Love is Darkness (A Valerie Dearborn Novel)

by Hanson, Caroline

  WTF? “Where’d this come from? You make it sound like there is some kind of, what, love involved? Equality? I've seen what vampires do to their victims. I know how they…eat. If this is how you think vampires are, then no wonder you do such a crappy job policing them.” Her heart started pounding. What the hell was wrong with her? Did she want to die? There was no way it was a good idea to push him.

  “You are a Hunter’s daughter and therefore you only seeing a vampire at their very worst, when they have behaved so poorly that the world notices. Why would you think there was anything kinder?”

  Closing her eyes, Val tried to calm herself, wanting distance from her emotions so she wouldn’t keep provoking him. “Can I just apologize, very sincerely, for saying things that are...bad for my life expectancy. I have no idea why I can't seem to shut up.”

  He was silent and finally she opened her eyes to see him watching her with an almost curious fascination. “Do not concern yourself, it is in your nature to provoke.”

  Huh. Maybe he does know me. “Is that on my face too?” she said sarcastically.

  Lucas blinked slowly, then drummed his fingers on the tabletop.

  That night, long ago when he'd saved her and forced her to kill the attacking vampire, he'd said he wouldn’t kill her, maybe he'd even said he'd never harm her. She couldn’t remember. Not if he’d actually said the words, implied them, or if she’d made that up in her mind.

  But her idea of him, the golden vampire who’d saved her, would never hurt her. She trusted that like she trusted the news from the National Enquirer, and yet….Shit.

  His hand smoothed across the checkered tablecloth in a gentle and distracted gesture, as though he were brushing bread crumbs away from him. It was an oddly human gesture but she suspected he was angry, that the gentler he became the more worrisome it was for whoever pissed him off.

  Lucas sighed, and again it was a surprisingly human gesture.

  “There was a time when things were different. There was a balance in the world. There were Others. Not only vampires, but werewolves, fae, witches, empaths— they were all real. All powerful. If one group became too bloodthirsty or powerful, the others could unite long enough to restore a balance.” A long moment passed.

  “What happened?”

  “Only vampires remain and I rule them all.” His tone held no inflection, he was simply reciting facts, and the depth of his detachment raised goose bumps on her arm. It was really weird.

  “Vampires have changed. Grown darker. The humanity leached out of them, stewards to nothing. There is no longer a balance.”

  “Hindsight’s a real bitch.”

  He gave a Gallic shrug.

  Lucas turned his head away to look outside. People passed by on the street, talking on cellphones, carrying groceries, and shopping.

  A sliver of sunlight fell across his chiseled cheekbones; his skin was flawless, poreless and pale as marble. Val breathed in, expecting him to burn in the sun but he didn't. Nothing happened. He closed his eyes and tilted his face upwards, letting the sun touch him fully for a few moments before he turned back to her.

  He could stand the sun?

  “Even the sun cannot kill me now.” he said, no doubt reading her face again, or her mind, or whatever it was he did so that he knew the answer to questions she didn’t ask.

  “My expectation from you is this. You are to research for me and do as I bid. I shall give you information about the groups that I once knew of and you will see if you can find traces of them. If they exist, I want to know of it. I want treaties with them and their integration back into the human world. From time to time I shall give you information about vampires that can be exterminated which you will pass along to the appropriate Hunter.

  He hadn’t mentioned her father or Jack. “Why would I do this for you? If they're so powerful and you're the Grand Poo-bah, why don't you take them out?”

  “I kill vampires for specific infractions that are known to all. When a vampire dies his maker sees the death through the eyes of the departed. They know who has executed their progeny. If the last thing a vampire sees is a Hunter, then not only does it take attention away from me but it makes Hunters seem stronger than they actually are. I use Hunters to maintain distance as well as give the vampires something to fear. The older vampires are my responsibility. You and your men could not hope to kill an older vampire. Like Marion.”

  He paused, no doubt to watch her reaction and keep her in suspense. “She will kill Jack if he does not desist.”

  Her heart squeezed. Thinking of what he said made her stomach roil. “So, basically you have humans do your dirty work?” He didn't respond, didn't get offended. And why on earth was she still trying to provoke him anyway?

  “I do find you interesting Valerie. Val. Like Valkyrie. You speak when you shouldn't. You do not cower. You have abandoned those who love you— even though it creates a hole inside of you. You are perfect for my purposes. An insider on the outside. Also, there is leverage for me which insures your loyalty.”

  My father and Jack.

  Lucas leaned forward again, crossing his arms on the table, his heavy biceps flexing under his white, collared shirt. “Do you not find it interesting that your men have lived so long? Most Hunters do not survive more than a few years. They can only run for so long. Like a mosquito buzzing around, finally they draw enough attention to themselves that someone gives them a swat. And yet, your father has been hunting for more than a score of years and Jack for near a decade.”

  Trembling, Val dug her fingers into her thighs to try to contain herself.

  “They are protected by me and shall continue to be so.” His cold blue eyes burned into hers and she couldn't look away from him. Unless she created a problem, they'd live. He didn't bother to finish the threat. Yeah, she got it. She was really trapped, wasn't she?

  His hand extended towards her and a file appeared in it, seemingly from out of thin air. “This information is for you. Search through it. I shall come to you again and tell you what to convey and to whom.”

  “Where should we meet?” Could he be ambushed? Could she get Jack, Nate, every Hunter in the known world to come and try to take him out? Would that even be enough? Forty odd Hunters to one bad-ass monster? Probably not.

  “I will come to your little room.”

  He wanted to come to her dorm? Hell, no! Like she'd invite him in. “Here!” she said quickly, “I'll meet you here.”

  “No. Too public.”

  “But all these people have already seen us. Who are you worried will see you?”

  “I have no concern for myself, only you. I do not want other vampires to know of my association with you. As for this cafe, no one has looked in here. And they won't. But expending that much power, to make all passersby disinterested, is foolish and might draw attention as well. It would not be wise of me to do so again.” He had shielded them somehow, done something to make people not want to look into the cafe.

  “But what about these people? They have seen you too.”

  The cold, almost haughty look continued, as though he didn't exert energy for facial expressions. A few tense seconds passed and Valerie felt compelled to fill the silence. “Have you ever played poker? You'd clean up, let me tell you.” Her voice trailed off and she cleared her throat, crossed her arms as though she was cold and leaned back, pressing her spine into the hard wooden chair.

  “You do not understand me and what I am. I am king to my kind. You must know me and my capabilities.”

  Lucas raised an elegant hand, prepared to snap his fingers and Val felt an overwhelming dread of what he might do. “No!” She lunged forward across the table, spilling the water and chocolate, felt the cold liquid seeping into her shirt as she gripped her hands around his to stop him from doing-something. Whatever he’d been about to do.

  He allowed her to grasp his hand, pausing in midair while he looked at her with a painful intensity and animation. Her eyes went up to his, imploring him. “Don't do
it! I understand. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I know what you are. I do!”

  “What would I have done?” The words were spoken quickly, at odds with his previous unnatural calmness, almost as though he expected something of her.

  “I don't know.” She felt his hand beneath hers, icy cold and dry, light callouses on his palm. She feared letting go, tightening her grip to keep him still, even though her instincts were screaming at her to pull away and run as far from here as she could.

  Lucas shifted in his chair, lowering his arm slightly so that his elbow rested across his crossed thigh, opening his palm in an almost peaceful gesture. Shifting her hands, she continued to hold on, only readjusting her grip.

  The fear of letting go and what he would do if she did was greater than her desire to flee. His big hand engulfed both of hers so that when his fingers closed gently over hers, they were almost covered by his one.

  His voice was soft, still interested, almost a bedroom voice used between lovers. Like he didn't want to be overheard but her answer was important to him, “You knew something. Tell me what it was, be it foolish or not, what did you think I would do?”

  “Nothing. I just felt...dread. Fear I guess.”

  He nodded at her in a brisk motion and opened his hand, releasing her then gesturing to the room around them, the other diners and waiting staff. “I will only erase their memories of us.”

  “Does that mean I don't have to pay the bill? Crap- I mean- why would you feel like you needed to wipe us out of their memories?”

  He didn’t explain.

  She sighed in irritation and he continued, “Events are happening that I am not in control of. There is no need to draw attention to you from my kind.”

  “Humph. Then maybe you should leave me alone altogether.”

  She thought he was thinking about it. He looked at her lips and her hair then away from her, brow knit in concentration. “I cannot imagine letting you go. Many would kill you just because of your relationship to the Hunters. You are not safe. You cannot get out of this destiny. You can only go forward.”

  “I don't want a destiny.” Just thinking about it made her feel a little broken. Val wanted to scream at him to go away. Force him to understand that she'd just gotten her life the way she wanted it and that he was ripping it from her. Her dreams and future had just been thieved from her. Helping him would probably kill her.

  “What about Jack? Your father? Even you? Do you think you are all safer with my help and protection or without it?”

  What could she say? Certainly Jack and her father would be better off with his protection. Her? Probably not. But she couldn't turn her back on them to save herself. Her father and Jack would say that she'd already abandoned them, that by coming to England and going to school she'd run away. She couldn't believe that was true. They chose their lives and she was choosing hers. But if she told Lucas she didn't want him to protect Jack and Nate... there was a real chance they might die. And that would be her fault.

  “If I don't help you, what will happen to them?” Might as well get this situation crystal clear. How crappy of a situation was he going to put her in?

  “Your father is too old for this job. Jack is bloodthirsty and angry, but passion is not always a useful attribute.”

  Here was the question she was scared of asking, although the answer probably should have been obvious to her. “Do you want to kill them?”

  Lucas ran his hand through his hair and the action startled her. He'd been so still that she had taken it for granted. “I don't enjoy killing or dislike killing. It makes no impact upon me either way. But, I remember a very long time ago that I did care, and that I used to believe human life had value. I curb my vampires excesses because of those memories.” There was a small pause where he watched her so closely she wanted to cover her face with her hands to break the penetrating contact, “Don't forget what I am, Valerie.”

  Tears filled her eyes. She didn't really see how she could forget that. But it conflicted with her memory of him. When he'd helped her and saved her. Val hadn't realized how important that memory was to her until he'd shattered it just now. “Why did you save me that time if humans mean nothing to you? Was it even me? Why were you there?” Each word seemed to become a little more desperate and high pitched so that by the end she could have won an Emmy.

  Lucas negated her words with a gesture. Apparently, the time for conversation was at an end.

  “I will come to you. And you will invite me in.” The file was on the table as he stood and walked out the door. The sunshine touched him, glinting off of his long, heavy hair, making a halo around him.

  There was something about his presence that gave a feeling of peace, of death so quietly offered that it was drawing. Alluring and relaxing.

  The sun kissed him and a slight breeze ruffled his hair.

  He disappeared.

  Val left the restaurant as quick as she could, throwing money on the table and bolting out the door. Crossing the street, she walked by a small church and glanced at the old gravestones before hastily turning away. In that little churchyard there were mausoleums that were so old and weathered, the lids were broken in and cracked on the sides. More than once, she'd tried to peer inside, half afraid she'd see a skeleton or the glint of a coffin through the broken rock. But it was pitch black and she’d never seen a damned thing.

  She’d never look at that cemetery the same way again. She’d be like that. Dead and time marching onwards so that she’d be forgotten, dust to dust and Lucas would still be perfect, immortal, making every place he visited glow with his splendor.

  How many people had he watched die? Had he ever loved a one of them? No one could be that cold and have cared for anyone or anything.

  And yet, he’d been so compelling and fascinating, looked like some sort of medieval champion in Gucci, that if he was the face of evil, what the hell did good look like?

  Not only had Lucas saved her life, he’d helped her— been patient with her, taken away her fear, gone on to star in some of her better fantasies. And now, to see him again?

  What did he want from her? Really want? Help, maybe. Did that guy need help from anyone? Nah. So he was here for something else. Is he here for me? Desire— heavy and smooth as gold weighed on her.

  He’d been reserved and icy but every so often, when she crossed her arms, licked her lips or moved her hands he watched her avidly.

  How do you say ‘no’ to him? She huffed, it was probably just as difficult to say ‘yes’! Sure she liked the idea of being with someone so hot but man that was a lot of pressure. No amount of waxing, buffing or painting could make her feel secure enough to sleep with him. Don’t forget the fact that he might fucking eat you!, a tiny and sane part of her brain said.

  Eat and kill. That’s what vampires did. She’d be just like her mother.

  Chapter 7

  London, England

  Present Day

  Sex. The horizontal mambo. Humptoberfest. The beast with two backs. Stuffing the turkey. Although that one probably didn’t make it out of the United States and was only said in November. She was going to have sex with Ian tonight. It was like a compulsion, an urge. Like a lemming going over a cliff. Christ, she was the lemming. She was going to have sex tonight if it killed her!

  Get it out there— loud and proud, she was not interested in Lucas because she was banging someone else. Ta-da! If I’m sleeping with Ian, I can’t sleep with Lucas. It’s like a magic trick. Probably sleight of hand.

  Surely that wasn’t totally evil. They’d been dating for three months, she'd met his parents and all of his friends from home. In fact, they were all refreshingly normal. His parents had even given her tea and fruitcake. Not that fruitcake qualified as cake. It didn't even belong in the desert category. It belonged firmly in the category of things-one-ate-to-live-longer-but-really-hated.