drove down and keyed into my apartment finding me buried in my bed. They had to force me to get up, shower, and eat something before we packed, and they took me home to Dallas. Luckily, the apartment complex was lenient with us since I’d broken my lease.
“I lived with my parents and basically did the same thing—sleeping all day and eating very little. I started losing some of my hair, too. My mother was either crying and pleading or threatening me to get my shit together. She was scared and didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t control my behavior.” She side-eyed me and forced a laugh. “Are you sure you still want to be with me?”
“Jesus, you went through a traumatic experience and were all alone. You needed professional help.” I held her tighter and kissed the top of her head. It killed me that she kept all of her emotions and fears bottled up inside.
“My family was very old-school in their thinking, believing that you needed to be mentally strong to overcome obstacles. So, in the beginning, if I would’ve sought help, then I probably could’ve better managed the guilt and inadequacy that I felt. It was actually Loren who finally convinced my mom and myself to get me to talk to a therapist. And through those sessions and taking anti-depressants, I was able to get my life back.” It nearly broke me that she carried guilt and blamed herself for what happened to Carlos. I couldn’t even imagine.
“The depression I suffered stemmed from the grief of Carlos’ death, not a chemical imbalance my therapist told me, and the medication was temporary. Although I was able to get a teaching position in Dallas, find my own place to live, and live a normal life, I was not ready to date or jump into a serious relationship. I was telling the truth when I said I hadn’t been in a relationship since Carlos. I thought if I stayed detached and never allowed anyone into my heart, I would never have to deal with the agonizing pain that I’d suffered.
“My life was no longer complicated, and everything was working out. Until I met you.” She lifted her head to me and laid a palm on my cheek. “I knew from the start it would be difficult to guard my heart against what was happening between us.”
“You had my heart from the beginning, Rose. And, I wanted us to be together and for you to trust me.”
“I know. And without restating the obvious, you can now understand where my trust issues came from, right?”
“Yes, of course.”
“This past month, I reconnected with my therapist, sharing my concerns and issues that I had with our relationship. I was terrified I was going to take another nosedive again if you broke my heart.”
“Rose, I swear I wouldn’t intentionally hurt you.” I’d never loved anyone before. Hell, I didn’t even know what love was when I dated Jenny in college. I know what love is now. Rose has my heart. She fucking owns it. Forever.
“I wanted to believe it, and I knew you hadn’t cheated on me, but again this situation was new to me. I started worrying that I would completely lose myself again. Fortunately, my therapist helped me see that our relationship was completely different than what I had experienced with Carlos.”
I held her face in my hands talk-kissing to her. “I love you so much, and all I want to do is make you happy every waking day.” I pulled back. “What happened to you in the past was horrible, and no one should ever have to go through that, and it understandably scarred you on relationships. But, I hope you will give me a chance to prove how good a relationship can be. How good we can be together.”
It was her turn to lock her mouth to mine while smooch speaking. “I love you, John McKeon. I want you to prove it.”
“Baby, you don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you say those words. I will prove it to you. You know I can’t b
ack down from a challenge.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” Not only were we multitasking with the kissing and talking, we also threw in some moaning too. Then, our hands wanted to join the mix as we were groping and stroking faces, arms, and backs.
I brought my hands up to her cheeks. “I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for.” I wanted her beyond reason, but she’d just shared something devastating in her life, and I didn’t want to be a selfish asshole and bulldoze over her feelings if she was still feeling vulnerable. “If you need more time, I’ll wait. I want there to be no barriers between us. I’ve hoped for so long to earn your trust, and I sure as hell don’t want to break it by moving too fast.”
“You’re not. I need you now. I need to feel you. I’ve missed you so much,” she responded in her breathy, sexy-as-fuck voice that made me forget about anything else.
“Rose…” I was about to go crazy and show her how much I’d missed her. However, I needed to take it slow, make sure she was okay with this. I kissed her slowly, gingerly on the mouth. Fighting myself to take my time.
But her kisses grew more frantic, desperate. She needed me, like I needed her. That spurred me on. It seemed I was always trying to temper what I felt as though waiting for her approval, to go full speed ahead. And, she was giving me the go ahead. I didn’t need too much of a signal to do that.
“Where’s that rescue mission you promised?” she asked as she gripped my head, pulling me down to her cleavage.
“It’s on it’s way, I was still putting a team together,” I whispered as I moved down her neck to the valley of happiness. I wanted to savor every part of her body as I made my way down. She was pulling on my hair, messing it up, but it was a great feeling. I always wanted to be messed up by her.
I kissed the slope of one of her cupcakes, and she hitched her breath waiting in anticipation of what I would do next. We both knew what would happen next, I wasn’t the type of guy to tease her and make her wait. What the hell was the point? I slipped her dress down and with my mouth, took down the lace cupping her beautiful deep pink nipple that was definitely standing at attention, waiting to be rescued.