The Subatomic Kid

by George Earl Parker

  ***

  As John walked away from the limo, suffering in his funk, it occurred to him that when some people had tantrums it seemed like the whole world stopped and came to smooth their ruffled feathers. In his short life he had never been able to elicit any noticeable reaction to his outbursts other than mild curiosity, and this occasion was no exception. It isn’t that throwing a tantrum is an extremely noble way of getting what you want; in fact, it’s downright childish. But when you’re feeling particularly sorry for yourself and you want some attention, it’s the first port of call.

  As the tide of his temper began to ebb within him, conflicting emotions began rubbing shoulders and he realized the only thing he had managed to do successfully was make a complete ass out of himself. It wasn’t the picture he had desired to create, but unraveling the complicated web of turmoil he’d woven within himself had produced that result, and now he had to live with the guilt and embarrassment.

  He shuddered in the crisp morning air. The drive-in looked like the decaying remnants of a lost civilization; a temple dedicated to the god of entertainment whose movie mogul priests had vanished without a trace. The fabric on the screen hung in tatters, and the rusted speaker stands bore mute witness to a time of glory now faded. It was the perfect setting for a nervous breakdown; it was a wasteland, and it flawlessly mirrored the one he felt within himself.

  “You’re not running away are you, John?” Kate had crept up behind him so quietly he had been completely unaware of her presence until she spoke. He spun around and gazed at her like a startled deer caught in the headlights. She stared back at him, probing with her intuition. “I thought so,” she said.

  “What do you mean, I thought so?” John shot back at her. “What do you know?”

  “I know what you’re going through,” she said calmly.

  “No, you don’t,” he said flatly. “It’s impossible for anyone to understand.”

  She smiled and added, “That’s just what I expected you to say.”

  “If that’s amateur psychology you can forget it. Both Jung and Freud would give up on my case. I’m a freak of nature.”

  “True, but you’re a cute freak of nature,” she said, smiling at him alluringly. With one single stroke of her sword she had cut into his emotional garbage, but what could he do? It was the kind of wound that all guys live to get. He had to smile back, and she knew it.

  “You’re just saying that to make me feel better about dragging you through a nightmare and into this Cinemascope hell.” He may have acquiesced, but he wanted her to know he was happy drowning in his pool of self-pity, and he wasn’t about to be coaxed out of it.

  “From now on you’re going to be like Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde, or any misunderstood movie monster,” she continued. “You have more changes to deal with than the average teenager, and if you don’t learn to curb your emotional highs and lows, you’re going to be living on the edges of madness and euphoria.”

  She knew what it was like to be confused; she had lately made the transition from gawky girl to pretty young woman; it was a change that was both exciting and revolting in equal measure. Leaving the safety of childhood for the uncertainty of adulthood is never easy, and for John the journey was going to be that of the epic hero navigating his way around the rocky shoreline of his four-dimensional emotions.

  “But I made you all a promise,” he declared, “and I broke it.”

  “No, you didn’t break it,” Kate said gently. “We were victims of circumstance. And as for the three of us, there’s nowhere else we’d rather be than here with you. This has been the greatest adventure of our lives, and who knows what’s to come!” Like a magician, she was weaving positive strands into his web of negativity.

  “But I just don’t see a way out of this world and back to our own,” he protested angrily.

  “You’re getting frustrated because you’re trying to control what happens, instead of just letting things happen. We’ve found a way out of every corner we’ve been trapped in so far. Why should this one be any different?”

  “But what should I do?” he asked.

  “Do nothing, and understand that you don’t know.”

  “I understand I don’t know,” he said. “That’s why we’re in this mess!”

  “Nobody has all the answers, John; we all like to think we do, but the truth is we’re all just bobbing around on top of this ocean called Life; and we’re all subject to the mysterious forces above and below us. You can’t control the tide, and you can’t stop the sun or the moon from rising. So why try?”

  “How come you know so much about this?” he asked suspiciously.

  “I’m a girl,” Kate replied. “I don’t fight, I adapt. My mom calls it going with the flow. She says if you don’t beat yourself up you remain strong, and you can take advantage of opportunities when they show up.”

  John screwed up his face and stared at her; he knew she was clever, but this was mind-boggling. “You kind of sound like someone I’ve just met,” he said. “But I’m sure you’re not him—are you?”

  “Stop trying to change the subject,” she said hotly. “You’ve lost your objectivity, and you’ll do anything not to get it back.”

  “Oh, why don’t you just go away and leave me alone?” he whined, wishing he could do something to stop the common sense from seeping in.

  “You jerk!” Kate blasted. “You don’t want to hear anything I have to say. Childhood is over, John; you can’t hide behind its weak fences anymore. You’re the Subatomic Kid now, and you should start acting like him.”

  “Who’s the Subatomic Kid?” Tex asked, appearing out of nowhere with Cal by his side.

  “He is,” Kate proclaimed, “or he could be if he wasn’t so busy feeling sorry for himself.”

  “That’s a great name,” Cal said. “Did you come up with that?”

  “Yeah,” she said smiling. “It just flashed into my head. It’s great isn’t it?”

  “Wow, man,” Tex said. “She must really be into you if she’s giving you pet names already.” John’s head was spinning, he suddenly snapped from being a confused teenager to an embarrassed, lovesick fool.

  “I love that name,” he admitted, his face burning redder than a traffic light.

  “You know what we are?” Cal asked. “We’re great matchmakers.”

  “That’s true,” Tex echoed. “Can you believe the trouble we took to make this date last so that these two lovebirds could get to know one another?”

  “Yeah, we risked life and limb for them,” Cal joked, keeping a straight face, “and it seems to be going well.”

  “Yeah, sure it is, didn’t you hear them arguing when we walked over?” Tex pointed out reasonably. “If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

  “You must be joking,” Kate declared seriously. “I’m not in love with him!” But the red flush that stole into her face told another tale.

  “Well, I’m not in love with her either,” John exclaimed. “I’m the Subatomic Kid, and I’ve got tons of stuff to do.” Kate was touched; his adoption of the name said more than words ever could.

  “They’re in denial,” Cal said lightly with an ironic smile on his face. “That’s the first symptom.”

  “Yeah, and before you know it, we’ll have a bunch of little Subatomic Kids running around the planet causing havoc wherever they go,” Tex added.

  “Will you stop it?” John said in exasperation. “I was feeling bad about stranding us all in this strange world and Kate was just trying to straighten my head out—which seems to be working.”

  “That was it?” Cal asked suspiciously.

  “Yeah, that was it,” Kate confirmed. Tex gazed skeptically at them both; he was sure he detected some undercurrent of emotion, but he couldn’t be sure.

  “We’re gonna have to keep an eye on them,” Tex said brightly.

  “So you suspect them of being less than forthright?” Cal ventured.

  “I do,” Tex affirmed.

 
; “You know there is a way that guarantees we can keep an eye on them,” Cal suggested.

  “Yeah, I was thinking that,” Tex said.

  “You were!” Cal exclaimed mockingly.

  “Sure! We could let them join our gang.”

  “Oh, that would be wonderful,” Kate enthused, clapping her hands.

  “Wow! What an honor,” John agreed happily.

  “Ah, but there’s a problem,” Cal pointed out.

  “There sure is, a big problem,” Tex said seriously.

  “What’s the problem?” Kate asked pensively.

  “Well, the ‘no girls’ rule, of course,” Cal declared. “So that means you’re out.” Kate’s hopes deflated like the tire she’d shot out, and her smile snapped into a grimace.

  “But that means I’m okay, right?” John enthused.

  “Turncoat!” Kate said hotly.

  “‘Fraid not,” Tex said, ‘cause then there’s the no kid rule.”

  “Ha ha!” Kate laughed.

  “No kid rule—but I’m not a kid!” John said.

  “You’re younger than us,” Cal pointed out, “so that makes you a kid.”

  “And that name,” Tex whispered.

  “Sure, but I didn’t want to bring that up,” Cal teased.

  “You guys…first you give, and then you take away,” John whined.

  “Huh! So it was okay when it was me,” Kate said huffily, “but it’s not when it’s you?”

  “There’s always that section in chapter seventeen of the bylaws though, that covers situations like these,” Tex offered.

  “Remind me, what section is that?”

  “Extraordinary circumstances.”

  “Well, look no further,” Cal intoned, sweeping his arm across the drive in movie vista, “because these are indeed extraordinary circumstances.”

  “Does that mean we’re in?” Kate asked.

  “Sort of,” Tex said.

  “You can’t sort of be in a gang,” John protested. “That’s like sort of winning the lottery; there’s no payoff.”

  “Well, hold on,” Cal said. “You don’t know what our gang is about. You see, we don’t do anything bad; we try to do good things. It’s not a very popular idea, but it makes us feel good about ourselves.”

  “Oh, that’s so sweet,” Kate said genuinely.

  “So, you see, you would be on probation, so to speak, until we see you do something kind of cool that helps kids out,” Tex explained.

  “What do you want me to do?” asked John.

  “Well, in your case that’s easy,” Cal declared. “You just have to save the world.”

  “And in your case, Kate, you have to supply us with that intuition we so sorely lack,” Tex added.

  “Yeah, and keep him out of trouble,” Cal said, pointing at John. “And then there’s humor; you’ve gotta have a sense of humor, ‘cause laughter keeps you young.”

  “Hey guys, I don’t want to rain on your parade or anything, but isn’t that kinda what we’re doing now?” John asked.

  “You see, he is bright,” Tex said.

  “Sure, that’s why we picked him,” Cal answered with a trace of a smile.

  “I see where you’re going,” Kate said. “This makes it official.”

  “I must have missed something,” John said. “Makes what official?”

  “The four of us, together forever, through hell and high water,” Kate said smiling.

  “You mean you want to do more of this?” John asked, “You must be crazy.”

  “If it’s necessary,” Tex said. John was overwhelmed, and any residue left of the funk that had swept over him was washed away.

  “It’s important to have friends,” Cal said seriously, all joking aside. “Friends you can trust are worth their weight in gold.”

  A statement like that should have been punctuated by tears, or laughter, or both. But fate was still playing dice with the universe and a twig snapped, followed by the hammer of a gun clicking distinctively back. “What a touching scene,” Hunter said sarcastically. “It brings tears to my poor tired eyes, and an ache to my wandering soul.”

  The kids had been so involved with each other they hadn’t seen Hunter and Steve sneak up, and now their adversaries stood on either side of them with guns drawn.

  Chapter 30

  DARK ENERGY

  Hunter grinned like a Cheshire cat; no prey had ever eluded him for as long as these four kids, and no quarry had ever led him on such a devious dance. A surge of victory coursed through his veins and his nerves tingled with the unparalleled thrill of capture. He had been born to the chase; his instincts were that of a jungle creature, and his determination stalked the halls of his being like a bulldog.

  If he had one weakness, it was this feeling of triumph. During its heady throes, he was at his most vulnerable, and try as he might, he had found it impossible to suppress the elation that momentarily left him jelly-headed. The reason, he suspected, was that along with fear it was one of the two founding emotions of humanity, and therefore a hard habit to shake. He drank in the utter look of confusion and disbelief that poured forth from the kids’ faces; it was his big saucer of milk, the elixir of victory that fed his insatiable appetite to win.

  “That hanky-panky back in the bowling alley was all your doing, wasn’t it?” he asked John. But it wasn’t an accusation, it was admiration for a mind as cunning as his that operated flawlessly in another realm. John remained mute, returning his gaze defiantly, searching for an opportunity to leap out of the corner in which he was captured.

  Hunter recognized the look; he had seen it a million times on the faces of every fool who thought they could outwit him. “Don’t even think about it, kid,” he said with genuine concern. “Your friends are more vulnerable than you.” He shifted the aim of his pistol squarely at Kate. He knew the best way to get to a guy was through his girl, and he knew these two were still on a date.

  John smiled; he didn’t know this guy at all, but he recognized a kindred spirit. He remembered the samurai code: dying at the hands of a respected enemy was considered an honor, and he could see in this guy’s eyes that he lived by that code. “You’re too late,” he said enigmatically. “This isn’t our world; you’ve got nowhere to take us.”

  Steve laughed; it was the dumbest line he’d ever heard in his life. But Hunter knew that Doctor Leitz had opened Pandora’s Box when he saw the chair transform into a sunflower. At the time he had wondered what evil lurked inside, but he knew it was beyond the scope of his puny imagination. Along with evil, Pandora’s Box unleashed hope on the world, and as Hunter stared at John and contemplated his words, he had the uncanny feeling he was looking at the latest personification of it.

  He ran over the day’s events in his mind: the kids’ escape, the madness of Doctor Leitz, the odd fluidity of the limo in traffic, and the madness of the bowling balls. Then there was the strangeness of Nerds, the alien nature of their culture, and the eerie way they were mirror images of one another. “It’s not a joke,” Hunter said. “He’s telling the truth.”

  Whatever world he was in, Steve felt the bottom drop out of it. This kind of thing just didn’t happen to normal people; it was the province of cheesy “B” movie directors and deranged authors. He wanted to panic badly, but it wouldn’t look too good in front of the kids, so he settled for reciting the alphabet backward in his head, just to keep his mind occupied.

  For possibly the first time in his life, Hunter was unsure what to say or do next. All four kids were eyeing him suspiciously, defying him to solve the most complex riddle he had ever faced, when suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a massive slice of pizza apparently running along the top of the perimeter fence. Alice in Wonderland and Edward Lear’s nonsense poetry ran through his mind, and he was just wondering how much more ridiculous things could get when a shiny silver van turned into the drive-in with the pizza slice standing on its top.

  “We ordered pizza,” Cal said, “but we didn’t get any for
you.” The ultra aerodynamically-shaped truck looked like a shark with a huge fin as it trundled slowly toward them, with a stupid tune emanating from it.

  The pizza man is coming,

  the pizza man is here,

  pizza is a slice of life,

  for each day of the year.

  The moronic advertising jingle stopped when the truck came to a halt, and a triangle of flashing colored lights ran around the edge of the faux slice of pie on top. When he had first seen the truck, Hunter had lowered his weapon out of sight, and so had Steve, and now they waited for the pizza delivery man to show himself.

  The sleek polished surface of the truck betrayed no sign of a door, and the only visible windows were two dark portholes at the front that looked like the eyes of a strange metal beast.

  Staring at the truck, John felt an involuntary shiver pass through his body, a cold dark shiver that emanated from the depths of his soul. “Someone just walked over my grave,” he said, and although Kate, Cal, and Tex had not suffered the same emotional turmoil, it was plain that as pizza deliveries go, this one was not normal.

  A depression appeared in the metal surface of the truck, and out of nowhere the outline of a door formed. The door opened from the top, extending itself outward and lowering itself to the ground to form a ramp. “Thank you, Mr. Hunter, for your diligence; you will be amply rewarded.”