The Devil Between Us

by S. C. Wilson

  It all made sense now. When Nathaniel and Frieda were with the Dothka tribe, they agreed to go to California and teach these kindly people the English language. In turn, they were free to live on the beautiful portion of land atop Mount Perish.

  Taking Lonato’s strong hand in her weakened one, Jesse said, “Thank you for saving my life. I’m not sure how to repay you for all that you’ve done for me. If I can ever do anything for you, just ask, and consider it done.”

  “You go off mountain. Did you tell white man about tribe?” Lonato asked.

  “No. I didn’t even know you lived up here. Frieda never told me about you or your tribe.”

  “Frieda keep word. No tell about Tribe. Tribe want you no tell about tribe.”

  “I swear on my life. I will never tell anyone.”

  Lonato nodded. “You come to village soon. Want to talk about white men. We go now. You rest.”

  They went outside, leaving Jesse alone with the two women. One of them approached the bed and gave her a cup of liquid, which she drank without question. It wasn’t the coffee she wanted and half expected. Her face contorted, the acrid taste overwhelming her senses. She should have expected as much. It tasted like something Frieda would have given her.

  Jesse’s thoughts shifted back to Abby and Toby. Abby must have been worried. She wanted more than anything to get back to them. There was no way she could make the trip now. Her wounds may have been healing, but she was still a long way from being able to make that journey again. Jesse lay back down, trying to find a comfortable position in the old, familiar bed. Her mind raced, in no condition for sleep. Jesse was oblivious to the women talking quietly amongst themselves at the table. Their conversation nothing more than chatter in the background—until she heard it. She wasn’t sure she heard right.

  “Abby. You know Abby?” Jesse called out.

  “Yes,” one of the women said. “Abby and Toby outside.”

  Relief they were there and safe quickly turned to horror when Jesse realized her worst nightmare had come true. Abby knew. She had to. Jesse’s racing thoughts ground to a cloudy halt. She felt heavy. Perhaps there was strong medicine in the drink they had given her, or perhaps it was the utter shock of understanding Abby must now know the truth.

  Her vision blurred. As sleep claimed her, her final thoughts were gratitude to have found her long lost brother, and grief in knowing she had undoubtedly lost Abby forever.

  At the fishing hole, Abby still didn’t know what to feel. She was relieved Jesse was alive, but she was also angry, hurt, and felt like a fool. How could I have been so blind? She sat, lost in a world that had been turned upside down.

  From the corner of her eye, Abby saw Aponi approaching. She was not alone. “I went to my village after talking with you. I want you to meet Honovi and Onawa. They love each other greatly. Live in same teepee. Honovi is woman who likes hunt meat not berries.”

  Honovi was of average height, well-built, and muscular. Prominent cheekbones defined her face. She was quite stunning. Her hair, long and black, shined in the sunlight. She was dressed in the same traditional clothing Abby had seen the native men wearing around their waists. Her long hair covered her bare chest. Onawa, slim and graceful in a beaded leather tunic, was as beautiful. Colored beads adorned her long black hair, tied back with a leather strap.

  Abby said, “It’s nice to meet you.” She treaded lightly. She was afraid to offend anyone, but very curious about their relationship. “So, you two are like a couple?”

  “Yes. For many moons,” Honovi said in her husky voice. “Me always loved Onawa. Since small, always knew Onawa one for me.”

  Onawa looked up at Honovi. It was obvious from the gaze of their locked eyes how much they loved each other. Abby had never met two women in love, but the couple didn’t seem odd. In fact, they seemed perfectly natural together.

  Aponi smiled. “They’re two women who love each other. Theirs is a great love. Jesse can do anything a man can do, yes? So why does it matter if Jesse likes to hunt for meat instead of picking berries. Love is love. What you feel for Jesse. I say it’s love.”

  “I appreciate what you’re trying to do. And it’s been a pleasure meeting you two. I just need time to figure it all out. Thank you, though.”

  “You’ll know what to do, just follow your heart. We leave you now,” Aponi said. They turned and walked away, leaving Abby to contemplate her feelings.

  Abby watched a leaf float by, carried along on the surface of the water. She felt as if she, too, was being carried along with no control over where things were going. She returned to the cabin to find Toby sitting on the grass, trying to teach some of the tribe how to play cards. She could tell by their faces they had no idea what they were doing. For all she knew, Toby had no idea either, but it was keeping him occupied, smiling, and content.

  As she approached the cabin, one of the women came outside to tell her Jesse had awoken. Abby took Toby inside and sat him on the bed next to Jesse.

  “Toby, this is your sister,” Abby said.

  “Hi, Toby, it’s me. Jessica.”

  “B-B-Berry?” Toby said, confusion twisting his brow.

  “Yes!” Tears pooled in Jesse’s eyes. It had been years since someone had called her Berry. Although it felt good to hear it again, it made her chest tight. She was beyond happy to have him here. The full weight of everything the two of them had lost threatened to take her breath away. She focused on his face and controlled her breathing. Toby tugged on her short locks, his face unable to hide his confusion.

  “I had to cut if off,” Jesse said. “Don’t worry, it’ll grow back.”

  Abby stood in the doorway, watching as the siblings shared their first hug after years of separation. The reunion made her realize how precious life was. How Jesse could have been ripped from her life in an instant. All it took was one hug; one unbreakable-familial bond to give her hope that everything might turn out all right after all. With a renewed sense of understanding, she turned and left the cabin.

  “They’re g-g-gone. Thought you gone too. What happened?” Toby asked.

  “Don’t you remember?” she asked, brushing his bangs out of the way. The scar didn’t look as hideous as it had when she first saw it, but it still hurt her to look at.

  “No. Woke up—everyb-b-body gone.”

  Jesse knew full well what happened. Telling Toby the graphic details would do him no good. It was better to let that day lie in the shadows. The truth was too hard to live with. Jesse knew this first hand, having lived with it eleven years.

  “It was a bad accident. They’re all together in heaven. Someday you and I will see them again.” She leaned up and kissed the scar, still in shock her brother made it out alive that night. She wasn’t sure what happened to him that day and would probably never know. The important thing was that he was alive and they were together again.

  Jesse couldn’t get over how much Toby resembled Daniel. He was so tall and handsome, but his mind still functioned like the boy she remembered. No matter what, she would take care of her big brother from this day forward. Jesse sat on the side of the bed, wincing from the effort. Toby helped her to her feet. She stood with her arm on his shoulder, testing her legs to make sure they were strong enough to hold her weight without assistance.

  The two women sitting at the table spoke in their native tongue. Unbeknownst to them, Jesse could understand everything they were saying. They abruptly stopped talking as she approached, standing to help her walk.

  “Eo dik e settay.”

  Their mouths dropped open when their words came from the white woman’s tongue. Jesse had never understood why Frieda insisted she learn the strange language. Now, that too made sense.

  Toby asked, “What did you s-s-say?”

  “I told them I’m fine, good medicine.”

  After being on her feet for a few minutes, it was clear that recovery was within her grasp. She’d need to regain her strength soon if she wanted any hope of getting prepared for w
inter. Standing in the doorway, Jesse happened upon a scene she was not at all expecting—native men and women everywhere, some busy smoking meat, some busy cleaning berries. Jesse was unable to hunt, so they made sure she had enough food to last while she was on the mend. She would be forever grateful to them, and had no idea how to start paying back a debt like this.

  Abby worked right alongside them. The mere sight of her was enough to break Jesse’s heart. She turned her head away, hiding the pain on her face from Abby. After keeping her secret for so long, she thought she would be able to hide her emotions better. She could not. She had hurt Abby deeply and probably destroyed their relationship. The thought was too much, too painful. She walked back inside, leaving the work to those strong enough to do it.

  Abby continued to think about the couple she met, and the things Aponi said. The more she thought about it, the more she understood. At least, she thought she did. Jesse had told her several times they could never be together as man and wife. She pursued Jesse, not the other way around. It wasn’t all Jesse’s fault. She needed to start accepting her part of the blame.

  It occurred to her in that moment Jesse probably had good cause for posing as a man. Jesse wasn’t frivolous, and didn’t seem to do things without having a good reason. There was only one way to find out, but Abby wasn’t ready to have that conversation yet.

  Jesse stepped out onto the porch the next afternoon. A darkening sky and gusty winds greeted her. A storm approached. She could tell by the activity her new friends were in a hurry to be on their way.

  As Jesse thanked everyone for all of their help, she noticed Abby and Aponi off by themselves. Her sense of apprehension grew. Once they were alone, a confrontation was inescapable. Judging by Abby’s expression, she knew it wasn’t going to be good. She was thankful Toby was there to act as a buffer between them. The dark clouds grew. The brewing storm would pale in comparison to the one about to happen inside the weathered cabin. Jesse sighed and retreated back inside to await the inevitable.

  “Abby, do you want Little Deer to take you down the mountain?” Aponi asked.

  Leaving was something she hadn’t considered and the question caught her off guard. She had never met anyone like Jesse. She was kind, strong, and gentle, and Abby liked the way she felt when she was around her. She couldn’t imagine her life without Jesse in it.

  Smiling, Abby said, “I’m going to stay to make sure Jesse gets her strength back.”

  “I’ll be back soon. Want to come check on Jesse. And you,” Aponi said.

  After waving their goodbyes, Abby walked inside the cabin to find Jesse and Toby sitting at the table sipping on hot coffee. “I could use some of that myself. How are you feeling?” Abby poured herself a cup.

  “Sore, but I can manage,” Jesse said with a cautious smile. She liked hearing Abby’s voice again. At the very least, she was grateful to speak to her again. Sitting together at the table, Toby dealt the cards for the three of them. As they played, Jesse tried to tease information out of Toby as to what had happened to him.

  Jacob Carlson found Toby that night and took him to Doc Tilson, who mended his head wound. Jesse was baffled as to how Jacob came to find Toby that night. She couldn’t imagine why he would have been at their house. After Toby recovered, he had an arrangement with the owner of the stables. Toby cared for the horses in return for a bunk in the tack room and two hot meals a day.

  The thought of Toby living in a barn all this time hurt Jesse’s aching heart even more. She blinked tears from her eyes and hoped nobody noticed in the light of the fire. The sadness, soreness, and tiredness conspired to take Jesse down for the night. She excused herself to bed.

  Abby prepared some food. After getting Toby settled in at the table, she took a plate to Jesse. They finished their meal as they listened to the rain pound in the darkness. Toby climbed the ladder. It wasn’t long before his snores reverberated down from the loft. Abby got up from the table and walked toward Jesse. A loud clap of thunder echoed through the cabin.

  Ah, Jesse thought, here comes the real storm. Jesse began, her voice low and pleading, “I am so sor—”

  Abby raised a quieting hand as she sat down on the bed. “So, do you like pretending to be a man?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

  “No! Of course I don’t. I never wanted to do it in the first place. But I was scared to go into a town looking like myself. After what happened to me when I was young, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Frieda and I thought it would be best to disguise myself, so I’d be safe. I was only going there to check things out. I never imagined I would meet someone like you. I didn’t even know I could feel this way about someone. It just happened. I wanted to tell you so many times, but I was scared to tell you. I didn’t want to lose you.”

  “When I found out, you know, that you’re a woman, I was shocked. I honestly had no idea that you were—are a woman. It never crossed my mind. Ever!”

  “I never meant…”

  “I felt like a fool and I was so mad at you for lying to me all this time.”

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean… I never meant to hurt you. I really wanted to tell you.”

  “I have spent a lot of time thinking about you. About us. I know in my heart you would never do anything to hurt me. I still trust you with my life.”

  “I hate that I wasn’t honest with you from the start. The whole thing just snowballed out of control and I let it. I wish I could go back to the night I met you. If I could, I would do things a lot different. I had no idea I was going to end up having feelings like this. I didn’t even know I could ever feel this way about anyone.”

  Abby nodded, a single tear escaping down her cheek. “Jesse. That night. I knew the first time I saw you that you were different. Not like anyone I had ever met, and the more I got to know you the more I wanted to be around you.”

  “I wanted to be around you, too. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t help the way I feel about you,” Jesse said, her voice breaking under the weight of her confession.

  “Jesse,” Abby said, taking her hand, “right or wrong, I really don’t care. I don’t care what you look like underneath your clothes. You are the most loving and caring person I have ever met. I do want to be with you, regardless.”

  “I want to be with you too, more than I have ever wanted anything. But I live here and your life is down there.”

  Abby shook her head. “I’ve realized my life is wherever you are. Up here or down there, I don’t care where we end up. As long as we are together, that’s what matters.”

  Jesse pulled Abby down into an awkward but heartfelt embrace, her heart overflowing with emotion. “It’s been a long day. Will you stay here with me tonight?” Jesse asked, pulling back the blanket.

  Abby crawled under the blanket next to Jesse. Both women, on their backs, looked up at the loft above them. Abby asked, “Are you attracted to men?”

  Jesse reached up and rubbed her temple. “I don’t think so, but I know I’m supposed to be. I can remember my mother telling me that one day I’d grow up, get married, and have kids of my own. But after the things I’ve seen, I’m not sure I could ever let one touch me without thinking about my sister. Maybe I should never leave Mount Perish again, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about such things.”

  Abby turned her head and asked, “Tell me what happened that day.”

  “Abby, I saw things. Horrible things. Things no one should ever have to see.”

  “Will you tell me?”

  “Are you sure you want to know? It’s hard to hear.”

  “Yes, please. I want to know everything about you.”

  “I was only ten and already thought I knew it all.” Jesse rolled her eyes. “I knew nothing. I was a stupid kid. I saw,” Jesse cleared the lump from her throat, “everything that day. I stayed home that morning by myself and went fishing. My father and older brother, Daniel, were out hunting. Mother, Toby, and my sister, Jamie, went to Granite Falls to pick up some things we needed.
Later that day when I got home, I ran into Toby out in the barn. We heard our mother and Jamie scream. Toby told me to hide in the stall with the horse. I was so scared. I buried myself in the hay.”

  Abby placed her hand on Jesse’s arm.

  “Toby ran to the house. I didn’t know what was happening. I was too scared to move. It seemed like I waited in that hay for hours, but I’m sure it was only minutes. I can still smell the hay. I heard someone coming to the barn. I thought it was Toby, but I was wrong. Are you sure you want me to keep going?”

  “Yes, I want to know,” Abby said, reassuring her. She held onto Jesse’s forearm.

  “It wasn’t Toby. It was Jamie, only she wasn’t alone. That blond guy I killed by the waterfall was with her. I saw him throw her down, kick her, and…” Jesse swallowed hard. “He raped her. I saw it all.”

  Abby gasped. “Oh, Jesse, I’m so sorry.” She rolled onto her side and placed her head on Jesse’s chest.

  Jesse wrapped her arm around Abby and continued. “After he finished with her, they left the barn and I heard Jamie scream again. I had to see what happened to her. I found a knothole in the barn wall and I saw Jamie holding Toby. His face was covered with blood. He wasn’t moving. I thought he was dead. I think Jamie did, too. There were four men there that day, and three of them were standing over Toby. The other was still in the house with my mother.”

  Jesse swallowed another lump and fought back tears. “I didn’t know it then, but I know in my heart that the man in the house was raping my mother.” She exhaled a long breath, trying to keep her chin from trembling.

  Abby clung to Jesse’s shirt.

  “I saw the blond guy take Jamie back into the house, and two of the men rode off. I don’t know how long it was, but then I saw my father and Daniel. They were coming back from their hunt. I wanted to yell to them and tell them there were two men in the house but I couldn’t make a sound. I tried. Nothing came out. As soon as they opened the door, the men inside shot them. I saw them fall on the porch.”