Storyville

by Caldon Mull

  This was something Parsons had wanted to do for some time, as Michel and Marcie were starting a consultancy from home and needed a well-lit studio. Michel had designed it, and Bobby had leapt at the chance to keep busy. I had helped out between the designs and the jogging and the cycling and the regular gym sessions Michel and I had resumed, conscripting Bobby along the way for what-ever he could spare the time for. Shane hadn’t been up to visit Fabian yet, but he had been busy.

  He and Linda had broken up eventually, and he had to take her through to some Therapy sessions and put her back into rehab before finally throwing in the towel on their relationship. We spoke almost daily on the phone these days and him admitting that his High School relationship had never meant to survive the real world had been sad to hear.

  Bobby and I had taken a three week-long trip to the roof-wetting of the Lodges in Idaho and Wyoming, and had spent some sharing time, like back when we were an item. We took a long drive through the states to Storyville and back. Things were good between us again, but obviously they would never be quite the same.

  Strangely… I think they were better. We were still friends, we still had feelings but the way it was between us was an additional comfort to him, rather than the only thing. Finally, we had worked it out between us, and all was left was getting used to it.

  Meat and Lizzie were thriving in the Lodge, business was humming and Shane had made himself comfortable in the House on the Hill. Another Project had started up at the reservation and Bobby and I went to pay our respects to Black Bear. My indigenous animal wildlife rehabilitation center was in full swing and had already introduced four breeding pairs of deer, some gopher tortoise and a few other species back into the game preserve.

  It was almost at the point where we were turning the wildlife preserve into a real wildlife reserve. The Tribes Braves had all been taught by the conservationists I had flown in and were optimistic and keen and fired up.

  The loggers had been re-deployed to weed out overgrowth and prune the park of invader species and had a comfortable income from a monthly maintenance schedule. Cain, or rather Grey Wolf as he preferred now, had thrown in all his influence with the Tribe, and was an invaluable ally in setting up all these activities.

  All in all, the Park was looking better than it had been for decades, and morale was high. Bobby’s worry that the Lodge could not sustain this effort was dispelled as soon as he saw the Booking schedule.

  “Jeez, Andy we’ve hired all the Mill hands and just about everyone else. Tank and Jase got all the rest in those new pump stations of theirs. What the fuck The Company gonna do for their casual staff?” Bobby whistled softly when he saw the wages sheet.

  “Dunno, buddy.” I grinned up at Mark’s anxious face “Guess that’s their problem now, ain’t it?”

  “Guys, I ain’t never had an audit before,” Mark licked nervous lips “Is... is everything in order?”

  “Hell yeah, Meat.” Bobby grinned and knuckled his broad shoulder playfully “Better than just ‘Ok’, mind you.”

  “Oh, Thank God!” Mark let out a huge sigh “It’s even more stress because it’s you guys. I’d rather face a firin’ squad of complete strangers.”

  I grinned at Bobby “You wanna give him his new salary slip, or shall I?”

  “Nah, you can.” Bobby chuckled “You know the short explanation for ‘profit sharing’. Meat, I checked this and it’s all right proper, so don’t you go and faint on me, now.”

  “Wow.” Mark gasped as I handed over the slips. “Wow.”

  “You get a percent of all the money the Lodge makes at the end of the year, based on total turnover and also of gross profit. Congats, Meat. You an’ Lizzie just got a whole lot more cash.”

  “You sure this is right?” Mark whistled slowly “I ain’t never seen so many zero’s in my life.”

  “Keep it up an’ you’ll get used to it, buddy.” Bobby grinned and ruffled Mark’s hair. “I ain’t never seen a new place run like this so fast, like you were made to be here an’ make it happen.”

  “Yeah, well... I ain’t gonna let my buddies down. B’sides that... I really love this place.”

  “Well, Meat ol’ buddy... when you love what you doing, then it never feels like work.” I smiled at his open look of gratitude. “Ain’t no way you’d ever wind up a small-town cocksucker in a dead-end job.”

  “Heh!” Mark blushed “I ‘member that, always will.”

  “What you guys on about?” Bobby blinked, confused.

  “A thanksgiving we all had here in your barn a few years ago.” I smiled at Bobby “Alex and you an’ Dean an’ me an’ Meat here. He said that to me then. I guess he was thinkin’ then that all of us were gonna be Starbucks counter clerks, or somethin’.”

  “An’ now Alex and Dean are playin’ pro football, me an’ you are in the Lodge business and Andy is... well, whatever Andy is.” Mark looked into my eyes “And thank the lucky stars for that, buddy. You changed my life an’ I never said ‘Thank you’.”

  “You don’t have to Meat-man.” I felt myself blushing this time “Things just happened to turn out the way it turned out. With everythin’ else goin’ on, I’m glad it all happened this way.”

  “I gotta meet with Will up in Dry County.” Bobby slapped my ass “You coming with?”

  “Nah. I’m going up to the reservation for awhile, and check on my new wildlife centre.” I slid my raybans on “Tank needs to work on one of the diesel jennies up there, so I said I’d go with him.”

  “Meet us afterwards for supper, here?” Mark grinned “I’ve got these five pound Texan steaks that Tank loves, I thought to surprise him with them.”

  “Sure, will do. I don’t see him putting on any weight though.” I tossed the Jeep keys to Bobby. “If anything he looks leaner an way more ripped.”

  “Yeah, me an’ him an’ Jase got the new team in training an’ he’s ‘bin running us through the season like we were bodybuilders. I swear whoever lives in that house ‘o yours automatically turns into a fitness freak, lookit you an’ Tank just.” Mark shrugged, closing the door behind us. Summer sun hit us like a brick after the air-conditioning. “I swear I’m in good shape, but you two look like… ripped Greek Gods, or sumthin’.”

  “I was wondering why you looked so solid.” Bobby cocked a cheeky look over his police shades “I swear if I wasn’t married, I’d be wooing your ass… you sexy beast, you.”

  “Awww, Cappy…” Mark blushed “You know how it is.”

  “Hey guys.” Shane walked towards us in the bright sunlight and immediately grappled both Bobby and myself into a huge bear hug and hefted us both, planting a huge wet kiss on both our foreheads before putting us down “How’s Fabby, bro?”

  “He’s well, Tank. He was asking about you last week.” Bobby grinned fondly at the blond giant ‘When you next up?”

  “Week after next.” Shane grinned at Mark “I’m really excited, ain’t never ‘bin that far North before. Hell, even the trip to LA… was…” He trailed off suddenly.

  “Hey… I know, Tank.” Mark rubbed his shoulders gently “We still miss him. I’m gonna go and get the supper orders sorted, I’ll see you later, ‘kay?”

  “But… I’m OK.” Shane smiled sadly as Mark walked towards the Main reception “Really. Jes’ gonna be some more time, is all.”

  “Long as you’re sure.” I grabbed his forearm gently “Anyway, Fabby is babbling about ‘unca Tank’ all the time, he’s driving me nuts. You gotta get there soon.”

  “Yeah, I gotta see him.” Shane grinned, squinting into the bright sun “It’s the thought of him is keeping me goin’ at the moment, what with Linda an’ everythin’.”

  “Yeah.” Bobby leaned into a hug with Shane “Sorry ‘bout that… but we’ll share an ale tonight an’ celebrate bein’ single… or drown your sorrows, whatever you feel like. Have a good day, bro.” He leaned into a hug with me without thinking. I hugged him back, also without thinking. Both of us froze then and stepped back quickly,
remembering too late how things were now, between us.

  “C’mon, Big Guy.” Shane pretended not to notice the few seconds of sudden awkward between Bobby and me “Get that sweet ass inta my truck, I ain’t never gonna find my way there unless’n you show me how.”

  “Later, hey?” I winked at Bobby as soon as we weren’t touching anymore. He lifted his hand and squeezed my earlobe.

  “Yeah, supper.” He winked back and followed Mark’s route.

  Twenty minutes up the trail, Shane turned to me and said “Can’t be easy for you, can it?”

  “Hmmm?” I shrugged “It is what it is. Why you worried?”

  “C’mon Big Guy, I know how it was between you two. Like it or not, I also had a thing for Cappy.”

  “What? Tank, you serious?” I chuckled.

  “Yeah, yeah I am.” Shane grinned while he steered up the trail. “I had a serious man-crush on him while we were in the team. I was really hot for him. Kinda still am... but not like last year. Damn, I wanted that fuck-pole of his buried in my ass right up to the pubes. I was real hot fer it too. Then I saw the way he looked at you an’ then later, I saw how you two looked at each other then I figured it out.”

  “You think he knows... or knew?” I watched Shane’s grin flash.

  “Yeah, I think he did, or does.” Shane chuckled “What I’m meaning to say is that I’m kinda glad we didn’t do anything about it then, ‘cause I get to feel the burn every time I see him now. It’s kinda gentle compared to before you an’ him became all settled and domestic, like. But it’s still there.”

  “C’mon Tank, you got half the ladies in town after your beef an’ you figure you be happy with Cappy?” I slapped a massive bicep.

  “Not like that, dumb-ass.” Shane grinned and turned up another winding switch-back “I mean to say I wanted to have him and I wanted for him to have me. I didn’t say I wanted to keep him.”

  “Ok, you lost me.” I shrugged “Slower, and tell me again, ‘cause I’m missing something.”

  “See, Andy... hmmm” Shane frowned and licked his lips nervously “... it’s like this, see. Sometimes you meet someone that you really like and you wonder how they’ll fit in your life... or what they would be like, got me so far?”

  “Yeah, like you ‘n me. I really thought you were out to smear me to paste half the time.” I smiled, remembering the first few months with Shane around me.

  “Well I was thinkin’ about it, as I’ve said.” Shane engaged the AWD and slowed down “But then I saw somethin’ in you that Kyle saw, an’ Cappy an’ the Kid... an’ well, everyone else did. First I was really dumb- ass ‘WTF?’ kinda thing, but then I thought, well... y’know...”

  “‘Kay, I’m still with you.” I nodded at him, fascinated where this was going.

  “See, I didn’t want you an’ him to pass me by without seein’ the real me... without stoppin’ and checkin’ me out, an’... turning the pages. It seems to me that most of us spend half our lives not lookin’ to be noticed, not wantin’ anyone to see the real you, warts an’ all... that when it comes to someone you can trust, that you do want to check out, you can’t because you spent so much time switchin’ that part off, you can’t find the on switch no more.” Shane grinned and looked at me carefully. I was struck by how much he looked like Kyle at that point.

  “I know about that, buddy.” I sighed deeply.

  “Lissen then.” Shane shook his head “I had you an’ you had me and it’s good. I gets to know you and you gets to see me like I wanted, all honest like. An’ because I did I gets to be close to bein’ happy and knowin’ that I could’ve... most prob’ly still could, if it was that urgent... have Cappy too. I know that with you an’ with him I ain’t got no shame in askin’ and don’t got no worry about ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Andy, I know I feel this way ‘bout Cappy an’ you fer real, an’ I will feel this way till I die. You guys see me, and you know me and you trust me an’ whatever else happens along the way is ‘jes... detail.

  “See... Big Guy... I can come with you.” Shane licked his lips again, looking deep in thought while he coaxed his truck up the last portion of the hill. “You may not think it a big thing... but I do. It ain’t like I can go drinkin’ with you an’ Cappy, or it ain’t like we can get a burger at the take-out together, ‘cause we can do all that. It ain’t like with Jase where we can fix a car together or go out buying some more gas for the pump house, ‘cause we can do all that. Andy... I can come with you. I can lay back an’ I can switch off and let you give that to me, or I can relax with you an’ give that to you. That doesn’t matter so much as I can come with you. An’ I know I could with Cappy, too... one day or never, doesn’t make no never mind. I know I could, an’ I know he could with me, too.”

  “Tank, I...” I turned to look at him.

  “Nah, let me finish... I ‘bin tryin’ to say this fer months, an’ right or wrong, I’m gonna finish.” Shane growled.

  “‘Kay, shoot.” I shrugged, still watching him. Back in my mind, I was wondering what brought this on.

  “So... because I know I can trust you, and that I love you... don’t get all anxious on me now, I gotta finish this... and that you spent the time with me lookin’ at the real me, I can come with you. Buddy, this thing ain’t about the sex for me... I said tha’s jes’ a detail... what I wanna say is that you got to know the taste an’ the feel of me an’ that cleared a way for me to give somethin’ of myself to someone who deserves me, who never gonna let me down. An’ you never have... an’ you prob’ly never will.”

  “Ahhh...” I stared at him dumbfounded, noticing his white knuckles on the wheel and his serious frown “Thanks.”

  “Nah.” He relaxed and grinned quickly as we reached the plateau “I gotta thank you, Big Guy. Thank you fer lookin’ at me, an’ thank you fer showin’ me to myself. You ain’t gotta do nuthin’ ‘bout it, except maybe hear me say it. It’s ‘bout time I told ya.”

  “You welcome, Tank.” I reached over and rubbed the back of his thick, meaty neck. “Anytime, I mean it. You ain’t what I expected, an’ you ain’t got nothing I don’t like.”

  “Well, you seen everythin’ I got, so I guess I feel right good ‘bout myself jes’ now.” Shane dragged the emergency brake as soon as we’d stopped at the store “Thanks fer lookin’ over me, thanks fer tryin’ me out. I ‘preciate it. Now that I said it, an’ I don’t have’ta again, ‘cuz that ain’t never going to change.”

  Shane opened the door and squeezed out, his thick muscles ridged with veins as he reached into the back of the pickup and hefted the 100 pound toolkit onto his right shoulder. I watched as he gave me a sly wink and stalked off to find the offending jenny.

  I found myself grinning stupidly as I walked behind the store and headed to the shelter, Shane was one of those people who you took for granted at your peril. He was always surprising me with a depth of character and strength of purpose I would never suspect in him, if I only had concentrated on the huge, gruff exterior. I knew what he was saying, I knew that special inside of his, that no-one else would get to see was just as surprising and just as beautiful. Thinking about that brought on a warm, comfortable, familiar glow inside me. I realized with some surprise that I had been feeling this for sometime, but never quite knew what it was. It was the same glow that I knew with Michel, and with Bobby, and with Dean,

  Will, Mark and even Alex. I knew them and they knew me, and they made me confident within myself that I was good for them, and they for me. Between all of them and Shane, they defined who I was. In turn, I defined them and gave them a confidence in knowing me.

  All of them and including Shane now, were like my brothers… sure, that was kinda kinky… but who would walk alongside me, or behind me all the way through my life and I would always be glad for their company. What with the ceremony with Dean, another way to think about it was my tribe, they were my tribe, my adopted brothers.

  Much earlier, I had wondered about the tribal tones after the ceremony, maybe thought somewhe
re deep inside that calling my brother ‘Painted Horse’ was a bit corny, and it didn’t quite fit in the modern world. Since then, I had been speaking a lot with Parsons and I realized that our tribe created our meanings for ourselves. We had been accepted as we were, and the trappings of our tribal identity didn’t matter as much, as the belief expressed in us, and what we were, was just fine with our tribe - warts and all.

  Since then, I had a peace of mind that I had never really had before, and I liked it. Feeling relaxed and quite pleased with all the work, I sauntered into the hot sun to find Black Bear.

  I found the newly-cleared area behind the general store, with the bright, freshly varnished log buildings with their hunter’s green corrugated iron roofs shimmering in the summer sun, cobbled and gravel paths between the compounds, keeping it low-maintenance. Off to one side were the pens that the wildlife center currently had stocked with the breeding pairs and the rescued or injured animals about to be re- introduced into the Park, plus some wire cages with a few raptors and a young pair of Owls blinking sleepily at me from deep shade.

  Between these cages, I found Black Bear deep in conversation with a woman, all I could see of her was her raven black hair cascading down her back, fanning out to where her buttocks flowed into the small of her back. She was wearing a loose skirt and was barefoot, dusty red earth coating her delicate feet and shapely calves. A floral, loose tie-dye T-shirt showed her firm breasts and narrow waist as it moved on her in the small, hot breeze, clinging and flowing, billowing and clinging again as it whipped the cotton away and against her skin as I watched.

  I felt a trembling start inside me as I stood, stupidly, and watched the sunlight dance about her. My palms started to sweat and I felt sure my inner trembling would burst from me and pitch me from the top of the mountain. Behind her, Bobby’s lake shimmered in the sun. I found I couldn’t move.