Convictions: Kelly and Stephen

by Dewick, Delinda

  With each movement, his muscles rippled with their intended purpose. His buttocks looked as if they’d been carved of stone. He was every inch exactly what she’d imagined the perfect man to look like. Just watching him move made the flames of her desire reignite; no stoking them now though, there wasn’t any more time. She would have to find a way to squelch those feelings for the next two weeks and she doubted it was going to be easy.

  Stephen plated their breakfast. They sat at the counter and ate in relative silence. After they were done Kelly stood to take their dishes to the sink. “Don’t worry about the dishes. I’ll take care of them” he spoke softly. “Go get dressed so you won’t be late.” Reluctantly Kelly left him to go retrieve her clothes.

  When she finished dressing she found him sipping his coffee in front of an enormous set of windows which looked out over his back yard and the still snow-capped mountains beyond. Of course she hadn’t noticed it last night because, well, she’d had other things on her mind but here, now she was stunned with the beauty of the picture beyond. What an incredible setting for his cabin.

  She came up behind him and slid her arms around his waist. “I can see why you bought this cabin, Stephen, the view is spectacular.” She looked up into his face wondering what he was thinking but it was impossible to tell. He sipped his coffee and chose to continue being unresponsive.

  A few moments later he turned, brushed his lips across her hair breathing in the scent of apples and pears. He slid one arm around her waist and said “the first time I saw you I got so lost in your eyes that I decided I wanted to be there some day. Thank you Kelly, for letting me in.” Kelly felt her heart beating slightly out of control. Suddenly he dropped his arm “We had better get you going or you will miss your son’s plane.”

  They walked her to her car holding hands. He was pensive, but not brooding. He opened her car door and, after she got settled, leaned in for a deliciously sensual kiss.

  In a low husky voice he said “I’m no good at one night stands or casual relationships. What we have is real. I’ll be waiting here for you to come back.” If it had been anyone else but Charlie on their way to visit she would never have started that engine.

  ***

  Stephen reluctantly walked back into his cabin, still reeling from the emotional roller coaster. The highs he had felt since she knocked on his door last night had been too quickly followed by the low of watching her leave and now knowing that it would be two weeks before he would be able to hold her again.

  When she had come out of the bedroom after dressing, Stephen had stood sipping his coffee, staring out the window but not seeing the view beyond. Instead he stood pondering what he should say to her before she left. His emotions were running deep, raw, and somehow he wanted her to know how deeply she had touched him.

  The simple and blunt straight forward truth was Stephen’s normal mode of communications. It wasn’t just the sex, and the indescribable physical enjoyment that they had shared, which had affected him so deeply. The connection they made had touched him in a way he hadn’t seen coming. Kelly was everything that he had ever dreamed of finding packaged in one beautiful person. There would be no getting over her should she choose not to return to him in two weeks. And putting that thought aside, he wasn’t even sure that he was going to make it two weeks without her.

  Shaking his head and laughing out loud Stephen wondered when it was that he become so melodramatic! After showering and getting dressed he wandered aimlessly around the small foot print of his cabin. Everywhere he looked he saw her. Every room in his cabin had her smell. Despite the shower, he could still feel her on his skin. It was time for a hike; some good physical exercise.

  It was Sunday. On Sunday, some people watched football, others went to church. Stephen went for hikes. Being in the woods, climbing the hills, ducking into the valleys, and discovering everything that the Alaskan wilderness had to offer was his church. After all, how much closer to God could one person get?

  After pulling on his hiking boots he grabbed a light jacket that he would no doubt remove after an incline or two, and headed out. This was his exercise for mind and body, a way to clear his head, and the way his head was reeling today he would probably be taking a very long hike.

  He quickly lost track of time as his legs worked the often times rough terrain. He had several different trails on his property, but they weren’t exactly well groomed trails. Some of them could only be followed by sighting a specific landmark or tree, and most were identifiable only by Stephen.

  Thoughts of Kelly were unstoppable. The feel of her skin, her lips, her mouth, the taste of her, the look in those beautiful eyes when he brought her to a climax. He couldn’t forget about how his skin burned hot when she touched him.

  If he thought that getting out of the cabin that they had so intimately shared the last twelve hours would help him to clear his mind he had been dead wrong. He had to get a grip. She had a son and her son deserved her time as much as he did, more so if he was forced to admit it.

  Stephen’s mind escaped the agony of the present by travelling back into his painful past. It was many years ago but he had come close once to having a family too. So close, and then it was gone. He had lost it all. After that, casual dating was never any good for him. There had been plenty of offers over the years, and plenty of attempts to kill the pain with mind numbing sex. But his heart and soul still longed for the family that he had once lost his chance to have.

  At some point he would have to come clean with Kelly. For him, dating wasn’t an option. He wanted more, much more, and he was already quite certain that she was the one he wanted it with. There was no sense trying to pretend he was ok with something less.

  His stomach began to complain loudly which reminded Stephen that he still had to make a run to the market in Hanlon, for food, but mostly for more beer. He would kill the loneliness tonight with beer. Returning to the cabin he retrieved his truck keys, fired it up and headed for town.

  Chapter 5

  Back at her house Kelly was greeted at the door by her chocolate lab, Max. “You poor boy, you think mommy deserted you!” She could tell by the food bowls that her neighbor’s eight year old son, Will, had come over to feed Max and let him out. Will loved dogs but didn’t have one of his own so he always looked out for Max when Kelly was gone. Several years ago she had given Will a key to her back door just for that reason. Whenever she had to leave town for a book signing, or to meet with her agent, Will would take care of Max, and he almost always came over after school to take him for a walk and play.

  Kelly took a shower. The steaming hot water washed over her cleansing her, but failed to wash away the feel of Stephen’s touch or any of the new sensations she’d her body had discovered since yesterday. Dressed in jeans and a long sleeve flannel shirt she put her hair up in a ponytail. Standing back from the mirror she studied her reflection looking for signs that she had changed overnight.

  She certainly felt different on the inside, but on the outside, dressed like this she looked every bit the mom of a thirteen year old boy and nothing of the insatiable woman she had been with Stephen. She smiled at herself in the mirror; just the thought of last night, what they had done, and of the pleasure that Stephen had given her, caused her cheeks to flush.

  Checking the kitchen to make sure there was enough food, she put Max in the Jeep, and headed out to the little airstrip five miles out of town. If you are coming up from the lower forty-eight, the main airport in South-Eastern Alaska is in Anchorage. But once in Anchorage prop plane, or boat, is the only way to get anywhere else in the state. And if you’re in a hurry, there are numerous small entrepreneurs only too happy to fly you for the right price, and weather permitting of course.

  For Kelly, Phyllis, co-owner of Spirit Air, was the person she trusted most and unless she was sick, Phyllis was available most every day. She’d been piloting the twice daily run between Hanlon’s Airstrip and Ted Stevens International Airport for as long as Kelly had known he
r.

  Kelly pulled into the parking lot and was putting Max on his leash when she heard the high pitched purr of an incoming Spirit Air prop. Hopefully all went well with connections and Charlie was on this run. Otherwise she’d have to come back in five hours for Phyllis’s second run.

  At thirteen Charlie was pretty mature for his age. He had no problem flying on his own as he’d been doing it for many years, trips to visit parents and grandparents and so forth. And in Hanlon everyone knew him, especially Phyllis, from the five years he had been coming up here to visit Kelly.

  Kelly shielded her eyes from the sun and watched as the plane hop its way down the hard packed dirt runway and made its way over to the main hanger, which also served as the terminal. Walking toward the plane she watched as the steps were lowered and two people followed by the pilot exited the plane. He was taller but she instantly recognized Charlie as the first one off, waving as soon as he spotted her and Max. She couldn’t believe how much he had grown in just six months, since he was here at Christmas.

  Charlie bent over to pet Max and then standing stiffly allowed Kelly to hug him. “Hi baby how are you. I can’t believe how much you have grown, did you have good flight?”

  “Yep, it was fine” Charlie mumbled.

  “Hey Kelly!” Phyllis shouted as she pulled a couple of suitcases out from behind the passenger area. “Can’t believe how big your boy is getting. Flight was a little bumpy but he did great. See you in two weeks!”

  “Thanks again Phyllis, you are the best! And I mean it!” Kelly shouted back over the wind gusts. Phyllis waved and disappeared into the terminal to refill her coffee mug and finish her flight logs.

  Kelly took the smaller of two bags as Charlie picked up the larger. “Is that all you brought?”

  Charlie mumbled “yep”.

  They loaded his bags in the back of the Jeep and all three hopped in. “Are you hungry? I have plenty of stuff at home or we can stop somewhere if there is something special you want?”

  “I’m starving but whatever you have at the house is fine.”

  The ride back to Kelly’s was quiet. Charlie stared out the window watching sights and noting that nothing in Hanlon ever changed. At home there was always a new building going up, or an old one coming down; nothing ever stayed the same. But up here, nothing ever changed. He still can’t figure out why his mom moved here. It was so boring.

  As the Jeep made its way through town, passing the market, Kelly nearly ran off the road when she spotted a rusted blue pickup out front. She’d hope to catch a glimpse of the man who drove it as he was leaving the store but unless she chose to pull over and wait, it didn’t look to be in the cards. She drove on. Her house was just around the corner, close to the downtown square, but not within eyesight of the market. She was just being silly. Kelly silently renewed her vow to push the thought of Stephen out of her head, at least for now.

  She pulled the old Jeep into her driveway and unloaded Charlie’s bags. Kelly asked Charlie to take them to his room. Charlie did so thinking that nothing in his room ever changed either. Maybe he would point out to his mom that he had outgrown most of the stuff in there. But why bother; for the few weeks of the year spent here he could handle it. It’s not like it really matters what’s in the room anyway, he’s only sleeping in there and besides, it’s not his room anyway. His room is in Seattle, not Hanlon.

  On his way back to the kitchen, passing through the living room he glanced to the space on the far wall beneath the TV. Shaking his head as he entered the kitchen he complained “still no gaming system, mom?” In the tone that mothers everywhere have used when they have heard the same complaint too many times, Kelly replied “no, Charlie, still no video games. We don’t need them here; there are plenty of other things to do. This is ALASKA!”

  Under his breath he muttered “what’s so good about it?”

  “Speaking of which”, Kelly continued, “what do you want to do these next two weeks?”

  “Eat”, said Charlie.

  Kelly laughed as she answered “well there is plenty of stuff for sandwiches. I got everything I have out of the fridge so go ahead and make whatever you want. When your stomach is full then maybe we can talk about what you want to do while you are here.”

  Charlie finished making and eating three sandwiches, and then polished off a bag of cookies as he downed two glasses of milk. He asked Kelly if it would be ok if he took a nap since he’d been up so early. Kelly gave him a nod as he disappeared around the corner to his room. Secretly, Kelly was thankful for the time to clear her head. It was the first time she had to sit and think since leaving Stephen’s house that morning.

  She poured a glass of iced tea and went out to the back porch. It was a beautiful day in Hanlon. A bit windy, and crisp, but nice. The sun was bright and you could almost feel summer in the air.

  As she sat back and sipped her tea she let her mind wander; inevitably it wandered to Stephen. She let the memories of his smell, and feel of him roll back in and instantly she was wishing she were with him, instead; a fleeting and regrettable wish followed immediately by guilt.

  Guilt, what did she have to be guilty about; guilty for wanting to be with Stephen instead of Charlie? Guilt for wanting to be with a man who desired her over a moody thirteen year old boy who makes it very clear that he’d rather be somewhere else, anywhere else than with her anymore?

  Charlie was her son, her only child, and she adored him. When he was born there was nothing more that she wanted than to be with him, holding him, snuggling with him, nurturing him. At that time she didn’t care if she ever saw Scott again. Their marriage was over. All she knew was that Charlie needed her and she would be there for him no matter what.

  A year after Charlie was born she and Scott separated for the first time. It wasn’t her idea, or even her fault, so everyone had told her. Although, Kelly had to admit that ever since Charlie had been born, the effort she had put into the marriage had been little. But Scott just wasn’t the kind of man to ever settle down. He’d never be faithful; he’d never be a family man. So she took Charlie and left.

  The guilt soon set in. Maybe she could have been a better wife. Maybe she should have made more of an effort. Maybe she could have been a better lover. Maybe if she just tried harder it would work. It had to work, for Charlie’s sake. And she’d go back.

  But it didn’t work. Nothing would ever change, not for long anyway. No matter how many times she went back and how many ways she tried, Scott always wanted something or someone else.

  No, she didn’t feel guilty about that anymore. When they finally made it official she felt like a failure, but she didn’t feel guilt.

  Charlie came to her the day he turned eight to announce that he would be moving in with father and Candace, Scott’s new wife. She shouldn’t have taken it so personally. It’s normal for a young boy to want to be with his father. His days of needing a mother’s nurturing were over. She should have handled it better.

  Desiring a fresh start Kelly sold her house, her car, and what little furnishings she had and bought a one way ticket to Alaska. Why not? Scott had started over and Charlie was happy in his new “family”.

  Kelly convinced herself that her career as a writer was everything to her now and she needed new inspiration. With the success of her novels she had the money to go anywhere and do anything. Why should she stay in Seattle and live in the shadow of Scott, Candace, and Charlie’s happiness. She’d go to Alaska to clear her head, gain inspiration, and create new characters. It would just be temporary; she’d always planned on going back. Moving to Alaska wasn’t a forever kind of thing, she had told herself.

  It had been a carefully thought out and constructed plan, but maybe not the right one. In hindsight uprooting her life and moving to Alaska removed any chance that she would have of being part of Charlie’s life, of maintaining a close relationship with him as he grew up. Ahh, there was the guilt.

  Yes, Charlie came for visits. But they were token visits. His f
ather didn’t give him a choice thankfully, but did Charlie really want to leave his friends and his life to travel so far for her? She highly doubted it. There have been times over the last five years that the guilt of not being there for Charlie had almost driven her back to Seattle. But she never did go back and now, she knew in heart that she never would.

  Now there was Stephen, and her heart told her that Stephen was a “forever kind of thing” maybe more than anything she had ever known. Kelly gasped in astonishment. How did that thought slip in? It’s just a fling; it’s just sex; how could it possibly be more, they barely knew each other? But a voice in her head, or maybe from her heart, told her she was wrong.

  Stephen had said he wasn’t into one night stands. And that was good because neither was she. From the moment he answered his door she knew in her heart that a physical relationship was not what this was to be about for either of them. There was more, much more, or else she wouldn’t have been there, and she certainly wouldn’t have stayed.

  There was no denying the pleasure they both enjoyed when they made love. It was amazing, but the reason it was so amazing was because of the strong emotional connection that they shared.

  “Mom, I’m hungry” Charlie’s voice interrupted her rabid thoughts, startling her back to the here and now. Wow, had she really been sitting there lost in her thoughts for nearly two hours?

  “Ok babe, I’m coming.” Kelly got up and followed him into the kitchen for round two of the feeding frenzy.

  ***

  The first few days were tense and awkward. As a thirteen year old boy, even in the best of circumstances, Charlie would rather be spending his summer at home with his friends, hanging out and playing sports. In the worst of circumstances, having parents who are divorced and living in different states, meant spending time in places you don’t want to be with people you don’t know and don’t care about. Charlie wasn’t interested in much of anything other than playing video games and skateboarding or sports with friends, neither of which was available here.