by Croft, Rose
Loren’s eyes were watery as she responded in a fake cheery voice, “Yeah, sure.”
When the door shut behind him, I expected Loren to question my actions. However, she wrapped her arms around me as the tears fell again. “Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry.”
It was the first weekend in November, and I was going to Sol to celebrate Loren’s successful debut novel. Andrew had arranged everything and she told me there would be a small party of around twenty people including friends and family.
I also knew I would probably see John there. I didn’t know how I would handle this because we hadn’t spoken since he left my apartment that day. Not that I didn’t want to talk to him. This last month had been painful, but I was trying to come to grips with myself and learn how to completely release the past.
I even spoke again with my therapist to discuss my feelings, and problem-solve ways to deal with situations. Through these conversations, I realized my overwhelming sense of guilt for not being able to “save” Carlos mixed with his untimely death had spurred much of my depression, which I knew when I had seen her in the past. My relationship with John was a completely different situation, and for some reason, talking to a third party who was impartial made me finally able to distinguish the two relationships.
Now, I just needed the courage to talk to John and express my feelings. Every time I felt like I was ready to contact him, I chickened out. I knew the more time I didn’t reach out to John, the more likely he was going to move on.
As I entered the restaurant and told the hostess I was here for Loren’s party, she led me to a private dining area facing the outdoor patio. Several people were already seated. I noticed Loren’s parents first and spoke with them for a few minutes. I then hugged Loren and Andrew who were seated next to them.
“Rose you look beautiful,” Loren said as she eyed my black wrap dress with a three-quarter length sleeve. It was hard to really dress for “fall” in Texas because it was still warm. I went with knee-high boots with a pointy heel regardless.
“Thanks chica.” I set my present on the side table where all the others were. Loren and I talked daily, but she never pressed me to talk to John or relayed any more messages from him either.
I often wondered how Andrew would treat me knowing the situation, but he’d been very sweet to me as well. There always seemed to be a look of quiet understanding with him. It could be because I was Loren’s best friend, but I think it was more than that.
John’s parents were seated next to Andrew. Was this going to be awkward? But before I could speculate, John’s mother pulled me into a hug and kissed my cheek. “Rose, sweetie, how are you?” She stared deeply into my eyes trying to read me.
“I’m fine. Thanks.” And silently wondered just how much she knew about John and I.
Before she could say more, her husband gave me a side hug and said it was nice to see me again.
As I gazed around, I saw several people that I knew worked with Loren, and some were Andrew’s friends I’m sure. At the end of the huge table that probably seated twenty, I saw John.
The stare he gave me almost knocked me over because his eyes looked hard, and his face was severe. Usually, he had a cocky, happy-go-lucky demeanor because he was so charming. He was also sporting a beard. Normally, I didn’t care for facial hair, but on him it worked.
However, he appeared extremely intimidating as he glared at me and lifted his drink in a mock toast before downing the contents. I started making my way to him to say hello, but someone from the table stood up abruptly.
I almost ran into the guy as my eyes were focused on John.
“Are you a friend of Loren?” he asked steadying me while he raked his eyes up and down my body. Not obvious at all, douche.
“Yeah.” I glanced around and saw John still gazing angrily between the guy and me.
“I’m Jeff. I work with Loren. What’s your name beautiful?”
“Rose.” I noticed John had another drink as he continued to slay us with his stare. “Let me get you a drink,” he suggested.
“It’s okay. I’ll order one.” I was trying to step around and move on, but he didn’t take the hint.
“Hey, just let me order it for you.” And he stopped the server that was moving around. “What would you like?”
“Jeff, quit pestering my friend,” Loren said teasingly as she stood beside me and told the server to get me a glass of champagne. “She’s taken,” she stated and pulled me aside and made side-eye movements in John’s direction. Then, glowered at me.
“Okay, I’m going, but he looks pissed.”
“Gee, Rose, I wonder why that would be?” She asked knowing that I was ready to commit to him but had not called.
I took it as a rhetorical question and slowly pressed on willing my feet to move forward, anxious about how he would receive me. As I neared, his face was impassive, but his eyes gave him away. He was sitting off by himself, and he seemed like the loneliest person in the room.
“Hi,” I said quietly when I was beside him.
“’Sup Rose?”
“I’m good. How are you?”
“Fucking fantastic,” he said flatly taking another drink. His eyes scanned the room in a bored manner.
“So, uh…Andrew and Loren found a house I hear,” I mentioned, not knowing what else to talk about with him. Great conversation starter, Rose. I’m sure that’s the first thing he wanted to talk about.
“Yep.” He still wouldn’t look at me.
“Are you keeping the loft?”
“Yeah.” Another curt answer. Look at me. Talk to me. Smile, John. I’m sorry.
This conversation was going nowhere, and he didn’t seem to want to talk to me.
“Are…” I faltered, but pressed on. “Are you enjoying the off-season?”
That earned me a glare. “What do you think?”
I got him to acknowledge me, but he looked indifferent—that scared me. Maybe he was done with me. I broke eye contact and looked down at my hands. Then, there was an awkward lull. The server came by at that moment to deliver my glass. John ordered another Crown and soda.
“Did you ever plan on calling me?” He asked bluntly.
I nodded slowly. “Yes. I’ve missed you.”
“Really? Because it sure as hell seems like you didn’t.”
Other people were congregating around the table and began filling in seats around us. One of the guys recognized John and started fanboying, hard. I gazed around, looking for an empty chair and began to turn, but John grasped my wrist and jerked me down in the chair beside him.
He continued to answer questions from the guy to his left and others chimed in, too. I listened patiently, but noticed his tone was different when he spoke. Usually, he exuded confidence and you could almost hear the grin in his voice when he spoke to fans. Today, his answers were terse, and he appeared highly put off that he had to talk about his career.
And, he was drinking heavier than usual. He’d almost polished off his third drink as far as I knew. I laid my hand on his arm, and felt his huge bicep tighten under the button-up long-sleeve shirt he wore. “You okay?”
He twisted around to face me. “No. Are you here to make me feel better?” His eyes were filled with a mixture of anger…and lust as they traveled down to my cleavage where they stayed for a few seconds. Then, they continued downward to the hem of my dress that had ridden up my thigh.
“I’m worried about you.” I self-consciously pulled the stretchy material down to cover more of my skin.
He laid a hand on my thigh to still me. “Why are you covering yourself? I’ve seen you in a lot less,” he whispered in my ear seductively. His hand slowly grazed up my thigh. And although my body had no problem with his touch, it registered in my somewhat addled mind that he seemed to be very calculated in what he was doing.
“Stop.” I warned softly, nudging his hand away.
He dropped his hand in seconds as he straightened up in his seat, and the server came by to take o
ur order. John ordered another drink.
“Did you drive here?” I willed myself to keep my voice level, in control.
“No. Are you trying to nag me about my drinking?” Again, the piercing eyes were hard. Was he going to answer every question with a smart-ass question?
“No. You’re a grown man.” I thought he was. “You’re responsible for your own decisions.” I rubbed my temples in frustration. “I’m not trying to cause an argument, John. I’m concerned for your well-being.”
“You can see for yourself how well I am.” He looked around impatiently and suddenly leaned into me again. “Let’s get outta here,” he commanded and began to rise grabbing my hand like he was going to take me somewhere for a quickie. Again, his behavior was not normal for him. It seemed like he wanted to punish me for not speaking to him.
I pulled him back down. “We can’t leave right now. We haven’t even had dinner.”
“I’m not hungry…for food,” he said slowly and looked down at his lap.
I followed his eyes and realized my hand was on his thigh, and I could also see he was clearly in the mood for something besides food. But, as I watched him, it almost seemed that he hated himself at the moment for behaving this way. John had always been very respectful in that sense with me in the past, never doing anything that I would be uncomfortable with. I knew this wasn’t him.
I studied his face trying to make sense of his actions. “Why are you acting like this?” It was pretty much an obvious question, but it seemed to give us a little more clarity as we stared at each other.
Our entrees were being placed around the table before he could reply.
When, all the guests had their plates, I heard the chime of a glass as Andrew and Loren stood up. As soon as he had everyone’s attention, he spoke, “Loren and I want to thank everyone for showing up to celebrate with us.” He glanced down at Loren. “Congratulations, babe. I’m so proud of you.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you,” she returned tearing up and they kissed as everyone held up their glasses.
The clink and scrape of silverware mixed in with muddled conversations. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the evening. Except us. John had barely touched his steak. He never turned down food. “Please try to eat.” I was concerned and wished he would lighten up his somber mood. I knew he was very upset that he’d laid his cards out to me, hoping I would confide in him and feel the same. I did, but now I had the courage to free-fall with him—if he would have me again.
Finally, he cut into his steak. “Why aren’t you wearing your glasses?” He asked as he ate. His tone wasn’t so harsh, and my heart flickered. This was a good sign, right?
“I decided to go with contacts tonight.”
He nodded and ogled me as I placed my fork in my mouth. I tried not to get flustered. Food foreplay was a good sign, too. “When did you go with the Lumberjack John look?” I asked lightly thinking maybe he’d definitely eased up on the anger.
“The day after I left your apartment.” And, his words were automatic and quiet, just seven quick words, but they revealed the anguish he still carried.
The guys on the other side of him asked him some questions about the game, and he reluctantly turned to respond. He was answering in monosyllabic tones.
This was hopeless. I needed to collect myself before I broke down. I stood up.
He immediately swiveled his head with eyes narrowed. “Where’re you going?”
“To the restroom.”
“You’re not slipping off into the night again are you?”
I shook my head trying to fight a smile. “Didn’t plan on it.”
His scowl relaxed.
After I washed my hands at the bathroom sink, I adjusted my dress, ran my hands through my hair, and reapplied my vampy lipstick. I straightened my shoulders giving myself a little pep talk. You can do this, Rose. Let go and tell him how you feel. Stop waiting for divine intervention to get this done! I exhaled. I was going to lay it all out for him.
As I passed through the door, I almost ran straight into Loren’s co-worker Jeff again. And, again he steadied me. “Well, hello again beautiful.”
“Jeff.”
He quirked his head and tsked. “Are you sure you’re not trying to hit on me? That’s the second time you’ve run into me.” The douche-o-meter was at the highest level with this guy, but he seemed harmless.
I pasted a smile on my face and gave him a polite “not interested” look. Before I could step around, I saw a huge hand on Jeff’s shoulder yank him back.
“Get your hands off of her!” John growled.
“Hey, man, I wasn’t doing anything,” Jeff protested. He was over six feet tall but appeared dwarfed by John who looked like an angry mountain man.
“You’ve been staring at her all night and watched her go to the restroom. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a coincidence that you ran into her a second time.”
Jeff’s face seemed to flush guiltily at John’s observation. “Sorry,” he said lamely and walked away.
I turned back to John who was fuming like Godzilla in front of me. As if he were about to fire spray the whole area. “John, calm down. Nothing happened.”
His eyes watched me predatorily as his body still seemed tense and angry much like he’d been all evening. Before he let out a piercing dinosaur-like wail, I needed to act quickly, so I closed the distance and put my arms around him. His arms ensnared me in a tight hold.
“I’m sorry,” I gushed out.
“Why haven’t you called me?” He groaned nuzzling me, his beard was scratching my neck.
“I wanted to, I swear, but I had to work through my problems. And, I thought when I saw you tonight that it might’ve been too late because you seemed so angry at me.” My voice shook as I spoke and tears threatened to come, and I didn’t want to cry with contacts on dammit.
“I’m not mad at you, well, I was, but I was more hurt than angry. I’ve just missed you so damn much. I’m sorry for being an ass earlier. I would never treat you like that.”
“I know.” His lips were traveling up my neck as he spoke, and I ducked my head to meet his mouth. As soon as our lips touched it was as if a powerful sexual explosion was boiling up threatening to erupt. Our tongues were slashing away as our voices melded into one deep groan.
John’s hands wrapped around my butt and lifted me against him as he backed me into the wall not breaking contact. His beard tickled my face and would probably leave a little redness, but his lips felt amazing.
I heard a faint cough and then a louder one beside us. It was Andrew. I pulled back. John was still trying to engage my mouth. “What’s up, Andrew?” I tried to act casual while I was wrapped around John like a blanket.
“Are we good here?” He asked eying me with concern.
John was kneading my butt. “Yes.” I hoped that didn’t come out as a moan.
“We were,” John answered, perturbed. He nuzzled my neck. I had to keep myself from finding his lips again. I kept my focus on Andrew, but it was difficult.
Andrew nodded. “I was worried about you, Rose.” John whipped his head around and scowled at his brother who smirked. “They’re about to serve dessert, and you really need to be there for it.”
John gripped me tighter. “Okay. Can you give us a few minutes?”
“Sure.” He grinned and walked back to the dining area.
John leaned his forehead against mine as his eyes watched me. “This means that you’re ready to trust me, right?”
“Right.”
“You’re ready to talk to me?” His mouth brushed over my cheek.
“Uh huh, but not tonight.”
“No?”
I shook my head and licked my lips.
“Why?”
“Because I’m in the mood for something else.” I ran my hands over his muscular chest wanting to unbutton his shirt and run my hands over his taut skin. My lips touched his.
“Rose, let’s go back to my place, now. It’s just dow
n the street.” His words floated in and out of my mouth between kisses.
“We can’t.” I argued weakly because I was ready to be alone with him too. “They’re about to serve desserts. And, your brother made it sound like it was important to be there.”
“I know, shit!” He gave me a final kiss on the lips and helped me stand on weak legs.
He guided us back to our seats. John’s hand rested on my lower back. He pulled my chair out for me to sit, and was back to the pleasant John that I knew.
We talked, we laughed, and we ate. The evening was going so much better. John and I were sampling each other’s desserts and enjoying our food moaning. Andrew again stood up and thanked everyone for coming and handed Loren a large gift box. I glanced at John who was leaned back in his chair grinning with his arm draped around my shoulder. Was this the night Andrew proposed to Loren?
The loud rip of paper drew my attention back to Loren. She opened the box to find another wrapped box. She smirked at Andrew and unwrapped the box. As she unwrapped what seemed like eight other boxes within boxes, she picked up the small wrapped box. It was a velvet box, and the room was strangely quiet.
Loren shakily opened the lid and tears began pouring down her face. Andrew swiped at her tears as she opened and read the yellow paper in the box. Andrew dropped to one knee. “Loren, do you remember that day in high school when I said you were like a gift box within a box and I anticipated opening each one?”
She nodded, still crying, but smiling.
“I have always loved how you never ceased to amaze me every day, and I have loved you ever since. Loren, will you marry me?”
“Yes,” she breathed out and knelt down, too.
He slipped the ring on and drew her in for a deep, emotional kiss. There were catcalls and loud applause. I was clapping and crying. John wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into him as he kissed my cheek.
“Did you know Andrew was going to propose tonight?” I asked holding his hand in mine.