"Thank you," I went to wrap her in a hug before I sat down in the chair that was deemed mine for the day.
"No crying!" she scolded. "It'll ruin your makeup, and I spent too much time making you look perfect today."
“Sorry,” I whispered as I wiped at my eye. “It’s just…I mean…I didn’t think I could have something like this,” I was a mess today with my emotions, and the hormones weren't helping.
"Why? I'm your best friend, of course I'd do this for you," Avery waved her hand around the room.
"I know. That's not what I meant. It's just…with my mom gone…I didn't think I'd be able to experience some of these things," my lip trembled as I fought to hold myself in check. Avery was right. I didn't want makeup running down my face when guests started arriving.
As I moved to lower myself back into the chair, the doorbell rang. Avery turned and scampered toward the door as I released a big sigh. "Show time," I muttered.
"Where's my baby girl?" his deep voice boomed as he walked through the door, and I knew right away everything was going to be fine.
"Daddy!" I grinned when he rounded the corner. "I'm so glad you came."
“I wouldn’t miss this for anything. My baby’s having a baby,” he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Your old man closed the shop for the weekend so he could make the drive."
"How long are you staying?" I took the gift bag he was holding and placed it beside my chair.
"Just until the morning," he moved to take a seat on the couch near me. "Tomorrow I've got a big order for a party that I have to be there for." He glanced down at his feet for a minute before looking over at Avery, "So tell me, am I the only man that's gonna be here?"
I giggled as I watched my best friend do everything she could to avoid the question before she finally gave in and answered, "Yes, well no. I mean Nick's here and Cam."
“Don’t worry Daddy," I grinned at him. "I'll protect you."
He snickered as he watched me before replying, "It's good to see you so happy."
"I am happy. I just wish Momma could see me now. She'd love having a baby to hold and play with," I glanced out the window pensively.
"She would, but she is here," he looked around. "She's in everything you say and do. You might not be able to see her, but if you're still and quiet enough you'll feel her."
I bit my lip as I leaned into him, and hugged him around the neck, "I love you Daddy."
"I love you too sweetheart," he murmured as he hugged me back.
"All right you two," Avery groaned from behind me. "No more crying. Today's supposed to be a happy day."
"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled as the doorbell rang again and Avery disappeared around the corner.
ooooooooo
The afternoon wore on with no more outburst or crying fits from me as all of the guests arrived. Avery had really outdone herself. All of our friends from high school came, a few whom I hadn't talked to in years, but Avery seemed still to be close with. A couple of people I knew from my days on the Olympic team even showed up. I had no idea how Avery had found and gotten in touch with them, maybe through my dad, but he wasn't telling. Some of the wives of Nick's buddies that had gotten married even came. It was nice group, and by the time they all left I was exhausted.
Pink tissue paper and balloons were everywhere, and the living area was covered in all types of baby paraphernalia. Clothes, diapers, toys, bottles, blankets, you name it…I got it. Out of all of the things I received though, my dad’s gift was still the most special of the bunch. He’d found the baby spoon my mom had used with me. It was a small sterling silver spoon with a “C” engraved on the handle for Carmichael. He’d polished it up, and given it to me. He said that way I’d always have my mom with me and my daughter. It took everything in me not to breakdown and cry right there in front of all my guests. I’d been doing a lot of crying lately, but when I had looked over at Avery and seen her warning face it helped. She knew it was hard for me to do this without my mom, but she also knew that I needed her to help me keep it together. I was sure between her, my dad, Nick, and all our friends I would be fine. I had too many people who loved me to not feel blessed. I only hoped that when the time came, I’d survive this. The closer my due date got, the heavier the cloud that loomed overhead grew. I’d told Nick I would be fine, but now, sitting here alone surrounded by all these things…I wasn’t so sure.
Chapter 11
Nick
It had been a month since the baby shower. We were finally in the home stretch. According to the doctor, the baby could come in the next month. We had exactly thirty-two days until Leah’s due date, but Dr. Wright said that didn’t necessarily mean that the baby would be born then.
As I watched Leah get more and more emotional over the entire ordeal, I had to ask myself constantly if it was worth it. I knew that I would love this baby, but the thought of raising her without Leah scared the shit outta me. I kept telling myself that everything would be fine, and I was really starting to believe it until last Friday when I caught her. I'd been working on putting together the nursery without Leah's knowledge. I wanted to surprise her, but when I rounded the corner to our room I was the one who was surprised.
Leah's soft voice was muffled by the cracked bedroom door. "Hi Baby, its Momma. I love you so much, and I'm so sorry that I’m not there for you. You must be such a big girl now. I hope you know how much Daddy loves you. Has he taught you to ride a bike yet? Most little girls learn when they’re your age. You’ll have to tell him that Mommy said he should teach you.” She sniffled and wiped at her eyes. I could tell that she was slowly crumbling and I wanted to barge in the room and ask her what she was thinking, but I was frozen in place in the hallway.
“I want you to know something,” her voice trembled. “No matter what…you are special. Nothing that happened to me is your fault no matter what anyone says to you. I loved you with all my heart, and if I had to make the choice again I wouldn’t change a thing. So put a big smile on your face, and remember that everywhere you go I’m right there with you. Happy Fifth Birthday Emma! I love you!”
I heard the bed squeak as she stood and moved around the room. It squeaked again when she settled back down, and then the room filled with sobs. The sounds of her crying so uncontrollably set me in motion. I shoved the door open so hard it banged against the wall causing Leah to jump.
“What are you doing?” I looked wildly around the room and spotted the camcorder in the corner on a tripod. “Are you making videos for her? Are you really giving up already?” My head shook from side-to-side. "I can't believe you!" I was mad, and the look of defeat in her eyes made my anger grow.
"I want her to know this isn't her fault. I want her know I loved her!" Leah screamed at me. "She needs to know!" she crossed her arms over her chest as the tears streamed down her cheek, and she sucked her lower lip into her mouth.
"You can tell her yourself! Every damn day!" I stalked over to the bed and dropped down on my knees in front of her. "You're not giving up! Not like this! I'm not letting you!" I growled. "Do you hear me?"
Her whole body shook with sobs as she threw herself into my arms. "I'm so scared Nick. I don't want to leave her."
"You're not," I soothed. "You're not." I tipped her chin so I could look into her eyes, "our daughter is going to have the perfect life with both of us."
"I hope you're right," she sighed resigned. "Promise me something though," she wiped at her nose with the back of her hand.
"Anything," I pressed a kiss to her forehead.
"If something happens…" she paused and swallowed. "Promise me you'll move on."
"I can't…" I started to argue, but she pressed a finger to my lips to silence me.
“Promise me you’ll let yourself fall in love again and give our daughter a mother," her eyes pleaded with me.
I nodded as I let the lie fall from my lips, “I promise.” I knew right then that there was no one else. If I lost Leah, I’d be lost forever. It would be
our daughter and me braving life together. After a few seconds I mumbled, "You named her."
She nodded against my chest, "Are you ok with that?"
I pulled back so I could look in her tear-filled eyes, "Yeah…it's perfect."
“She’ll have a little bit of everyone that loves her,” Leah blew out a breath as she shifted in my arms.
As I let the thought sink in, I smiled slightly at her assessment. Emma was her mother’s name, and Grace was my mother’s name. Leah had talked for a while about using some combination of the two for our daughter. The thought that she'd finally made the decision about what we'd call this little person still growing inside her gave a finality to the situation.
ooooooooo
Now as I stood back and observed my work, I couldn’t help the mix of emotions that poured over me. I was proud of the room I’d created for my little princess. The cherry crib, changing table, and matching dresser coordinated perfectly with the pale pink paint. A bookcase stood in the corner, covered with picture books, stuffed animals, and small trinkets. A fluffy white rug was centered in the middle of the room, and a rocking chair was placed in the corner opposite the door. My brother had come out to the house numerous times to help me put things together, and Avery was a wizard with a paint brush. We’d framed some pictures of Leah’s parents and my mom, and hung them on the wall. Avery had stenciled a gold crown on the wall over the crib, and now that Leah had finally picked a name I could put the last touch on the room.
I stared at the wooden letters on the newspaper in front of me. "EMMA" glared back at me as I picked up a paint brush and began coating the E in lavender paint. I'd had enough pink for a lifetime, so I'd been using other girlie colors to accent the room. I had lavender, blue, yellow, and mint green. The linens on the crib were a beautiful patchwork of them all. Leah had received them as a gift from Avery's mom along with this contraption called a "diaper genie." It didn't look very magical, but as long as it kept the stench of dirty diapers away, I was willing to give it a try.
As I went to work painting the wooden letters, I let my mind drift to the future. Would Leah like this room? Should I have waited and let her decorate it with me? Would my daughter like it? Would she even know? Could I do this alone if I had too? Am I gonna be able to survive it? Before I could think too much about it, I paused to observe my work. The letters looked beautiful, and seeing my daughter's name there glaring back at me put everything into perspective. This was really happening. I was going to be a dad in a month. Leah and I were having a baby, and things were about to get real because I was going to reveal my handy work to her.
ooooooooo
Leah
I had no idea what he’d been up to, but whatever it was it had been going on for weeks. Nick had barricaded himself in one of our guest rooms, only coming out to eat and sleep. I tried one day to sneak in while he was at work, and the jerk had locked the door. He teased me when he got home, and told me to be patient. I was never patient. I was the kid who looked for their Christmas presents, and then complained on Christmas morning when I didn’t have any surprises. Nick knew this, and took extra precautions to keep whatever he was working on a secret.
We only had a month left, and the closer we got to D-day the more nervous I became. I knew there wasn’t much I could do but sit and wait. Nick seemed to have accepted whatever fate the future was holding for us, and didn’t bring up the promise I’d made him make last week. After he’d caught me making video messages to our daughter, he’d taken the camera away. He claimed he didn’t want me to think like that, and he was going to do everything he could to prevent it. At first I was angry with him. How dare he tell me what I can and can't do? That might have been my only chance to talk to her. She needed to know that I loved her, and what happened to me was not her fault. Nick told me that I could tell her I loved her every day, and that he didn't want to hear any more about me not being here. I think he thought I was giving up, but in reality I was trying to be prepared. I wanted him to see that I had accepted whatever was going to happen, and I wasn't mad. I knew that if it was a choice between our daughter and me, I wanted my child to be spared. I didn’t want her to grow up without me, but I didn't think I'd be able to move on if something happened to her and I was the one left behind.
The closer we had gotten to delivery day, the more time I’d spent watching TV or sleeping in bed. Dr. Wright had told me that Emma would have to be delivered via C-section so we knew exactly when she was coming. With the placenta almost covering the birth canal, it was the only way we had a chance at survival. If I went into labor and Emma tried to come out naturally, I could bleed to death and both of us could die.
ooooooooo
I had fallen asleep about an hour ago, trying to rest. The baby had kept me up most of the night as it tossed and turned doing who knows what in there, but when I went to roll to my other side I felt a small twinge. I hadn’t had any pain in weeks. The doctors had said everything was looking great, and I was doing as well as could be expected. It had been so long since I’d felt pain that I didn’t recognize it as that at first.
I paused and waited, and the twinge went away as fast as it had come on. I rolled to a sitting position, and waited to see if it would come back. As I sat there on the edge of the bed waiting, Nick came strolling into the room. He looked at me grinning, and then scanned me before coming to stand in front of me.[G3]
"You ok?" he ran his hand through his messy hair.
"Yeah, fine," I grunted as I shifted on the bed. "Baby's just really active today." The twinge hadn't come back, so I didn't see a need to say anything. "What's up?"
Nick gripped the back of his neck as he grinned at me, “I’ve got something I want to show you.”
"A surprise?" I bounced on the side of the bed lightly. I scrutinized Nick as I thought about what he could possibly have to show me. When I spotted his hand, I reached for it and began scanning it. It was covered in purple paint splatters. "What's all this?"
“Part of the surprise?” he shrugged. “Come on,” he held out his hand for me to take as he stepped back and motioned toward the door.
"Where are we going?" I stood and gripped his hand tightly as excitement coursed through me.
“Just down the hall,” he chuckled as he watched me grin like a kid in a candy store. When we got to the door that he’d kept locked for the past month he turned to me and murmured, “Stay right here. I forgot something.” He raced back to our room leaving me there puzzled, but when he returned he had the scarf he’d used before as a blindfold.
“This isn’t some sexcapade is it?" I cocked my head to the side.
His brow furrowed and when I pointed to the scarf he chuckled. “You’ve got a dirty mind,” he teased. “I just needed a blindfold. I want you to get the full effect.” He wrapped the scarf around my head, unlocked the door, and slowly led me inside. I was barefoot and could feel something soft and fluffy under my feet. “Don’t move!” he grabbed my shoulder and turned me slightly before he moved to stand behind me. "Ready?" he voice rose with excitement and he placed his chin on my shoulder.
"Yeah!" I squealed. "Just let me see already."
“Surprise!” he exclaimed as he whipped the scarf off revealing the room we were standing in.
"Oh Nick," I gasped as I turned around, and took everything in. "It's beautiful!" I walked over to the crib along the wall and ran my hand lightly over the rail, "When did you do all this?"
"Well, it wasn't easy, but I had help," he murmured as he came up behind me. "I wanted it to be perfect. Do you like it?"
“I love it!” I began to tear up as I looked at all the little touches that he’d added.
"I just finished a little while ago. Those are still a little wet," he pointed at the letters that hung on the wall over the crib spelling out our daughter's name.
"I love you!" I cried as I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I love you so much! Thank you," I buried my face in his neck and held on for dear life. It was every
thing I wanted. I had everything I wanted right here in this room.
ooooooooo
Nick
The look on her face was priceless. The way she scanned the room, taking in all the little extras that I’d added. She knew how much time and thought I’d put into this nursery. The picture of the two of us at the prom that I’d had framed and placed on the dresser seemed to be her favorite.
She came over and hugged me in a death grip as she cried into my shoulder telling me how much she loved me. I knew right then that my entire world was in this room. Everything I held near and dear to me was wrapped in my arms.
As Leah’s cries quieted, she stiffened in my arms before looking up at me with a petrified expression. She stepped back out of my embrace as she glanced down at her feet. Seeing her collapse at our wedding rehearsal was scary, but what I was observing at the moment was terrifying.
A small trickle of blood was making its way down her leg and slowly pooling on the white rug below her feet.
“Nick?” she looked up at me as her face went white.
I searched for my cell as I watched the panic rise on her face. Today was not supposed to be like this. Today was supposed to be a happy day. As the blood pool grew, Leah began to sway. "You're going to be ok!" I soothed as I spotted my phone on the dresser and raced to get it. "I'm gonna call an ambulance."
She nodded as she bit her lip to keep from crying.
“You’re gonna be fine,” I kept muttering as I pressed the phone to my ear. When I turned to pull her into my arms, her entire body went limp, and caused us both to sink to the floor. “Leah?” I shook her as the 911 operator clicked on the other end. “Leah?” I began panicking.
"911 what's your emergency?" the voice came through the phone.
“I need an ambulance. 7200 Ocean Drive. Hurry! She’s pregnant, and bleeding!” my voice trembled as I disconnected the call and placed my phone on the floor beside us. “Hold on Baby,” I cried as I held her there in my arms in the middle of my daughter’s room. “They’re coming!" I pressed a kiss to her forehead as she reached up and grabbed my hand.
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