Daring to Fall

by Shannon Stults

  “What are you talking about? Why would you even think that?”

  “You’re stuck here in the last place you want to be, and you’re miserable, and it’s all my fault. Because I couldn’t take care of Grams, and I can’t even take care of myself. Well, I’m sorry I’m such a burden to you, but I didn’t ask you to come back!”

  Harper opened her mouth to argue but stopped short when Sadie re-entered the room with a toothbrush and toothpaste in hand. She carried them over to the backpack on her desk and shoved them in.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m going to stay the night at Margot’s, since you’ve made it perfectly clear how much easier it is when I’m not around.” She zipped up her backpack and hurried out the door.

  “C’mon, Sadie. I never said that.” She followed her sister out the bedroom door. Sadie took the stairs two at a time. “Sadie,” she called again.

  Sadie grabbed her purse from the entryway table.

  “Sadie!”

  The door slammed behind her, leaving Harper alone among the overwhelming echoes.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “Give me another, Lilly!” Harper cried over the cacophony of drunken laughter and country music.

  The redhead bartender eyed her skeptically. “Sweetie, I think you’ve had enough.”

  Harper shook her head, and the room wobbled around her. “Can’t be. I still feel it.”

  “Feel what?”

  “Everything.” She could still hear the echo of the door slamming behind Sadie as she raced out of the house, still see the pain in her eyes when she blamed herself for ruining Harper’s life. She had no idea how miserable Harper had been without her, without Grams. She had no idea how tempted Harper had been to come home just for a quick visit. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Sadie’s birthday. But she’d let her stubbornness and fear of seeing Cowboy get the best of her.

  And now she was paying for it.

  Lilly filled a glass with beer from the tap and set it in front of one of the many other patrons sitting alone at the bar before she came back to stand in front of Harper. She sighed, pulled out another glass, and filled it with a mix of vodka and cranberry juice.

  She placed the drink carefully on the bar, just out of Harper’s reach. “First, why don’t you tell me what’s got you down.”

  Harper grinned. “Is this the part where you listen to my woes and offer me sage advice?”

  “I don’t know about sage. But if it gets you to slow down, sure.”

  “Fine, if you really want to know,” she said slowly. She rested her elbows on the bar and her head in her hands. “My baby sister, literally the only family I have left, hates my guts.”

  “Why is that?”

  Harper leaned in closer, her eyes squinting as she sized up the bartender. “Can you keep a secret?”

  “Sure.”

  “Because I don’t want her to have sex with Brett Woods,” she whispered.

  Lilly’s forehead scrunched. “The scrawny kid with the long ponytail?”

  “He’s changed a lot, apparently.”

  “Not that much.”

  Harper shrugged. “Sadie said he’s in a band.”

  “Sure, the marching band.” Lilly chuckled. “I think he plays the tuba.”

  “Seriously? That’s the cool guy she wants to lose her virginity to?” Harper shook her head. “What is this world coming to?”

  “Sweetie, I ask myself that every day.” She slid the drink she was holding hostage across the bar to Harper.

  Harper grabbed the glass and took a large gulp. After a few drinks she could hardly taste the alcohol anymore, leaving just the sweet taste of cranberry and that feeling of warmth that spread down to her stomach with each sip.

  “Mmm,” she moaned. She looked at Lilly with a lazy grin and half-lidded eyes. “I like you, Lilly. I think you and I could be real good friends.”

  Lilly glanced at something over Harper’s shoulder and winced. “Try to remember you said that.”

  Harper said nothing as she tried to make sense of the bartender’s words. Just when she was about to ask, a deep voice called out behind her, “Somebody call for a knight in shining armor?”

  Harper turned unsteadily on her stool to face the tall blond who’d just come in the door. She turned back and found an apologetic frown. “You called Cowboy? C’mon, Lilly. I thought we were bonding. I thought we were friends, and now you betray me?”

  She patted Harper’s hand. “We are, doll. But I’d prefer my new friend not kill herself or someone else by attempting to drive home tonight.”

  Harper frowned. She knew Lilly was right, even if her brain was a little fuzzy on why at the moment. “Fine, we’re still friends.” She leaned in to whisper again. “But swear you won’t tell Cowboy what I said about Sadie. It’s a sensitive subject,” she slurred, struggling over the last two words.

  Lilly winked. “I swear.”

  The empty stool beside Harper moved, then was suddenly taken by a six-foot wall of muscle. He grinned at the two women. “Good to see you, Lil. So, what did I miss?”

  “Just some girl talk,” she answered.

  Harper nodded her head slowly. “Right, girl talk. Good one.” She winked at Lilly.

  “Yeah? Who we talkin’ about?”

  Harper took another sip of her drink and looked at Cowboy. “Last name: Business. First name: None-ya.”

  Cowboy exploded with a hoot of laughter. “Damn, Midge! How many of these things did you have?”

  “Not a lot…”

  He looked at Lilly, who shrugged while filling two pitchers of beer. “It’s true. It only took a few drinks.”

  Cowboy’s smile was almost proud. “That’s my lightweight. On the bright side, we never have to worry about you blowing all your money on booze.”

  “Kiss my ass.”

  Cowboy beamed. Lilly shook her head. “I tried to get her to eat one o’ Big Lou’s burgers, but she wouldn’t take it. Maybe you’ll have better luck.” She grabbed the two full pitchers and made her way around the bar and over to a loud group of men sitting at a booth in the corner.

  Cowboy turned on his stool to face Harper, saying nothing.

  “Yes, Cowboy? Is there something you’d like to say?”

  “Several things, but nothing you’re ready to hear.”

  “Sounds cryptic.”

  He shrugged. “I’m a complicated guy.” That much she already knew. “Let’s start with you telling me why you’re so upset.”

  “What makes you think I’m upset?”

  “You mean beside the fact that you’re drunk in a bar at seven o’clock on a Thursday night?”

  “Yes. Aside from that.”

  He chuckled. “Lo told me you were supposed to meet her at the gallery this afternoon but had to cancel. She said you sounded really upset.”

  “You two really do gab like old ladies.” She giggled, suddenly picturing him with gray hair and a flowery dress, sitting in front of the TV and crocheting like her grams used to.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Nothing.” She took another sip from her drink and sighed as a hit of warmth spread through her. “Sadie thinks I can’t have fun, like I’m some quiet nobody who’s too scared to do anything crazy.”

  “Well, you spent an entire summer proving otherwise, so we both know that’s not true.”

  “That’s what I thought, too, but now I’m not so sure.”

  “What are you talking about? I’ve seen you do things she wouldn’t even believe. Seriously, you broke into a house in the middle of the night.”

  “That I already owned,” she pointed out.

  “But you didn’t know that at the time. You jumped off a bridge, you went dancing at a night club with a complete stranger.”

  Harper huffed. “Those are all things I did with you.”

  “So?”

  She stared at the glass in her hands. “So what if that’s not really me? What if that’s just some crazy person I was pretend
ing to be?”

  “It wasn’t. That was all you.”

  “Then why did that person disappear when I went to Boston? The second you were out of my life, so was that version of me. I tried to go out and be that person again, but none of it ever felt fun or exciting like it did with you.”

  Cowboy’s smile faded, his eyes scanning her face slowly. “I know exactly what you mean.”

  “You trying to tell me you weren’t back at it with a different girl every night after I left?”

  “Honestly? I tried. I thought maybe it would help me get over you leaving. But all it did was show me how empty everything was before you. How meaningless.”

  They stared at each other as Cowboy’s words sank in. She wanted to believe him, if for no other reason than the look in his eye that all but begged her to. But this was Cowboy. She’d trusted that look in his eyes before. In the end, it had broken her, and she refused to fall for it again.

  “Damn,” Harper said, forcing out a laugh that somehow morphed into a genuine fit of giggles. “You really are good.”

  She grabbed her glass and gulped down the last of her drink. “Lilly, I need one more.”

  “All right,” he muttered, standing from his stool. He pulled some cash from his wallet and dropped it on the bar, then grabbed Harper’s arm and gently pulled her to her feet. “Let’s get you home.”

  “But I’m not done,” she pouted. The room tilted, and Cowboy wrapped an arm around her.

  His lips turned down as he studied her. “I’m starting to think maybe you really are.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “You know, it’s not entirely necessary for you to walk me all the way inside.” Harper grabbed the keys from her jacket pocket and stared down at them. She studied each one carefully as she tried to remember which was supposed to open the front door.

  “It is if I don’t want you passing out on the front porch. Here.” Cowboy held her with one hand, the other plucking the set of keys from her fingers. In seconds, he had the door unlocked and was ushering Harper into the entryway.

  He flipped on the hallway light and looked around. “Sadie not here?”

  “After our fight, she stormed out. Said she’d stay the night at Margot’s.”

  “What did you two fight about?”

  Harper didn’t answer. He closed the door behind them and led her down the hallway. She stumbled some, the room leaning to one side, then the other, and she had to admit it probably was a good thing Cowboy was here.

  Once in her bedroom, Cowboy sat her on the edge of her bed. Then he turned to the oak dresser on the opposite wall, pulling out a drawer and riffling through it.

  “You know, she thinks I’m a virgin,” she finally said.

  “That what you fought about?”

  She shook her head and suddenly felt like she was sitting in a rowboat in the middle of a storm. “She also thinks a girl’s first time has to be awful.”

  Cowboy chuckled as he moved to another drawer. “For the sake of my own ego, I really hope that’s not true.”

  “It’s not.”

  He turned and looked at her with one raised brow. “Here, you should get changed.” He set a stack of clothes on the bed next to Harper, but her eyes weren’t on the bundle of fabric. Instead they watched him, roaming over the tanned skin of his arms, the thick, hard muscle underneath practically screaming to break free. She remembered the way they’d felt when she touched them, when he held her close, when his skin slid against hers.

  She felt a new warmth, much different from the burn of alcohol in her throat. This heat went deeper, spreading from her very center to every inch of her body. It cried out through her, begging her to touch him. Feel him.

  “Harper? You feeling okay?”

  Without answering, she slowly got up onto her knees at the edge of the bed. She shrugged her jacket off and tossed it across the room, never taking her eyes off Cowboy’s questioning ones. Then she grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it up over her head, exposing the pale blue bra that was her only cover.

  Cowboy’s eyes traveled down over her light skin. He frowned and took a step closer as if a puppet under someone else’s control. Harper reached a hand out toward him, gripping his T-shirt and pulling him in closer while the other snaked up under the thin cotton. Her fingers gently traced over each defined muscle, and Cowboy’s breath picked up instantly as his eyes fluttered with each featherlight caress.

  “Harper,” he whispered.

  “Touch me.” She knew it was the alcohol fueling her newfound confidence, but she couldn’t find the energy to care. She was too focused on the way her body wanted his. It had been too long since she’d felt anything close to this.

  “Please.”

  Cowboy groaned, his large hands gripping her hips as his mouth crashed into hers. Her chest came flush against his shirt, rejoicing as it absorbed some of his warmth. Her flesh tingled under his touch, and her lips screamed with pleasure and pain where his kiss all but abused the sensitive skin.

  His hands slid up the smooth skin of her back, pressing her body even tighter against his. His lips moved over her jaw and down to her neck, trailing hot, wet kisses that made her skin prickle with need. Harper moaned while her heart raced erratically in her chest.

  Cowboy released her before grasping her jeans-clad thighs. She had barely a second to wrap her arms around him before he lifted her. Then she was falling back onto the sheets with Cowboy on top of her.

  “Shit,” Harper cried as he pressed his weight against her. “I forgot how good you feel.” She pulled her legs up to wrap around his waist. Her hands traveled under the hem of his T-shirt until she could feel the muscles of his back rippling beneath them.

  He brought his lips back up to hers, and soon their breath and tongues and moans were tangled together in an elaborate knot, tying them together.

  Cowboy groaned, tearing his mouth from hers. “We should stop,” he said between panting breaths.

  “Why would we do that?”

  “You’re drunk.”

  “Trust me, my mind is clearer than it’s been in months.”

  He smiled down at her. “What happened to just being friends?”

  “We can still be friends.” Harper huffed. She reached up to place kisses along his evening stubble. “Just the kind that have sex every once in a while.”

  Cowboy pulled his head back, eyes narrow. “Wait, what?”

  “It doesn’t have to mean anything.” She tried to kiss him again, but he pulled just out of her reach. “Please, Cowboy. I need this…I need you.” She needed to feel good. Nothing about being away from him for the past three years had felt good.

  His indecision was clear in his unguarded gaze.

  Cowboy shook his head. “I can’t.” He rolled off Harper and sat up. Then he was on his feet.

  Harper sat up, watching him. Her entire body felt cold from the lack of heat and pressure his body had provided, and she hugged herself against the chill. “Why not?”

  “Because it’s you, Harper.”

  She flinched and stared down at the rumpled sheets. “Right, it’s me,” she said slowly. She shot up from the bed and stood before Cowboy, poking her finger painfully at the center of his chest. “So you can have casual, meaningless sex with a thousand other women, but when I’m practically begging on my knees, throwing myself at you, suddenly you can’t!”

  She turned and started pacing the room, her drunken legs made sturdy by the fire of rage burning through them. “And why should I be surprised, really? I mean, look at all the women you’ve been with. I can hardly hold a candle to th—”

  Cowboy gripped her arms, stopping her in her tracks. He pulled her close, and his rough hand grasped her cheek before he placed his lips against hers. It was gentle, held only a fraction of the heat that flowed between them minutes ago, but the feelings this kiss stirred in her made the others pale in comparison.

  After several heartbeats, he pulled away. His lips turned downward as he strok
ed her cheek. “I can’t,” Cowboy said between breaths, “because with you, it could never be meaningless. And because I refuse to wake up tomorrow as another one of your regrets.”

  Harper swallowed down every argument she had. He took a step back, grabbed the clothes off the bed again, and handed them to her. “Now, do you think you can handle getting yourself ready for bed?”

  She nodded.

  “Good. You do that, and I’ll be back in just a minute.” Harper held the clothes tightly to her chest. She watched as Cowboy made his way through the bedroom door and down the hall before finally releasing the breath she didn’t know she was holding.

  “Holy shit,” she muttered to herself. She took the clothes he’d given her into the bathroom.

  After fixing the mess of hair her roll on the bed had created, brushing her teeth, and washing her face, Harper set herself on getting dressed. She was pleased to find her navy Georgia Tech sweatshirt in the stack of clothes Cowboy had picked out for her, along with a pair of white sleep shorts.

  When Harper finally stepped out of the bathroom, she found Cowboy looking through her collection of movies. She’d half expected him to leave after rejecting her advances, and the relief flooding her chest at discovering he hadn’t made her hands shake. Even after he’d turned her down, she still wanted him here.

  What the hell was the matter with her?

  “What are you doing?”

  “Just looking for…found it.” He pulled a DVD case from the shelf, the copy of Blue Hawaii he’d gifted her visible in his hands. It was still in perfect condition, mostly due to the fact that she hadn’t been able to bring herself to watch it since the breakup. Her chest felt tight just thinking of it.

  Cowboy popped the disc into the DVD player and set the case aside. He pointed at the bedside table. “I got you some water and Advil, just in case.”

  Harper glanced at the two brown pills and glass set neatly beside the bed. Then her eyes caught on the plate beside them with what looked like a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich on it, just like her mom used to make her when she was sick.