“No.” Kayla interrupted before Jackie could say the words. She was shaking now and her voice was sharp and defensive. “I admit your kiss had me contemplating things I’ve never done before, but after spending time with you these past few weeks and then tonight, I can see there’s more to you than the pickup game.” Kayla’s voice softened. “That’s the person I wanted to know.”
“And?” Jackie asked.
Kayla shook her head. “I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that out.” Kayla was shocked by her answer, and even more surprised to realize it was true.
*
The soft glow of moonlight spilled in through the windows, bathing the room in soft white light as they entered Jackie’s apartment. Jackie poured Kayla a glass of wine and opened a beer for herself.
“Shall we?” Jackie motioned to the balcony.
The view was beautiful. The city lights cast against the night sky gave the feel of floating in space, each star a window opening to tiny private worlds. Kayla was mesmerized.
“I hope you haven’t been disappointed tonight,” Jackie said. “You were right about me before. I admit my relationships have been mostly of the sexual nature, but I’ve always been honest and the situation was always mutual. Maybe I need to work on my social skills. I really am sorry if I offended you.”
Kayla was surprised by the openness of Jackie’s admission. Jackie was a complex, beautiful woman. Kayla moved closer to Jackie, who leaned on the rail of the balcony, her elbows propped on the edge and her hands clasped in front of her. Kayla brushed her hand along the back of Jackie’s arm.
“You haven’t offended me,” Kayla whispered tracing her fingers along Jackie’s cheek and gently caressing her face. “There is one thing I would like to know though.”
Jackie’s voice rasped when she spoke. “What’s that?”
“This.” Kayla’s lips brushed the soft perfect swell of Jackie’s mouth. Jackie’s lips were warm and supple and they parted slightly at the faint brush of Kayla’s tongue. Kayla felt the warmth spread from the tips of her fingers up her arms and into her breasts. The tenderness she remembered consumed her senses, and she felt she would melt with the longing that coursed through her like the rushing waves of the ocean.
Jackie’s arms slid around her waist and up her back. Firm fingers brushed through her hair and traced from her ear along her jaw and finally across the swollen fullness of her lips as their mouths parted.
Kayla kept her eyes closed. She wanted to savor the pleasure that lingered on her lips and in her body. Something stirred within her that threatened to break down all her walls of protection. It was like standing on the edge of a cliff feeling the wind whip past her, threatening to push her over the edge. One wrong step and she would fall, but the rush was too intoxicating to step away.
Kayla slowly opened her eyes and met Jackie’s molten gaze, the colors of her eyes shifting from green to brown, beckoning Kayla into them with the promise of passion.
Kayla cleared her throat and took a step back. She placed her hand at the hollow of Jackie’s throat and let her fingers brush the line of her collarbone. “I’ve wanted to feel your lips again ever since you kissed me good-bye at the bar.”
Jackie stood very still. “I’m glad you weren’t disappointed,” she said in a whisper.
Kayla smiled before turning to look out over the city.
Jackie followed her gaze. Glistening lights reflected off the water in a kaleidoscope of color. She moved her hand across Kayla’s shoulder and down her back and felt Kayla shudder under the touch.
“Are you cold?”
Kayla glanced up at Jackie. “No. I’m just enjoying your touch.”
Jackie smiled and moved closer. She brushed her hand along the cool silk of Kayla’s shirt, feeling the heat radiate from her body.
Kayla shuddered again. “I think I should go,” she said in a shaky voice.
Jackie paused. She took her hand from Kayla’s back and brushed her fingers along Kayla’s arm until her fingers slipped into Kayla’s hand. “Or you could stay.”
Kayla met Jackie’s gaze, her eyes glistening with the flames of desire. “Very tempting, but I can’t. I don’t want my time with you tonight to be about sex.”
“What’s so wrong with sex?”
“I just can’t. I thought I could, but I can’t. I’m looking for something more.”
“So you aren’t just after my body?” Jackie teased.
Kayla chuckled and traveled her eyes across Jackie’s frame. “Hmm. Your body is very beautiful, but no.”
Jackie smiled. “That means you like me.”
Kayla tilted her head to the side, a faint smile playing across her lips.
“Maybe a little,” she said before stepping back into the apartment.
Jackie followed close behind. Her heart pounding against her ribcage as a shimmer of fear skittered through her. She feared that if Kayla walked out of her apartment it would be the last time she saw her.
“Can I call you? I’d like to call you. I’d like to see you again.”
“You have my number in your file at work.”
Jackie shrugged. “That’s work. I want your permission.”
Kayla hesitated before pulling out a business card from her wallet and writing her personal number on the back. She handed it to Jackie, eyeing the small card with uncertainty.
“It’s okay, Kayla, I’m not some crazy stalker. Relax.”
Kayla smiled. “It’s not that. I just don’t do this very often. I’m a little out of practice.”
Jackie took the card, wrapping her hand around Kayla’s fingers as she did.
Kayla held her breath as Jackie wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close. Jackie’s breast brushed against her own and her nipples tightened. Kayla gasped as Jackie’s lips claimed her. Jackie kissed her more confidently this time, a deep and penetrating exploration that filled her with longing until her heart was near to bursting.
Kayla’s legs were weak as pleasure surged through her. Jackie’s tongue swept through her mouth, releasing waves of desire that made her tremble. Firm hands held her upright and the strength in the embrace offered safety. Without conscious thought, Kayla wrapped her arms around Jackie’s shoulders and surrendered. All her hesitation and confusion burned away beneath the fire of Jackie’s touch like paper against embers. She moaned as Jackie’s hands moved into her hair, deepening the kiss that already had her spinning out of control. Too soon the kiss slowed, and Kayla relished the feel of lighter kisses along her jaw and down her neck, before Jackie’s lips returned to her mouth.
Jackie stroked the swollen flesh of her mouth with her tongue and nipped at her lower lip. Kayla gasped. Her breath was heavy and her heartbeat was a steady roar against her eardrums. Her body was consumed with desire and need. God, had she ever wanted a woman this badly before? She couldn’t think.
Jackie brushed her lips against Kayla’s ear, her hot breath sending shivers down Kayla’s spine. “Stay.”
Kayla struggled to regain the ability to think. She was ready to do anything Jackie asked. Her reasoning was overcome by her desire. Her thoughts were jumbled and disjointed. She brushed her hand along Jackie’s cheek. “I would like that very much, but I can’t.”
Jackie moaned her disappointment but never stopped the play of her lips against Kayla’s neck. Her hands found Kayla’s breasts, and she played the tender flesh between her fingers, making Kayla melt inside, and she pressed her body harder into Jackie’s hands. Her words said no, but her body said yes.
Kayla heard a moan escape her lips, but there was nothing she could do now to stop this exquisite pleasure. She didn’t want Jackie to stop, damn the consequences.
It was Jackie who pulled away this time. “When can I see you again? Are you free Friday?”
Kayla fought to regain control over her thoughts and her body. She was overcome with disappointment and relief that Jackie had given her a reprieve. Her body began a slow recovery from the rush of a
drenaline, but her legs were unsteady and the throbbing between her legs made her weak. “Friday is good,” she said breathily, as she fought the urge to beg Jackie to make love to her.
“Okay then, I’ll call you.” Jackie pulled back, allowing a slight separation between their bodies.
Kayla found it difficult to distance herself from Jackie—her body cried out for her touch. With one last surge of effort she pulled away, straightened her shirt, and brushed her hands through her hair. At the door she stopped and turned back to Jackie, confused. “You had me just now. I would have gone to bed with you.”
“I know,” Jackie answered, her tone low and gentle.
Kayla’s brow furrowed with confusion. “Why did you stop?” she asked, her voice thick with uncertainty.
“You said you didn’t want tonight to be about sex. I have to respect that. What you see is what you get with me. No strings, no commitments.”
Kayla smiled, her hand resting on the half-open door. She studied Jackie and saw honesty and desire and, perhaps, vulnerability in her eyes. She nodded. “Good night, Jackie.”
“Good night, Kayla.”
The sound of the door shutting behind Kayla was like shutting off the air. Jackie fought to take a breath and thought her lungs would explode. She let out a long sigh. She couldn’t believe she had just let Kayla walk out when she could have had her in her arms and in her bed at that very moment. What am I doing? Jackie ran her hands through her hair. Her body was tense with want. It would have been easy to just take Kayla to bed, to sate the desire coursing through her. But she couldn’t stomach the thought of taking Kayla for simple pleasure. She couldn’t bear the thought of the emptiness that waited for her at the end of the night. She ran her hand across her chest and tried to quiet her racing pulse. What she had said was true. She never slept with a woman unless they both agreed on the rules. No strings, no commitments, just sex. Kayla might have wanted to sleep with her, but that wasn’t enough. She would want more. And more wasn’t something Jackie had to give.
Jackie went to the fridge and pulled out a beer, popped the top, and drank deeply. She settled on the couch, too wound up for sleep. She let her thoughts wonder. It had been eleven years since she’d left home and she hadn’t looked back once. She didn’t need anyone. She knew how to keep people at a distance, only taking what she needed when she needed it. That had always been enough. Why were things different now? What had changed?
Jackie studied the name engraved on the front of Kayla’s card before flipping it over to the hastily scrawled number on the back. She took a deep breath and sighed. Should she see Kayla again? Probably not. She ran her hand between her legs and pressed against her swollen flesh. She was so aroused it would only take a couple of strokes to get her off. She groaned and pulled her hand away. Friday lingered in the distance like a forbidden fruit that she couldn’t wait to taste.
Chapter Six
Kayla was late getting to the Mexican restaurant. She spotted Jen across the room and tried to read her expression to get a feel for Jen’s mood before sitting down across from her. She could usually tell what kind of day it would be just by reading Jen’s expression and body language, but today Jen seemed subdued. There was no hint of puffy eyes, her brow was smooth, and she managed a half smile when she looked up to see Kayla approaching.
“Hey, you made it.”
“Yeah. I was beginning to wonder myself. Sorry I’m late. The good news is my one o’clock canceled today, so I don’t have to be in a rush to get back.” Kayla placed her hands on the table in front of her and waited for Jen to fill her in on the latest drama. When Jen didn’t say anything, Kayla plunged right in.
“So, tell me what’s going on with you. Are you still thinking about the Nashville transfer?”
Jen sighed. “Yes. I mentioned it to Mike. He doesn’t want to move of course. He says there’s no reason to move. He says things are fine here. He says I need to get that crap out of my head and stop trying to act like I’m better than him.” Jen dropped her head at the final statement.
“I’m sorry. What do you think about it?”
Jen shrugged. “I don’t know. I feel so confused all the time.”
“So you feel like you have to choose between your professional goals and Mike. Is that it?”
Jen looked up from the napkin she had been toying with. “That’s exactly it.”
“Maybe it would be good for Mike to see you make a decision without him. Maybe he’d realize he could lose you.”
Jen looked pained. “Yeah, and what if he doesn’t care?”
Kayla reached out and took Jen’s hand. “Oh, Jen, if he’s that thick let him get lost. You deserve so much better than that.”
Jen’s eyes glistened with tears. “I’m afraid I’ll spend the rest of my life alone. Who’ll want me?”
Kayla couldn’t believe what she’d just heard. “You’re kidding me, right? There are lots of beautiful, wonderful people out there who would fall over themselves to be with you. I promise you, you are someone who can choose who you want to be with.”
Jen sniffed. “You’re my friend—you’re supposed to say stuff like that.”
Kayla laughed. “Yes, but in your case it’s true. I’ve never sugarcoated anything for you before, and I’m telling you, you can have whoever you want.”
Jen swiped a tear off her cheek and returned to playing with her napkin.
“How much time do you have before you have to give the board an answer?”
Jen sighed. “They gave me a month to think it over, but they would like an answer as soon as possible.”
“Well, take your time. It’s good to know you have options. I’m glad they’ve noticed all the hard work you’ve put in. You deserve this opportunity.”
Jen looked up, her eyes a little brighter this time. “You know, that’s one of the reasons I love you. No matter what, you’re always on my side.”
Kayla sat back in the booth and smiled. “What are friends for, if not to point out all the reasons why you’re so wonderful?”
Jen smiled her first real smile and blushed.
“I’m hungry,” Kayla said, taking advantage of the change in Jen’s mood. She grabbed the menu. “Let’s eat.”
She didn’t want to say so, but she was worried about Jen. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like if Jen moved away. Jen was her only real friend, and she would miss her. The thought made her feel selfish. Jen was important to her, and more than anything she wanted her to be happy.
Still smiling, Jen glanced up from her menu. “Enough about me, what’s been going on with you?”
Kayla was taken off guard by the question and immediately thought of Jackie. She felt a little uncomfortable telling Jen about her dinner with Jackie, but she wasn’t sure why. She shrugged and pretended to study the menu. “Nothing really, same old stuff, I guess.”
It was Jen’s turn to play the supportive friend. “You know, K, you really should get out more.”
Kayla avoided making eye contact with Jen. She knew she should tell her about going out with Jackie, but she just wasn’t ready for all the questions. She wasn’t even sure how she felt about Jackie and she didn’t want any pressure to explain. She rarely talked to Jen about the women she went out with, not that there was much to talk about. She had dated a couple of women since meeting Jen, but it hadn’t gotten serious and it was embarrassing to explain all the reasons women gave her as to why they didn’t want to see her anymore. Just to be safe, she would keep things to herself. But inside she was dying to talk to someone about it. If she could talk it out, it would make more sense than it did bouncing around inside her head.
“I know. I guess we both have some changes to consider,” Kayla answered.
Jen grumbled. “Yeah. You know, sometimes being a grown-up really sucks.”
Kayla laughed. “I know, but it sure beats having other people telling us what to do all the time. Would you really go back to being a kid if you had a choice?”
; Jen pretended to contemplate the question. “Well, let’s see…no bills, someone to cook for me every day, dance recitals, and playing dress up. In a heartbeat, I would.”
Kayla laughed again. That was one of the things she loved about Jen. She could always find the simple innocence in everything.
*
Kayla fumbled with her phone, trying to answer the call and drive. “Hello, Kayla McCormick speaking.”
“Hmm, I like the professional voice, very sexy.”
Kayla smiled, recognizing Jackie’s voice. Jackie had told her she would call, but Kayla was still surprised. She just couldn’t accept that Jackie really wanted to see her. To be honest she had been praying Jackie would call, if only to have a chance at a repeat of that bone-melting kiss. Jackie made her feel things that made her lose her reasoning ability, made her want to throw caution to the wind, and scared her to death. But it was the exciting, edge of your seat, can’t wait to see what happens next kind of scared.
“Hi. Sorry about that, I didn’t recognize your number,” Kayla answered trying to sound casual.
“That works for me. I liked it.”
Kayla was glad she was alone in the car so no one could see the eager smile on her face. “What are you up to?”
“Oh, nothing, I just had a few minutes and wanted to call. I was hoping you took lunch at the same time as most offices do. Do you have a minute?”
“Sure. I’m just on my way back to the office now.”
“Great, about tomorrow…”
Kayla held her breath. Here we go, she’s canceling.
“What would be a good time for you? I was thinking sometime around six. Does that work?”
Kayla was shocked. She’d been certain Jackie was going to give her some excuse why she had to back out. Kayla thought about her schedule. “That sounds good. Would you like me to pick you up at your apartment or meet you somewhere?”
“Actually, I thought I would pick you up.”
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