The Saddest Girl in the World

by Cathy Glass

  ‘Donna could become a little unsettled by the move,’ Edna said, ‘although I'd put money on it not happening again.’

  Apart from any personal responsibility I felt to be honest with Marlene, it was exactly because of the possibility of this type of situation that Marlene had described (her niece and nephew visiting) that it was so important for Edna and me to be honest. There have been incidents recorded where information had been withheld from a carer by a social worker and injury had resulted.

  ‘Does Donna still tear up paper?’ Marlene asked with a small smile.

  I returned her smile. ‘Yes, and I haven't stopped her, although she knows not to do it when visiting other people's houses.’

  ‘It's something that can be addressed at therapy,’ Edna said, ‘which I intend to start as soon as Donna has settled after the move. I have the funding approved for it.’

  Marlene nodded. ‘That should help.’ She turned the last few pages of the Life Story book and passed it back across the table. ‘Donna looks a lovely child and has obviously been very happy with you. I hope I can make her as happy. My family are looking forward to meeting her. I have two grown-up children, a girl and a boy in their twenties, and lots of nieces and nephews. We have large family gatherings most weekends, and I'm sure Donna will get along well with my niece Kerry, who is the same age as Donna. I visit Barbados every year. My grandfather was born in Barbados and I have aunts and cousins who still live there.’

  ‘Really?’ I said, surprised and delighted. ‘Donna's grandmother is from Barbados. Will you be taking Donna when you visit?’

  ‘Of course,’ Marlene said, slightly taken aback that there could be any suggestion she wouldn't. ‘Has she ever been before?’

  ‘No,’ Edna said. ‘Her gran visits for some of the winter, but Donna has never been.’

  ‘She'll love it,’ Marlene said. ‘We stay with my family and there's always a house full of relatives and neighbours. It's like one big party, the whole time.’

  ‘I'd love it too,’ I said, laughing. ‘Can I come?’

  ‘And me,’ Edna and Joyce chorused.

  I was quickly warming to Marlene. She appeared a naturally kind and open person, who had obviously carefully thought through her application to look after Donna long term and the commitment and responsibility that would entail. As Marlene spoke, I learned that she had been fostering for five years, but they had all been short-term placements and she really felt she had more to offer a child on a permanent basis. We talked about Donna's self-image in respect of her race, which Marlene was in an ideal position to address: her mother was black, and her father was white British, although both her parents were now dead. Marlene had no children at home, so she could give Donna all the attention and help she required. She worked part-time as a psychiatric nurse with flexible hours that could be adjusted, so she could take Donna to school and collect her.

  Marlene lived fifteen miles from where I did, so us keeping in touch wasn't going to be a problem. Edna had already emphasised, both at the meeting and when she'd met Marlene previously, that it was important we kept in touch with Donna, particularly in the months straight after the move. ‘Donna mustn't in any way feel that she has been rejected again,’ Edna said. ‘And obviously once this match has been approved by the permanency panel I shall speak to Donna and explain the reasons for the move to her myself.’

  By the end of the meeting I was certain that Marlene was the right person for Donna. Although I would still be very sad to see Donna go, I had to admit it was a perfect match; indeed, if someone had drawn up a profile of the most suitable person to be Donna's mum, it would have been Marlene. Joyce concluded the meeting, firstly by asking everyone if they had any more questions, which no one did. Then she went round the table asking each of us if we were happy for this match to go before the permanency panel, which would sit again on 5 October. Marlene answered first and said a loud and very positive ‘Yes. Absolutely. I'm looking forward to meeting Donna’ (which she wouldn't do until after the panel had approved the placement). Marlene's link worker said yes, she felt it was an excellent match, as did Edna, Joyce, Jill and Lisa.

  I looked across the table at Marlene as I said, ‘Yes, I think Donna will be very happy with you. She's a lucky girl.’

  ‘Thank you, Cathy,’ Marlene replied, embarrassed. ‘That's very kind of you.’

  Joyce wound up the meeting by saying we would all meet again on 6 October, after the permanency panel had given their approval, to plan the move. This was normal procedure: the introduction of Marlene and Donna would be carefully structured. It was likely to take place over a two-week period, resulting in the move at the end of that time if everything was all right, which I felt sure it would be.

  As the meeting closed and everyone began to leave, I said goodbye to Jill, who would be visiting us the following week, and I also took the opportunity of asking Edna how Chelsea was. I hadn't spoken to Edna for a couple of weeks, and the last time she had visited us, three weeks before, she'd said that Chelsea and Cindy were doing well in the mother and baby unit. Donna still hadn't wanted to visit her.

  ‘Yes, Chelsea is doing fine,’ Edna confirmed. ‘Whether she can continue as she has been doing when she moves to the flat remains to be seen.’

  ‘She's leaving the mother and baby unit then?’

  ‘In a month. I'm not on the case now that I'm part-time and semi-retired. But my colleague has found her a nice little one-bedroom flat on View Estate, and will be closely monitoring her and the baby. She wanted to keep Chelsea in the unit for longer, but Chelsea said she would run away if they didn't find her a flat soon.’

  ‘Hopefully Chelsea has learned enough to look after the baby,’ I said.

  ‘Hopefully. It's whether she can look after herself as well, and keep the flat clean. At sixteen I'm not sure I could.’

  ‘No,’ I agreed. ‘Nor me.’

  ‘My hubby says I have to stop worrying about her now she's no longer my responsibility. I'm continuing part-time until Donna and the boys are settled, then we're off to stay with our children in Scotland for a month.’

  ‘Lovely,’ I said. ‘And what about Rita? Isn't her baby due now? It must be soon.’

  Edna's face fell. ‘She had it last week.’ I looked surprised. ‘I haven't said anything to Donna because I didn't want to worry her. Rita has disappeared.’

  ‘What? With the baby?’

  Edna nodded. ‘She had a little girl. Later the same day Rita walked out of the hospital with the baby. My colleague has taken out an Emergency Protection Order, and the police are looking for her.’ She sighed. ‘Goodness knows where she's staying. I suppose I should tell Donna — she has a right to know.’

  ‘Do you want me to tell her, Edna? I could keep it low key and reassure her?’

  ‘Yes, please, Cathy, would you? Give Donna my love and tell her I'll phone when I have any news.’

  ‘Will do. I'll put the emphasis on how well Chelsea is doing.’

  ‘Thanks, Cathy.’

  When I told Donna that evening about her mother's baby and subsequent disappearance she shrugged. ‘Typical,’ she said. ‘I hope they find the baby soon.’

  ‘They will,’ I reassured her.

  ‘At least I'm out of all that now,’ she added, and that was all Donna said.

  A week later Edna phoned to say that Rita and the baby had been found. Apparently Rita had eventually returned to her house, and a neighbour had heard a baby crying virtually non-stop for twenty-four hours and alerted the social services. The colleague of Edna's who was now dealing with the case went to the house with the police and found it filthy and cold. Rita was drunk in bed with the baby beside her. The baby's nappy was overflowing with faeces, having not been changed for days. On being admitted to hospital the baby was found to have lost weight and be dehydrated. Edna said that as soon as the baby had regained the weight and was well enough to be discharged from hospital she would go straight to a foster carer. It didn't mean there wasn't any ch
ance of Rita having her baby back. The childcare proceeding would begin all over again, and Rita would be assessed to see if she could parent the child, which I had to admit looked far from hopeful. As I had done so often since I'd begun fostering, I wished I could have waved a magic wand and made everything OK, so that Rita could look after her baby; but realistically only early intervention and education can stop the cycle of abuse and neglect.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Lilac

  The permanency panel approved Marlene's application to foster Donna, and on 6 October, Edna, Joyce, Marlene, her link worker, Jill, Lisa who was taking the minutes and I once more sat around the table in the committee room to plan Donna's introduction to Marlene, and ultimately her move. Edna had arranged to visit us at 5.30 that evening to tell Donna, and asked me not to say anything to her prior to this.

  ‘How is Donna?’ Marlene asked eagerly at the start of the meeting.

  ‘Very well,’ I said. ‘Her school work has improved tremendously this term.’

  Edna looked up. ‘School is one of the issues I should like to discuss before we look at the dates of the introduction.’

  ‘Go ahead,’ Joyce said.

  ‘Donna is doing so well at her school,’ Edna said, ‘I should like her to stay at the same school for her last year there. I realise it isn't local to you, Marlene, and the social services are prepared to provide an escort if you can't manage the school run. I appreciate it's, what, twenty miles from you?’

  Marlene nodded thoughtfully. ‘I would like to take Donna to school for at least some of the time so that I am in contact with the school. But it would be too much for me to take her and collect her each day, as well as my part-time job.’ Which was perfectly reasonable. Marlene paused then looked at me. ‘Does Donna still help at the breakfast club?’

  ‘Yes, she really likes it. She has to be there at eight fifteen.’

  ‘How about if I take Donna each morning,’ Marlene said, looking at Edna, ‘and the escort brings her home? I can go into work after I've dropped her off.’

  ‘That's fine with me,’ Edna said. ‘I think it's a good arrangement.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Marlene said. ‘That would help me a lot. And presumably when Donna leaves her junior school at the end of the year, you won't mind her going to a local secondary school? We have a very good one only five minutes away.’

  ‘Not at all,’ Edna confirmed. ‘Indeed, it's important Donna does go to a local school, so that she can make new friends in your area.’

  This was agreed, and minuted by Lisa.

  ‘Contact,’ Edna said, looking at us all. ‘Since the final court hearing this has been reduced to one a month, which has been much better for Donna. From now on it will go to three times a year as per court order. Cathy,’ Edna said turning to me, ‘there will be no more contact while Donna is with you. The next one will be in December, after she's left you and is settled at Marlene's. Donna will still be seeing her brothers at school, and she doesn't want to see Chelsea at present.’

  I nodded.

  ‘Marlene,’ Edna said, now turning to her. ‘My colleague, Valerie, is taking over the case. She will arrange the date of the next contact nearer the time. It will be supervised and the venue may be changing. Valerie will be in touch once the move is complete.’

  Marlene nodded and made a note in her diary.

  ‘OK, that's all from me,’ Edna said. ‘Other than to say congratulations, Marlene.’ Edna was congratulating Marlene on becoming Donna's new ‘mum’.

  ‘Yes, congratulations,’ everyone added, and I smiled at Marlene.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said, embarrassed. ‘I have Donna's room ready. It's lilac, with pine bedroom furniture. You said she liked lilac, Cathy.’ Marlene looked at me.

  ‘Yes, indeed,’ I said, surprised, for it had been one small comment I'd made at the previous meeting when I'd described Donna's likes and dislikes. ‘It sounds lovely.’

  ‘Great,’ Joyce said. ‘Now all we have to do is move Donna into her new room.’ Everyone laughed. ‘Marlene, did you bring some photographs of you and your family for Edna to show Donna?’ Joyce asked.

  The photographs would form part of Donna's introduction to Marlene and her family, and they were an important first step. Edna would show them to Donna that evening, talk her through them, and then leave the album with her, so that when the introductions began Donna would already be partially familiar with what was to be her new family and home.

  Marlene bent down and delved into her handbag on the floor beside her chair. She took out a little photograph wallet, which she propped open on the table so that we could all see. ‘This is my house,’ she said pointing to the first page; then, slowly turning the pages: ‘my lounge, my kitchen, my garden, and my cat, Harris. This is Donna's bedroom, and this is my immediate family.’ The last photo was of a group of ten or more adults and children, all smiling and waving for the photo. They were arranged on and around the sofa in Marlene's lounge and had obviously adopted their best poses for the camera. ‘We had a bit of a laugh taking this,’ Marlene said with a smile.

  ‘I can imagine,’ Edna said. ‘Can you tell me who these people are so I can tell Donna?’

  Marlene angled the album towards Edna. ‘This is my sister and her husband,’ she said pointing. ‘This is my brother and his wife, and their children. These are my two cousins and their partners, and this is Kerry, the niece I mentioned who is the same age as Donna.’ Marlene was divorced, so there was no husband in the photo.

  ‘What a lovely family,’ I said.

  ‘Thank you.’ Marlene smiled and, closing the album, passed it to Edna.

  ‘Thank you very much, Marlene,’ Edna said. ‘This will help me a lot when I see Donna.’

  And while it was a clearly a lovely family Donna would be going to, I felt what had become a familiar surge of regret and sadness that my own lovely family was soon going to be one short.

  ‘Now,’ Mary said, ‘let's get down to the dates. Edna, you are going to see Donna this evening?’ Edna nodded. ‘So I suggest Marlene visits Donna and Cathy tomorrow for an hour. It's Saturday. Is that possible?’ Mary looked at Marlene and me, and we both nodded. ‘Then could Donna and Cathy visit Marlene on Sunday for an hour?’ Once the introductory process is started it quickly gathers momentum, so that the child isn't left for days in limbo between one home and the next, with time to worry and speculate about the partially known.

  ‘I go to church at eleven o'clock on Sunday,’ Marlene said, ‘so can we avoid that time?’

  I nodded. ‘You say the time that would suit you. But I will have to bring Paula and Adrian with me as it's a Sunday.’ I looked from Marlene to Edna. ‘Is that all right?’

  ‘That's fine with me,’ Marlene said.

  Edna agreed. ‘I should think they will quite enjoy it, and it will be nice for Donna as well.’ I was relieved. Once before I'd dealt with a social worker who hadn't wanted my children involved in the introductory visits. Not only had I had to make extensive arrangements for my parents to look after Adrian and Paula, but also the children had felt excluded from the process, which wasn't the best way to say goodbye to a child who had effectively been their brother for nearly a year.

  With Edna, Marlene and me making notes in our diaries, and Lisa minuting the dates and times, we planned the rest of the introduction, including three nights when Donna would sleep at her new home, before the move two weeks later. There were days in between some of the visits to give Donna, Marlene and my family time out, and for Edna, Marlene and me to speak on the phone and discuss how the introduction was going, and make any necessary alterations to the timescale. If it went according to plan, then Donna would move on Saturday, in two weeks' time. The week after that was the half-term holiday from school and Marlene said she would take the whole week off work so that she and Donna could spend time together before the school routine began again.

  An hour later the meeting ended and I drove home, reflective and a little anxious. Alth
ough Edna had recognised the need to make sure Donna didn't feel rejected by the move, it was still a monumental step for Donna. She had been with us for just over fourteen months and in many respects if felt longer, so strong was the bond we had formed with her, as I knew she had with us. And while I liked Marlene very much, and had every faith in her ability to successfully parent Donna, I knew it was likely that the move, no matter how well planned, could unsettle Donna, and rekindle some feelings of rejection (and anger) in the short term. But Marlene, Edna and I would have to deal with those as and when they arose.

  I met the children from school that afternoon with a heavy heart but careful to keep my feelings to myself. I made dinner and told the children we were eating early because Edna was coming at 5.30 p.m. to see Donna, which didn't seem strange to them, as we always ate early when Edna or the Guardian visited in the evening. But secretly I felt guilty for withholding the information that only I was party to — the real reason for Edna's visit. When Edna rang the doorbell at exactly 5.30 my stomach churned, while the children remained upstairs playing in their respective bedrooms, still blissfully unaware of the true reason for Edna's visit.

  ‘All right?’ Edna said with her usual cheerful smile as I opened the front door.

  I put on a brave face and nodded. ‘Donna is in her room. I'll bring her down.’

  ‘Thank you, Cathy.’

  Edna went through to the lounge while I fetched Donna and saw her into the lounge. I asked Edna if she wanted a drink, which she didn't, and I came out, closing the door behind me. Edna had already told me that she wanted to talk to Donna alone first, and I returned upstairs, where I had some talking to do.

  ‘Will you come with me into Adrian's room for a moment?’ I said to Paula, poking my head round her bedroom door. ‘I need to speak to you both.’

  Paula looked at me, wondering what I could want, then put down the doll she'd been playing with and came with me to Adrian's room. I knocked on his bedroom door and we went in. He was still doing his homework, of which there was plenty now he was at the grammar school. ‘It won't take long,’ I said to him. ‘But I have something important I need to tell you both.’