Journey to Honor (Knights of Honor Book 4)

by Alexa Aston

  “Hello, Brother.”

  “I see Jervis and Gib found you. Were you up north still?”

  “Nay. I haven’t been there for some time. As of now, I reside at Sandbourne, which is another five or six hours’ ride from here. My liege lord is Lord Michael Devereux.”

  “So you were practically in our back yard. I wish I would have known.”

  Kenric didn’t like Roland’s accusatory tone. Instead, he said, “I must congratulate you on your marriage. Lady Doria and I were just becoming acquainted.”

  Roland’s eyes flicked to his wife and back. “My wife is a true treasure.”

  Once again, Kenric knew some hidden meaning lay behind his brother’s words.

  “I’m sorry you’ve been ill, but your lady wife seems to be taking fine care of you.”

  “She is a most attentive caregiver.” Roland frowned. “Have you seen Mother?”

  “I came here from her bedside. She is near death, I’m afraid.”

  His twin nodded. “She has wasted away. Frankly, I’m surprised she’s lasted this long.”

  Roland’s cavalier attitude about their mother startled Kenric. “Are you not sorry that she will soon die?” he asked his brother. “The two of you have always been so close.”

  Roland chuckled. “That always stuck in your craw, didn’t it, Kenric? We both know how much Mother worshipped the ground I walked upon—and how she despised the fact that you even existed.”

  Kenric stiffened at his twin’s words. Behind him, he heard Lady Doria gasp.

  “Oh, Mother loved only me. We both know that, Kenric. And we share in the knowledge that Father only saw you. Though I was his firstborn, the one who would claim the title and rule the family lands, Father only had eyes for you, his little warrior child.”

  Roland pushed himself up to a sitting position, his blazing eyes not holding back the rage.

  “Father liked you best. Oh, I doubt he loved you. I doubt he could love anyone other than himself. But he saw himself in you, Brother. He taught you how to be a man. How to hunt and fish and swing a sword. How to outthink an opponent and catch him in an unguarded moment. Father crafted you in his own image. Kenric, the perfect knight, who was Walter Fairfax made over. Kenric, the perfect son, who never complained about his mother’s neglect, much less that she loathed her own child.

  “You may have claimed all of Father’s attention, but I had Mother all to myself. And we laughed about how much we both detested you.” Roland chuckled. “We still laugh about it to this day.” He fell back against the pillows, spent, his anger subsiding as his eyes fell shut.

  Kenric longed to lash out at Roland, but he kept silent. He would not lower himself to reply to his brother’s foul words. It didn’t matter. What Roland spoke of was in the past. Soon, Kenric would be gone from this place. He planned never to return.

  Roland rubbed his eyes wearily and said, “Wife, bring me some soup and a little of the bread. Make sure it’s from the center and very soft.”

  “Aye.” Doria stood, her gaze sympathetic as she met Kenric’s eyes. “May I escort you downstairs, my lord? It’s time for the evening meal. I am sure your men are already present for it. We must also make sure the ladies you escort to Sandbourne join you, as well.”

  Kenric realized she was with child. He had not noticed before due to the cut of her cotehardie. While he’d always known that Shadowfaire belonged to Roland, knowing that his brother’s child would soon come into the world reaffirmed his decision not to pursue any kind of relationship with Avelyn Le Cler.

  “Kenric?”

  He turned and saw Avelyn standing in the doorway, the color drained from her face. Kenric wondered how much of Roland’s tirade Avelyn might have heard, then he realized there was more to it as her features crumpled.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  “It’s your mother. The priest recited the last rites and she has now passed. I thought you should know.”

  “Thank you, my lady.” He thought hearing of her death would erase the vast void inside him, but he still felt nothing. “Lady Avelyn, may I introduce to you my brother, Lord Roland? And his wife, Lady Doria.”

  Avelyn composed herself and came closer to greet the couple. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

  “I’m still hungry, Wife,” Roland complained, ignoring Avelyn’s sympathetic comment.

  Doria, her eyes brimming with tears, bit her lip. Kenric felt she held back the words she longed to say. “I will return with a light meal for you soon, my lord.” She looked at Kenric and Avelyn. “If you will come with me?”

  Doria led the way from the room. They left the bedchamber and the solar and moved into the corridor before she gave up a heavy sigh.

  “I must apologize for my husband. He is in ill health. I know he feels great sorrow at the loss of his mother.”

  “I know Roland well,” Kenric said, his eyes meeting hers. He saw the flicker of understanding in them. “You must see to his needs. I’ll find the priest and Gussalen. She’ll want to attend my mother and prepare her for burial tomorrow.”

  “Thank you, Sir Kenric,” Doria said. “I hope you will stay for the funeral mass.”

  It was the last thing he wished to do, but he said, “I will, my lady.”

  Doria excused herself and hurried down the corridor.

  He looked to Avelyn. “Were you with her at the end?”

  “Aye. I came in search of you.” She placed a hand upon his arm. Her warm fingers comforted him. “I didn’t want you to face her alone and sought you out.”

  Kenric touched her shoulder. “You are a good friend to me, my lady.”

  He caught the shift in her body language. “We are friends?”

  “I would like to think so.”

  He saw that his answer didn’t please her, but he didn’t want to get into a deeper conversation at this point.

  “We should go find Gussalen and then the priest. I hope you approve of us staying for the funeral mass. We can set out for Sandbourne after it ends.”

  “Gussalen was with Lady Juliana when I left,” Avelyn said. “I’m sure she’s still there.”

  They walked down the hallway and paused before his mother’s bedchamber door. “Why don’t you go to Lady Sela and attend the evening meal downstairs? I’ll handle everything here.”

  Avelyn hesitated a moment. “If you insist.”

  “Go,” he encouraged.

  She bid him farewell and returned to the chamber next door, giving him an encouraging smile before she entered it. Kenric turned and opened the door before him.

  A nightmare welcomed him. His eyes fell first to the bed, spattered in blood. Then he spied the still form on the floor and rushed to it.

  Gussalen lay in a large pool of blood, a baselard next to her lifeless body.

  Kenric realized that the blood from the bed must have come from the old servant, driven mad with grief at having lost the only person she loved. Once again, he felt nothing as he looked upon her body and then that of his lady mother in the bed. It was as if he looked upon his fallen enemy on the battlefield. He felt no victory in these deaths. No sorrow. No glee. No sense of loss.

  Only emptiness. And if he was being honest with himself?

  Mayhap a small twinge of relief.

  *

  Avelyn tried her best to remain attentive at Lady Juliana’s funeral mass, but her worries for Kenric pushed all else from her mind.

  He should be the Earl of Shadowfaire, not the brother who snapped at his poor wife, treating her no better than a servant. Roland Fairfax hadn’t seemed to care one whit that his mother had died. She saw no grief on his face, only impatience at not having been fed. Normally, she would excuse someone who had been ill. It was no fun to lay abed in poor health. Look at her—she had twisted her ankle and only stayed in bed for part of one day, and that had nearly driven her mad. She understood adding illness on top of that might cause someone to misspeak, but Lord Roland had seemed unaffected by the news regarding his mother.
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  She did like Lady Doria very much. Last night, she learned from her that Doria had lost her first babe a few months after finding herself with child shortly after her wedding. This time, she was over six months along and being very careful, trying not to overtax herself.

  But Avelyn knew that Doria should not be the lady of the castle. Lord Roland was no lord at all. Kenric should be the titled nobleman of Shadowfaire.

  And yet, she couldn’t tell him. She had no proof. Nothing to back up her claim.

  Yesterday, when he declared them to be only friends, she’d understood immediately, despite the tender kisses they had shared. She knew Kenric believed that he had nothing to offer her and wanted them to put aside their feelings for one another. Avelyn understood the logic behind his reasoning, but she totally disagreed with it. She didn’t care if they lived in a tiny cottage or a grand manor. She only knew she must be with him. Marriage to Kenric Fairfax would be the adventure of her life—and she refused to miss out on a single minute of it.

  If she told him what Gussalen had revealed before she killed herself, Kenric would think Avelyn lied in order for him to possess a castle and name worthy of her. Even if he somehow chose to believe her, what options did he have? He could march in and tell his brother what a dead woman had revealed. Not even to him, but to Avelyn, someone the old woman had only just met.

  Roland Fairfax would either fall out of his bed in laughter or order his twin off the grounds of Shadowfaire, banning him from ever returning.

  She hadn’t realized when Kenric told her he was the second born son that he was a twin. And now, Avelyn knew of the switch the crazy, obsessed servant had made on the very day of the boys’ birth.

  A wave of helplessness almost brought her to her knees.

  She could hope that Roland would die, though she feared that would be a grievous sin staining her soul. If he did, by some miracle, Kenric wouldn’t instantly assume the mantle as the new lord of Shadowfaire.

  For Lady Doria could give birth to a male child. If so, he would be named the heir.

  And then Kenric would never receive his birthright.

  Avelyn’s nails dug into the palms of her hands. That old witch had accomplished everything she wanted. She’d kept Kenric from his deserved position of power and wealth when his father died. She’d also found a way to torment the woman who loved him—and couldn’t tell him the truth she had learned.

  What should she do?

  Avelyn had prayed for an answer last night, but God hadn’t cooperated by providing a timely response.

  If she was at Kinwick, she would share what she knew with her uncle. Geoffrey de Montfort was a rational man and very wise for his years. She clung to the thought that he and Merryn would visit Sandbourne in a month or more, after Elysande gave birth. If she hadn’t figured out a solution to this problem by then, she would tell her uncle what she’d discovered and hope he would create a plan of action to help raise Kenric to his full position.

  But the knowledge would eat away at her till then.

  Chapter 14

  Avelyn hated that the journey to Sandbourne had almost come to an end. She thought back to when they left London only a short time ago. Her first conversation with Kenric Fairfax had led her to believe she would dread the time spent on the road with him.

  How quickly things had changed.

  The man she now rode with had proven to be confident and intelligent. More importantly, he had somehow stolen her heart. Avelyn only wished he’d stolen a few more kisses.

  She took a deep breath, causing her to press against his massive chest. In response, his arm tightened slightly about her waist. A frisson of pleasure shot through her as she inhaled his masculine scent, mixed with a hint of his leather saddle and Firefall, smells she also associated with him.

  A smile came to her face. Elysande would tease her unmercifully if she knew how much her sister now enjoyed the scent of a horse. Well, at least this horse. Avelyn still wasn’t overly fond of horses in general, but she’d become comfortable atop Firefall—thanks to riding him while enveloped by his master’s arms.

  They would arrive at Sandbourne soon, so this physical closeness would come to an end. Avelyn would have to dream up a few more ways she could find herself entwined in Kenric’s arms once they arrived. She burned for his kiss. Already, it had been too long since she tasted him.

  The green forest opened wide. Avelyn sat up in anticipation as she spied their destination.

  “Are you happy that we’re almost there?” asked Kenric, his voice low in her ear, adding to her thrill.

  “Aye. I’ve missed Elysande more than I imagined possible. We’d never been separated a single day before she wed Michael. She came here to Sandbourne and I left to go to court to serve the queen.”

  “So it will be a happy reunion between sisters.”

  “Indeed.”

  They arrived at the gates, which opened in time for them to ride through without stopping. Avelyn’s heart beat faster as they wove through the outer and then the inner bailey and came to stop at the keep. She glimpsed her mother standing with Sir Charles, a longtime retainer at Sandbourne and remembered how Michael shared that the knight entertained him with stories when he was a boy. Avelyn was glad her mother had already arrived so they would be able to spend more time together. Standing next to Sir Charles was Lady Orella, Michael’s mother, whom Avelyn had met last summer.

  Then she caught sight of Elysande and gave her a wave. Her sister waved back, as did Michael, who had his arm about his wife.

  Kenric pulled Firefall up and dismounted. He reached for her waist and brought her to the ground. Avelyn quickly thanked him and raced toward her sister, who appeared as round and large as a barrel.

  “Elysande!” she cried as she started to hug her and then stepped back. “I don’t know how to embrace you.”

  Michael laughed. “I tell her there’s simply more of her to love.” He kissed his wife’s cheek.

  “Come here,” her sister ordered.

  She obeyed and wrapped her arms about Elysande as best she could. “Oh!” Avelyn pulled back. “Was that the babe? I felt it kick from inside you.”

  Elysande laughed. “The little one knows the joy I feel in having you here.”

  “Does it . . . hurt?”

  “Nay,” Elysande reassured her. “It does get a bit uncomfortable at times.” She laughed. “And the babe keeps me awake at odd hours of the night. Michael, too.”

  The earl agreed. “I have been fast asleep, minding my own business, my wife in my arms, when I’m punched and nearly fly off the bed.” He grinned as he stroked his wife’s rounded belly. “I believe it’s a boy. A big, powerful boy who will be a strong warrior and cut down all enemies of the king.”

  Elysande shook her head. “What if I carry a strong girl child? One who knows her own mind and will always get her way.”

  Michael lifted his wife’s hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly. “You mean a female just like her mother?”

  She swatted him playfully. “Whether a boy or girl, this babe definitely has a mind of its own.” She smiled at her sister. “But I’m ever so glad to have you at Sandbourne.” Elysande looked over Avelyn’s shoulder. “My thanks, Sir Kenric, for retrieving Avelyn and delivering her to me safely.”

  “And what about me?” her mother demanded. “I, too, have missed my daughter. Come here, child.”

  Avelyn flung herself into her mother’s arms, closing her eyes to relish the feel of the familiar embrace before withdrawing. “I believe I missed you far more than you missed me, Lady Mother. You’ve been busy managing Hopeston, no doubt, and had little time to think of me. But I must introduce you to my friend who has accompanied me on this visit.”

  She turned and motioned Sela over.

  “I brought my closest friend at court home for the summer,” Avelyn told them. “Lady Sela Runford, may I introduce you to my family and Lord Michael’s mother?” She went through all their names.

  Sela gave
the group that surrounded her a warm smile. “I feel I know you all very well, for Avelyn has spoken of each of you frequently. I hope you don’t mind that I accompanied her back to Sandbourne instead of attending the queen on her summer progress.”

  “We’re delighted to host you, Lady Sela,” Elysande said. “Any friend to my sister is a friend to us all. But do come inside. We held the noon meal until you arrived since we knew you’d be hungry.”

  Avelyn linked her arm through Sela’s and followed Elysande and Michael inside the keep. She almost giggled watching her older sister waddle along, her feet turned slightly outward. Avelyn glanced over her shoulder and saw that Kenric and the rest of the escort party had departed. They probably would take their horses to the Sandbourne stables and then join them for the noon meal.

  Instead of going to the great hall, their small party went up to the solar. Avelyn hid her disappointment, wishing she could have seen Kenric while they dined, but she understood why Elysande would direct them to the family quarters for their reunion.

  “I only had one chamber prepared,” Elysande apologized. “I didn’t know Lady Sela would be joining us.”

  “It was a last minute decision, my lady,” Sela said. “Avelyn had given me an open invitation to come visit her this summer. I pestered my father, one of the king’s advisers, until he granted me permission, and then the queen followed suit. Since Avelyn’s escort party had arrived, I thought it would be convenient if I accompanied them.”

  “And I apologize that I totally forgot to mention your joining Avelyn when Sir Kenric’s soldier delivered the message that the escort party, plus one, would be delayed a day. The road to and from London can be dangerous,” Michael noted. “I’m glad you returned with Avelyn under Sir Kenric’s supervision.”

  “Oh, he’s quite an impressive knight,” Sela purred.

  Avelyn realized that her friend still showed interest in Kenric—though she often showed interest in various men, including Sir Martin. Avelyn would have to get Sela alone and tell her that she would prefer that Sela not pursue any attachment with Kenric Fairfax. Usually, she told her friend everything, but they’d spent time away from each other when she injured her ankle. They had much to catch up on—including the fact that Avelyn had kissed Sir Kenric and found it very much to her liking.