Touched Down

by Hayden Hunt

  “I see. Then I want to prepare you. The man you are about to see is likely not the man you knew.”

  That much I figured out already.

  “What exactly is wrong with him?” I asked.

  “My diagnosis is Alzheimer’s. A very advanced case. Your father likely won’t recognize you or remember who you are. He has no sense of reality. He doesn’t know where he is and he doesn’t understand why. Sometimes he’s calm, sometimes he’s completely unhinged. So you need to prepare yourself mentally for that.”

  The word rang out in my head: Alzheimer’s.

  “So… What is the prognosis? How much longer will he live? And with what quality of life?”

  “I can’t be sure of any of that. Usually, Alzheimer’s is caught a lot earlier and we’re able to do continual visits and monitor the progression. In this case, I have no idea how long he’s been like this and how far it’s progressed. So it’s impossible to tell how far it will continue to go. Some people live years with the disease and some deteriorate in only a few months.”

  I nodded as I tried to swallow the knot in my throat.

  “What should I do? Just bring him home and try my best to take care of him?”

  Doctor Weissel shook his head. “No, that is not what I’d suggest. I think it would be best if you put him into a care home. Unfortunately, I think the level of care required for him is beyond what you can offer. What anyone can offer, really.”

  The hesitance must have been obvious on my face because the doctor continued.

  “Son, don’t stress too much over it. I know there is a stigma about putting your parents in a home, but the reality is that it’s often the best and safest place for those who have lost their mental capacities. You can visit him as often as you’d like, but he won’t be nearly as safe under the care of only one person, no matter how vigilant you are.”

  “Right, okay.” I nodded. “Are there any care homes you suggest?”

  “There is one, Sunnyside Villa. It’s the best place in town. I can call them and set up an appointment for you to speak about costs and accommodations—”

  I shook my head. “No, I don’t need to discuss the costs. I’ll pay whatever for the best care. Let’s just transfer him over there.”

  Doctor Weissel nodded. “Not a problem. I can have him over there by tomorrow evening. Believe me, you’re making the right choice.”

  I nodded again. I knew he was right, I didn’t doubt that. But there was guilt that was currently eating at me, and I just didn’t want to discuss it any further.

  “Can I go see him now?” I asked.

  “Of course.” Doctor Weissel nodded. “But if I may make a suggestion, try not to correct him too often. He isn’t going to understand what’s going on no matter how much logic you throw his way. If you want him to be at his most comfortable, let him control the narrative. Allow him to decide what’s going on, and play along to the best of your ability.”

  “Okay, right, that’s a good idea.”

  And it really was. I’d never handled anything as extreme as this and could use any available advice.

  I could feel my heart pounding as I approached the door to my father’s room. As I swung the door open, I felt nausea build up inside me.

  He was sleeping. He had an IV in his arm. The doctor hadn’t mentioned sedating him, but I was guessing that was what happened because he looked knocked out.

  He looked so different. He was so much skinnier than he used to be. Even his beer gut seemed to have disappeared.

  I felt weak in the knees. I had to fight the urge to run out of the room. Despite having done everything in my power to fly here immediately, this was now the last place I wanted to be.

  I admit, I did think that one day I’d see my father again. I expected this time to come. But I imagined it a lot differently.

  Of course, the narrative I had in my head was a fantasy. I hoped my father would call me one day, full of regret over the way he’d treated me. He’d come around to the idea of me being gay and ask to have a relationship again.

  But that wasn’t going to happen now, not ever. He was never going to have enough sense again to decide to repair our relationship. Even if he did claim to accept me for being gay now, it would only be the senility speaking. I wouldn’t feel it was really his true feelings.

  I was hit with an overwhelming wave of sadness. In my rush to get here and help my father, I never considered what this was actually going to mean. I hadn’t felt any of these feelings, I hadn’t allowed myself to. So now that I was… It really fucking stung.

  This was it, then. My relationship with my father was forever damaged. We would never work this out. I had lost my mom, and soon I’d lose him, and I’d be without any parents that cared for me.

  That was how it’d been for the last eight years though, right? I’d been on my own for a long time. So why did it bother me so much now?

  I knew why. Because even then, I’d had the hope that we’d work things out. And that hope was dashed now.

  I planned initially to come in here to speak to my father. But I couldn’t now. I couldn’t will myself to wake him. I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to be here.

  I felt bad, but I left before he had a chance to wake up. It wasn’t like he’d know who I was, so I didn’t have to feel that bad about it, right?

  I stopped at the entrance desk on my way out and spoke to the brusque older woman for the second time.

  “Can you have someone inform me of when they transfer my father to Sunnyside?”

  “No problem.” She nodded.

  “Great, thanks,” I said before rushing out of the hospital.

  I wanted to put as much distance between myself and this place as possible.

  But where was I going to go? Not back home. They would still be cleaning the place, and I didn’t want to be there until that mess had been cleaned out.

  I decided I’d go to the lake. There was this spot I used to go to. It was in the back, a small clearing surrounded by a bunch of trees.

  It would be empty this time of year. You weren’t allowed to swim in the lake except in the summer so it didn’t get much attention in the off-season. But that would make it the perfect place for me to go hide away.

  When I got there, I laid myself down in between two large trees. The leaves had already changed color, and slowly, they began to fall off the trees and into the grass. Not enough to have piles on the ground, but there was a little spattering of red and orange on the green grass.

  I completely zoned out. I stared up through the leaves of the trees and just absorbed their colors as the breeze gently ran across my skin. As the sun rose up behind them, it was as if the trees were on fire. It was beautiful. The perfect distraction for me right now.

  I didn’t think about anything. I was good at this, good at shutting out all my thoughts and emotions. I became someone else entirely as I breathed in the nature around me.

  No, I didn’t become someone else, that wasn’t accurate. I just became… nothing. I allowed my mind to fall into nothingness so that I didn’t have to think about all the negativity that was currently surrounding me.

  I lost track of time. Hours went by and I didn’t even think of getting up as the sun began to set behind the shoreline of the lake. My back and legs had gone numb against the ground and bark of the trees. I didn’t care. I was zen.

  But my state of calm was broken by the high pitched ringing of my phone. It brought me back to earth instantly.

  “Hello?” I answered.

  “Hello, Charlie? This is Officer Bryant.”

  “Oh, hello.”

  “I just wanted to give you an update on Bailey.”

  Damnit, how could I have forgotten about Bailey? She was what I was most excited about, but after seeing my father, the stress of my situation pushed her out of my mind.

  “Oh, great, how is she?” I asked.

  “There was nothing wrong with her and the vet got her cleaned up, but she was still very
anxious. The vet thought it would be very stressful for her in the pound, so I went ahead and brought her home to sleep with me last night.”

  “Oh.” I was a little taken aback by this, but I supposed it was nice of him. “And she was okay at your house?”

  “Oh, yes, she did great. Are you back in town? Would you like me to drop her off to wherever you’re staying?”

  “Yeah, that would be great,” I agreed. “I’m staying at my father’s house. But I had a cleaning service come by to fix things up. They’re probably done by now. Can I just shoot you a text when I get home and you can swing by whenever?”

  “That would be just fine. I’ll see you in a little while, then.”

  “Perfect, thanks again for all your help, Officer Bryant. See you later.”

  He really did seem like a nice cop. It was definitely going above and beyond to take my dog home with him just so she wouldn’t be uncomfortable.

  The thought of Bailey gave me another burst of energy and I decided to head home and see how the cleaners were doing. They hadn’t called me, but it had been quite a while. Hopefully they had enough employees to be able to get the job done.

  They were doing the finishing touches when I arrived twenty minutes later. There were more cleaners than I could count on my two hands, so I knew this was likely a very expensive job.

  But I didn’t even bother asking the price. I just handed my credit card to the owner of the business as I thanked her for the fantastic work.

  The house now looked the way I had remembered it. It was a whole different home from the one I’d been in earlier.

  A few people quickly finished dusting and mopping and packed up to leave.

  “Oh, one more thing, sir.” A small, dark haired woman grabbed my attention as she began to carry supplies back out to the car.

  “Yes? What is it?”

  “We threw away most things, of course, but we kept any knick knacks or papers that seemed important. They are all in boxes in the hall closet.”

  I hadn’t even considered that there might be valuables among the clutter that was this house.

  “That’s absolutely perfect, thank you again,” I responded.

  She nodded politely before she and the others began to exit.

  After they left, I went to the hall closet to look at what they might have found lying around. But just like when I had gone into my father’s hospital room, I regretted it the instant I opened the closet door.

  The memories were just too overwhelming. I could see some broken picture frames sticking out from one of the boxes and at the sight of my mother, I had to slam the door. I’d had enough stress for one day. I wasn’t going to deal with any more.

  Instead, I was going to focus on the good.

  I texted the cop, letting him know he could bring Bailey over. I was finally going to have my dog back. I was going to get to hold her in my arms tonight.

  And that was all I had the energy to focus on.

  23

  Noah

  When I got the text that I was allowed to come over, I packed up all of Bailey’s things in the car and set her in my lap.

  “You get to go home, girl. Your owner is back.”

  I tried to push away how sad this made me. I really needed a pet of my own. But I was at least happy to know she’d be comfortable. She needed that.

  Based on the condition of the house last time I was there, I figured it would be nice for me to give Charlie all the things I bought for Bailey. He obviously didn’t have anything and I was sure any of her stuff left in the house was in shambles.

  The Shaws’ home was just ten minutes down the road from me, so we were there in no time. I couldn’t help but sigh when I pulled in, giving Bailey a few good scratches.

  “Okay, girl, it’s been fun. Thanks for keeping me company. But you’ll be in good hands now.”

  I picked her up and took her to the front door in my arms. I decided I’d go bring the rest of her stuff in after I handed her off to Charlie.

  I knocked on the door, remembering that the doorbell didn’t work. Charlie was at the door in seconds, and when he saw Bailey, his face lit up.

  “Oh, Bailey, baby!” he cooed as he saw her for the first time.

  I could have sworn he was even starting to tear up a little. Oddly enough, this made me feel more comfortable. Clearly, he really cared for her and she wouldn’t be neglected by him.

  “Oh, thank you so much for bringing her!” He flashed a smile at me. “Come in!”

  Charlie was dressed in a blue button down and some khaki pants. He had scruffy brown hair that fell slightly onto his forehead. Objectively, he was a good-looking man.

  “Wow,” I said as I stepped into the house. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think this was a different home than the one I’d been in yesterday.” There were still some stains on the carpet where Matthew had clearly spilled things throughout the home, but besides that, the place was spotless.

  “Yeah, as soon as I saw the state of the house, I called a cleaning service right away. There’s no way I was going to sleep here with the house looking like that.”

  “They did a great job,” I said as I began to hand Bailey over to him. His face lit up once she was in his arms.

  “Oh, my sweet thing… I missed you so much. Do you remember me?” A quick lick on his cheek told me that she did.

  “Oh, I bought her a few things since she was at my place last night. They’re in the truck, if you want them. I figured you would.”

  “Oh, yeah, that would be great!” He set Bailey down to walk out to the truck with me, but as soon as he did, she started screaming like a banshee.

  “Bailey, what’s wrong?” he asked, and picked her back up, but it didn’t calm her again. She just kept looking around and whining.

  I sighed. “I think it might be this house. She was shaking like a leaf when I came yesterday to check on your father. I think she has some traumatic memories here.”

  He frowned. “Is that it, Bails? Are you uncomfortable here?”

  Without thinking about how the offer would be perceived, I said: “I could keep her for a little while longer.”

  Charlie raised an eyebrow at me. “What?”

  “I mean, clearly she’s uncomfortable here. This house is a source of major anxiety for her. Do you really want to keep her here when it makes her so uncomfortable?”

  “She’s my dog, though,” he said bluntly. “She should be with me. I’m sure after a few hours she’ll adjust and be fine.”

  “How can you be sure? What if she’s not fine? What if she remains in distress?”

  “Look,” he began, clearly annoyed with me, “with all due respect, she’s my dog.”

  “And with all due respect, you haven’t seen her in eight years,” I answered, feeling protective of Bailey.

  His jaw dropped. “Excuse me? Well, you’re quite presumptuous, aren’t you?”

  I sighed. “I’m sorry if that came off as rude. I’m really just trying to do whatever is going to be best for the dog. It’s clear she isn’t exactly comfortable right now. She’s been through a lot. I’m sure you can understand my concern. Would you want to return to a house that held so much tragedy for you?”

  This seemed to strike a chord with him, because his face eased a little bit.

  “So, what do you want to do?” he asked. “Keep her for a while?”

  “If it’s okay with you, yeah. I can keep her until she becomes more comfortable. I can try to bring her back every day and see how she reacts. I’m sure this house is still filled with old smells of your father and the filth she lived in, even though it’s now clean. I think with a little time, she will adjust. But it seems wrong to throw her in the thick of it right now.”

  He looked down at the dog that was whining in his arms as he thought about what I said.

  “Okay…” he said slowly. “You can keep her for a little while longer.”

  I tried not to let the smile shine across my face. I didn’t wa
nt him to think that I had ulterior motives in keeping Bailey, because I really didn’t. It made me happy because I had grown so attached to her, but I really just wanted the best for her. And it was clear this wasn’t currently the best.

  “I promise I’ll take good care of her,” I said as I outstretched my arms to take her, but he didn’t hand her over.

  “I have conditions,” he said coolly. “She’s still my dog, you know.”

  “Of course,” I agreed. “What are they?”

  “I want to come see her. At your house, at the dog park, I don’t care. I need to keep seeing my dog. If she’s going to get comfortable living here again, I need her to get comfortable with me. I’d like to see her every day that it’s possible.”

  “Not a problem,” I agreed, because I didn’t want to seem like I was commandeering his dog.

  This did concern me, though. I spent a lot of my time working. I didn’t have a very flexible schedule, so this meant I might end up having to give Charlie visits with Bailey after a long shift when I would rather be resting.

  Not to mention, I hadn’t really gotten a great impression of Charlie thus far. I knew he was dealing with a shitty situation so I wasn't going to judge him for it, but this encounter had been less than pleasant.

  But that was fine. It was a small price to pay to continue having Bailey at my house. She brought a lot of positivity into my home. I could deal with the rest.

  “When can we meet tomorrow?” he asked immediately, an edge of irritation in his voice.

  “Well, I have the day off tomorrow, so we can meet whenever you’d like.”

  “Let’s go to the dog park in the morning then. 10 am. Is that okay with you?”

  “Yeah, that’s fine,” I said as politely as possible, despite the bite in his voice.

  “Perfect. Then I’ll see you then.” He very reluctantly handed over Bailey, cooing at her the entire time. “I’ll see you tomorrow, baby. Soon you’ll be back here living with me, I promise.”

  I pulled Bailey into my arms. “I’ll take great care of her, I swear,” I promised him.