Risk

by Raquel Belle

  “Oh God.”

  “I remember having that feeling where it’s like your heart sinks to your gut. The betrayal hurt more than the fact that I knew we were all going to die. He put his hands up and started walking slowly to the stairs on the right. I asked him what he was doing, he turned back and just looked at me, there was no emotion on his face, nothing at all. He walked up the stairs, through their ranks to the middle of the forward railing, pulled his sidearm, pointed it at me and said, “Sorry Jack, I made a better deal.”

  Deanna looks at me like she’s stunned, she says nothing.

  “I guess he pulled the trigger because that must be how I got this,” I rub the scar at my temple. “When I came to, I was under the bodies of my men. It’s instinct to step in front of a brother who falls in combat, you protect them until you can get aid. There were shell casings all around, I was in a pool of their blood. Ross, Lester and Daryl went down swinging like the warriors they were. It’s funny, we all knew that was it, but they took fire for me anyway,” the thought fills me with me sorrow and pride…and anger.

  “I’m so sorry, Jack, “Deanna takes my hand.

  I will find a way to honor them…and to make that fuck pay.

  “What happened then?” she asks.

  “Everybody was dead, I didn’t even know how long I’d been down, but the boys were a bloody mess. They didn’t go down easy, that’s for sure. I stood up and saw a digital timer attached to enough C4 to put a hole in the planet.”

  “A bomb?”

  “Yeah. I had a minute and four seconds to catch those bastards. I thought maybe I could take a few of them with me if I was fast enough. I picked up my weapon and made my way to the upper decks. The chopper was already far out, I aimed and emptied my magazine at it. All I could hope was that I’d get lucky and hit the rotor so they’d crash. They didn’t.”

  “And then?”

  “Then bomb exploded. I don’t remember what happened after that. The next thing was waking up in the hospital, you know everything from that point on.”

  Deanna looks very worried, she’s biting her lip.

  “What is it?” I ask.

  “Maybe we should let this go, Jack. I mean…you almost died the last time. The only way you got out of there was just random, dumb luck. Luck like that doesn’t hold. Brenner has a small army working for him. What chance do we stand? I don’t like this at all.”

  “Well that’s why we’ve got to find out what’s on this?” I hold up the flash drive.

  Deanna presses her lips into a thin line but she doesn’t say anything.

  We don’t say much for the rest of the drive, we make one stop for a bathroom break and to grab some coffee and muffins, but that’s it. I have to get to Charlotte’s as fast as possible and then to New Mexico by tonight.

  Nothing’s going to stop me from taking Brenner down. I owe it to the team. There’s no way I’m letting it go. Was it random, dumb luck or did fate spare me to avenge my brothers? After everything that’s happened this week, how can I ignore the series of events that have led me to this point.

  I understand Deanna’s feelings about the situation but she doesn’t understand strategy the way I do. One man can engage fifty if you’re controlling the battlefield. Brenner won that day through cowardice and betrayal. He can only use that trick once. This time it’s going to be different. I have the advantage.

  Chapter Forty-One

  Deanna

  We’ve been driving for a while and the mood in the car has been tense. I don’t like the path that Jack is going down. If we’re going to be together then I should at least have some say in this.

  Confronting Brenner isn’t going to bring anybody back, what’s done is done. If he was serious about wanting a relationship, he would be thinking about what he has to lose—like his life, for one thing—instead he’s dead set on putting himself in harm’s way.

  I feel like a bitch for thinking these things, and I feel like I’m being selfish because the stakes are a hell of a lot bigger than what I want—he wants justice and I want a happily ever after—that’s why I don’t say the words out loud. I swallow them down and keep my mouth shut.

  The truth is that even with Charlotte’s help they’d still be horribly outnumbered. From the sound of things, Brenner is leading a team of trained killers…I know Jack is one too…but two against an army isn’t good odds.

  I want Jack to live and I want us to be together. We can do that right now if he lets it go, but every time I turn to look at him, I know he’s made up his mind.

  When we get to the driveway, we get out to disarm the grenade but it hasn’t been reset. After everything that happened this morning we even forgot to call Charlotte and tell her that we were coming. We push the gate open, then get back in the car to drive up.

  She must’ve heard the Escalade coming because she meets us on the porch.

  “You guys miss me that much?” Charlotte smiles. She’s in shorts, boots and a blue tank top.

  Neither of us smile back. I give her the tinniest shake of my head. The expression on her face changes.

  “I need to get to New Mexico, tonight,” Jack says, “I need to get to Derrick.”

  “Jack, it’s almost dark, we’re not doing that,” Charlotte says, and I’m relieved to hear it.

  “You can’t fly in the dark?” Jack asks like he’s annoyed.

  “Not unless it was a life or death emergency, no I wouldn’t. It’s not safe for such a long flight. Not in that,” she points to the Otter.

  “Jack,” I turn to him, “she’s right, we don’t have to go right now.” I look at Charlotte and ask, “Is it okay if we stay the night, then head out first thing in the morning?”

  “Of course, the room is still made up,” she says.

  I go give her a hug and say, “Jack has a lot to tell you, I’ll start on dinner.”

  “Sure,” she says and gives me a small squeeze.

  “Please try to talk him out of it,” I whisper. I pull away and look at her. She gives me a confused expression.

  I leave them there and walk to the kitchen. I get to the breakfast bar, sit down and take a couple of deep breaths. Maybe she’ll talk some sense into him or maybe she’ll back his play…let’s see. I go to the fridge and take out two beers, then find them sitting in the dining room. I don’t bother with glasses, I leave them the bottles.

  “Thanks,” Charlotte says.

  Jack only gives me a look.

  I go back to the kitchen. I guess I’m going to make that Puttanesca after all. I put some water to boil for the pasta with a little bit of olive oil and salt, then and prep the ingredients for my sauce. These guys don’t have small appetites so I put some garlic bread in the oven and do some baked potatoes with sour cream as well.

  I hear raised voices every now and then. I don’t eavesdrop. Whatever’s being said is between them. They were in the unit together. My opinion doesn’t count.

  About forty minutes later, Charlotte comes to the kitchen. She goes to the fridge for two more beers.

  “So?” I ask.

  She puts a hand on my shoulder, “Let’s find out what’s on the USB and take it from there.”

  I nod, but she probably senses my unease because she goes on.

  “I’m just as pissed as Jack is, Deanna. You have to understand, Brenner took family away from us. He took those men away from their wives and their children. And he was one of us, we served together for over a decade. He left Jack for dead and took two years away from him.” I look away and she sighs. “Let’s take this one step at a time though. You guys were right to come here first. We’ll figure it out together, okay?” She gives me a look to reassure me, but I’m not convinced.

  “Why can’t we just turn him in?” I say.

  “To who, Deanna? He doesn’t exist.”

  I nod and let it go.

  “Do you need any help here?” she asks.

  “No, you guys finish your talk, I’ll be out with everything in a bit.”
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br />   “Okay,” she gives me a quick hug, but before she leaves I grab her arm.

  “Did he tell you he’s been losing consciousness?” I know it’s not my place to say but I have to tell someone.

  “What?”

  “When the memories come back…he blacks out. It happened once when we were watching TV a week ago and then this morning when he saw Brenner.”

  Her jaw drops for a moment and she stares at me, “He didn’t say anything.”

  “He just falls, Charlotte. His eyes roll back and he passes out. It’s like a seizure. Whatever he’s planning you can’t let him go through with it. Please.”

  She looks down like she’s thinking, her expression is grim. She doesn’t say anything, she looks up at me, then turns and leaves.

  I feel some tears fall down but quickly wipe them away. The food’s almost ready.

  Everyone is quiet when I bring out the plates. Jack and Charlotte get up and come help to take some things back to the table. Charlotte gets the baked potatoes and the garlic bread, Jack takes the Puttanesca and the cutlery. I grab a couple more beers for them and then…fuck it…I get a beer for me too.

  Once everything is laid out Jack says, “Good spread.”

  “Guess what we’re having?” I ask him and wink.

  He smiles at me, it’s only a half-smile but it’s something.

  I spoon out everything for us and we dig in.

  On Charlotte’s first bite, she screws up her face and says, “Wow, interesting.”

  Jack and I laugh.

  “You like it?” I ask.

  “That’s a lot of flavor,” she says.

  It’s something to lighten the mood. We keep eating in silence for a little while and then Charlotte finally drops the question.

  “So, what about these blackouts?” she asks Jack.

  He puts his fork down, noisily, and looks at me. I look down.

  “Don’t look at her,” Charlotte’s fork lands with a clatter, “I’m asking you a question, Jack.”

  “It won’t happen again,” he says sternly. “I remember everything now.”

  “You don’t know that, Jack,” I say.

  “I do know that.”

  “Do you?” Charlotte says, “You don’t even know what this is. You could have neurological damage.”

  “I know what it is,” Jack says, “you guys have to trust me on this, it won’t happen again. It happened three times this week. That’s all. It’s over now.”

  “Three? When was the other one?” I ask.

  “I didn’t tell you because I knew how you’d react. Listen to me. I’ve thought about it, they were all things connected to Brenner. It happened only once before, and then three times this week. This week was that novel that became a TV show, that was Monday, we were eating and watching television. The second was in the lobby of the hotel, it was Wednesday. I saw a guy reading the Iliad. Those were books Brenner had. We didn’t have much we could carry with us so we shared books. The third was this morning, that’s when I saw him. It’s not going to happen again. I remember everything. It won’t.”

  “But how do you know?” I say.

  “Because,” he looks frustrated, then slams his hand on the table, BAM! Everything bounces and clatters. “I just do!”

  “Fuck you, Jack,” Charlotte says, “You should’ve told me, I’d never had let you jump if I knew.”

  “And yet I got the mission done! I got the objective! Are you guys trying to gang up against me?” He laughs, mockingly. “Because this is happening whether you like it or not, either of you. I will make him pay!”

  I feel my face getting hot.

  “No, we’re not, we’re just—” he stops me.

  “FUCK THIS!” He gets up, “you’re supposed to have my back, Charlotte.”

  “Not like this, Jack,” she says.

  He storms out the front door. We’re silent for a while.

  “I’ll get him,” I tell her.

  I go outside and he’s standing on the porch looking out at the stars.

  “I need you to be on my side, Deanna. I know what I’m doing. You need to trust me. You shouldn’t have told Charlotte.”

  “I’m sorry,” I go and hold him, “I’m just scared. I don’t know if this is the right thing to do. Even Charlotte doesn’t.” He turns around and hugs me.

  “Look, Charlotte was under my command, I’m the one who makes the tough calls. I know what plays to make. Whether she agrees with it or not, she’ll fall in line, that’s the chain of command. You’re getting ahead of yourself and letting your emotions rule you.”

  “Jack, you almost died. And you’re the one letting emotion guide you. This is personal for you. Revenge is the most personal motive of all.”

  “Well, do as I say, don’t do as I do,” he smiles.

  “It’s not funny,” I say.

  “Don’t,” he breathes deep and lets it out, “just…let’s find out what’s on the flash drive first and we’ll take it from there. Deanna, I’ve been doing this for a long time, I know what I’m about. Trust me. I’m not going to take any unnecessary risks, I only play when I’m going to win. I need you to believe me. I don’t like losing, it happened once, it won’t happen again.”

  “Okay,” I kiss him, but I feel tears welling up. I turn away and let them fall, then wipe my face. We go back inside.

  Charlotte has already cleared the table. She walks back into the room and says, “Let’s all get some sleep, we’ll head out at first light. It’s just shy of a four-hour flight.”

  I go give her a hug.

  Then Charlotte says, “That pasta was disgusting, but kind of nice. Really salty.”

  I laugh and turn back to Jack.

  He forces down a smile and raises his brow, “At least you didn’t have to hold her down.” He laughs, claps Charlotte on the shoulder, then takes my hand and we go upstairs.

  We shower—separately. We do our nightly rituals and ready ourselves for bed. Jack is the first to finish so he’s already under the covers by the time I’m done.

  When I get in on my side, it feels like there’s a gulf between us and neither of us wants to cross it. We both lay there staring up at the ceiling, then Jack reaches over and holds my hand. My Mom once told me that she and my Dad never went to bed angry at each other. Jack leans over and kisses me, slowly, then he drags me over to his side of the bed, pulls my leg and my arm over him and puts his arm around me.

  He kisses my head.

  “This is better,” I say.

  “Yeah.”

  Thankfully he doesn’t ask why I didn’t do it in the first place.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Jack

  We got an early start in the morning and were in the air by seven ‘o clock. The weather was perfect for flying and we made good time.

  I’m with Charlotte in the cockpit, three and a half hours into the flight, when Deanna pokes her head in and asks, “So, who’s this Derrick guy?” She talks using her headset, we’re all wearing them.

  “Just somebody we used to work with,” I say.

  Charlotte elaborates, “We served together for a little while but he was a lot smarter than all of us and drifted to the technical side of things. Eventually when he finished his stint he started working for the NSA, then he left them and went in to business for himself. Now they outsource to him, so do a lot of other branches in the government. He’s a survivalist…lives out in the middle of nowhere…even has his own landing strip for when he gets visits from the various agencies.”

  “He’s a badass,” I say, “the only problem is that you can’t know as much as he does without going a little crazy. That’s why he’s so paranoid. He knows how the government really works, so he’s always waiting for the world to end. He’s planned for it.”

  “Remember I told you to bring groceries, just in case?” Charlotte says to Deanna.

  “Yeah?”

  “Because anything you eat at Derrick’s is likely to come out of a can…depending on what
mood he’s in,” she laughs. “Jack and I don’t mind but I know you wouldn’t enjoy that.”

  “Yeah, probably not,” Deanna chuckles.

  “We’re coming up, I see it,” Charlotte points off in the distance. She reaches up and flips some switches. “Better buckle up, Deanna.”

  Deanna goes back and out of sight. I’d been sitting with her earlier but the conversation was sparse. Things haven’t been the same between us since my blackout yesterday.

  A minute later Charlotte takes us into a controlled descent. She lands expertly. There’s hardly even a bump as we touch the ground. We roll on for a bit, then she turns us around and parks near to where we can refuel. We almost emptied the tank on this run.

  We disembark and I take in the scene. The place is about three acres. The main complex is gated and walled off all around. The rest of the property is demarcated with chain-link wire fencing.

  Most of this was paid for by the government and built to Derrick’s specifications. It doesn’t look like much from the outside—and that’s the point. He doesn’t want to attract attention.

  It looks like a concrete block, unpainted, with electronically controlled steel doors. There are no windows either—air comes in through a filtration system and climate control, the light inside is also simulated.

  There are redundancies for everything. He’s got backup generators, solar panels, a water purification system, he grows his own fruit and vegetables—whatever he can with this arid climate—and there’s even three levels underground that house a workshop, server farm and a bunker. Above ground there are two floors with his main work center and control room, three bedrooms, a conference room, a living room, and a kitchen.

  The last time I was here was six months ago, I came to see if he could help me piece together some of the details of my last mission. We came up empty.