by Caldon Mull
“You gonna listen to him, this time?” I could hear the grin in his voice.
“Guess I gotta.” I sighed. I could feel his fingertips run over my cheek, lightly stroke my jaw. “Hmmm, nice...” I yawned slowly.
“I know you miss your hair, but...” Bobby sighed briefly “Can I talk about it?” He said quietly.
“Yeah, s’okay.” I drifted along, half asleep.
“Okay...” he said softly, drew a deep breath, “...when you had all of it, you were... well, damned purty. Beautiful.” Bobby whispered softly “But with it short, you’re fine lookin’... Handsome. All that jaw, those cheekbones... I’m sure, now.”
“Eh?” I yawned, dragging myself to wakefulness “Of what?” I yawned. His light touches on my face turned into slow strokes, his long fingers trailed over my face.
“That I’m in love with you.” Bobby’s voice caught in his throat.
“Hmmm.” I sighed, my heart skipped a beat, then beat slowly with its old rhythm. “Is... that a fact, now?”
“I guess.” Bobby sighed, I could feel his six-pack bunch against my neck as he sat up, sliding his hands either side of my neck. “I’m queer for you, Andy. I know you feel sumthin’ too. Is... is it the same?” I rolled on to my left side and looked into his eyes. He was worried, tense.
“I got my answer... can I think about it fer awhile?” I tried to smile. His eyes pinned me against his warm smooth body, searching mine.
“Yeah, take your time, I know you can’t accept anything on faith.” He relaxed, slow grin spreading over his face.
“What I need to know from you... is...” I frowned “What you laughin’?”
“Nothing... Carry on.” He grinned, rubbing my neck “You right, though. You got an answer fer me.”
“‘Kay. I gotta ask you some questions, though.” I licked my lips. They felt dry. His skin smelt... warm. “No, not some questions... one.”
“Shoot.” Bobby leaned back slowly, still touching my neck and face lightly, constantly. My muscle felt like it was pressing back to meet his fingers. I tried to concentrate on what I wanted to say.
“What exactly do you know about me?” I groaned softly, nuzzled my neck into his marvellous fingers.
“Well, let’s see. I bin’ livin’ in your house for nearly a month, now. Known you well fer about a year give or take a few months. You got a whole passel of books about Science and Science-Fiction, a huge record collection and two big ‘ol computers. You got more ‘xpensive toys and tech than jus’ about anyone else I know, but all the stuff you got can fit into the back of a single pickup. You got ...had... a car I didn’t think you would have, ‘cos most everyone seen you hoofin’ it or cyclin’ about for so long they didn’t ever think you would have one.
“This leads me to my first point. You light with your stuff, keep what makes you happy or comfortable and drop what you don’t think fits anymore. I guess you either always changin’ or you always keeping the same. Can’t figure which one yet.” Bobby plucked another grass stalk and nibbled it. “Thinkin’ on it, it doesn’t matter ‘cos with you, it could be both at the same time. You got stuff you want, but you quite happy to take extra effort to get the same things done as other folk.”
“That’s quite deep.” I propped up on an elbow, wiggled my neck side to side.
“Not finished yet.” Bobby grinned and squashed a bead of sweat on his right pectoral, squeegee-ing it into the gathering pool at his breastbone. “Coupl’a things more.”
“Sorry.” I smirked and lay back, looking up at his half-serious face.
“Next, you. No, don’t scrunch you face like that, you asked.” Bobby stretched his head back, laughed “You are way fit, determined to the point of sheer crazy and both buff and eye-candy enough to have anyone you ever wanted. Yer charmin’, po-lite and mannered, jes’ like the finest Yankee gentleman. Seriously tho, you got no dress sense. None. Good thing, otherwise you’d be too perfect. You pick your stuff out of the closet like a paint-by-numbers. Shoes, two. Socks two, Jeans, one, shirt or sweater one, jacket maybe. Buddy, we gotta talk about that.” When we had stopped chuckling, he carried on “In the sack you’re completely... well you... You gentle, but passionate. You consid’rate, kinky, got no hang-ups and never rush. Fuckin’ with you is like... bein’ alone in the middle of a thunderstorm. You get what you want an’ give back twice that.”
“Awww shit, a fan.” I tried to joke and change the subject, but he placed his fingers on my lips.
“But... as great a fuck as you are... when you make love, you’re better.” Bobby’s eyes misted up with his feelings “I got to feel that with you. I ain’t never felt that, like you squeezing me onto you, like you want to smear me all over yourself. Like I’m a part of you... no matter how small... somethin’ so completely easy, like your heartbeat... or your sweat. And yer honest... if I ever wanted to know how you feel, I just gotta ask. You might not answer me, but you’d never lie. For me, that’s gotta be better than all the incredible butt-fucking in the world.
“As to the rest... I ain’t jealous, there’s too much in you to take on alone. What you really do, I don’t rightly give a fuck, if it’s somebody else’s secret... so be it. What secrets you got... well, if you want to tell me, I’ll keep yours, ‘cos I trust you enough with mine and I couldn’t bear to lose you if I didn’t. I still don’t figure what makes you tick, but I love you man... and I’m in love with you. I mean that truly, right bitch-queer, pillow- biting, anywhere-anytime, don’t-care-who- knows, in love wit’ chu’.” Bobby’s eyes dammed up a tear ran down his cheek. “An’ I look in your eyes, and I got your answer.”
“Yeah.” I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “I feel the same.”
“Oh, thank god.” Bobby took a deep ragged breath “I didn’t know what I was going to do if you weren’t.”
“You worry about too much.” I yawned, content with the way things were. “You should trust your feelings more often.”
“Yeah... what are we... should we do?” Bobby sighed, deep and heartfelt and resumed stroking my neck.
“Nothing different, I reckon.” I slid my hand up his body, wet my fingers on the dam of sweat among the damp curl of his chest hair. “Hold me while I sleep some. Do that?”
He slipped his free arm over my ribs. “Rest, I’ll keep you safe.”
“Bess too?” I heard myself say, from far away.
“Yeah, my whole world... in my arms.” Bobby whispered.
I had a dream that afternoon, or perhaps... my life had been the dream and this was my first day of being awake. Of the five perfect days I have had so far, this was the second. In my dream, I lay on my back, a puppy snuggled into my left armpit, and someone I love, who loves me - holds my right hand and watches me sleep.
I float above my sleeping self, the treetops are level with my waist. I am hovering in the clear sunlight of mid-day and watching over those below me, resting in the shade of the great Oaks in the place I have made mine. The one holding my hand I know very well, light is shining in him – his own light. His body could be as clear as glass, but it is not. It is flesh, but I can see inside him and this light is beautiful and clear. I simply cannot remember his name, but his colours are sun-gold and dawn-rose and ribbons of sky-blue. Where he touches my hand, a bright silver ring sparkles above my skin glinting with his own colours.
I cannot see any colour or lights in the sleeping-me, but a thin ribbon of pure argent runs from the chest of the sleeping me to somewhere under my line of sight. It feels like I am being held by my ankles and am hanging face down in the sky, not able to move and drawn to the sight below. I can’t move anything, but I don’t have to blink.
Sometimes when I look down the one holding me is smiling tenderly. Sometimes he is crying softly, but is while he smiles, as he watches me. My sleeping form is troubled, but when it cries out, he still holds my hand.
As the sun dapples into high noon, someone else who loves me walks over the sunny lawn to where we are lying under
the trees.
He has his own colours, not so much gold as topaz-yellow and emerald-green pierced through by hoops of vermilion-red. I know him and love him in the same way as the other, but they are different as is my love for them. Who says my dream has to make sense? I knew what I meant, then.
Where the one has the thin, ethereal beauty of colours found at first light in the morning, the other has the solid colour of gemstones found at the bottom of a mountain stream. I can feel my upside down-self swell with love just watching them together. If I could move my arms... If I knew I had arms, I would reach to them both and hug them to my chest and never allow hurt to befall them.
At first the gem colour hesitates, then he crosses over from where he first saw us and touches the bandages on my sleeping self’s head. He sits down on the grass next to the one holding me. Something tells me that both of them don’t know each other very well and they shouldn’t get along, but in my dream they are both watching over me as I am ridden by night hags and nipped at by small demons.
I see these things as a dark shadow on the chest of the flesh-me, I feel their weight somewhere, but as long as the men stand guard these dream-demons do not sink into the flesh- me. Soon their shadows thin and they are blown away by the dappled sunlight.
The coloured-light ones talk, and their united concern for me overcomes their shyness with each other. A kitten wobbles over the law and joins the puppy and starts to jab at the dogs tail with a white-mitten paw. A game ensues, and the animals romp and pounce on the thick grass.
I am surprised that they have their own little candle-light glow. I can’t really make out their colours, but I know they’re there. The shining ones talk, and soon the gem-coloured one stretches out next to the other one, beside the sleeping-me and they talk some more.
Hovering above them, looking through the Oak leaf canopy, I feel safe, I feel more intense than anything I have ever remembered feeling, and I feel... free. I rejoice at this.
Before much longer, the dappled sunlight becomes slanting beams through the canopy, the sun has moved. My floating self winks out, I can feel myself just... disappear. It is dark for awhile, but I hear noises, soft whispers, a laugh...
I open my eyes and I am lying on my back under the big Oak at the bottom of my garden. The back of my neck is damp, Bobby’s sweat, running off his skin and mingling with mine.
“Hey, look who’s back.” Michel’s voice. “Hi sleepy-head, I see Doc gave you a new hat.”
“Yeah.” I stretched and sat up, squeezing Bobby’s hand briefly in thanks. “And a whole lotta instructions to go with it.”
“That sounds about right.” Michel laughed again, “Lookit them go, Hoskins. I bet Cat is gonna be a right tiger when he’s grown.”
“Nah, you serious?” Bobby chortled, rubbing his hands over his sweaty abs, now that I was off it. His waistband darkened with the run-off “You called your cat... ‘Cat’?”
“Well he is, isn’t he?” Michel chuckled “See how he’s puffin’ up against your Bess?”
“Hah, she’s jus’ taking it easy with him.” Bobby stretched grinning. “They’re takin’ turns to chase and run. Her turn now.”
“Just my luck” I grumbled “I got me a cat-person and a dog-person all bottled up in the same place.”
“Yeah, well they get along jes’ fine, now.” Michel and Bobby exchanged glances, smiling. “You ain’t no kinda-person, though. You got all those machines and those gears and disks n’ shit. I don’t see you taking them out for a run, or nothing.”
“Sassy, stud.” I yawned a stretched again. “I didn’t get to ask you, a’fore. Is it OK for Cappy to keep Bess?”
“Yeah,” Michel smiled at Bobby’s suddenly anxious look and winked at him. ”Yeah, it’s fine. I was a little put out at first, honest. But with your cracked nut and the flood and everythin’ else, I realized he’d been here fer weeks already and I’d miss him if he were anywhere else.”
“Thanks.” Bobby whispered at Michel.
“Sides, Cat and Bess are getting along famously, and it wouldn’t be any kindness to separate them now.”
“Ah... while we all being honest here, I gotta ask somethin’ quick.” Bobby twitched his head trying to watch both Michel and my expressions.
“Yeah, shoot.” I stood up and swung my arms. “Whassup?” Michel grinned.
“Y’know... stuff. Are you and Dean... like...?” Michel nodded, smiling widely.
“An... you ‘n Stud here also...?” Bobby looked at me wide-eyed, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“Yep.” I adjusted my bandage.
“How... how does it work?” He leaned forward, hugging his knees, intrigued “I don’t wanna y’know... trespass... or stuff.”
“Doesn’t work like that.” I shrugged pushing my hips forward with my hands. The bottom of my spine clicked satisfyingly “Up here, you jes’ relax and be yourself. If you wanna, ask. If you ain’t the jealous type, everythin’ works just fine. This ain’t a fuck-fest, Cappy... I guess this is a place for hippies that don’t fit exactly right anywhere else. Except we ain’t got long hair and beads, well not no more...” I grinned sheepishly. “If we all had girls out there, we’d be getting it on over there as well, but I guess this is the only place in the whole county that a guy can relax enough to do what they feel comfortable doin’.”
“I reckon he’s smitten, big guy.” Michel stood and offered Bobby a hand up. Bobby grasped the wrist and pulled himself up, the damp front of his shorts clearly outlining his basket.
“Hmmm, you quite some game there, Hoskins.” Michel arched an eyebrow “I can see why he likes you, special like that.”
“Heh,” Bobby had the good grace to blush “I got what I got.”
“Yeah, well here it is. Andy an’ I been going fer about two years, still do sometimes. Dean and I got somethin’ special right now, but we share with Andy if he wants. Dean told me about Andy and you, an’ you and him, so I guess I know what you’re about, pretty good. I guess if you and Andy gonna cozy up, like we doin’, then all’s good.” Michel hugged his neck, ruffled his hair. “Hey Andy?”
“Yeah, Stud?” I matched my pace with them, heading inside. Bess and Cat bounded through the thick grass after us.
“He already uses the Poop Scoop outside for Bess without being told, all by hisself. Did he come this well trained, or is it something you do at the Football field?”
“Nah, he’s very well behaved.” I smirked at the two of them as they stayed a step in front of me walking with arms draped over each other’s shoulders “He’ll fit right in. Should we put him in the bunker?”
“I think we keep him around the main House for awhile.” Michel trotted ahead to the porch steps and offered Bobby another hand up as we stepped into the shade. “Welcome to the Dark Side, my young jedi pad-wun...” he said in the worst imitation Darth Vader voice I have ever heard.
Bobby shook his hand lightly, snickering, but I ducked past him keeping as straight a face as possible, bee lining to the dark of my room “Stud, you are such a flake, sometimes.” I turned and grinned at the back of his head, so Bobby wouldn’t think I was offish with them. “I’m going to nap some more, c’n I get you to look at this noggin of mine when I wake up, dress the wounds ‘n shit?”
“Yeah, you want to do supper, or me?” Michel shrugged, grinning. He hadn’t been fooled. “I’ll... I’ll get supper tonight” Bobby chipped in. “You done the last couple weeks between yourselves, I’d like to start earning my keep.”
“Sure, Cappy. It ain’t a job, though. After supper, I’ll be going to town for awhile, I promised Dean I’d lift him to the farms.” Michel half-shrugged.
“I know it. I was thinking Dean and I could plan some of the meals like we would for the Team.” Bobby nibbled a nail “Then we could get all the nutrition info from you and bulk up for the big games.”
“Sounds really great.” Michel frowned quickly “Some of us need to put some meat back on.”
�
�Hey, I kinda like it like this.” I snapped before he could get his steam up on the subject. Too late, I saw the tinderbox flare in his eyes “Awww, no...”
“If’n you weren’t running around with a head-cut that isn’t healing, fine.” Michel glared at me “But since you are, and you losing weight and the antibiotics aren’t working proper. Somewhere in all that is a fuck up waitin’ to happen, and I say you ain’t losing anymore weight, unless I say you’re gonna lose weight.” His index figure prodded my chest accusingly.
“Cappy, please change the subject, huh? Why dont’cha?” I whispered while Michel ranted “C’mon, please?”
Bobby blinked several times during Michel’s tirade, gave up, shaking his head. He had to wait for Michel to wind down before he ventured “Can I sleep with you tonight, Andy?” The spare room is still too quiet for my liking, just yet.” Michel still prodded my chest while another conversation happened around him. I kinda hoped he felt sheepish about now. It would be a small revenge for the ache in my right tit where his finger had been jabbing me, but enough. I still wanted that nap, though.
“Yeah, I’d like that.” I yawned “Bess and Cat stay outside, though ‘til the head knits properly.”
“Deal” Bobby grinned sunnily.
“Hmph!” Michel grumped, retrieving his finger. “I guess I’m talking to a two-by-four. Cappy, I reckon you gotta watch him when we can’t. Can you promise to feed him somethin’ more than pork-sword?”
“Yeah, Stud, will do.” Bobby smirked at Michel, shyly.
“Sorted.” Michel patted Bobby’s shoulder. “Make yourself at home.”
Later, I walked through the Lounge, I had woke up and couldn’t sleep anymore. I had left Bobby in the bed, all tuckered out and sleeping like a baby. I had told him what I had needed rubbed and he had given it to me, freely and without reservation. Thing is, he had a lot more strength than Doctor Mason, and certainly a lot more familiarity with my body. I felt really... good, parts of me were more supple and a lot less tense than I could ever remember them being. My bandage was back on, and all the parts that had ...popped up... during my massage had been well and truly serviced. All things being equal, I had returned the favour with Bobby. From what we knew of each other, it had been a particularly good favour.