“It’s okay,” I said, grabbing onto the idea. “You think we could do it? But where? I-” Too many thoughts at one time. I needed to slow down.
“Shhhh,” she said, soothing me. “We don’t have to think about it right now. I just spoke before thinking, that’s all.”
“But you’d want that?” I knew she did just like I did. “It would solve a lot of things, Olivia.”
“Of course I want that,” she panted. “What even is this if not playing at that? You always act like I just say these things on a whim. I mean the things I say Avery. I always mean them. I may not mean to say them out loud...” She hesitated, thinking alone. “When I said I wanted to marry you that first time I meant it. It wasn’t some idea I was just entertaining. I didn’t say it just to get some rise. This is just like that. Exactly like.”
“It just takes me a second. I’m processing. As soon as you said that I felt this unbelievable jolt of joy and I had to check and see if I was really hearing what I was hearing.” Sometimes she had less patience than I did.
“Oh,” she said, exhaling, taking my words in. “Sometimes I get the feeling I’m pushing you into things. I want these things. I want you. But normal people don’t rush and push. It’s not smart but it feels smart. I dunno…”
“It’s genius, Vi.” I crawled up and kissed her hard and then threw my hands up. “I’m marrying a genius.”
“If I didn’t love you so much I’d call you stupid,” she said. I couldn’t wipe that smile off her face if I tried.
“Good thing you love me so much then because that I would take offence to,” I played. I was thinking, trying to come up with a way this would work.
“Now apply your mind and get us into the same house. I don’t even care which one. We could live in a shack for all I care.”
“I think my parents like you,” she reminded. “You heard them. I don’t have a curfew. They would never want to restrict me. According to them,” she scoffed.
“So here,” I laughed. “I could definitely live with having a pool in the backyard.”
“You’d use it way more than any of us,” she said. “Usually I just float on a raft and read in peace. That’s the most action that thing gets, believe me.”
I frowned. “My dad would be hard to convince,” I sighed. It wasn’t impossible depending on what Mom said to him and what he thought of Olivia’s parents. “Okay, but this should happen.” I got off of her and drifted to the other side of the bed, deep in thought.
“My mom’s going to want to meet your parents,” she said. “Soon.”
I slid a glance over to her. “Not till my mom’s back, right?”
“I dunno,” she said. “I might be able to put her off until then. But you’ve got her thinking.”
“Is she going to be weird if she finds out where my mom is right now?”
“What do you mean by weird?” It seemed she couldn’t predict her mom any more than I could.
“Alcoholism isn’t exactly a fun family trait.” I shrugged.
“My family all drinks,” she said. “They just don’t see it as a problem and they get too busy to lose themselves. Your mom was in a certain situation. It wasn’t even her fault.”
“She didn’t do anything to hurt anyone else.” Except me.
“No, that’s not true,” Olivia said coldly. “I don’t like when you lie. Please don’t.”
“I just meant she didn’t go out drunk driving and smash into someone and kill them.”
“She hurt you baby… You’re alive but what happened to you can never be repaired. And she knows that. She’ll always know that.”
“Yeah, she wouldn’t have done any of it if he hadn’t left,” I replied.
“I’m sorry I got mad,” she said. “It just hurt to hear you say that. I hate when you erase yourself.”
“Instinct.” I crossed my legs and lay back on her pillows, my knee touching her side. “Yeah, and it’s not like I could get you pregnant or anything.” I breezed over the whole Mom thing with another one of my stupid jokes.
“Would you like kids?” She asked, her voice calming as she seriously asked.
My head whipped around. “I don’t know.” It was the truth. “I never let myself think about those kinds of things.”
“I’m freaking you out,” she said, noticing.
She brought her hands up to her face and wiped it as if it were wet. I heard her sigh deeply.
“No, hey, you’re not. It’s okay. I just don’t know. Honestly, I doubted that I’d ever get married until two weeks ago.” I grabbed her hand, pulling it toward me. “Do you want them?”
“I dunno,” she said, smiling but strained. I could tell she was getting teary. “I never wanted to get married until I met you. Never wanted to live with anyone, not even here.”
“Sounds like we’re twins on that one, but I know we’d be good at it. You’d be a good mom. You’d enforce rules and bedtimes and I’d be the one helping them blow stuff up in the backyard.” I pressed my lips together and kissed her hand. “You know it’s the truth.”
“Yeah,” she joked. “Let’s put off thinking about kids for now.”
“Aww, come on! How often do you get a good fire in your yard? It’s good for the environment you know…” I looked up, trying to think. “Or is that forest fires.”
“My backyard has a fancy fire-pit and I’m kind of partial to it. I think I like calm and silence a little too much to entertain the thought of kids at this point in time. You brought it up though so I wondered. I’d love to carry your child, raise your child. I just think we need time to think about these things. And I am freaking you out. I need to stop talking. Sorry.”
“Babe, stop,” I chided. “You’re not freaking me out. I know you’re not talking about doing all this tomorrow. I know where you’re coming from. It’s just stuff we get to talk about and dream about and maybe it’ll all happen, maybe only some of it but it’s still nice to imagine.”
“It is,” she agreed, calming at last.
“Exactly. Now, I need you to hug me a lot before I have to go because I won’t see you for at least two hours after I get home.”
Someday, home would mean a place with her. Whether it was here, before we graduated, or a dorm room for college, I couldn’t wait. I wanted this so much more if it was even possible. Talking about the future gave me so many ideas of what we could be and where we could go.
I smiled at her, still holding her hand. I’d said it all along, hoped it, but now I knew we were really going to be okay. Even better, we were going to have an amazing life. Big adventures and a lot of small moments that our love would get us through.
Chapter Eighteen
Olivia
Nights like this kept happening. Hours running by in a flash.
I looked to the clock and noticed. Avery said she had to be back by 5am and it was already well past 3. All our slow talking and back and forth sexplay had sucked the time right out of the room. I hated to say it but I really wanted to sleep.
She hugged me and I felt my eyes drifting to a close.
Next thing I knew she was shaking me.
“Olivia!” Her voice was hushed but stern. “Wake up! I’m late!”
“What?” My eyes fluttered and I rose to see her half-dressed and standing over the bed.
“I have to get back, can you take me?”
“Shit,” I cursed. I felt so tired it actually hurt.
“I know. This sucks.” She was pulling on her tank top and looking around for her hoodie.
I sat up, realizing my nakedness. “Fuck,” I said, moving to stand. I stumbled forward to the closet, my legs barely functioning right. My muscles hurt.
I tried to remember the last time I actually slept in. I was pretty sure it was at the lodge a few nights ago. I thought about waking then, Avery reading and holding me in her arms.
That was peaceful. I missed that.
I moved as quickly as I could. I was slow.
Avery stepped into th
e closet and rushed to help me.
“Here,” she said, grabbing my jeans from the night before and holding them for me to step in. When she let go, she bent down and scooped up more of my clothing. Her thumb had hooked around my bra and she offered it to me.
“Okay,” I said, bracing myself on her shoulder and struggling to step. I got my bra on right after but I really felt like a helpless child all of a sudden.
“Arms up,” Avery said. I followed. She put the tank top back on me and then picked up the jacket, quickly pushing it on. “Where are your keys? Your phone? Do you have your license?”
“Nightstand,” I said. Rapid fire questions were no bueno...
I was so not awake.
Next thing I knew the door was open and Avery was leading us out.
When we got to the front door I heard my mom clear her throat to announce her presence.
“It’s early,” she said. “Your father and I just got home.”
“Oh,” I said, turning to see.
“Have you two been here all night?” I didn’t know what to say.
“Um, most of it,” Avery replied. “We fell asleep.”
“You don’t have to sneak around you know. You’re welcome here Avery.”
“Mom, I’m sorry, we do have to go. Avery’s dad’s waiting.”
“Alright. My bed’s waiting anyway. Just be careful. You look tired Olivia.”
“I know,” I growled. I hated her tone.
“Night!” I heard Avery say as she pulled me away.
I felt my feet stumble down the drive. Avery was pulling just a little too hard and I hadn’t the strength to watch out so I nearly ate it.
“That was fucking weird,” I grumbled. I wasn’t used to my mom being this open version of herself all accepting and inviting. Weirdest thing about it, it wasn’t even fake.
You’re welcome here Avery.
I wanted to mock her but that felt dumb.
It was too early for sound rationalisms. Stupid brain a-mush with lack of sleep.
I needed to wake up.
“Sit,” Avery said, pushing me into the passenger seat.
“Oh,” I said. “I can drive…” I was going to say, YOU. I can drive YOU. But my voice mumbled out and her body was long gone, too far away to even hear it before I could move.
She plopped down in the driver's seat, stuck my key in and began to drive us away.
“How late are we?” I wondered. Seven steps behind, still in the drive maybe, that’s where I was.
“It’s almost six,” she said. “I think it’ll be fine. He usually doesn’t get up ‘til 7.”
Could’ve fooled me. She was acting like she was about to get punched. And how can she know when he gets up?! He hadn’t even been around for months. I tried to hide my skepticism and irrational anger at life.
“I don’t think I’ve ever felt this chipper,” I teased.
“Yeah, I know. I’ve never noticed you more upbeat.” She turned the car at the next stop sign and looked over when she straightened out. “You okay? Maybe we really needed to get some sleep.”
“I’m not used to not sleeping,” I said. “I’m not used to this much sex. I’m not used to talking this much. Am I talking? I shouldn’t be talking.” Stupid mouth.
TOO EARLY. NO FILTER.
“So how’s this gonna work?” I asked grumpily. “Am I just gonna ditch your fine ass and come back in two hours?” Though I was pissed, I could never be too pissed to notice how fucking pretty she was; flushed cheeks, tousled hair, that certain determination that only Avery could wear.
“I guess,” she said, shrugging a shoulder. “I don’t know, maybe I can get him to postpone breakfast. You look like you need to sleep more than you need to deal with my dad.”
“Uh-uh, no way. I can sleep after we deal. It’ll be fine.” Postponing would just stress me out more.
Avery pulled up to her street and parked my car.
“Then get home and get at least a little rest. I’m probably not even going to sleep, so, want me to call you to make sure that you’re up or anything?”
She unbuckled her seatbelt and put her hand on the door handle.
“At this rate I better just stay up,” I said. “I’m going to need to sleep for about a year when I finally get to close my eyes.”
She looked about ready to jump.
“Go,” I said, pushing her. “Go, before I get violent.”
“Woah,” she smiled queerly. “I kinda wanna see that but I really do have to go.”
She leaned in across the console. Too beautiful to fight with.
“Fine,” I sighed, pulling her in by her hoodie and kissing her hard. It was like before all over again, like I hadn’t even fallen asleep at all. Like we were back in my room and it was 2ish and we were both happy. But then I felt her pulling away and I got mad because I noticed she couldn’t even make time for the perfect kiss.
“Get!” I said, pushing her to go. “I need coffee!”
There was no mistaking it now.
“Aye aye, ma’am.” She was laughing as she jumped out of the car and trotted off toward her house.
Okay, time to get up.
I pulled my body over the armrest and struggled into the driver seat, whining to myself.
To try and appease my pounding head I leaned onto my hand and looked out the window to watch her go.
She waved. It was cute.
Cute wasn’t helping too much though, not right now.
Soon as the door closed I just wanted to collapse.
“Coffee,” I groaned, starting the car back up and making myself drive away.
I knew that probably everything was open by now but that did nothing to help me feel justified in being up this early on a fucking Sunday after a very VERY late night.
Before Avery I was fine getting up early but that’s because I took care of myself and made time. Being jolted up with only a second's notice and shoved into a car and then thrust into the light without sunglasses just wasn’t my idea of a good fucking time. I needed mental and physical preparation for everything or my whole day would be off. Some things I just couldn’t recover from.
My phone buzzed in my pocket and I knew it was her.
“Dammit,” I muttered.
I fumbled to pull the phone out and then clumsily pressed on the button.
“What?” I asked grumpily. It was hard enough to function, let alone drive a car, without trying to think as a bonus.
“Please don’t crash your car and die. If you can’t drive pull over,” she warned.
“I think I’d be fine if someone wasn't talking at me,” I grumbled.
At this rate it would’ve been better if I hadn’t even slept a wink at all.
“I’m serious. No fucking dying. I love you.”
She hung up.
Again I started to whine.
A nice fiance would be soothing and gentle.
Are you okay sweetie? I love you sweetie...
I shook my head and fumbled around for my large shades. I knew I left some sunglasses in here. My phone fell onto the ground and I had to leave it.
“Bullshit,” I huffed, finally starting to feel awake as I pulled my glasses on and felt a small twinge of relief. From the house to now it was probably only about 7 minutes tops. That was definitely fucked up.
I pulled into my favorite coffee shop and violently parked the car along the street.
There weren’t a lot of people out because it was Sunday.
I walked up the wooden steps of the large deck and someone held the door.
“Oh,” I heard a soft voice.
“Oh,” I said, straightening up. I took stock of myself. Avery had dressed me and she barely even tried. Beside myself, I laughed. “Good morning,” I said, filled with sarcasm. “I look like shit. How are you?”
“What? You look good,” Skylar laughed. “A little upset but other than that…”
“Avery just woke me up,” I admitted. “She gave me like 2 seconds t
o dress before sticking me in my car and driving me to her house and ditching me.”
Skylar laughed, wide eyed. “Sounds… Like Avery,” she laughed even more. “Come on,” she said, pulling me to a table. “Sit. I’ll get coffee.”
“Thanks,” I said. But I couldn’t bring myself to find cheer.
She looked all perfect like maybe she’d slept for 12 straight hours unlike me. Perfectly straight hair, an enviable balance of natural color in her eyes and cheeks.
From my space, I watched her order me a drink. She looked back a few times from the counter to check on me. In my experience, Skylar has always been this way, nothing but sweet.
My phone buzzed and I checked it.
Avery: Did you make it home? Are you sleeping?
I pulled my elbows up onto the table and pushed out a text.
Olivia: No such luck. Ran into your friend. She’s so chipper and accommodating, she’s buying me coffee.
Avery: From that description it must be Skylar. Tell her hi for me.
Olivia: Oh yes, my dear wife. I promise. After the lovely morning you gave me, I shall be lovely company to all I meet, especially your good friends. And I shall say hi and do only nice things, because: I CAN DO THAT!
Avery: I'm sorry I woke you up and rushed you. I didn't wanna. If I had my choice we would have slept all day.
Avery: P.S. I like it when you call me wife. ??
Olivia: I cannot accept your flirtations or apologies right now. Retract that kissy face now.
Skylar came back with a second drink and set it down.
“It’s an Americano,” she said. “You looked like you needed something strong.”
“And I do,” I said, accepting the gift. Normal me would’ve fought a gesture like this. I was too tired though right now so I reached for the drink and let it invade me. Had she been a hired hand, I’d be dead. That’s how trusting I was in this fuck-it-all mood.
Skylar moved in across from me and began to sip her own coffee with that certain normalcy and ease.
“Were you going somewhere? You don’t have to stay. I know I look a mess but I’m fine. I am also sure that my company will be quite shitty at this ungodly hour.”
“Nah, I’m pretty sure Avery would want me to take care of you,” Skylar scoffed a laugh.
Paper Dolls [Book Two] Page 24