Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?, Vol. 5

by Fujino Omori

It was the spite, malice, and hostility of people.

  Bell had never encountered anything like that before. Not once had he been trapped in a whirlpool of hate and jealousy. This was his first time confronting the darker side of humanity.

  —It was making him dizzy.

  Jeers and insults were hurled at him from every direction, joyous laughter and piercing glares as well. Light-headed and with a twinge of fear, Bell realized that this stage was in a completely different world from the one that he knew, the warm, supportive realm that he called home.

  It was an adventurer’s baptism of fire.

  This was part of being an adventurer, a rite of passage. Now, this was what made an adventurer.

  Wine and women, riches and titles were all required to make an outlaw’s party.

  Bell gritted his teeth in a desperate attempt to stay conscious even as the blows kept coming.

  Bell and Mord’s very one-sided duel was surrounded by a ring of excited adventurers yelling at the top of their lungs.

  Two sets of eyes watched the “show” created by the outlaws from a safe distance.

  “You have vulgar taste…Do you seriously find watching this kind of fight interesting?”

  “Harsh, Asfi, very harsh.”

  Hidden in the canopy on the edge of the forest overlooking the stage, Hermes shrugged as his follower glared at him with unyielding eyes.

  “You said that you wanted to see the power of Bell Cranell with your own eyes…Did you come all the way down into the Dungeon to see something like this?”

  “Actually, I was hoping to see him fight a floor boss, but that didn’t work out so well.”

  A shade of disappointment filled Hermes’s orange-colored eyes as he watched Bell jerk and shake below. “This is even more sadistic,” Asfi responded with a tone of sadness in her voice.

  “Going out of your way to give them my helmet, informing all of those adventurers…I’m beginning to think you have a grudge against him.”

  “Oh? I’d call it tough love.”

  “It’s impossible to call this love.”

  “Now hear me out. Sooner or later, adventurers were going to bare their fangs at Bell. You said it yourself, he wasn’t well-liked, yes? Bell was naïve, and at that rate he would eventually meet up with something far crueler. Vulgar or not, I wanted him to understand this side of humanity.”

  Asfi fell silent at her god’s level of tolerance and acceptance of all types of people.

  Not only did Hermes inform them of a way to get Bell isolated, but he’d also provided a magic item that allowed them to avoid any entanglements with the Kenki. He’d even asked them to entertain him with a show.

  This might have gone too far to be a simple test for Bell, but perhaps it was exactly what he was hoping for.

  “But while I can’t deny I’m enjoying this on some level, I’ve done something terrible to Hestia.”

  “…And if the boy should fall here?”

  “Then he didn’t have what it takes, that’s all.”

  Hermes didn’t take his eyes off the fight, even as he responded without hesitation to Asfi’s questions.

  Until finally, he lifted his eyes to a different angle and said:

  “But even now…both Bell and the others shine brightly with the thoughts of their friends.”

  “—Found ’em!”

  Welf signaled to the others as soon as he caught a glimpse of a large group of adventurers.

  There were three people behind him: Ouka, Mikoto, and Chigusa with her backpack. Shf-shf-shf, all of them quickly ran through the grass in the forest to meet up with him. Moving as a group, they analyzed their surroundings and made their approach.

  “Loki Familia really did leave us behind.”

  “Let’s consider our options after we have safely recovered Mr. Bell and Lady Hestia.”

  Mikoto and Ouka exchanged words while equipping themselves with short bows and arrows from Chigusa’s backpack.

  “Just to warn you guys, I’m pretty useless against people that strong. All I can do is seal their magic!”

  “That’s plenty.”

  Ouka nodded at Welf before joining Mikoto behind a large tree root. The two of them made eye contact for a moment and jumped into the air, unleashing arrows toward their opponents.

  “Oi!” “What was that?!”

  “The ones who were with the Little Rookie! How the hell did they find us?!”

  Although the shots came from behind them, the upper-class adventurers drew their weapons and deflected the arrows with ease, proving their skill. Mikoto and Ouka fired four arrows per second, creating a rain of unrelenting projectiles. The adventurers who had been watching the fight quickly broke away from the stage and ran toward the source.

  “This was part of the plan anyway! Wipe them out!”

  “Who the heck would be intimidated by Takemikazuchi’s banner, huh?!”

  The fastest of the upper-class adventurers quickly maneuvered through the arrow rain, shouting threats as they went. Ouka saw the first few break through their ranged attacks when he fired his last arrow. He discarded his short bow without hesitation.

  “Chigusa, a spear!”

  “Sir!”

  Taking one from her a second later, Ouka moved to engage.

  “Too slow, nimrod!”

  A werewolf with particularly high Agility sidestepped Ouka’s first strike. Smiling as he made it past the first defense, the werewolf turned his claws on Mikoto, who had just thrown down her own short bow.

  “—Yah!”

  “?!”

  Seizing the opportunity, Mikoto quickly grasped hold of her attacker’s wrist and flung him cleanly over her shoulder.

  The werewolf landed square on his back. Before he had a chance to register the pain, however, Ouka stomped straight into the werewolf’s gut with all of his might.

  “Gheh?”

  “We are followers of Lord Takemikazuchi, yes?”

  The werewolf’s body flinched in response. Ouka and Mikoto’s teamwork had put one of the upper-class adventurers completely out of commission.

  Being a god of combat, Takemikazuchi made sure that all of his followers were proficient with many types of weapons, even empty-handed fighting styles. Not limited to just bows and spears, Ouka and Mikoto were able to adjust their battle style to fit any situation.

  With their supporter Chigusa by their side, the two of them were able to respond to the newcomers as well. Using a mixture of techniques and battle savvy, the three of them moved to find the most advantageous position to continue the fight.

  “The sons of bitches are hard to put down…!”

  “Idiots! We’ve got the numbers! Surround and overwhelm them already!”

  The last of the upper-class adventurers arrived to join the fray, yelling at those who were already engaged in combat.

  Welf looked on, overwhelmed as adventurers just kept coming.

  “Hey, there’s too many of them!”

  “We’ll have to use the trees to our advantage…Stay close!”

  Ouka’s voice was steady and in control despite the twenty enemies brandishing their weapons in his direction.

  Welf took his place to form a four-man cell as they used the landscape for protection during the brawl.

  “Hey, what’s going on?!”

  Hestia’s eyes went wide as the sounds of battle echoed through the forest.

  She could tell that this was no skirmish but something much, much bigger. The sound of clashing swords and small vibrations through the trees was more than enough to make her shiver in fright.

  She had a bad feeling that this had something to do with the “lesson” Mord had planned for Bell. Something bad was happening to him, she knew it. Fighting hard against the ropes cutting into her wrists and ankles, she desperately tried to get answers from the men Mord had left behind.

  “Ahh…Sounds like they’re having a good time…”

  “Dammit, I wanna go watch…”

  “—Hey! N
o ignoring gods! That’s an order!”

  The two adventurers sitting on the ground on either side of Hestia just stared blankly back at her. “Urrggghhhaaaaaaa!!” she yelled as her face bulged with rage. Unfortunately for her, her small build was not the least bit intimidating. Her captors weren’t sure how to react.

  “!” “Who’s there?!”

  “Huh? Huh?”

  Hestia looked left and right in rapid-fire succession as the adventurers suddenly sprang to their feet.

  Rustle, rustle. They quickly spotted movement in the thick bushes just beyond their hiding place—two long, white ears emerged as a rabbit poked its face out from behind the leaves.

  “B-Bell?”

  “’Course not!”

  “Al-Miraj, eh?…Scared the shit out of me.”

  The rabbit monster flicked its head from side to side, its red eyes scanning the surroundings before it hopped out of the bush. Holding a honey cloud in its small hands, it quickly bounded through the area and out of sight as if looking for more fruit.

  One of the adventurers breathed a sigh of relief, but then suddenly furrowed his brow.

  “Wait a second, why would there be an Al-Miraj on the eighteenth…?”

  That particular rabbit monster only appeared on the thirteenth and fourteenth floors of the Dungeon. Monsters tended to attack anything they perceived as a threat, including other monsters. So how could one Al-Miraj, a fairly weak monster, make it all the way down to the eighteenth floor on its own? The adventurer couldn’t shake the feeling that something was amiss.

  He stepped away from Hestia and toward the spot where the rabbit disappeared when suddenly—splat splatt!

  “Huh…?”

  “Ghaa.”

  Something hit him square in the chest. Honey-colored juices ran down the front of his armor. He looked toward his ally; the man had been hit in the head with the same thing.

  The moment the two of them realized they’d been hit with fruit, the ground shook as a tree collapsed behind them.

  The two of them slowly turned around to find…

  “Guuraa…”

  Three bugbears, each drooling with hunger.

  ““—UWAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!””

  “ROOOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!”

  The three monsters howled in unison and set their sights on the fruit-covered adventurers. They were after the honey cloud, but it was suddenly mobile as the adventurers took off in the opposite direction. The bugbears gave chase, leaving Hestia by herself, blinking in confusion. Boing, boing, the Al-Miraj came back to the clearing and stopped in front of her.

  “Oooooh! I taste horrible, so don’t eat me!”

  “—Stroke of midnight’s bell.”

  The voice came from inside the monster’s body. Hestia watched in shock as the Magic was lifted.

  “Even monsters would get sick if they tried to eat Lady Hestia.”

  “Supporter!”

  A cloud of gray ash surrounded the rabbit’s white fur. As soon as the cloud cleared, there was no monster, only Lilly in its place.

  She had fooled the adventurers using her Magic, Cinder Ella, which could transform her body into anything she could clearly picture in her mind, even monsters. The technique that had served her so well during her days as a thief allowed her to sic monsters onto her adversaries.

  “You’re alone?! No, that’s not important. How did you find me?!”

  “Lilly was with Welf until she figured it out right before finding Mr. Bell. Lilly found this place because…of the perfume that Lady Hestia put on this morning.”

  Because someone had taken Hestia against her will, chances were she was being held as a hostage. Lilly had connected the dots, broken away from the main group, used her Magic to transform into a monster, and rescued the captured goddess.

  She found the bottle of perfume that Hestia had purchased in Rivira among the scattered vials of potions. The smell led her straight to Hestia.

  “Lilly’s Magic can copy physical forms as well as basic characteristics of the target. Lilly can’t get any stronger than her Status, but copying an inborn sense of smell is possible.”

  “Th-that’s convenient! Shape-shifting magic!”

  Certain types of animal people were known to have particularly sharp senses with the assistance of their Status.

  Lilly’s sense of smell had been enhanced by spending time disguised as a chienthrope and a werewolf. That’s what tipped her off.

  “Mr. Bell is fighting at the base of that large crystal. Let’s get going.”

  “Yes!”

  Lilly cut Hestia’s bonds with a knife and the two of them ran headlong toward the crystal.

  “Blasphemous Burn!”

  Anti-magic Magic—Welf activated Will-o’-the-Wisp, causing the three adventurers who were conjuring Magic to be overtaken by Ignis Fatuus. Three explosions erupted around the battle.

  The afflicted adventurers collapsed to the charred patches of ground at their feet, smoke wafting from their mouths.

  “One of those bastards has some frickin’ weird Magic!”

  “Smash him first!”

  Mord’s two buddies, human adventurers, converged on Welf.

  “You wouldn’t gang up on a smith, would you…?!”

  Two Level 2 adventurers advanced on the Level 1 Welf. While he had time to set his feet, the two of them were far too fast for him to counter. He barely managed to use the flat side of his broadsword as a shield.

  The two blades clashed, sending the strongest shock wave Welf ever experienced through his body. His defensive stance broken, the young man had no time to regain his footing because the second adventurer had already launched his own assault.

  “Eat this!”

  “—?!”

  The man’s iron boot carved an arc through the air and came down hard into his right shoulder, cutting into Welf’s salamander wool jacket. He managed to avoid a deadly strike by shifting his body to the left, but the strap used to hold his broadsword snapped in half.

  The broadsword’s sheath and the weapon wrapped in white cloth fell away from his body.

  The sheath simply fell to his feet, but the weapon fell down the steep hill at his back and into the thick forest below.

  Time stood still as Welf watched it tumble farther and farther away, helpless to retrieve it. He took an iron boot to the ribs and fell down a second later.

  “Geh—?!”

  “It’s over!”

  Welf felt the impact throughout his back and saw a sword coming straight for his chest—then suddenly a strong gust of wind—

  “Haggh?!”

  The blade of Lyu’s wooden sword.

  Welf watched in amazement as the man who was about to kill him took a hard hit from behind and collapsed like a bag of dirt.

  “I thought the forest was too loud…So this is what’s going on.”

  “You…!”

  The one who saved Welf was none other than the hooded adventurer.

  She kept her wooden sword pointed toward the ground and stared down the remaining adventurer.

  “W-who the hell are you?! A friend of this punk?”

  The man menacingly brandished his sword, but the girl calmly put her hands on either side of the hood and pulled it back.

  “Apparently you didn’t learn your lesson. We shouldn’t have held back the first time.”

  “—Gaaaaaiiiigh!!”

  The man let out a scream as if he’d seen visions of his own death the moment that the hooded adventurer’s face—Lyu’s face—was exposed.

  He had been with Mord at The Benevolent Mistress when the waitresses overpowered them. He screamed because the most frightening and violent among them, the elf, had now appeared right in front of his nose once again.

  A look of despair overtook him as he turned to run, but Lyu showed no mercy and struck him down before he could take a step.

  “I apologize for my tardiness. My blade shall assist you.”

  “Uh, yeah, thanks.”


  Lyu pulled her hood back over her face and swished the cape. She advanced on the group attacking Ouka and Mikoto. Their enemies dropped like flies, on the ground seconds later and moaning in pain.

  Welf looked through the forest, the ground littered with fallen upper-class adventurers, for a moment before looking in the direction that the white-wrapped weapon had fallen.

  “…”

  He moved up to the edge as if it were a wall and looked over.

  He glared down the hill like it was his father’s sworn enemy for a few seconds.

  Turning his back to it, he rushed off to rejoin Ouka and the others.

  Impact after bone-crushing impact echoed through the clearing.

  Bell bobbed and weaved, the outside of his arms pulsing with pain as he stood his ground.

  The ring of adventurers who surrounded the stage was already gone. The sound of weapons clashing and roars of battle could be heard in the forest not too far away. Takemikazuchi Familia, with the assistance of Welf and Lyu, was putting up quite a fight. Bell and Mord’s duel continued on the suddenly quiet stage, its audience nowhere to be seen.

  One scream, and then another. The outlaws were dropping fast.

  “…?”

  There was an invisible attack, a solid fist on the end of the meaty arm that tore through the air. The blow landed squarely on the outside of Bell’s skinny arms.

  There was also a sense of confusion—Bell could feel it coming from the opponent he couldn’t see. Mord took a step back, changed his angle, and unleashed a flurry of powerful kicks.

  Block. Block. Block.

  Although his defense wasn’t perfect, Bell had a good idea where the attacks would come from, as well as their timing. The boy showed no signs of losing his footing.

  His ruby-red eyes had a lock on where Mord’s invisible body was at every moment.

  The invisible presence shook once again. Thump, thump. The sound of iron hitting stone reverberated through the air as the invisible man jumped backward to gain some distance. This can’t be right, he thought to himself as he set his feet and held his breath. He completely hid his presence from Bell, like an assassin on the job.

  Once he was certain that those ruby-red eyes hadn’t followed him, Mord snuck around Bell’s right shoulder and charged.