“What do you want to do?” I asked.
She didn’t say anything, she just pulled the robe open and uncovered the front of my body. “Let’s see,” she smiled. She put one leg across my body, straddled me, and then bent down, so that her hair fell forward. With her fingertips she grazed my skin from neck to waist with the lightest touch.
I tried not to make sounds but even little touches from her set me off. The way she looked at me always made me too nervous. I couldn’t predict what she would do just as I couldn’t predict how it would feel.
I moved my hands to try and touch her but she leaned forward over me and pushed my hands back again, this time a little hard.
“Stay,” she said, an order this time. “No touching.”
Unfair.
“I want to see how long you can go without touching me and how little I can do to make you cum.”
I felt my nipples go hard just from the declaration.
“This game sounds cruel,” I breathed. I was already extremely affected by her.
“You can always give up,” she suggested.
“You know I’m no quitter,” I nearly whined. It already sounded a surrender.
“Alright, just remember that I gave you an out.” She let the ends of her hair trail over my breasts, grazing my nipples as she leaned down to graze her lips across my stomach. Then she moved her fingers up my side, barely touching.
I took in air through my teeth and shut my eyes just to feel her and try to remain calm.
“You already know I’m easy,” I teased. “Maybe the game shouldn’t be how long I can go without touching. Maybe the game should be how long can you keep me from cumming.”
“I see, trying to rig the game in your favor,” she chuckled. I could feel her lips move against my stomach.
“Maybe we can do both,” she offered.
“I just know I won’t last long. If you just look at me right I’m broken. That’s why my eyes are closed.”
“Open them,” she whispered.
It was an order. I had no choice.
I blinked a few times and did what she said. But her voice was candy and I craved it all the more.
She was above me, looking down with this intensity. I realized, for her, it wasn’t a game. For her it was love.
“You mean more to me than literally any other person. Please don’t ever think that you’re not good or enough.” Again. My breath left me.
But then she smiled and the serious moment was gone.
I felt my eyes roll in the pain of it. She was too good at everything.
“Did you just roll your eyes?”
I kept my eyes elsewhere and openly lied, “No. Of course not. I would never.”
“I don’t believe you,” she growled.
“If you don’t trust me we probably shouldn’t be doing this,” I teased at being serious. “I mean, I’d hate to break you. We all know how weak you are.”
Her eyebrows rose and she scoffed. “Really.” She scooted down, tugging at the belt of my robe and moving my body until she could free it from underneath me. “We’ll see.” She reached for my hands pulling them down to me and winding the belt around my wrists. Then she moved up my body, reaching for the bedpost, where she tied the extra part of the belt. In just a few motions she had me trapped, secured to the bed.
“It’ll be kind of hard for me to lose like this,” I warned. She was the one who insisted on the no-touching game. This kind of defeated the purpose but I knew I wasn’t upset.
She’d done something I’d been scared to ask of her, and she’d done it freely.
“There are a lot of ways to touch,” she challenged.
“You’re a lot of talk,” I said, riling her.
“You can’t get at me like that,” she said, a superior air about her.
I rolled my eyes again, this time adding a sigh. “Fine,” I said. I wanted her to think I was bored. “Go ahead, have your way.”
“I usually do,” she smirked and rolled off me and out of sight.
As soon as she disappeared from my sight I realized a trick like this could go sour very fast.
“If you leave me here tied I will be pissed at you,” I warned.
She appeared over the side of the bed. “Hmm, tempting seeing how hot you are when you’re pissed but I didn’t intend on leaving you. If I had I would have tied your feet too so you couldn’t go anywhere.”
I wish she tied my feet…
Now that she was back in my sight I could see that she was naked. I watched her walk around the bed and I noticed she had something in her hand. It was a dark feather. It looked like something from one of my scarves.
“Uh oh,” I said. “You never said anything about tickling Avery. You know I can’t.”
“You rolled your eyes at me twice.” She shrugged and sat on the bed, rolling over to my body. “All you have to do is give up and I’ll stop and do whatever you want.”
She started at my collarbone, drawing the little feather along where the bone made a bump.
I let out a small gasp. “Maybe it won’t be so bad,” I said hopefully. “Maybe I can take it.” I wanted her to play. She wanted this obviously. This had been her choice of play.
“Yeah?” She moved the feather down over my breast and around my nipple, stopping to tease the tip with her tongue. I felt my breasts perk up. When she was done she breathed cold air there and came back with the feather, teasing my nipple and then drawing it down in a wide arc to the other breast.
“I’m fine,” I lied, shaking my head overzealously. “In case you’re wondering.”
She didn’t answer, just repeated her process on the other side. I arched my back, feeling a bit helpless. It wasn’t like her to be quiet. Especially in bed.
Her body slid lower and she looked up at me while she drew the feather across my waist and then back. She just watched. Her eyes met mine and sensation disappeared for a moment until she raked the feather up my side.
I breathed loud, a shudder overtaking me. “Not fair,” I said. This was painfully slow.
She didn’t speak. The only sounds were my breathing on the bed as she moved herself a little more over me but still refused to touch me anywhere with her hands. She was strictly fond of the feather. She drew it across my body right below my breasts and then down my other side.
I couldn’t see my body but I knew I was moving all sorts of ways.
I felt my stomach sucking in. “You’re really quiet,” I said. “Did I say something wrong?”
She shook her head, looking up at me as she lowered her head. She ran her tongue everywhere the feather had been, the only things touching me were the tip of it and her hair.
“Uhhh,” I struggled to breathe. With her tongue it was so much better. I ached for her.
Every touch from her excited me. It was painful now. I wanted it too much.
I led my leg up her side to touch but she pushed it down with a strong hand.
I expected her to say something that time but she still didn’t. She just backed off with her body and lay beside me. Then I saw the feather again as her hand rose above my body. She slowly lowered it until it touched my belly button. She moved it directly down. I thought she was going to stop but she didn’t. Her hand went down between my legs and so did the feather. It was all she touched me with. It danced over my sex.
She watched my face change.
My mouth hung open as I struggled to free my hands, liking the feel of the feather and the tug.
I’d never seen her like this, so quiet and rapt. It was like the first time I’d taken her in that hotel. She’d completely gone somewhere else for a little bit. I couldn’t know where but I wanted to know, wanted to watch. Our memories were so vivid inside of me.
She took the feather away and spread my legs, moving so that she was between them. Her knees kept my thighs apart. When she let her movements register on me she looked up with a devilish gleam in her eyes and then she was dipping down coming just shy of touching me wi
th her mouth. Her tongue peeked out to dance where the feather had been and she kept parting my lips just a little before withdrawing and then the feather was back and one of her fingers was sitting so close to my sex that I could feel the ghost of her fingertip.
“You’re so mean,” I whined, I couldn’t take much more.
“Are you good enough for me?”
It was the first thing she had said since she started this.
I swallowed. Remembered. I felt a little sick. “No,” I said, knowing it. She deserved more still, so much more. I was nothing. Never good enough, especially for her.
She could tease me all she wanted, that’d never change.
“Wrong.” She flicked her finger through my folds quickly. There was no time to get more than a second of friction from the touch. My body tensed and then relaxed.
It wasn’t fair of her to ask me that.
A single touch from her sent me begging, only all in my head.
“I’m not,” I said, holding strong.
“You are.” She dipped her finger into me and then flicked my clit before taking it away again.
“Baby, please,” I tried. I wanted to cry with the way she was treating me.
I struggled with the the robe on my wrists, wanting her in me.
“What?”
“I dunno,” I said, settling back into the mattress. I didn’t really understand what she was doing and I wanted to know. If I quit I might never find out.
This wasn’t about a game or anything else.
I couldn’t tell if she was worshipping me or if she was mad with some addiction to tease.
I didn’t know what she was doing, that was the truth.
“Nevermind,” I said, feeling a sort of sadness sink down in my chest.
“No, tell me what you’re feeling. Everything. Every time you do, things get better.”
“I’m feeling scared,” I said. “I don’t like not knowing how you are,” I swallowed. “I don’t want you to stop but I’m scared,” I said. “I don’t feel good enough. I never will. And you can torture me but that won’t change.”
“I’m not trying to torture you,” she smiled sadly, her forehead scrunching in that adorable way. She held the feather off the side of the bed and let it go. It floated down until it disappeared and I could only assume it made it to the floor. Then she leaned down again, stopping just before. “I’m sorry I scared you.” She licked me, taking a few seconds to really swirl her tongue and then she come back up. “I hope someday you realize how crazy beautiful you are. Not just how you look but who you are. If you don’t. I’m just going to keep telling you even if you hate me for it someday.”
She entered me with one finger, pressing all the way in and then out. “How do you feel now?’
“Like you’re starving me,” I lied. It was far more complicated than all that.
“I know you’re feeling about fifteen other things too but starving you of what?”
“You’re body,” I said. “Your taste…” I thought. I felt whiny. I felt I was annoying which only made my unease escalate. “A few moments ago you were even starving me of your voice. You victimize me.”
She stopped. “What?” She looked scared now and like I’d punched her.
“I shouldn’t have said that,” I said, moving my head to the side and closing my eyes. Wrong word. Very wrong.
“What did it mean?”
“Just that you make me feel helpless sometimes,” I explained.
“Well, I do have you tied to a bed.” She frowned. “Do you want me to stop?”
“I want to know what you want. What you like. Even if it might scare me at first.” Everything’s scary at first. That’s just normal.
“That’s just it. I don’t know what I like and what I don’t like. I’m making it up as I go along. Mostly, I want to make you feel good things not bad ones. Sex should never feel bad.”
“Physically I’m fine,” I said. “It’s the psychological with you that scares me. Sometimes you’re somewhere else and I can’t reach you.” Sometimes she’s here but she’s absent. There’s a certain sort of vacancy in her that honestly scares me sometimes. Mental distance is the kind of thing that can’t be bridged. Some gaps will always exist between two people and I fear that with us. I fear we may never really understand what the other is thinking and feeling.
“I’m here. I think you’re looking for me in the wrong places. To me I feel like I’m literally right here in this moment, reading your body.”
“I guess you’re right,” I scoffed. “I’m always racing.” My body and my mind. But I hadn’t lied. Sometimes she was away. The way she stared, I could tell she was thinking things and not saying them.
“I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like you don’t believe me.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. I didn’t know what she meant though. “Believe you about what?”
“I don’t know.” She looked away and then back, a smile took the place of her fear. “But for real do you want me to stop?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head.
She took me at my word, going down to taste me, this time staying. There was no more teasing, just her mouth completely adoring my sex.
My legs came up around her back and I pulled at my hands trying to free them as I let out a sound of longing. She kept on, dipping her tongue into me and then thrusting with it. I struggled with the belt but she’d made a good knot.
I moaned and begged for her, feeling sore in my triceps and squeezing her body hard with my legs to push my center into her. She brought her tongue up to my clit and then entered me with two fingers instead.
“Ah- Fuck,” I heard myself gasp. My whole body was hers. Always.
Yet I wanted her more.
I wanted my hands in her hair. I wanted to force her into me. I wanted to touch her everywhere.
She licked me again and pressed into me. I pulled so hard on my hands that I felt the rope loosen just enough to let me free.
“Oh thank God,” I moaned, desperate to touch her. I let my hands travel down to her hair as I sunk my fingers into her locks and squeezed, forcing her further inside me.
She moaned inside of me and my body convulsed.
“Yes,” I panted, my voice becoming high in pitch until it sort of disappeared. I’d been needing her.
Chapter Seventeen
Avery
Maybe I didn’t know what I was doing. I thought I had but Olivia didn’t react the way I thought. Now, I felt bad, like I’d hurt her. The darker parts of me might have taken over but it hadn’t felt that way at the time. I wasn’t playing a game with her so much as trying to show her that she drove me crazy in a good way.
Another instance in which our crazies didn’t match up. After she came, I sat there panting, licking my lips clean of her, waiting for her to say something. Once again, I was the one who ruined it.
“What’s wrong?” She asked, her hand playing with my hair, lifting it up and then dropping it again and again.
“I feel like I did something bad to you.”
“You didn’t,” she said. “I just wanted you and I couldn’t wait.”
“Okay,” I answered. I moved my knee over her leg and rolled onto my back, to look up at the ceiling. She rolled over to look at me. “I feel like I did.”
“Baby, I’m serious. I just get scared when you’re quiet. You’re not usually quiet. I almost feel like you’re only quiet sometimes and it’s usually during sex. That’s why I freaked out about it not needing to be me. Sometimes I feel like a body. And I don’t mean that the way it sounds, I really don’t. But sometimes it’s like you’re gone or elevated or something and I’m still here and I want to be with you where you are. I dunno, it’s really hard to explain.”
“I wasn’t quiet when all that… I’m only quiet because I’m so into hearing you. I’m not going anywhere. If I was I would be making noises. I trained myself to just to make him think it wasn’t bad.” I covered my face with my hands. “God, that’s
so fucked up.”
“I didn’t mean I need you making noises. Earlier at the pool I wanted you on me because sometimes you let yourself go and I want you to do that because it’s obvious you usually hold back. It’s like I can feel that you haven’t been in this space before physically or mentally. I can see it and it’s both scary and exciting. I want you to feel pleasure in all the ways. I want you to let go. And I trust you it’s just scary to not know. And then there’s the whole issue of me wanting you touching me and how hard it is for me to be patient and let you play. I’m used to Natalie I guess. I’m used to things being quick and a bit forceful. I’m not used to being cherished. I didn’t let her do that. It's so much more intimate. I dunno...” Her eyes seemed glossy like she felt bad for saying so much.
“I think I just felt like I was taking advantage of you when you got scared. I started remembering stuff I didn’t want to remember. I do let go with you. I’m not used to being loved though.”
I wanted her to touch me but I couldn’t make myself reach out. She was seeing the real, internal conflict. My heart knew everything was okay and we were fine but my brain kept throwing things that Ben had said to me right back into my consciousness.
“You don’t know how true it is when I say you saved me.”
“You don’t take advantage of me,” she said. “Don’t think that please. That’s not true. Everything you do to me I want. It’s just confusing when I don’t know where it’s coming from or what you want. And it takes the fun out of that for me to ask and then rush you,” she laughed. “I just want to know you already. I want to know what it was you were seeing just then when you were playing with me.”
“I was watching your face and your eyes to see how it affected you every time I touched you. I saw you beautiful and challenging, right there with me, taking in what I was doing to you, curious and asking questions without saying them. Every time you moved it was like you were speaking to me.”
“I was,” she said, dropping her hand down on my chest and sliding it down just to touch at my skin. “Are you confused because of…” She stopped herself asking. “When I said you victimize me I didn’t mean it like that. That’s not the same. When you first tied my hands I was excited. But then you were taking so long to show me release that it felt like a sort of torture. I’m greedy, I told you that.”
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