Touched Down

by Hayden Hunt

  “But is it a sacrifice you're willing to make?” I asked.

  “I don’t know.” He ran his fingers through his hair, clearly agitated. “For how long?”

  “Would you have to be a secret?”

  “Yes.”

  “Maybe just… a few more years?”

  “Years?!” He gasped.

  “Yeah. I don’t plan on playing for much longer than a few more years. I plan to make my money and then retire.”

  “A few years is a very long time to be a secret, Liam.”

  “I know. And you have every right to feel that way. You have every right to not want to wait for me, I know that. But, Alex, I don’t think you understand what you mean to me.”

  “And what is that?” He asked.

  “You’re… You’re already so much. You encompass everything I ever wanted to find in a person. You are so bright, so positive, you bring a sunshine to my dark world. You make me want to believe in people again. You make me think the best of the world.”

  “How can you already feel so much for me in such a short amount of time?” He questioned.

  “Honestly, I wish I knew. All I know is that you’re what I always imagined love was going to be. I thought that I’d find someone and I’d feel an instant chemistry with them and I’d just know they were who I wanted to spend my life with. And I do know, Alex. Or, at least, I have a very strong hunch.”

  “I really have feelings for you too…” He said softly.

  “Then take a chance on me. Be with me. Even if it’s privately for a few years. I’ll be done with football in just three years time and by then I’ll have so much money I will always be able to provide for you. Even for a family, if we one day want one. I’ll be able to take care of any emergency, any situation. And for the sacrifice of a few years, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

  “But how does this work?” He asked. “Can we never go out in public with one another? Do I only meet you here at your house? Or you meet at mine? I just don’t understand.”

  “No, of course not, we can go in public. We’ll just, you know, appear to be friends. We won’t kiss or hold hands or engage in any PDA. Anyone who saw us out together would just assume you’re a buddy of mine. Really, it doesn’t change our situation that much. It just changes what we tell people.”

  He was quiet for a moment before whispering: ”Okay.”

  “Okay, what?”

  “Okay, I’ll be with you.”

  I instinctively jumped to the other side of the bed and wrapped him in my arms.

  “Holy fuck, Alex, Thank you. Thank you so much for the chance. I swear to god, I’m not going to let you down.”

  “You better fucking not, Liam.” He said sternly. “Do not break my heart.”

  I pulled away for a moment and tilted his face up to mine with my hand so he was looking straight into my eyes.

  “I promise I’ll spend every day of the rest of my life protecting it.”

  10

  Alex

  Even though I didn’t let it show at Liam’s house, I was absolutely ecstatic with the way yesterday had gone. I went over to his house expecting some awkward encounter where he apologized and asked to still be my friend, where I had to shoot him down, and yet the exact opposite happened.

  I now had a boyfriend.

  Okay, a boyfriend I had to keep secret, sure. But I had at least gotten Liam’s permission to tell my best friend Sarah, though I had no idea how she’d take it.

  I didn’t want to show Liam just how happy I was because I felt a little on guard about the whole situation. I really was making myself vulnerable again, in the same way I had made myself vulnerable before. It didn’t work out so well for me that time.

  But I really trusted Liam. He was unapologetically himself with me. I knew his words were true. He would keep his promises, I could just feel it in my bones.

  Even though he was coming on a little strong with the whole ‘finding someone to spend my life with’ thing, I honestly had the same hunch he did. That I was now dating the man that I was going to end up with. My life partner… I really think it’s Liam.

  But I feel naïve thinking so. I planned to keep that thought to myself. I would hide it not only from Sarah, but from Liam too. Because I didn’t want him to know just how much power he truly had over me.

  Before I went to see Liam yesterday, I’d already made plans to go to brunch with Sarah today. Honestly, that’s the only reason I came home at all. I easily could’ve spent the whole damn weekend making love to that boy and had no qualms about it.

  I don’t ditch best friends for boys, though, no matter how incredibly handsome they are.

  I met Sarah at our favorite little French place that served breakfast and lunch crepes. She was already there when I arrived, two mimosas were sitting on the table.

  I should have expected this. Sarah is an extremely punctual person and wakes up at six thirty every morning whether she has work or not.

  “Well, you look happy.” She said as I sat down. “This wasn’t the mood I was expecting you in.”

  “Really? Why not?”

  “Well, after what happened with that Liam guy the other night. You seemed pretty upset. Or maybe it was just the alcohol amplifying your feelings.”

  Damnit. Already the topic of Liam had come up. I was really hoping to push this conversation off for a little bit.

  “Oh, no, yeah, I’m fine.” I tried to say casually. But Sarah saw right through me.

  “What is it?” She asked.

  “What? Nothing.”

  “No. You’re hiding something from me. You always act like this when you have something to tell me that you know I won’t like.”

  “Okay, fine.” I admit, because it’s pointless for me to lie to her. “Things didn’t exactly… end. Between me and Liam, I mean.”

  “It ‘didn’t end’ in what way?”

  “Well, I kind of went to see him yesterday and-“

  “Oh, no.” She cut me off. “Alex, tell me that you didn’t sleep with him.”

  “I might have.” I admit.

  “Alex!” She chastised.

  “What?” I played stupid.

  “You have a rule about this for a reason. No straight guys because straight boys are bad news! You can’t just go chasing one.”

  “I like him, Sarah.” I said seriously.

  She huffed. “You’re already setting yourself up to get hurt, Alex. You know how this goes. Straight men don’t just immediately want to date other men. He has to come to terms with his sexuality, he has to-“

  “Really?” I cut her off. “Because he wants to date me.”

  Her eyes widened. “Seriously?”

  We were interrupted by a waitress walking up to our table.

  “So, I know we already have our drinks, but are we ready to order?” She asks cheerfully.

  “I am.” Sarah looked to me. “What about you?”

  “Yes, me too. But you start.” I motion to her, because I really wasn’t ready but was willing to make a quick decision.

  We both ordered crepes with a side salad. As soon as the waitress had walked away with our menus in hand, our conversation continued immediately.

  “Okay, so he said he wants to be in a relationship with you?”

  “Yes.” I said confidently. “He told me he has feelings for me that he’s never had for anyone and he doesn’t want to lose me.”

  “Wow.” Her face lightened its reprimanding expression. “Well, okay then. That doesn’t sound that bad. So he’s, like, your boyfriend now?”

  “Yes, he is.”

  “Well, that sounds nice, Alex. I’m happy for you. I mean, if he is really willing to openly be in a relationship with you then maybe he’s different.”

  I tried not to let my face show my deception, but of course she saw that I was not telling the whole truth.

  “Ugh, what now?”

  “Well, he wants to be in a relationship but we’re kind of… Keep
ing it a secret for now?”

  “Alex, how is that any different from what you did with Jason?”

  “It is different, Sarah! This time it’s not about him being embarrassed of me in front of his family and friends. This is because he doesn't want to jeopardize his job.”

  “His job?” She asked skeptically. “In what scenario could being gay possibly cost him his job?”

  “He’s the quarterback for the Tigers. They don’t exactly commend homosexuality in the professional football.”

  “He’s quarterback for the Tigers?!” She squealed in shock. “Oh my god, Alex! He’s famous! And probably loaded!”

  “As someone whose been to his house, he’s most definitely loaded.” I agreed. “But I feel like you’re kind of missing the point.”

  “Okay, right, sorry. This is just kind of a lot to take in. But I guess I can see how that might negatively affect his job.”

  “Right, thank you.”

  “But that doesn’t mean this isn’t still a sketchy situation for you, Alex. If anything, it makes it more complicated. His whole career rides on the fact that nobody finds out? How is that not going to be painful for you? You’re literally going to be shut out from the whole world.”

  “Because it’s not the same thing as him just being embarrassed to come out for social reasons. It literally affects his job. I can handle that. I can handle secrecy for the sake of keeping his career intact.”

  “Can you?” She asked seriously. “I really think you’re rationalizing here, Alex. It’s not going to feel any different than it did with Jason. And, besides, how long can you keep that up?”

  “Only a few more years, then he plans to retire and we can live as openly as we want to.”

  “Years, Alex?! You really think you can stand living a secret life for years? Because I know you. And I was around for Jason, remember? You were frustrated that entire year of your relationship with him.”

  Maybe she was right, maybe I am rationalizing. Maybe this is a little more emotionally complicated than I thought.

  But I didn’t want to admit that to her. Hell, I didn’t even want to admit that to myself. Because I wanted this to work with Liam, at all costs.

  “Seriously, Sarah, this is different. And honestly? I really feel like he’s different from Jason. It would just be nice if I could have your support on this. Whether you like it or not, I’m going to be with him. It’s what I want.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Of course I’ll support you! You’re my best friend. Don’t confuse my concern for disapproval. It’s just that I’m worried about you, that’s the only reason I’m bringing it up.”

  “I know. And I love you for it. But you don’t have to be concerned. I really think this guy is the real deal.”

  She stared at me. “You’re really falling for him, aren’t you?”

  I couldn’t help the giddy smile that crossed my face. “I really, really am.”

  11

  Liam

  It had been a couple months since I started dating Alex now and everything was just as wonderful as I thought it would be.

  I was a little afraid that what I felt for him was mere infatuation. I thought maybe as I got to know him more I’d have to deal with his flaws and I’d have to accept that he wasn’t perfect.

  He wasn’t perfect, of course, but even his flaws made me love him more. Everything I learned about him only brought us closer.

  And I had learned a lot. We were in almost constant communication in the last few months. We texted, called, and he came over almost every night lately.

  I know we were moving fast but, honestly, I couldn’t bring myself to care. Being with him has become my new favorite hobby. Not that I had many hobbies before. I pretty much played football and drank. I wasn’t in the healthiest mindset.

  With him, I really didn’t feel the urge to drink much. I didn’t want to drown my sorrows. I didn’t feel many sorrows these days. He brightened my life.

  And, on top of that, all the sorrows I used to have suddenly made sense. In fact, I was grateful for them. I was grateful I used to feel lonely. Even glad that I never could find the right woman for me. It was all clear to me now.

  I was looking in the wrong gender. It was Alex I was always looking for. And if I wasn’t feeling as bad as I was, if I hadn’t pushed away the people I did, I never would’ve been in that bar alone on that fateful day. All my pain brought me to him.

  I still hadn't thought much about being gay. Honestly, it really didn’t bother me to think of myself as gay, but for some reason I didn’t concern myself with labeling my sexuality. What was the point?

  In my mind, I didn't even think of myself as a man who liked other men. I was a man who liked one other man: Alex.

  Why worry about labeling myself as gay? It’s not like I’ll ever seek out other men. I had the one I wanted. He was who I was going to want for the rest of my life. The last few months only solidified that for me.

  Even though we both really treasured the time we spent together, I could tell Alex was restless about sitting around the house constantly. So I agreed to take him out to a bar tonight, the same one on the beach where we had first met.

  I wish I could make it some big romantic spectacle. It would be great to go back to the spot where we first met and have a beautiful candlelit dinner right there on the beach.

  But it was a Saturday night, it’d be way too obvious. Who knows who I’ll run into? Rarely am I able to go out at night to a busy bar or club and not be recognized by somebody.

  So I’d have to settle for buying him a drink and playing a game of pool. That would be inconspicuous enough, and at least we’d get out of the house.

  I volunteered to pick him up and drive him there, but he decided against it. He said it would look more casual if we drove ourselves, which I can’t disagree with.

  I showed up around seven, hoping that would be early enough that the crowd wasn’t too big. But I was wrong, it was packed as soon as we walked in the door.

  Alex arrived a few minutes after me and frowned when he saw just how crowded the place was.

  “Do you want to go somewhere else?” He asked.

  “No.” I shook my head. “It really doesn’t matter. Even if someone recognizes me, they’re not going to figure out who you are to me. We’ll be fine.”

  He nodded, but I swore I could see a hint of dissatisfaction on his face.

  I had become really good at reading his expressions lately. He was definitely disappointed with something, though I honestly didn’t know what.

  I didn’t have a chance to ask either, because he walked into the bar right after that.

  We both grabbed a beer and bought out the last empty pool table. Despite not being able to touch him or show any affection (which I always wanted to do) it was a nice night. We were still able to talk about whatever we wanted since it was so loud, and we got a few good laughs in.

  As I expected, though, we were interrupted halfway through our game by a brunette girl who excitedly walked up to me.

  “Oh my God, are you Liam Valadez?!” She asked eagerly.

  “Yeah, I am.” I smiled, even though I was mildly annoyed. I wasn’t the kind of guy to insult my fans, though. “Would you like an autograph or something?”

  “Actually, and this is kind of crazy to ask, is there any chance you’d want to give me an interview?”

  “An… interview?” I raised an eyebrow. This was something I’d never been asked before.

  “Yeah, well, I’m actually a sports journalist. Well, a very new one. I graduated just six months ago and I’m working my way up the ladder but… an article about you would be great for my career!”

  I was just about to answer when another girl walked up to us. She looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t place her right away.

  Apparently Alex did, though, because horror struck his face the second she popped up.

  “Oh my God, so weird to see you here again!”

  And then I realized,
she was the girl I had met at the bar the same day I met Alex.

  “Oh, girl,” she turned to the brunette. “I know he’s cute, but don’t go after him, he’s gay. I know, right? The good ones always are.” She patted the brunette before waving bye to me and Alex and walking off.

  It was a train wreck that I saw coming only seconds before it happened. God damn that girl and her fat mouth.

  The journalist was staring at me, her jaw wide open.

  “You’re.. gay?” She asked, way too loudly.

  She was apparently not the only one to hear. Because, before I could answer again, there was a flash going off in my face. The flash from a camera…. A paparazzi no doubt trying to catch a photo of both me and Alex.

  I ran straight for the door, not even looking back because I knew Alex would follow me. The man snapped a few more photos as I walked out. I could feel the heat flushing toward my face.

  “Liam, wait!” Alex called after me.

  “This is fucked!” I yelled to nobody in the parking lot. I whipped around to turn to Alex.

  “Alex, I’m fucked. This is a disaster. They know, I’ve been found out, I-“

  “No, you haven’t.” Alex reassured me. “They didn't get any incriminating photos. We weren’t kissing. We weren’t hugging or holding hands… we were just two guys playing pool.”

  “Even so, this’ll get spread around. Even as a rumor, it’ll spread. And the reality is, it’s the truth. I am your boyfriend.”

  “Or maybe it won’t spread.” Alex tried to reassure me. “Maybe this will be nothing. Maybe she won’t even write about it and he won’t get anyone to publish the photo on such weak pretenses. We don’t know what’s going to happen here, there is no reason to assume the worst. Just breathe.”

  I nodded and did my best to breathe in and out calmly.

  “I really wanna touch you.” Alex said. “I just want you to know that. If I could reach out and hold you right now, I would. I’d like to comfort you but I don’t want to give that man actual incriminating photos.”