Just One Taste

by C. J. Birch

  Hayley wiped her hands on her apron and repeated the words to herself. I made the right decision.

  “This is the job, Hayley. This is what you were hired to do.”

  “I know. I’m sorry.” The last thing she wanted to do was show weakness. She was better than this. She wasn’t okay with doing the bare minimum, or even being decent at her job. She wanted to excel. This mess was the opposite of that.

  “Cowboy with Spurs.” Luna rang the bell and slipped the chit into the roundabout.

  Hayley reached for it, and as she did, she placed her hand on the grill, burning her index and middle finger. “Fuck.” She pulled her hand away and looked at the red welts forming on them.

  “Let me see.” Lauren grabbed for Hayley’s hand, but she pulled away.

  “I’m fine. Just go. It’s only a little burn.” She waved Lauren out of her kitchen and went back to the mess surrounding her. This day couldn’t end soon enough.

  * * *

  Lauren sat in her room afraid to venture out, afraid she might bump into Hayley, who hadn’t come in yet. She was still closing with Luna, and any second she would come home, and that awkward moment would be between them.

  This morning everything had seemed so simple. She’d ask Hayley out, although now she couldn’t think for a second why she’d thought Hayley would say yes. She’d been convinced of it, but it was Hayley who had decided they should be friends. Lauren was sure those had only been words. But sitting there, on her bed, dejected, she couldn’t figure out why asking Hayley out had been the best solution for getting out of her rut. Hearing Hayley’s footsteps on the fire-escape stairs outside, she felt both panic and a thread of excitement and knew the reason.

  Hearing a soft rap at the door, Lauren hesitated, not sure if she was ready for this.

  “Can I come in?”

  Lauren arranged the blankets around her. She’d taken her shoes off and her hair out of its ponytail, but hadn’t yet taken her uniform off. “Um, I guess.” Her heart lodged in her throat.

  Hayley swung the door in and leaned against the jamb. “I’m really sorry about today.”

  Lauren waved the apology off. “We all have bad days. It’s fine.”

  Hayley stepped into the room, shaking her head. “Not about my performance. I mean, I’m sorry about that too, but about this morning, when you asked me out.”

  “It’s all good. Let’s just forget about that.”

  “I realized today that it probably sounded so mean saying no the way I did. So I wanted to clarify why I said it.” Hayley stepped farther into the room. “When it comes to women, I tend to lead with my…heart? Or something. And I like you, Lauren, I really do, and I don’t want to screw that up. That’s why I said no.”

  Lauren pulled at the fuzzy throw covering her legs. Hearing it didn’t make it hurt any less. Instead it made her feel pathetic. “I shouldn’t have asked in the first place. I’m your boss and we live together and it’s just…”

  “Those are good reasons, sure. But the more I think about it, that’s not the reason. I mean, I don’t plan on working as a short-order cook forever. And living here is only temporary.” Hayley heaved a sigh and sat on the bed without being invited. “Remember the girl I told you about? Violet? Well…” Hayley laughed and looked away. “As Hannah put it, she took me for a ride. We were on-again, off-again for a while, but then we moved in together, and she ended up borrowing a lot of money from me to start a business.” Hayley paused for a second to think of how to put it. She hadn’t thought of it for weeks now. Moving had been the right choice, but it still hurt to think of how Violet had used her the way she did. “I made some decisions about dating after that, and I’m trying to stick to them.” One of those decisions had been to stay away from situations where she might get her heart broken, which, as Hannah had pointed out, meant dating in general.

  “Can I ask what happened?”

  “She’d opened a store for cat paraphernalia and hired Kevin to help with the books.”

  “And you think he was helping with more than the books.”

  “I do, but you’re focusing on the wrong part of that story. She opened a store for cat shit in a town with a population of about ten thousand. If that wasn’t a clue we weren’t meant for each other…”

  Lauren reached over and took Hayley’s hand. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?” Hayley gazed down at their hands. Lauren was smoothing her thumb over the skin, which sent shivers up Hayley’s spine. It was getting harder to remember why she’d said no to a date.

  “That you were hurt. But she sounds like an idiot. Anyone who would cheat on you with a Kevin is just plain dumb.”

  “You want to hear dumb? Ask me what the name of the store is.” Hayley removed her hand on the pretence of fixing her messy bun.

  “What was the name?”

  “It was called Caterific. It sold only cat items.”

  “Good Lord. That’s really all you had to say about her.”

  “What does it say about me? I bankrolled the thing.”

  Lauren stood. “Would you like a glass of wine? Maybe we could veg and watch a baking show? I think we’ve both earned it today.”

  Hayley followed her into the kitchen. “So, listen. If we’re going to be friends, I have some requests. Simple favours, really, to make friendship a little easier.”

  Lauren turned at the fridge, her fingers on the handle, waiting for what came next.

  “They’re more rules really—for both of us, if you want.” Hayley held up her index finger. “One, no showering when the other person is home.” She ticked off a finger. “Two, no walking around in revealing housecoats, or boxer shorts, or yoga pants, or tank tops. And no licking the spoon after stirring your coffee. No licking of anything, in fact.” Hayley waved her hand through the air. “Licking is off the table. And—”

  “Hey.” Lauren grabbed Hayley’s hand. At first she’d been worried that she’d misread Hayley, that Hayley had said no because she wasn’t interested, but the more Hayley talked, the warmer Lauren became. The heat had started in her stomach and soon spread to her whole body, sinking lower until Lauren felt like she was glowing.

  Hayley stared back, and the look in her eyes told Lauren it wouldn’t take much to change her mind. All she had to do was take a step closer and lean in, and she was sure Hayley would melt against her. Instead, she dropped Hayley’s hand and turned to grab a bottle of white out of the fridge.

  “No problem. I think I can manage those things.”

  Chapter Twenty-one

  The next few weeks Lauren and Hayley settled into a routine. Halloween came and went, as did the leaves on the trees. Soon the park looked empty and depressing, a sign that the cold half of the year had arrived.

  Hayley loved winter. She always found so much more to do. Skating, skiing, snowboarding, and hockey season were in full swing. Hot chocolate tasted better, especially after an afternoon of skating. The air always smelled fresh, and a warm fire could fix anything.

  She was learning people in the city didn’t feel the same way. Sure, they had tons of activities, but as soon as the cold weather descended like a foul mood on the city, everything became less vibrant.

  Lauren called it hibernation season, which was how most people felt about it. Winter was an excuse to stay inside, catch up on Netflix shows, host dinner parties, head south, anything to avoid being out in the cold.

  One Sunday in late November Hayley woke to the smell of burned Brussels sprouts. She kicked off the covers and wandered into the kitchen to find Lauren preparing a feast.

  “What’s the occasion?” Hayley leaned on the counter and yawned.

  Lauren stood mourning over her Brussels sprouts. “No occasion. I’m heading over to my dad’s, and I usually take him a bunch of preprepared meals so he eats healthier.” She groaned and dumped the sprouts in the compost bin on the counter. “He’s diabetic.”

  Hayley lifted a container with chicken seasoned with pepper and something green
. “And he eats this?”

  Lauren looked up for the first time at Hayley. The question clearly caught her off guard. “Yes.” She sighed. “Not usually. I find a lot of empty delivery containers in the garbage. But I hope some of this makes its way into his stomach. I mean,” she looked around her kitchen at all the food she was planning to take: two containers of chicken, two more of plain brown rice, and three with fish and roasted vegetables. “What a waste if he doesn’t.”

  “I’m sure he eats some of it.” But Hayley wasn’t sure of that at all. The food looked like something you’d serve to someone without taste buds. She was sure Lauren could cook. She just didn’t. Now that Hayley was living there, she made most of the meals, not that they had a lot of call for that. They both ate at the diner most days. But if they spent a night in, Hayley was in charge.

  Hayley slid off the stool in search of coffee. The kitchen was spotless. All the dishes had been loaded in the dishwasher, the cupboards washed, the packaging thrown in the garbage. Hayley couldn’t fathom how someone could do all that work without making a little bit of a mess.

  “What are you doing tomorrow afternoon?” Lauren asked as she packed her containers into a small cooler.

  Hayley poured herself a cup of coffee and yawned again. “I’m opening, so I hadn’t planned on doing much. Just hanging out. Why?”

  “Forget it. It was silly.”

  “No, really. What?” Hayley nudged her. She was always careful of how much she let herself touch Lauren. They’d reached a precarious balance in the weeks since their talk, and she didn’t want to do anything to spoil that.

  “I’m going skating with Vic and her kids on the Bentway. Would you be interested in coming with us? I remember you saying once you loved ice-skating.”

  Hayley grinned through the steam in her coffee. “I’d love to. Oh, but I don’t have my skates with me.”

  “You can rent them. No one here actually owns skates. Who has space to store them?”

  * * *

  “Are you a fucking moron?”

  Hayley dropped her head onto the booth table and groaned. She shouldn’t have even mentioned her decision to Hannah.

  “The woman you’re in love with asked you out on a date, and you said no? How are we related? When someone you like asks you out, you say yes. Got it? Yes.”

  “I’m not in love with her.”

  “Okay. But you’re too old to use the word ‘crush,’ and I’m pretty sure one date with Lauren, and you’d be singing dopey love songs to yourself in the shower.”

  Hayley scooped mayo onto a fry and crunched down on it. They served shoestring French fries at the diner, Hayley’s favourite. She was on dinner break and had taken the down time to check up on Hannah, who she hadn’t been able to get ahold of lately.

  “Well, as it happens, we’re going skating tomorrow. It’s not a date. Other people will be there. But I just don’t want complications right now.”

  “Hale, Violet was an asshole. Actually, she’s still an asshole, and you’re well rid of her, believe me. I’ve met Lauren, and I approve of her. It doesn’t mean she has to be your forever person—if there is such a thing—but at least give it a try. Or else you’ll end up alone and bitchy like Aunt Beat. Nobody wants that.”

  Hayley scrunched up her face. Their Aunt Beatrice had divorced her husband back in the eighties and spent the last thirty-some years complaining about everything. Hannah and Hayley were convinced that getting laid would solve most of her personality issues.

  “What if it gets awkward? If it doesn’t work out?”

  “It’s only a date, for fuck’s sake. She didn’t ask you to commit to raising her awful cat with her. And besides, you’ve already rejected her once. Isn’t that as awkward as it could get? Besides horrible sex, but she seems like the type who’d be good in bed.”

  “Hey, now.”

  “Oh, right, like you haven’t thought about it.”

  Hayley rung off after enquiring about the unborn litter Hannah was incubating, an unsettled feeling in her stomach. Hannah made it sound so easy, as if getting over having her heart wrenched out and cut into a million pieces with a fork was an everyday thing. She wasn’t in love with Violet, not anymore, but getting back into the buffet line was proving harder than she’d expected.

  * * *

  There was something about the smell of cold air—the way it tickled Hayley’s nose as it rushed in. Her lungs were full, her heart hammering as the air whipped by. The Bentway was packed that afternoon with skaters of all skill levels. A group of beginners was taking a lesson off to the side, pushing chairs around to keep them upright.

  Zoe, Vic’s seven-year-old, zipped past, giggling as her older sister Aubrey chased her through the maze of people. Farther behind was Vic, meandering along. She could skate, but only enough to keep an eye on her girls. Lauren was beside her laughing at their antics. She was a fair skater, but nothing like Hayley.

  The Bentway was more like a river of ice running under the highway, which made it bumpier than most rinks, but Hayley had grown up skating on ponds, which were anything but smooth. She sailed past the beginner group with ease and rounded the bend to continue down the path.

  She found something magical about watching people pair off into couples. Winter was the best and worst time for that. On the one hand, it was nice to fit into a mould, to belong to someone and to claim ownership of another. Hayley missed that. She missed the connection that came with being a them.

  They hadn’t been there more than an hour when Vic flagged Hayley down. “The girls are getting cold. We’re going to grab some hot chocolate. Do you want to come?”

  “The girls are cold?” Lauren bumped her arm. “Don’t believe her,” she said to Hayley. “She uses hot chocolate as a bribe to get the girls to come in.”

  Vic laughed, and the sound came out big and throaty, echoing under the expressway. “Otherwise they’d stay out here until they were blocks of ice sliding around.”

  Hayley turned to Lauren, gauging her interest. “What were you thinking?”

  “I’m still good if you’d like to stay out longer.”

  Hayley nodded. As much as she loved the city, she missed parts of Casper Falls, especially this time of year.

  They said good-bye to Vic and her girls and continued along at a quieter pace.

  “You really love this kind of thing, don’t you?” Lauren asked.

  “It’s the community stuff I miss. By now the main drag of Casper Falls will be an explosion of Christmas decorations—too much if you ask my nana—and Jackpine Lake is iced over. Every year they string up fairy lights around the pond. They make everything glow.”

  “This doesn’t compare?” Lauren pointed out at the Bentway, which, by now, had turned on their own fairy lights. The city sparkled in the background, masking the last dying embers of the sun as it sank behind the cityscape.

  Hayley gazed at Lauren, who had flushed cheeks and a red nose, her hat pulled down and framing her face with soft, white knit. It was a beautiful sight. “This view has other perks, believe me.” She grabbed Lauren’s hand and skated a little faster around the next curve.

  Lauren breathed in the fresh night air. This was only her second time skating at the Bentway, but she wasn’t much for winter. She preferred all the indoor advantages of the cold weather—snuggling under an electric blanket, hot chocolate with marshmallows, and movie marathons. Lauren managed to keep up, barely. “Whoa. Slow down. I’m not as good as you. I only learned to skate a couple of years ago.”

  “You didn’t go skating as a kid?” Hayley asked. They drifted past a couple who were holding hands, taking sips from a travel mug and passing it between them.

  “My mom said skating was not a skill I needed in life.” Lauren stumbled, but Hayley pulled her back, steadying her. Hayley slowed their pace so they were ambling, overtaking few people. “I sometimes used to wonder how my parents got together. My dad is this big, burly guy who loved to laugh and tell stories. He used to tak
e me for walks on Sundays when my mom was grocery shopping, and we would have little adventures, just the two of us. My mom believed in order and facts. If it didn’t get you something in return, it was pointless.” Up ahead, a small group had gathered to watch a young man practicing his triple lutz. “I remember one year for my sixth birthday, my dad got me a bike. It was purple and had tassels, and even though I didn’t know how to ride it, I loved it. My mom told him to take it back. She said I didn’t need to ride a bike in order to succeed in life and that the money was better put to tutors or piano lessons.”

  “Well, that’s just mean.”

  “She wasn’t trying to be mean. I think she was trying to prepare me for life. And look how that turned out. I’m a university dropout who works in a diner.”

  “Are you happy?”

  Lauren almost tripped, struck by the simplicity of the question. Was she happy. Was she? “Sometimes. I get to work with a bunch of great people. I don’t sit in traffic every day for hours, getting angry at the world. Is my life perfect? No. But it’s not horrible.”

  “Wow. That’s a goal right there. You sure your standards aren’t too high?” Hayley was teasing her.

  “My standards might be changing. You mentioned a bad breakup. Mine is less recent than yours, but I think I’ve been shying away from things too long.”

  “Is that why you asked me out?” Hayley steered them to the side lines so they could take off their skates. The temperature had dropped, and only the diehards were on the ice.

  “I asked you out because I like you.”

  Hayley hesitated for only a second. “Does the offer still stand?”

  Lauren grinned. “It does.”

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Lauren pulled Hayley, guiding her through the dark hallway.

  “I can’t see anything,” said Hayley.

  “You will.” The idea had been Pete’s. One of his classmates had helped build part of the structure and had put them in touch so Lauren could see it before it premiered.