Sweetheart Deal

by Linda Joffe Hull

  “It’s completely unfair what happened. Anyone could have snapped,” Eloise said.

  “Really, you’re a hero …” Frank added.

  “Have any of you ever been to Mexican prison?” he asked.

  Eloise began to cry. “But—”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, wiping a tear from her cheek. “I really am.”

  We watched in impotent silence as he reached into the bag again, pulled out a battery-operated shaver, and transformed before our eyes from a lovable, bushy-haired hippie into a buzz-haired, cold-eyed killer on the lam.

  “Much better,” he said, rubbing his shorn pate.

  “I really liked the dreadlocks,” Eloise muttered.

  “Maddie and Frank, I wish you all the best,” he said and then smiled at Eloise. “And Eloise, you’re beautiful and fantastic. I’m sorry it couldn’t have worked out differently between us.”

  “Me too,” she said.

  As a final act of misplaced benevolence, he placed the scissors on the ledge where she could reach them with her outstretched feet.

  He slipped into the water.

  And then he was gone.

  34. While spending money you don’t have is a bad idea, using a credit card can allow you to use the credit card company’s considerable influence when disputing fraudulent charges. Not to mention the points and bonuses you can accumulate—just make sure before you sign up that you will actually be able to use those point and miles.

  thirty

  In a year’s time, I’d been tied up and nearly killed, locked away and nearly died, and now, both tied up and locked away. The mere thought that I might actually die like this, once again, was way more than I could bear.

  At least I wasn’t alone this time.

  “I was just trying to make him think I knew things about the outdoors when I told him I watched survival shows,” Eloise wailed. “I … like … hardly … ever … watch … those … shows.”

  “Zelda said bad luck comes in threes,” Frank fairly wailed himself in a panicked voice that could make anyone cry. “I’m too young to die.”

  On second thought, alone had its advantages.

  “We’re all too young to die,” I said. “And we all need to calm down, just like Ivan said.”

  “He also said he liked me so much he was going to save up to come visit me at school because he couldn’t wait until the next time we came down here to see me.”

  “People often make promises they can’t keep when they’re caught up in the euphoria of a new relationship,” I said. “Even under the best circumstances, it’s a particularly tough lesson.”

  “Is this a nightmare or is this really happening?” Frank moaned.

  Alone was sounding more and more preferable … except for the scissors and battery-operated clippers our captor had been merciful enough to place within stretching distance of Eloise’s feet.

  “Eloise, can you reach either of them?”

  “I’m trying,” she said, tears streaming down her face as she attempted to hook a toe through the scissor handle. “I hope it doesn’t take Ivan long to send someone to rescue us.”

  “I wouldn’t hold your breath waiting,” Frank said caustically.

  “Really, Frank?”

  “Sorry, bad choice of words. But Ivan did have a point about the whole timeshare business, and I admire his resolve in coming down here and trying to do something about it. Seeing how things turned out, I don’t exactly have faith that he’ll actually send someone for us, though.”

  “If we got in here, we can get out,” I said. “It was left, right, right, left, straight, so we just turn it around.”

  “Wasn’t it right, left, left, right, straight?”

  “I’m sure it wasn’t.”

  “I’m sure it was,” Frank insisted.

  “I wasn’t paying attention one way or the other,” Eloise said, pulling the scissor handle toward her with her big toe. “But if Ivan really wanted us to die, he wouldn’t have bothered to leave these provisions, right?”

  “El, honey, it’s clear that he cared about you, but he had bigger problems on his hands,” Frank said.

  “I can’t believe I was falling for a lying—”

  “Don’t even say it,” I said, not saying what I was thinking: Like father like daughter.

  “All I know is that if we do survive, I’m picking out who you date from here on out,” Frank said.

  “Does this mean you’re finally admitting that Ivan is a less suitable match for Eloise than Liam is for—”

  “Do you think the boys are in any danger?” he asked, clearly trying to change the subject.

  “Ivan’s probably halfway to Central America by now.”

  “How long before they start worrying about where we are?”

  “Who knows how long it will be before they even leave the room?” I said. “We warned them to stay put at all costs and not to speak to anyone.”

  “Okay, now I’m worrying,” Frank said.

  “You already were,” I said. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

  “About Liam?” Eloise asked, carefully lifting the scissors with her toes to where her right hand was tied to a spire. “First of all, he’s way too young for me because he’s like seventeen. Secondly, he’s —”

  “Don’t.” Frank shook his head. “Just don’t go there.”

  “Why not?” I said.

  “Shush!” Frank said.

  “Don’t shush me,” I said.

  “Stop bickering,” Eloise said, somehow maneuvering the scissors onto her thumb and forefinger and setting to work on the piece of rope restraining her left hand.

  “We’re not bickering,” Frank said.

  “We’ve just been wondering if—” I said.

  “You’ve been wondering,” Frank said to me with a shut up glare. “Not me.”

  “It’s about FJ,” I said to Eloise. “And Liam.”

  Eloise looked up with an expression of surprise that made her look like a female version of Frank. “Are you thinking Liam has a crush on FJ or something?”

  “And maybe vice versa.”

  “No way,” Frank said.

  “They do seem to be spending a lot of time together,” I said. “And since he lives in Denver too …”

  “Interesting,” Eloise said, returning to her cutting. “I hadn’t really thought about it.”

  Consternation filled Frank’s face.

  “Has FJ ever brought up the subject of dating with you?” I asked.

  “I do know he’s definitely shy and very picky,” she continued. “Although I’m pretty sure he likes girls.”

  Frank looked equal parts relieved and I told you so.

  “At least, I think so,” she qualified.

  “But you’re not positive?” I asked.

  “Either way, you know he’ll make better choices than I have.” She sniffled. “Or Trent …”

  I didn’t bother to even raise an eyebrow in Frank’s direction. “What about Trent?”

  “If I were worried about anyone, I’d worry about him.”

  “Because?”

  “His taste in girls can be summed up in one word: trampy.”

  I cringed.

  Frank chuckled.

  “That’s okay with you, Frank?”

  “It’s a perfectly normal phase in a young man’s life.”

  “Not in my opinion.”

  “He’ll grow out of it.”

  “And what if he doesn’t?”

  “I thought I said to stop bickering,” Eloise said.

  “All families have issues they need to work through,” I said.

  “Especially ours,” Eloise sighed.

  “Starting with honesty,” I said. “Which leads me to another issue I believe needs clearing up.”

  “Which is?” Frank finally chimed in, but with more than a touch of hesitation.

  “We now know who killed Alejandro and why, but I still don’t think I quite understand what Anastasia meant by h
aving her cake and eating it too where the show and the Hacienda de la Fortuna are concerned.”

  “It seems obvious,” Frank said. “She was negotiating a deal with Alejandro on top of doing our show down here.”

  “Did you know that Alejandro was told by the producers that the best chance of getting his show green-lighted was to somehow convince me?”

  “You? But you don’t have any ability to …” His voice trailed off as he seemed to realize the implications.

  “Then why was he led to believe such a thing?”

  “Maddie, I already told you I had nothing to do with any of that.”

  “And I told you I knew you were part of the plan to make Alejandro’s death investigation-worthy. Why on earth should I believe you weren’t part of the plot to stir up some potentially serious marital drama? I mean, we all know it’s great for ratings, and ratings are the bottom line, aren’t they?”

  “I would never—”

  “Only because it would make you look bad,” I said. “But it’s weird. You don’t know anything, Geo doesn’t know anything, but somehow, I was being pursued by a man who happened to be in the midst of negotiating a TV deal.”

  “Yes, but—”

  “I know you told Anastasia I was too smart for the typical reality TV nonsense, but what else did you tell her? Something must have led her to believe it was okay to try and pull off a stunt like that.”

  “Umm,” Eloise suddenly looked as sheepish as I’d ever seen her.

  “Umm, what?”

  “Since we’re being honest and all …”

  We both turned to her, best as we could while still restrained.

  “I’m afraid I maybe might have said something that, like … I don’t know …”

  “You don’t know what?” Frank asked.

  “Maybe I might have tipped her off that things weren’t so perfect between you guys.”

  “What are you talking about?” Frank said. “We—”

  “It’s not like you’ve been the best role models, relationshipwise.”

  “We’ve worked out our differences.”

  “Seriously, Dad?”

  “We have. Haven’t we, Maddie?”

  “What did you tell Anastasia?” I asked, not answering Frank.

  “It just kind of slipped out,” Eloise said.

  “What slipped out?”

  “It was before we came down here, when we were prepping for this episode, Stasia was showing us the website for the resort and made some comment about you two renewing your vows down here.” She paused. “I accidentally said ‘yeah, right.’”

  “And that’s all?”

  “I might have also said you barely speak when you’re not on camera.”

  “Oh my God!” Frank attempted (unsuccessfully, due to the rope restraints) to put his face in his hands. “You really need to learn when not to speak.”

  “Eloise, I have to agree with Frank on this. Why would you tell her that?”

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “But it’s not like everyone didn’t already know you aren’t really together anymore.”

  “If everyone knows, it’s because you told them.”

  “Not on the set,” she said. “I meant me and Trent and FJ know.”

  “How do you know?” Frank asked.

  “Because we know both of you. We know you were determined to get this show for us. We also know Maddie agreed to The Family Frugalicious because she thought it was in the best interests of the family, not because it was best for herself.”

  Tears I thought I wasn’t going to allow myself to shed began to roll down my cheeks.

  “And no offense, Dad, but after everything that’s happened this last year, I wouldn’t have blamed her if she’d refused.” Her voice cracked. “And that’s from someone who was falling hard for a mur—”

  “Ivan had us all fooled,” I said, hoping to be of some comfort despite it all. “And, as your dad said, he did come down to Mexico with the best of intentions. Just like I did when I agreed to do the show.”

  “Me too,” Frank added.

  “All I know is something’s gotta give,” Eloise said, going back to sawing the rope attached to her left wrist. “Assuming we all live, that is.”

  thirty-one

  It took hours, or what felt like hours, for Eloise to slice through the rope so she could untie me. Together we freed Frank. We ate our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for strength, and decided on a strict rationing plan for the items in the first backpack, which, to Ivan’s credit, was filled with energy-dense foods like dried fruit, nuts, and beef jerky. While he was also kind enough to load the second backpack with useful items— a flashlight, Advil, bandages, first-aid cream, a mini water purifier and, as a small salve for Eloise’s wounded heart, a bag of Hershey’s Kisses, we were determined not to stay put for very long.

  After a brief discussion, Frank semi-relented about whose rights and lefts were the most right by claiming he’d misunderstood at first and that we were both saying the same thing because the backward direction of left, right, right, left, straight, was in fact, straight, right, left, left, right. That issue settled, we decided to chart our way out of the cave.

  How we would get off the island was another problem entirely, but we all agreed it was a much better one than being stuck in a cave, given the choice.

  The more vexing problem, we soon discovered, was that there were at least ten tunnels leading into the cave.

  Seeing as Eloise could only remember that we appeared “somewhere in the middle of the water” we decided to start exploring in pairs, and then charting and marking the various exits.

  “Number one is a dead end,” I said, having explored a hole just beneath the ledge, which not only seemed to be in the wrong location and felt a little too large, but turned out to be a crater that lacked any tunnels.

  Frank marked the spot by scratching a large NO on the rock wall above for future archeologists to mull over.

  Two holes later, one of which had a promising straight-right combo before dead-ending, the light filtering into the cave through cracks in the ceiling gave way to darkness.

  “I didn’t want to have to spend even one night in here,” Frank said, fumbling for the flashlight.

  “But it may not be our last, so don’t waste the batteries, even for a second.”

  “I won’t,” he said locating a small camping blanket that Ivan had included in the supplies backpack.

  “Ivan told me he discovered this cave,” Eloise said as Frank and I huddled together under the blanket on either side of her. “Do you think he’s the only one who knows about it?”

  “I don’t want to think about that,” Frank said.

  “Do you think there’s a chance anyone could be looking for us yet?” she asked.

  “I don’t know what to think,” I said. “No one knows to suspect Ivan of anything.”

  “And we paid that man at the dock not to say anything to anyone about us taking the jet ski.”

  “Even if he did, there are so many islands,” Eloise said.

  “The boys know we came out here looking for you and Ivan,” I said.

  “Why did we insist they stay put and not talk to anyone?” Frank moaned.

  “Because it seemed like the only way to keep them safe.”

  “There’s no way anyone is going to find us in here if Ivan doesn’t send someone,” Eloise added unhelpfully.

  Frank said, “That’s why we’ll find our way out first thing in the morning.”

  “Yes,” I agreed.

  “Definitely.”

  The cave grew silent enough to hear the quiet symphony of slow drips and droplets of water.

  “I’m scared,” Eloise said.

  “Me too,” Frank said.

  “So am I …”

  “Maddie! Dad!” Eloise whispered shaking both Frank and I awake from a surprisingly sound slumber given that we were huddled together under a single blanket on a mattress made of rock.

  “What?”


  “What is it?”

  “Listen to that noise.”

  There was a new and distinct bubbling sound echoing through the cavern.

  “What is that?” Frank asked, fumbling for the flashlight.

  “Do we even know what kind of creatures live in cenotes?” Eloise’s voice cracked. “I mean, other than small fish?”

  “That’s all I saw,” I said. “But look …”

  I pointed to a faint light deep beneath the water.

  “Please don’t let that be an electric eel …” Eloise said. “I hate—”

  “Electric eels are the least of our problems,” Frank said, flipping on the flashlight, locating both the scissors and the clippers, and handing them to us.

  “You think it’s him?”

  “Who else could it be?”

  “Why would he come back?”

  “I don’t know, but as soon as he rises to the surface, Maddie will clonk him with the clippers. Eloise, you hold the scissors to his neck until we tie him up.” Frank and I had somehow swapped roles, and he was now the calm one while I fretted.

  “But what if I knock him out and he has a concussion and can’t remember how to get us out of here?” I asked.

  “Let’s see exactly where he’s coming from. That way we’ll know how to get out of here even if he’s incapacitated.” Frank shined the light on the bubbles and pointed. “He’s definitely coming out right there—from the middle of that back wall.”

  “I’m ready,” I said, leaning toward the water, the clippers poised over my head.

  That was when I noticed a second person emerging from the tunnel.

  “What is—”

  “What do we—”

  Before I could say the word do, a head broke the surface of the water.

  “Policía!” the first diver shouted. “No one move.”

  We all froze, makeshift weapons in hand. A second diver rose to the surface.

  “Hola!” he shouted, and lifted his mask. “It’s me, Felipe.”

  “Felipe?” I said, stunned.

  Eloise dropped the scissors and burst into tears of joy.

  “I had a feeling this was where we’d find you,” Felipe headed toward us. “Thankfully you’re all alive.”

  The policeman continued to search the cave with a flashlight. “Where is he?”

  “Gone,” I said, the adrenaline giving way to a huge flood of relief. “Long gone.”