by Kate L. Mary
Asa’s words were like a dagger in my heart, and I stumbled back one step at the impact. “You lie,” I hissed, even though I knew he was speaking the truth. No matter how confused and out of sorts Asa made me feel, he was not a liar.
“He was badly hurt, but their doctor managed to save him.”
“Then I do have something to be sorry for,” I said.
Asa was quiet for a moment, looking me over again, and his stare warmed just as it had back in Saffron’s house. His gaze had softened again, and the emotion in his brown eyes was raw, unyielding. After all this time, after months and months apart, I thought Asa might have moved on. That he would have forgotten me. But he had not, it was clear now. He was still in love with me.
“I thought you were dead,” he finally said, and just like that all the hardness in his expression was gone. “The Fortis were dispatched to your village, and when they came back, they said they had slaughtered everyone. The things they bragged about…” He looked away when pain flashed in his brown eyes. “I was sure you were gone for good.”
“I was not there. Mira and I had to make our way through the wastelands, and by the time we arrived home, our village had been burned to the ground. My sister managed to get a few people out, but not all. And she could not save our mother.”
Asa lifted his gaze to meet mine once again, and this time I could read the expression in his eyes clearly. Sorrow. “Your mother died?”
“She was too sick.” My hand went to the dots on my right cheek, tracing them. “Your people burnt our village down, including my hut. She was in it.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
He watched me trace the dots, emotion swimming in his gaze. It seemed to wrap around us, to overwhelm me, bringing to mind the past. The times I had let my guard down and allowed Asa close to me. When he held my hand after Bodhi was captured, when he carried me into Saffron’s house, when he saved me from the grizzard attack, and I admitted something to myself for the first time. The man standing in front of me had the potential to make me love him. It made no sense because of who we were, but it was true.
I looked away before he saw the truth in my eyes, because I had no clue what to do with the feelings swirling through me. “You should go.”
“I haven’t told you what I came to say.”
I keep my gaze averted, afraid of what would happen if I looked at him right now. “Asa, I—”
“Indra!”
The sound of my name rang through the air and we both turned. I had just enough time to glimpse Emori through the bushes before she loosed her arrow. A cry ripped its way out of me and I reached for Asa, but I was too late. He went down, his body hitting the snowy ground with a thump that sent a throb of pain through my body.
15
“No!” I gasped, dropping to my knees at his side. “No, Asa. Asa!”
The arrow had struck his arm, and beneath him the snow had been painted red. Asa’s face was contorted in pain, but he shook his head and managed to mutter, “I’m okay.”
“Indra.” Emori ran up, stopping at my side. “Are you okay?”
“He is a friend. He helped Mira and me when we worked in the city. He came to tell me something,” I said without looking up.
I urged Asa to sit, and he obeyed, grunting with each move he made. The injury would not have worried me so much considering where it was if there had not been so much blood, but the snow beneath us was coated in it. Only he was wearing too many layers, making it impossible for me to see how bad it was. I could not strip him down here. It was too cold. Too out in the open. I needed to get him to the cave.
I pulled on his arm again, this time trying to urge him to his feet. “Help me,” I said to Emori. “I need to get him inside.”
She did not move, did not say a word, but it did not matter. Asa was able to get to his feet on his own, and once he was up, I turned to face Emori. The expression in her eyes was icier than the surrounding forest.
“We cannot take him there, Indra. He is a Fortis. We cannot show him where we are living.”
She was right, but I could not send him home with an arrow in his arm. He could bleed to death and die on the way.
“We will blindfold him,” I said.
I removed the strip of animal hide I had around my waist and stood on my toes. “Lean down,” I ordered when I realized Asa was too tall.
He obeyed, dipping his head so I could tie the strip around his head, covering his eyes. I took a moment to arrange it, ensuring that his vision was completely blocked. When I was sure he could see nothing, I took hold of his uninjured arm and began leading him through the forest.
“This is not good,” Emori called before hurrying after us.
I pushed past snow-covered branches, holding onto Asa with one hand and my bow with the other. “I know, but what choice do I have?” I did not look back at Emori, knowing her glare would be even more brutal than before. “He saved Mira and me many times. I cannot let him die after everything he has done for us. It would be wrong.”
Emori was silent for only a beat before saying, “Are you sure there is no other reason?”
This time, I was unable to keep my gaze off her. The accusations in her eyes were loud and clear, but I said nothing, fully aware that Asa was listening and very likely wondering the same thing. Just as I was.
When we reached the cave, I paused long enough to push aside the branches covering the opening, and then urged Asa to duck so he did not hit his head on the low hanging rocks. Then we stepped inside.
I had anticipated the uproar that followed his entrance, but I was unprepared for its magnitude. A cry rang out and all around the room women moved for their weapons. Xandra actually drew a sword, while Isa rushed to shield Emori’s baby.
“It is okay,” I called before anything got out of hand. “He is a friend.”
No one lowered their weapons. At least not until Mira pushed her way through the crowd and said, “Asa? What happened?”
The atmosphere in the room relaxed, but only a little. It was to be expected. Mira and I knew Asa, and we knew he could be trusted, but no one else did. He was a Fortis, and we had spent the last year hunting men just like him.
“Emori shot him,” I told my friend, and then to Asa said, “Sit.”
He did as he was told, and I pulled the blindfold from his eyes, giving him his first look around. Most of the women had begun to retreat into different tunnels, but the few who had stayed behind were holding weapons and openly glaring at Asa. Xandra among them.
“He will not hurt us,” Mira said as she knelt beside me.
Xandra looked at me, and then at Asa, and I could feel the questions in her gaze as surely as she had felt them in mine that day we spoke to one another on the hill. I would owe her an explanation, but first I needed to tend to Asa. And figure out what the feelings inside me meant.
“We need to get his clothes off,” I said, keeping my focus on Mira so I did not have to look Asa in the eye. The idea of stripping him down made heat flood my cheeks, but I had no desire for him to know it.
I had to break the arrow, which made Asa grunt in pain, but once it was shorter, I was able to get his jacket off and then the shirt underneath, leaving him bare from the waist up. Blood was streaked down his arm and across his chest. A chest that was crisscrossed with passage markings and broader than any I had ever set eyes on. Being so close to him, feeling his massive presence and heat, was distracting, and I had to concentrate so my mind did not wander from his injury. It was an impossible task.
I had never seen a man like Asa before. The men in our village had been strong, but not like this. The Fortis were naturally large people, but this was a man who had trained since childhood, who had worked hard to grow his muscle. This was a man who could crush me with one hand if he wanted to, and yet he had only used those hands to comfort me. It was a reality I still could not wrap my brain around.
“It does not look bad,” I said when I had finally managed to survey the da
mage. “I need to get the arrow out, but I think the injury will be minor.”
“I will get fresh water for the wound,” Mira said, standing.
I watched her walk away, realizing for the first time that every other woman in the room had fled while I was focused on Asa. Which meant when Mira disappeared through the tunnel, he and I were alone.
My hand was on his arm, just below the wound, and he placed his over mine. When I looked up, I found him watching me.
“I’ve wanted you to touch me for so long.”
“Do not do this, Asa. Please.”
It found it impossible to look away from the desire burning in his brown eyes. It was not the first time I had seen that expression, but it was the first time I found myself alone with him like this. Asa half naked, us sitting so close to one another that it seemed like we were the only two people in the world. His hand on mine, and his skin warming me in a way that was as intimate as a caress.
“I have to,” he whispered. “I didn’t tell you how I really felt before, and then I thought you were dead. Do you understand the regret that comes with that feeling?”
“You know I do,” I replied.
“Then you know I have to say this. I love you, Indra. I don’t know how it happened, but it did, and it isn’t going away.”
I did not move my hand from under his, and the warmth of his touch had begun to seep into me, but I still whispered, “This cannot happen.”
“Maybe not. Maybe I’ll leave here today and we’ll never see each other again. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know I can’t keep this inside any longer.”
Then he kissed me.
It happened so suddenly that I found it impossible to react. Not when his mouth moved over mine, not when his tongue brushed my lips, and not even after he had pulled away. I was motionless, my body filled with warmth and uncertainty, staring at him as if I were made of stone.
I still had not moved by the time Mira returned, but her reappearance jolted me out of my stupor. If she noticed anything, she did not mention it, and together we worked to remove the arrow from Asa’s arm. The silence was a combination of concentration and total bewilderment on my part. I had no idea what I would have done if I had been given time to react to Asa’s kiss, but I did know I would not be able to forget how his lips had felt on mine any time soon. Maybe not ever.
When his wound was cleaned and bandaged, Mira sat back. “It is late. You should stay the night.”
“I should go,” Asa replied.
He was not looking at me, but I did not know if it was a result of regret or embarrassment, or if he was simply afraid of what he might see in my eyes. Since I was as uncertain as he was, I could not blame him for wanting to avoid it.
“You will not make it back before dark,” Mira argued.
“She is right,” I found myself saying. “It would be dangerous and unwise.”
Asa finally lifted his gaze to meet mine, and his brown eyes were searching. Hopeful. “If you think I should stay, then I will.”
Mira climbed to her feet. “No one will be very happy about it, but it is the right thing to do.”
I stood, too, and Asa followed. He winced, and even though it was small, I found myself reaching out to touch his arm. He chest was still bare, and the heat from his skin was twice as intense as before.
“Does it hurt much?” I whispered.
“It’ll be fine.” He looked around, his eyes moving to the small tunnel that led into the bigger chamber. “Is this where you go to sleep?”
Heat licked at my face, but I nodded anyway. “The biggest living space is back this way, and I have claimed one of the small caves as my own.”
“Where will I sleep?” he asked, his gaze still on the tunnel as if he were afraid to look at me.
I glanced toward Mira, but she was not looking our way. Instead, she was busying herself with cleaning up the blood that had splashed across the rocks.
There had been many moments over the last few years when I had acted without thinking. When I shot that very first Fortis hunter, and then later when I had grabbed the knife off the kitchen counter and stabbed Lysander in the back. I had regretted neither of those things, and as the next words came out of my mouth, I found myself praying I would not come to regret this decision either.
“You will stay with me.”
Asa’s brown eyes finally moved to me, holding my gaze as the heat between us grew, but his head only bobbed in response.
16
Everyone stared at Asa in suspicion when I led him into the large chamber, even Xandra and my sister. It was their looks that gave me pause, but knowing Mira had set things up so I could make this choice if I wanted to gave me confidence. She knew Asa, but the other women did not.
I kept my head held high as I moved through the room, positive he would not harm us, either physically or by leading others to the cave. Thankfully, he seemed not to notice the hostility directed at him, because he was too focused on his surroundings. His gaze moved across the room, past the little stream that led deeper into the caves, as well as the other openings, finally stopping on the glowing creatures that dotted the walls and ceiling. I had become so used to them that I sometimes forgot they existed, but the sight of them froze Asa in place.
“What is this?”
“They live here,” I told him. “That is all I know. I have never seen them anywhere else, but because of them, we are able to live in the cave. Without these creatures, we would not be able to see.”
“I’ve never seen anything like this,” he whispered, awe ringing in his voice.
I said nothing, instead taking his arm once again and urging him forward. The eyes of the other women followed us, but I did not meet anyone’s gazes. I did not need to look at them to know what they were thinking and the questions going through their minds. I was all too aware of how big Asa was compared to me. Of what I was risking. Despite what the others thought, it was not my life on the line, but my heart.
The opening into my little cave was low, forcing Asa to duck so he could fit through. Once inside, though, the ceiling towered above us, allowing him to stand straight. With him in my little alcove, the space was cramped, making it impossible for me to put space between us like I had done in the past when his size overwhelmed me. With nowhere else to go, however, I found I did not want space. If anything, I wanted to be closer to him.
“Rest,” I said, nodding to the bundle of fur on the floor.
He lowered himself to the floor, saying nothing as he did, and it made me smile. I had not forgotten how silent he could be, and being around it again was comforting in a way I had not expected.
Asa’s gaze followed me as I moved about the small area, removing my bow and setting my arrows aside. My fingers moved to the leather strap around my waist just as they did every night, but I hesitated. I knew where this could lead, and despite the heat between us, I still was not sure I wanted to give in to the feelings I had for this man.
Suddenly, as if someone in the beyond had whispered in my ear, it hit me that I was doing the exact same thing with Asa that I had done with Bodhi. I was running from him. I knew Asa wanted to catch me as much as my husband had, and the regret I had felt after Bodhi’s death was still vivid in my mind. More than once I wondered why I had resisted being caught for so long. Why I had not given in sooner. It would have given us more time together, given me more memories to cling to after he was gone.
With that thought in my mind, I pulled the leather strap free and stepped out of my pants.
Asa watched in silence as I moved toward him, settling onto the fur next to him. It had been a year and a half since I had known the comfort of a masculine form at my side, and I was surprised by how welcome the feeling was. There was comfort in his nearness, as well as in the heat his body gave off.
There were only two of the glowing creatures in the room, high up on the ceiling, but they gave off more than enough light to allow us to see one another clearly. The expression swimmi
ng in his eyes was the same one I had seen dozens of times before. They were searching as they looked me over, and full of something I understood even while it filled me with confusion.
“What are you thinking when you stare at me like that?” I asked.
“That I don’t understand the feelings inside me or why I’m so drawn to you.” His gaze moved over me, down the fur covering the upper half of my body, and then to my bare legs, stretched out beside his. “That you are beautiful.”
“You are beautiful, too, Asa,” I whispered.
I traced his bare chest with my gaze, wishing I could use my hands instead, but holding back. It was too big of a step to take. If I touched him now, it would be an invitation, one I would not be able to take back. Not when my body was so aware of his and the feel of his mouth on mine still lingered on my lips. I wanted more. I wanted him.
These were the thoughts running through my mind when Asa reached out and touched my face. He ran the tip of his finger over the passage markings on my right cheek, and a shiver moved down my spine. His touch was feather light. Soft and gentle, and in perfect contrast with his hulking size. His finger moved from the markings on my right cheek to the symbols on my left, and then he ran his fingers up the side of my face to my temple. I had known for so long that he wanted to do this very thing, but it was not until this moment that I realized I had longed for it as much as he had.
“Every time I see you, there are more.” His voice was low, but in the tight space it seemed to vibrate through my body. “What do they all mean?”
Bumps popped up on my arms from the warmth of his touch, and my throat threatened to close. I swallowed, and somehow managed to find my voice. “The ones on my cheeks are for the people I have lost,” I whispered, pausing for a moment when he ran his finger over the marks on my temple. Once again, my throat tightened, and I had to take a deep breath to force the emotion down. “Those were given to me at the age of twenty, when my mother became too sick to work and I took her place as the head of the family.”