“God, am I that bad?” I asked, bothered.
“No,” she laughed. “You’re cute. You’re just tired. No offense, you look like you haven’t slept since the lodge.”
She found the magical: BREAK ME sentence.
I started to whine and laid my head down onto my arms.
“Uh oh, did I say something wrong?” Skylar asked nervously.
“No,” I groaned through my arms. “You just said exactly what I feel.”
I sat up and drank from my cup, leaning lazily on my hand and staring over at her.
Skylar laughed and watched me openly. “Wanna talk about it?”
“Mmmm…. This is good.” I noticed, my forehead scrunching. Energy was already beginning to enter me, thank God.
My phone buzzed and I checked it.
Avery: But I really am sorry and I really am cute so pleeeease???
Olivia: Still closed.
Avery: Okay. Just let me tuck my tail between my legs and wait patiently for you to let me in.
“Avery said hi,” I said to Skylar while I checked. Skylar’s previous words didn’t hit me until now. “And I guess… I mean, if you want to.”
“Sure,” Skylar said. “I’d love to know what’s got you so sleep-deprived and broken. Though I’m pretty sure I know the answer and I’m also sure I’m more jealous than sympathetic.”
“What?” My head jerked up and I looked at her curiously. I cocked a knowing smile once I noticed her watching. “Wait,” I said, setting the phone down and sitting up. “Do you, like, like-like, her?” I asked.
“Are you kidding?” Skylar nearly hit me with her words. “Swim is beyond boring and Sarah’s been acting like a cold-hearted bitch.”
“Whoa,” I sighed, air leaving me. I realized I’d put my hand on my chest. “I should be mad about this,” I said outloud.
“She’s in love with you,” Skylar muttered, as if I needed reminding. “No need for all that.”
“Okay. Can I just say. Fuck this morning?! Because, seriously?! Fuck. This. Morning.”
I didn’t like the new day.
Skylar laughed.
“Calm down there killer.” When she drank she seemed perfectly well-rested and calm. I envied that so much.
“God… Does she know?” I wondered.
“Umm… Probably not,” Skylar scoffed. “I used to think she did but now there’s a you. Avery’s so stoic and lost in her head when she’s not bouncing off the walls and training for marathons. She’s a real dream.”
Skylar was beautiful.
Sitting across from me, I noticed again how she carried herself. This morning really gave me that opportunity. She was a little taller than me, possibly Avery’s exact height. And, right now, she was a lot better at seeming at home with who she was. Her body was fit. Her hair was darker than Avery’s and thicker too but she had tan skin from too much sun and there were these magnificent golden flecks in her lighter brown, chestnut, eyes. I could tell she was smart, that she chose her words wisely. I liked her style, it was simple but nice, all intentional, all mapped out. She looked as though she never had to try, not for anything. She also looked like that humbled her, made her open with others. I envied that too.
“What an idiot,” I breathed, my head shaking.
“Ahh, excuse me?” Skylar scoffed, looking at me like she didn’t want to get mad.
“Avery!” I said, tensing my hands and squinting my eyes. “Sorry, it’s early,” I reminded. “And you’re really pretty.” I tried not to openly stare but I was pretty sure I’d already done that. Skylar’s smooth cleavage was particularly distracting and, as I noticed it, I shifted awkwardly in my seat. She must’ve just come from the gym or from the beach or something. She looked like she exercised, then showered, then changed, and like now she was just here out of nature, enjoying her well-played routine.
I couldn’t put it behind me, Avery mentioned often how my boobs were smaller than her own, how I was weaker than her. I didn’t like thinking about this sorta stuff. I was shorter than Avery, smaller than Avery, and to be honest, I was sort of plain as fuck. Next to Skylar I really didn't understand what Avery saw.
“Thanks,” Skylar laughed, lifting her cup to her lips and slowly taking a sip.
“You know,” I thought back. “That last day at the lodge, I had a thought.”
“Yeah,” she laughed. “I bet you did,” she seemed to be enjoying me. Most people found me odd. It wasn’t a surprise that Skylar would too. “I couldn’t stop staring,” she confessed openly. “You guys were all over each other, it was hard.”
Fuck. This. Day.
I didn't mean to be rubbing anything in anyone’s face and Skylar was the only friend of Avery’s who was actually worth knowing so I hated to know I had done something like that no matter how unintentional.
“If I’d known I wouldn’t-”
“Oh, no way, don’t you dare stop on my account. You’re making her happy. She was drowning before.”
“Yeah… About that,” I said. “What the hell?!”
It was hard not to want to blame. I’d seen the way Avery was with her friends. She was someone else. She wasn’t real. When I met Avery I was a complete stranger but I could feel her. How could her close friends not feel it too?
“Don’t look at me,” Skylar said stoically. “I tried. She wouldn’t talk to me. I knew it was mostly Adam but I never would’ve guessed about Ben or even you… Things with her mom were strange. I’d been over but we never stayed. I tried getting Avery out more, asking her to stay over a lot. I tried a lot of things…” Her voice trailed off and I noticed her sadness. She let out a depressed sort of sigh before turning back. “The best I could do was get her to act out similar scenes from plays I’d bring up.”
I’d never heard anything so sad.
“We’d end up fighting and crying a lot when we practiced. It’s easy to blame it on the scene and not feel embarrassed. That worked but really that was the only thing. And anyway, Avery just thought I liked sad things and needed a scene partner. She never knew, I don't think...”
“Jesus,” I shook.
Skylar reached her hand out and touched mine.
“Hey, can you… Can you not tell her please. I just wanted you to know since I ran into you today.”
“Sky…”
How was I supposed to keep this one in?
“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I just didn’t plan on ever seeing you alone and you were already having a shit day so I thought I’d give you something to make you feel better.”
“Okay wait, how is the knowledge that another hot girl wants to fuck my girlfriend supposed to make me feel better?”
She wasn’t mad, she was actually smiling a little. She had one of those smiles that was almost always there, calm and reassuring. It was almost like a tease.
The way she saw me now though was more than encouraging. She’d given approval of me, more than once. All for Avery’s sake.
“You have her Olivia. You’re the one who got her to open up. You get to be lucky. Please, tell me you'll enjoy that. I know I would.”
I felt like whining some more. I was always such a dick.
“Skylar…”
“Don’t. Don’t be sad for me, really. I mean, yeah, I’m in love with her, and I have been, and I might be forever, but she never noticed and that has to mean something.”
“Or she just had no idea,” I said. Now that was most likely the case.
“I had to kiss her for her to notice,” I said. “I had to tell her that I was pretty sure I was in love for her to even think of wanting to kiss me too.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, it was horrible,” I said, remembering it. “I was just scared and I felt crazy and I wanted to give her the whole world but at the same time I felt she might have gone off the deep end enough to possibly kill herself instead of loving me. It wasn’t good.”
“Whoa,” Skylar said, that sadness and depression seeping over her eyes and face a
gain.
“Yeah,” I huffed out. “So there’s no way she knows about you. She just can’t think like that. For whatever reason, she’s broken that way.”
“Well,” she said, looking around at the other people who were reading and drinking alone. “That’s probably good though. She needs a friend.”
I didn’t like it. She did need a friend but that secret was big. It was a secret a good friend couldn’t rightly keep. It made me question her, made me scared.
But I couldn’t just say, I’M GOING TO TELL HER. That’d be really wrong. Skylar confided in me and this wasn’t some light forgettable secret.
“You’re right,” I said. But I hated the feeling. I’d officially agreed to lie. And in turn, I’d agreed to be okay with Skylar hiding something huge from my lover.
My eyes shut and it took a fair amount of pain to let them open again.
“Anyway,” Skylar said standing up. “No more whining about how hard it is to be loved by her, okay?”
“K,” I sighed sadly.
“She’s worth it.”
“I know,” I said, and Skylar turned to walk away. “Wait, Skylar,” I stood up and grabbed her wrist. I needed her to know. “After the lodge I proposed with a ring,” I said. “And we already told our parents. This isn’t some careless fling. It’s real and it’s happening way too quickly and it’s draining but it’s good and I do want her more than anything I've ever wanted ever. It's real.”
“It better be real,” she said, her lips tightening as she swallowed and turned to walk out.
I got back to my table and sat there hating life.
Ever since I met Avery I hadn’t had one real moment of peace. Things like this just kept on happening.
And now I was going to have to keep this huge secret when I knew it was huge enough to possibly break us. I thought of Natalie’s picture again and swallowed real deep in my throat, drinking some hot coffee down.
I didn’t want to think it but I had no choice now.
I drank my coffee in peace and waited for the hours to fly so I could go see Avery again.
Olivia: She’s gone now. I’m a shit. Please talk to me.
Avery: No, you’re not A shit you’re THE shit. You’re just tired ‘cause I kept you up and you barely got any sleep.
Avery: Cranky Olivia is cute.
HA!
Olivia: Nope. Still A shit.
Avery: Yet, I still love you. What’d you and Sky talk about?
Olivia: All the drugs I need…
Lies. Lies. Lies.
It burned.
Avery: Well, you can come over anytime! Dad is already cooking. He kicked me out of the kitchen so I’m just watching tv.
Olivia: K, on my way.
I wanted this part over. Everything we were doing was complicated, everything. There was no rest for us it was just one thing and then the next.
I threw myself back into my car and fixed myself up the best I could, putting my hair up and finally deigning to dig through my purse and apply makeup.
I was kind of pissed that Avery gave me no time. I didn’t want to dress down to see her father. I should’ve gone home and found the perfect dress.
I thought about stopping at a store but it just seemed stupid. Avery would notice and she’d be worried of what I thought.
I was trapped in this, leather jacket and all.
When I got to her street I finally realized I actually was nervous. I probably wouldn’t even be able to eat.
I had to give myself a stern pep talk.
Time to attempt to woo a grumpy sailor. This was not about to go over well.
Chapter Nineteen
Avery
The TV was on but I couldn't concentrate on it. The noise added to the buzz of thoughts in my head. I'd come home hyper and decided to rearrange my room.
I was halfway into pulling my bed to the other side of the room when Dad opened my door. I'd woken him. The pissed off sleepy face was evidence.
“What the hell are you doing Avery?” He rubbed his eyes and stretched against the door frame.
“Sorry, I didn't mean to be loud. I just decided to move some things around.”
He just groaned at me and turned to go back down the hall.
After he was dressed and downstairs he asked me to help him start making breakfast only I kept making messes and trying too hard to do the right things. I just screwed them up more. I couldn't stop moving and talking or singing.
Finally, he banished me from my own kitchen and I tried to calm down with some Murder She Wrote marathon. No such luck. I was even worse off, bouncing around and straightening the living room while I waited for Olivia.
I shouldn't have fallen asleep. That's why she was ill-prepared to do this breakfast but after all that sex I'd actually relaxed. It was nice to lay with her, not so nice to suffer the wrath of sleep deprived Olivia.
The doorbell rang and I jumped. Maybe I needed to stop for a second and get my shit together. I made myself walk, not run, to the door and I opened it.
“Hey,” I smiled.
“Good morning,” she said, her most adorable strong smile.
“Morning, and you look-” I turned to make sure my dad hadn't come out of the kitchen when he heard the bell. “Good enough to eat,” I whispered.
“Uhh-huh,” she said, leaning into me and running a hand down my chest to brace herself. “Don’t start that now,” she warned. “This morning hasn’t exactly been easy.”
I pulled her into the house and led her over to the couch. “I know. I'm sorry.” She sat down and I took the opposite side. I didn't trust myself. “I shouldn't have gone to sleep,” I grimaced.
“No,” she said, moving over and laying her head on my lap, her face blankly stared at the tv. “The sleep part was the best.” She tucked her knees up and just rest there, pulling my hand to come over her body and hold her loosely.
“The best part?” I teased.
“We could debate it but I’m not at the top of my game right now so we should probably hold off until at least noon if you want a real fight.”
“Tempting but you should probably nap after this so you're not dead.” I really hoped she would listen to me this time.
“Okay, only if you promise to hold me,” she said. “I can’t sleep if you’re not holding me.”
“I'll hold you. We can go up to my room if you want.” Food might bring me down from my current inexplicable high enough to lay still while she napped. I might even doze off.
“I’d like that,” she said sleepily.
“Dad's gonna go see Mom after breakfast so he'll be gone for awhile anyway.”
“I love you,” she said.
I smiled, looking down at her, running my hand through her hair. “I love you too.”
“Sorry I was so grumpy. I need time in the mornings. I shouldn’t have slept.”
“You don't have to apologize. I know it was a less than ideal wake up call. I am glad you got a little rest though. I wish I could have gotten coffee with you.”
“Me too,” she laughed. “I was a total wreck. Skylar made me sit down and she actually brought me coffee. I must’ve looked like a mess. She looked perfect though. Damn her. And those stupid cute dimples.”
“Yeah, she has a habit of looking totally hot and on point at times of the day when it shouldn't be humanly possible.” I chuckled and shifted so she would be more on my lap.
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t notice her cleavage. I’d also be lying if I said she didn’t notice me noticing her cleavage. It was too early to be social. I definitely failed,” Olivia whined.
I couldn't help the burst of laughter that came,out of me. “Babe.” I kissed her cheek. “Don't worry, she's caught me checking her out before once or twice in the past so I know how you feel but I wouldn’t worry about it.”
“Oy,” she said. Nothing more.
It wasn’t a very tactful thing to say but I’d just wanted her to feel better about it, less embarrassed.
“Avery, food!”
Dad’s head appeared around the corner. He saw Olivia in my lap but he didn’t say anything. He barely registered it on his face even. He was going to have to get used to this if he was sticking around. Might as well start now.
“Coming Dad.”
Olivia sat up and took in a deep breath, wiping at her eyes a little. She did look tired but not bad. She still looked amazing even after the hell of a morning I’d put her through.
I got off the couch and grabbed the remote, turning off the TV. Together, we went into the dining room where Dad had already put a lot of food out on the table. I knew that Olivia would probably eat very little of it. She didn’t eat much when she got anxious. One of the many things I’d picked up in our time together.
I pulled out a chair next to mine for her and we sat down. I filled her plate for her with some of the eggs and a biscuit. There was cheese to go with the eggs and butter to go with the biscuits. I put bacon on both our plates. I knew if she didn’t eat it I would. The breakfast potatoes looked insane, all crisp and fried. I gave myself double on those.
When I set the plate in front of Olivia she just gave me this guilty look. I knew I’d be finishing her food after she was done. Dad wasn’t much for wastefulness.
“So, tell me more about yourself Olivia,” Dad started.
“Well,” she started. “I’m not sure where to start really. I like to read. I love music… When Avery told me her father was a sea captain I couldn’t help but imagine you out there somewhere like Ahab all intense and driven… What would you like to know?”
I looked at Dad. He raised an eyebrow and then after a second a laugh came out of him. My eyes bulged. He was actually laughing and smiling.
“Ahab. I like that.” He nodded and sighed. “You’re a senior like Avery. What are your plans?”
“I plan to go to Stanford and study literature in the fall. My mother wants me to continue onto Grad school and shoot for Criminal Justice or Criminal Law. I originally intended on going into the Biomedical field but my father was against it from the second he heard. He works with mostly men and he was against me going into that despite what I wanted. It’s kind of complicated actually. I have a lot of ambitions, a lot of intense interests. I’m very obsessive. I rarely do anything halfway. Right now I’m beginning to realize, there are too many exciting paths I can take, and all leading somewhere else. Choosing hasn’t exactly been easy.” She must’ve realized she’d sort of driven herself into a never-ending soliloquy. She looked up at my father and began to talk to him as if he were someone she really wanted to know. “How did you decide to go into the Navy? Was it an easy choice?” Her questions weren’t fast but they were personal. “What did your parents think?” I noticed she wasn’t really eating. My dad didn’t really give her much of a chance.
Paper Dolls [Book Two] Page 25