Shiki: Volume 2

by Fuyumi Ono

  "Even though you know that God should be in place there, you don't know what kind of God to enshrine. God drawn out by your own thought, is an ideal idea but because it is only your own, it doesn't merit the title of God. But on the other hand, something that other people throughout the world indicate, while it may gather the faith of a great many people, is an impure idea, and after all it doesn't look to be worth the name of God."

  "....That's right."

  "Even though you are a servant of God, that God will not make an appearance before Muroi-san. That is why Muroi-san feels that he has been abandoned by God."

  Seishin nodded. "....That might be the case."

  Sunako tilted her head. "Is it difficult to hear this, I wonder? I will be pleased if you can forgive it as a child's simpleminded cruelty, but. ---Therefore, Muroi-san wanted to die?"

  "Therefore?"

  "Because there is no God in this world. Because he won't show himself before you."

  No, Seishin shook hishead. "That isn't it, I don't think."

  "You don't think?"

  "Mm. ....I don't know. To tell the truth, I don't know my moyive."

  "That can't be."

  "Really," Seishin said with a bitter smile. "I am an extreme idealist, and those ideals are only my ideals is something that I think I grasp. It's probably true that I see shades of that part of myself in this church." But, Seishin said looking up to the altar. "To tell the truth, I don't believe in anything absolute. I think it would be nice if there were something, but I know that there isn't. If there were any one value that were absolute, it would only be the result of sorting them and regulating them into order. And a regulated result, an ideal raised up to absolute status, isn't worth talking about as an ideal. I'm more of an idealist than you're thinking."

  Sunako gazed at Seishin as if shocked. "It seems that way, doesn't it."

  "Therefore, that isn't it. It wasn't because of something that can be simply reasoned out like this, that can be expressed in words..."

  It came from somewhere deeper within. Separate from the part of ruled by knowledge and logic and words, a completely different part suddenly rising, stirring Seishin up. That, which he could only call by the word 'motive.'

  "I think it's mysterious myself. ...I wonder what on earth I was thinking then?"

  Chapter Ten

  1

  Natsuno was stretched out in the darkness. The only source of light was the panel of his stereo, the only sound his low-volume AM Radio, but that soon became annoying and was shut off. All that remained was a long silence. The faint light of one device and silence.

  From there Natsuno tried to conjure the image of death to mind but it wasn't going well.

  Today--no, it was already yesterday--Tohru was buried in the mountain. He was no longer anywhere on this earth.

  Eternal cessation. At the least, no matter how dark, no matter how dark, no matter how distant any other sensation may be, "death" was completely different from this sensation. This was death, wasn't even something you could have cognizance of. Yourself, the source of cognizance was obliterated, so there was nothing left remaining. Even if everything but yourself remained there, that was something that was far beyond Natsuno's grasp now. To Natsuno it was similar to the entire world vanishing but without Natsuno himself there cognizant of the world being lost. That kind of nihility. Nihility and nothing to hold awareness of, perfect nothingness.

  Tohru had ended up going there and Natsuno too would eventually. His parents too, Tamotsu too, Aoi too, all humans pushed their way there. Towards the ruin of losing everything in the world.

  He didn't think it was scary. It was nothing more than ardent curiosity. A nothing that couldn't even be imagined but that clearly existed was incomprehensible. Even though it definitively existed, it wasn't something anyone could touch. The moment one made contact with it, it became impossible to hold knowledge of it.

  Yourself no longer there. A self to feel "there" didn't even exist. Even though he was the one who should have wanted that. Natsuno was the one left behind.

  The continuing deaths. Megumi. Tohru. There were others too. He thought that he'd seen funerals here and there throughout the village. And moves. Where they fleeing from someone from somewhere? Even Tohru found it suspicious. Said this year was strange. Enough people that it could be called strange were leaving the village, yet Natsuno was still the village's prisoner.

  As he breathed a soft sigh, Natsuho realized the small sound. It was like the sound of a rolled up cloth unrolling down. He casually looked towards the direction the sound was coming from, the swaying curtain near his bedside. It wasn't as if the wind were swaying it, it was more like someone had been rolling the curtain up and let go of it, as if it were still fluttering from that.

  Natsuno found himself watching over that movement. The curtain immediately stopped, hanging expressionless, unblown by the wind.

  That was probably his imagination, he thought. Thinking he'd heard a sound, thinking he saw it sway. He realized he heard a faint noise outside the window. It may have been the sound of Natsuno waking up and creaking in his bed. The night had unexpected sounds.

  Natsuno stared fixedly at the curtain. The window was opened, but. --He thought it was open. When returning to his room he didn't remember closing it.

  The curtain didn't move. There was no longer any sound. As if it were all saying it was his imagination, on the contrary, Natsuno held a firm conviction that somebody had definitely moved the curtain. Somebody opened the curtain, and made a noise outside of the window.

  Natsuno rose up and pulled the curtain to the side. Just as he stretched his hand out enough to faintly see outside, the exact same sound as before was heard.

  I knew it, this was it. Natsuno opened the curtain just a bit from the side. The glass of the window was like a dark mirror of the room, a shadowed reflection of himself depicted there. When he opened the curtain further, ten centimeters past the window's sliding door, he peered into the lusterless darkness. There were no nearby sounds.

  Natsuno drew nearer to the frame around the glass. The light within his room cast his own shadow over things but as expected he couldn't see anything. In the hazy shadows of darkness, the empty courtyard stretched out long to the side, beyond it forest, a visible thicket. Very nearby was the dense thicket of raspberries. They were swaying. Neither the nearby underbrush nor the tree tops were moving. Only the feeble branches of the raspberry plant were moving as if shivering, and that too stopped immediately. Just like the curtain before.

  As he watched over that movement, somebody was watching over him as he watched the darkness, so he felt. He could feel their gaze. The presence of somebody watching him, from somewhere not far off, was there.

  Even focusing his eyes, he couldn't see beyond the shadows of the night. If someone were even one meter deep within the forest lurking, Natsuno probably wouldn't be able to see it. There wasn't enough light outside of the window.

  Without averting their gaze, pouring into him. Definitely, somebody was looking at Natsuno.

  But, who?

  What immediately came to mind was the face of a girl the same age as himself but that didn't seem very realistic. Natsuno had acknowledged that Megumi was gone. Megumi's desk was still at school but lately there were no flower ornaments at it. Megumi's desk that remained as others avoided it was moved inconspicuously each time seats were changed, and by now was forced out towards a back row out of the line of sight. That was one link in the greater part of erasing Megumi's existence from this world. Having a tangible realism to it, Megumi's death was engraved into the world, and that notched out truth was already well worn in.

  That by now Megumi did not exist was as clear to Natsuno as the fact that he did. Therefore, the someone who was watching him could not have been Megumi.

  "...Tohru-chan?" With a voice not loud enough to call it giving voice, that was what poured out. They said the dead went to say their farewells to the living. It was a terribly common g
host story. Was it possible this was a case of that? While thinking that that was impossible, that did have a grain of reality to it.

  If so, how great would that be? If there was something to visit to say farewells, Tohru's will, something that abided byhis intentions remained even now while his cast off shell was buried.

  His eyes pondered the darkness but after all he couldn't see a thing. Nothing made any other noise. The thicket of raspberries didn't move. While standing there, the feel of that gaze faded.

  Something that might have been Tohru had departed. ---That was the feeling Natsuno had.

  2

  On October 5th another death notice was delivered to Toshio. Sotoba's Mursako Hiromi died. The boy of merely nine reached his end quickly.

  At noon he was called by Ishida. Tomorrow he would be finished with the written report, he said.

  "Sorry about this, so suddenly."

  No, Ishida said with a strangely relieved tone to his answer.

  "Either me or Seishin will take it to Kanemasa," Toshio started to say when Shiomi Yuki peeked her face into the waiting room. "I'll be right there. Just have them wait a sec."

  "Are you in the middle of examinations?"

  At Ishida's voice, Toshio gave a bitter smile. "Seems like somehow my morning appointments have stretched out until two or three."

  "Well,that's, I'm sorry for taking your time. So you are having examinations even on Saturdays, now?"

  "Fortunately, my staff's understanding. For some reason today our X-ray technician is out, and we've been a whirlwind of activity," Toshio laughed. "Anyway, set it up so that we can meet at the very nearest opportunity. Yeah--tomorrow, could you call again when the written report is finished? Things are already so busy here, we'll try contacting Kanemasa once we hear from you."

  "I understand. Then, when I am finished I shall call. To you, Doctor?"

  "I might be out on an emergency call. It'd probably be better to have you contact Seishin."

  Ishida gave his understanding and hung up the phone. Toshio hurried to the TVX room. Enroute he met with Kiyomi who was seeing a patient off from the physiotherapy room.

  "Nagata-san, have you heard from Shimoyama-san?"

  "Take care," Kiyomi said to the patient then turned to face Toshio, her voice low. "He still has not called."

  "That's weird, huh? He's never missed work without permission before."

  The X-ray technician Shimoyama didn't come in. Even now he hadn't called.

  "Shall we try calling him?" Kiyomi's expression was clouded. It was because of what happened with Mutou.

  "Try that for me. It's possible he's exhausted and still asleep, but."

  Kiyomi nodded, watching Toshio hurry off down the hall. From there she turned towards the office. From there she telephoned Shimoyama's house.

  Shimoyama lived in the housing district outside of Mizobe. To get to the hospital by car it took about thirty minutes.

  After calling three times, Shimoyama's wife answered. After being told who was calling and why, she said Oh my. "I am sorry. He said he would call himself but, he did not?"

  "Yes."

  "Please wait just a moment, yes?"

  You don't need to force him on, she started to say but didn't make it in time. After some time, Shimoyama spoke on the phone.

  "What's wrong? Are you all right?"

  "Ah... Nagata-san, is it."

  Shimoyama's voice was low.

  "Everyone is worried you know! What's wrong, are you ill, or?"

  Before Kiyomi could say it all, Shimoyama spoke up. "I quit."

  Eh, and Kiyomi's words came to a stop."Just now, what did you say?"

  "I am quitting my job. Please convey that to the doctor."

  Kiyomi's mouth hung agape. "Shimoyama-san... That's...."

  Towada who had been at the clerical desk looked up dubiously.

  "Please spare me. I have a wife and child. The loan on the house isn't even paid off."

  Kiyomi's mouth hung open but eventually closed. "I see.... But, I think it would still be better to tell the doctor directly. Are you against that?"

  Shimoyama said Please spare me once again and hung up the phone.

  Kiyomi breathed a deep sigh. Towada asked what had happened.

  "He says that he quits.... Shimoyama-san does."

  But that's, Towada said, but his eyes quickly lowered to the documents on the desk. "....Is that so."

  Kiyomi found herself nodding, peering into the examination room. Toshio still wasn't back from the TVX-Ray room. In the treatment room next door were Yasuyo and Yuki but they were sterilizing tools for the next patient.

  "The Doctor isn't back yet?"

  "Not yet," Yuki laughed. "Without Shimoyama-san here, the pace has gone nuts, hasn't it?"

  "He says that he quit."

  Yasuyo and Yuki's faces snapped up. But that's Yuki's voice rose up, though Yasuyo cut in. She motioned beyond the wall waving them with her hand as if towards a secret meeting place.

  "Quit, you say..."

  "Please spare me, I was told. Tell the doctor for me, he said."

  "Whyyy?" Yuki's voice rose childishly. Quickly she covered her mouth and lowered her tone of voice. "I mean, just before Shimoyama-san was wondering if he should move here to Sotoba, he was even saying."

  "It's in response to what happened at Mutou's place, isn't it." The one to say it was Yasuyo.

  "But."

  "Shimoyama-san has a wife and child after all. His child is young, and they just built a house last year. They have a loan on it and all."

  Kiyomi nodded. "That's what he said."

  "Really, even if we say we're prepared, when there was a death at Mutou-san's place, it wears on you, doesn't it?" Yasuyo said lowering her voice even more. "Mutou-san himself was anguished over it. Saying what if he didn't bring it home."

  "That's true..."

  "When he went to Mutou-san's place's funeral, laying eyes on it must have got him thinking, don't you think? With all of this, I can't say I blame Shimoyama-san. That man isn't from Sotoba, after all."

  "That's not the point!" Yuki cut in angrily. "I understand how he feels but, like this... it's...."

  Yasuyo shrugged her shoulders. "Well I do think there was a better way to do it. At least talk with the Doctor, give a word to everyone, or to apologize."

  "Right, that!"

  "But, he's probably already afraid of setting foot in Sotoba. That's what I think it is. Sooner or later, the people from Mizobe will notice, and at school or work, it's going to come to people saying not to interact with those bunch from Sotoba."

  Kiyomi sighed. "It does look like it's going to become the case."

  While they were muttering, Toshio returned to the examination room. When they told him about Shimoyama, Toshio, and Ritsuko who had come back with him held their breaths. All the same, Ritsuko didn't say a word, and Toshio only left it at "Is that right."

  "Tell Towada-kun and have him handle the paperwork. Mutou-san is still on leave for mourning, so he doesn't need to rush to it right now. Sorry to do this to Shimoyama-san but he'll just have to be patient."

  Kiyomi nodded. Suddenly, she felt incredibly hopeless, and at the same time terrified.

  What was going to happen to all of them ---from now on.

  3

  The familiar paper lantern hung outside the front of the Murasako rice shop. The moment she saw it, Mutou Aoi felt like she was going to cry. The smell of incense, the bustle of people, a flourish of activity inappropriate for the night. They were all things she'd just experience. Even though it had just finally ended. Aoi had the feeling she was in a repeating bad dream.

  Tamotsu urged on Aoi who had stood unable to move.

  "......Let's go."

  Mm, Aoi nodded. They neared the shop and peered in. In the shop were shelves near the wall, and those were draped over with the black and white curtains. They could see past the open door into the dwelling area. As they went up they immediately saw Murasako Munetaka
seated.

  Aoi gripped her prayer beads, approaching Munetaka. When she spoke to him, he looked up with eyes red from crying to Aoi.

  "....Ah, from Mutou-san's place."

  Aoi bowed her head. "My condolences for your loss."

  "It's very polite of you. ---Did the Mutou-san's household also lose their oldest son?"

  Yes, Aoi nodded. "That's terrible. Have things calmed down?"

  Aoi gave a troubled smile. "Muntaka's family has had it terrible, too. That is... isn't it hard?"