by Caldon Mull
My bandage made me itch where Michel had scraped off the virulent goo and re-applied the foul mixture, and the powder he had rubbed in had turned into a crust somewhere under all of the swaddling. Padding around in the dark I decided that I needed to sort out many things. I felt jittery, even though my body felt good. My mind scrabbled around with concepts and half- formed ideas, bouncing from my last launch, through the river flood and back again to my nipples where Bobby had let them have most of his attention, tonight. Bits of the dream from this afternoon flitted around in the back of my mind, but so were many other things all flitting around. I looked into my room, at Bobby stretched out asleep.
My heart thudded in my chest briefly, almost bursting. The moonlight splashed over his muscular back and left trails of shadow in the hollows of his spine and buttocks. His deep, regular breathing hinted at his deep sleep, and somehow made me feel strange watching him. I wanted to shake him awake and tell him everything I could about everything about me... but I knew I couldn’t. I had spent so much time shying away from thinking about anything that had affected me, I couldn’t find a start place and an ending. I guess I would have to chip away at myself... and bring him into my life in stages. Not for his sake as much as for mine.
This feeling I had with Bobby, and with Michel felt like the first time that June and I had made love. The sex was all the same, the way it made me feel, the way I made others feel... but all the emotion that had crept in surprised the hell out of me. Love making, fucking, intimacy... oh god, what to do, where to go from here? Just thinking about what I felt about the people I cared for, now... I wasn’t sure I could easily handle what I needed to do to ease the knots... in me. I would have to do this slowly.
Lights flashed through the front windows awhile later. Bess’ tail slapped lazily near where my foot rested on the floor. I looked up after my fifth cup of Arabica roast when Michel tip-toed in.
“Hey.” I greeted as he started. “You up?” Michel whispered.
“Yeah, looks like.” I sipped at the warm coffee.
“Didn’t wake you, I hope?” Michel slumped into one of the easy chairs. “What’s wrong?” “What you mean?”
“You stretched out on the couch, nekkid, after one... hyping yourself on joe. What’s up, where’s Cappy?”
“Sleeping.”
“You have a spat?” Michel reached over and switched on a dim lamp.
“Nah. Quite the opposite.” I stretched and sat up.
“I don’t get you sometimes, I really don’t...” Michel’s grin flashed in the gloom.
“You wanna go with me to Action Bar tomorrow... well, tonight.” I hoped he wouldn’t refuse.
“Uhhhh, yeah? I guess...” Michel’s eyebrows twitched.
“My treat.” I shrugged. “I think I need to get out. Think the head’ll be good.”
“Looked fine this afternoon.” Michel rubbed his face “Guess that shit the Doc smeared on was just the trick.” Michel grinned ruefully “He’s smart, give him that.”
“Yeah, yeah I do.” I shrugged, slurped. “So, later I don’t need the head-diaper. Good.”
“It’s not soggy, no more. I’ll dust it and put some elastoplasts. In the afternoon, you can take it off.” Michel reached a hand out and rubbed my triceps “So what’s keepin’ you up, really?”
“Oh, money.” I leaned into his touch.
“Heh! Money?” Michel blinked rapidly “You worried about... money?”
“Yeah.”
“We’ll make do. We always do.” Michel stood up and tugged at my arm “C’mon, you got somewhere you gotta be. I’ve known Hoskins fer a long while. He might have been a few years behind me at school, but I’ve always liked him, even though we never said a word to each other all through our years there. Thing is, I reckon he’s proud enough to feel slighted if the person he’s just bedded is prowling the living room drinking coffee.”
“Yeah.” I yawned “Stud... I guess... well, I love him.” Bess licked my foot and flopped past her ears onto her feet and sniffed at Michel’s shoelaces.
“Uh, yup.” Michel patted the puppy, ruffling her ears “You know you packing a half-wood as soon as you started thinking about him, don’t you?”
“Really?” I checked quickly “Shit, you right.” I sighed “But you know how I feel about you.”
“Buddy, you better stop, because I think there’s only so many inches left in the room.”
Michel smirked as Bess tugged at his laces. “If’n that whanger of yours gets to its full size, I don’t know what I’m gonna do about it. Would you be offended if I told you, you make me really hot?”
“Nah.” I grinned “Sometimes when I’m with... y’know someone else, I still remember...”
“Yeah, an’ that time with Kyle...” Michel smirked “Man, that was...”
“Yeah, it was... An’ then there was that time you an’ me did that...” I chuckled.
“Oh, yeah that was way boss...” Michel had the good grace to blush. “Thing is, I’ll always want to.”
“Yeah, me too.” I shrugged, Bess scampered off into my room “I guess I’m gonna get back to my man-crush now. I can’t explain it, but I’m gonna try... You’re not like, y’know... the next best thing in my life. I don’t want to sound funny, but, uhnnn, like...”
“Go on, don’t stop.” Michel stared at me levelly “Say it, I gotta hear you say what you feelin’. Please, try... for me.”
“You woke somethin’ in me, something I thought...” I gasped, trying to breathe “I love you, man. I think I always will. If you think I’m so shallow as to...” My heart throbbed “I’m not gonna let go of you... We might not be a hot item now, and I am really into Cappy... I... Christ...”
“No, Andy... no.” Michel gripped my shoulder “Don’t freeze up now. Fuck it up, say... fuck it, say anything... just keep on, I don’t mind, I know what you mean... just get used to sayin’ somethin’ to me, please God, jes’ don’t stop.”
“I... all right...” I took a deep breath, “... I’m not sure I can handle this. I would die to keep you guys from any harm, I don’t know how all of this... stuff... in my head got in there. But it is. You got so much of me, you got my loyalty, you got my support and my interest... man, you still something in the sack... and I love you. You challenge me at every turn, an’ you keep me sane, an’ you keep me honest. If it wasn’t for you, I’d be in a place with no-where to go and no-one to help me. It sounds ... pathetic. If I didn’t get to know you, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
“But I don’t know if this will be forever, or if I’m jes’ gonna forget you an’ move on the first piece of real pussy I get... That sounds wrong Michel. I don’t mean it... I guess I’m trying to say is ... I still want all of these things, kids, marriage... But I also feel that what I got here with you is just as important, an’ I don’t wanna fuck it all up by promising anything I can’t keep up with... Did you get anything out of what I’m trying to say?”
“Yeah man, I did.” Michel hugged me warmly and kissed my forehead “I don’t know if Cappy an’ the Kid are going to be around forever... I really hope they are, but you are trying so hard to break out of... whatever it is you strugglin’ with... that for the moment, I think you can cast all of this in stone, with us.”
“You think?” I sighed and leaned into this kiss.
“Yeah, I do. Thing is that I guess life is all about experience, and the experience I’m getting’ now... with you are gonna be boss memories some day. Loyalty is a thing in short supply these days, but you come to the right place if you want some spare. I guess all of us feel that way with you. I guess the world spends so much time admiring your damn fine outside, they forget you got an inside as well.”
“Do you think they could see that it was all busted up?” I sniffed, miserable.
“I don’t know, not like that I guess... I must admit you fascinated me, I had to get close to you and find out what I was feeling, for real. Like I was a moth about a flame, like I had to solve
the puzzle that was you. It was real frustrating when you just didn’t seem to register me when you first joined at the gym. You just greeted me back and carried on doing your routine. It took you months just to see me. To just say ‘hello’ first. I jumped at the first chance I could to figure that one out.” Michel sighed and stroked the fuzzy scalp at the back of my head under the bandage, gently. “I know you said it first, an’ I couldn’t say it back when I should have, but I’ll say it now. I love you, Andronicus Caifus Finch, I truly do. That’s one mistake I made then that I can fix now.”
“You sorry?”
“Hell no, lover. Not in the slightest. Now you go and bed down with that fine young man and try and get some sleep. You’ll puzzle a way through this. You always do. An’ if you can’t, then all of us’ll figure some way around this money thing, whatever it is. I still got some savings, and Dean could probably arrange a loan, or something.”
“Thanks, buddy.” I smiled quickly. “I’ll go and turn in. Yer right, sleep is probably better than frettin’ like this.”
“Good, get your hard-body self into that room, now... y’hear. I’ll make breakfast tomorrow an’ we’ll all go to the Bar later, ‘kay?”
“Sure thing. Night.” I broke away from his tender hug and padded to bed, curling up with Bobby. He murmured in his sleep, gave a happy sigh and spooned against me. I stroked his hair absently, and sometime later I just drifted into sleep. The pebble in my brain that kept me awake was gone. Money... I had it worked out now, I had a plan. Tomorrow, I would...
“I don’t know why you’re doing this.” Bobby grumped. Bess had her head out the window and was lolling her tongue in the breeze. Her tail thumped against the back rest of the seat of Michel’s truck.
“I don’t know either, but we doin’ it.” I frowned over at Bobby. “The last time we came this way, it wasn’t at all pleasant. At least this time, the drive is less stressful.”
“Hmph!” Bobby pressed a thumbnail between his bottom front teeth “The road is pretty crappy. They been meaning to resurface it for some time. Just my luck it’s just after I don’t got nothing left.”
“Have you been back yet?” I snapped.
“Nope.” Bobby sighed “I’m sorry I’m taking it out on you, I don’t know what to expect.”
“You managed fine last night, ‘cept my ass still tingles just a bit, kinda deep inside.” I grinned.
“Noooo... that’s not what I...” Bobby spluttered “You damned sex maniac...” He grinned, relaxed “You got your own back, admit it.”
“Yeah... I was bad.” I touched the brakes to avoid a nasty looking pothole. “Hell, I was worse than bad... I was good.”
“Heh. Yup.” Bobby smiled, stroking Bess. “You gonna be serious?”
“Not if you gonna fret about things you can’t help.” The trees were still pretty thick on the hills, as we wound down the hill. At the bottom, we would turn right into the Hoskins gravel road and down to the main house. “So, are you?”
“No, Big Guy. I guess not.” Bobby sighed. “You know I can’t afford to do any fixing. I guess I might just sell it all, but who’s gonna buy the land? The Summers might, but they got the damn wildlife preserve running up the river and flanking the hills to the crest. I got from the road, down the valley and up to the river. The only advantage I got is that most of the fields are dead flat. It’s only the House and the Barns that are up this side of the hill, and what with them saying the river bore was twenty foot high, I guess I lost the lower Barn, at least.”
“You don’t know that. We’ll put that to rest today and see what we can do. Bess! Stop that.” The dog’s tail was slapping at my face and bandage. She looked back over Bobby’s chest at me and tucked her tail down. “Good girl.” Her tail thumped once on the seat, and she turned again to smell the air.
“I guess this is it.” Bobby took a deep breath as I slowed and indicated. The gravel scrunched under the tyres as I coasted towards the crest. “Well, the gravel is in good nick, that’s a good sign.”
“Just wait and see, baby. You just don’t know yet.” I braked suddenly at the crest. The engine idled in the silence.
“Holy crap.” Bobby muttered in a strangled voice. I turned off the engine and got out. Bess bounded out as soon as Bobby’s door was open. “There’s... there’s nothing here...” Bobby moaned.
“Fuck.” I muttered.
Normally, from this point, the road took a slight dip down to the Main House and Barns that should have been about fifty yards from where we are. I knew this road quite well, I had driven it quite often. Where the main house should have been, was the shoreline of a fairly large lake.
“They... they said the river had blocked just below the Mill, by the old... the last Boulder Fall. It must’ve backed up all along this arm.” Bobby slumped onto his haunches. “The stream at the bottom of your yard and through the Park must be a lot higher than this one.”
“I... I guess. I didn’t memorize the maps.” I groaned. “Bobby... I’m sorry.”
“I lost me a Farm and got me a lake.” Bobby sighed and sat on the loose earth. Bess rooted around, sniffing, tail wagging in the fresh grass. “It’s backed up all the way to the Park Hills. It must be half a mile wide, maybe more. How deep, you think?”
“Dunno. Ten, maybe fifteen feet? It must run at least a couple of miles long, though.” I sat down next to him. “I can’t see any of the buildings. Where you think they are?”
“Probably smashed into matchsticks. I can’t...” Bobby swallowed thickly, I pulled his head against my shoulder “Thank God you came for me.” he sniffed. I kissed the crown of his head and held him. “I guess I can’t be a failed Farmer now. Maybe, I’ll be a Fisherman...” he grinned weakly against my chest, eyes closed, leaking a tear.
“Nah, buddy... you not ugly enough. An’ you don’t have a hook-hand. Look...” I pointed as a flock of wild birds angled into the wind and splashed down in the new lake in a chorus of hoots and honks.
“That’s... that’s just the prettiest thing...” Bobby grinned suddenly as Bess howled in a breaking voice and scampered to the water’s edge. The birds ignored the puppy as they paddled on the surface in the middle of the lake.
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he watched Bess and the birds and his lake. Slowly, he leaned back against my chest. “We should skinny-dip, Andy. We should take a swim before we get back. In my lake. My... new lake.”
Chapter Fifteen
“So what you do for Christmas and the New Year?” Kyle’s voice bubbled over the phone “Did you have a turkey? How’s 1995 treating you so far?”
“Yeah, the full spread. Michel and Bobby spent two whole days prepping up a spread and we had Dean over in the afternoon. Doctor Mason brought his wife over, I didn’t even know he was married. She’s a quiet little thing, like a mouse. Not as short as him, really... kinda normal sized. I don’t know if she said anything to anyone ‘bout anything at all. Not that I could notice.”
“Heh! Well it has been a month, now. How was your first day back at work?”
“Not bad. Half the people I was dreading seeing weren’t even there. Transferred away before ‘The Storm of the Century’ broke.”
“Is that what they’re calling it now?”
“Yeah! So I’ve heard.”
“You playing football again?”
“Not yet, we gotta catch up some games, but as long as the camp was there, we kinda couldn’t, like practice. They broke it up two weeks ago and the grass was all... fucked up. It’s been growing well since then, and it’s been mowed proper, so this weekend we’ll be practicing there.”
“Pity there isn’t a lodge or something in Storyville. You’d be able to get the people to come to you for a change.”
“Yeah, I been thinking about that. Meat, him and his girl got engaged over Christmas and they’ve been looking to start up a lodge or something. She’s got some Hotel training courses by correspondence, and he’s just finished some bookkeeping course.”
“Meat?”
“Mark Butcher, remember him?”
“Oh, ‘of course. Sorry, It’s been awhile.”
“So what you been doing? Still Ranger Man?”
“Yeah, got me a promotion. Now I’m Station manager in the Hills behind San Diego. Funny that. Quite a big pay-hike, too.”
“Buddy, that’s great. How’s Pinball Pete?”
“Oh, he’s fine. Him and Nancy expecting, would you believe?”
“Nah!”
“Yeah, no shit.”
“Didn’t think Pete had any time for anything besides pinball. Bet he misses his collection. Good for you though, otherwise he’d never have had the space to lodge you.”
“Heh! Wanna know a secret?”
“Yeah, shoot.”
“He never got rid of them.”
“What?!?”
“He had them put into storage. He told me the other day. He reckons if Nancy doesn’t come around, he’ll get rid of her and keep the damn pinball machines. At least he still has them.”
“Heh! Always practical, our Pete.”
“Hey, hey, listen. You had yourself a birthday before Christmas, about a week or so.”
“Yeah, I’m surprised you remembered. I actually forgot about it.”
“So what did you do, then?” Kyle chuckled “I mean, on the day you forgot about your birthday. Did you do anything special?
“Y’know, actually I did. I went down to the new lake with Bobby. Well, Bobby’s new lake. Or the lake that used to be Bobby’s Farm. We skinny dipped and ran around stark naked for most of the morning.”
“Heh, Bobby used to love shucking off his clothes and swimming in the river. We used to do it all the time. Has he still got that tyre over the old swimming hole?”